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 G's list of 213 things I am no longer allowed to do in the canon cabal


1.I will not try to sell Auly's soul on Ebay anymore.
2. Hart's soul was already sold on Ebay
3. Nor is there any interest in my soul. Apparently word gets around about damaged goods
4.Not allowed to attempt dark rituals to banish SCA events into another reality where their skills might actually be USEFUL.
5.Not allowed to declare myself Lord of all that I survey while talking to the other authors.
6.Not allowed to try to get Bender to write about happy things anymore. The other authors do not share our vision of "happy"
7.Not allowed to go off my medication on any day I might speak to the other authors
8.Caitlin Bardue is NOT Gozer the Gozarian's love child.
9.Jericho is not "All that and a bag of chips."
10.Even when he is in drag.
11.Not allowed to refer to Hank and Ayla as the wonder twins anymore
12.No longer allowed to write horror stories. Anything involving the teletubbies or barney is also verboten
13.Reverend Englund is not "Our Lord and Savior" and I should stop referring to his scripture while adding things to the bible
14.Not allowed to add things to the bible without a unanimous vote anymore
15.Not allowed to tell anyone WHICH bible
16.I am NOT encouraged to give falsified information about the bible to send fans into a speculative tizzy.
17.No longer allowed to speculate about Chaka's Ki farts
18.Not allowed to include the good ship serenity in any act of whateley fiction.
19.Even if Inara is on board.
20.My leather jacket does not allow me to comment on the rules of magic to Maggie even though it is reminiscent of Harry Dresden's
21.Nor does my leather jacket give me the mystic power to smite my enemies with a tidal wave of velveeta.
22.Not allowed to replace Renae's medication with caffeine pills
23.Not allowed to initiate new canon authors with a chainsaw.
24.Not allowed to use a branding iron on fan fic writers
25.Even if it IS an appropriate symbol
26. the word BITCH is not an appropriate symbol
27. I am never to bring the following characters in any story at the same time: Merry, Morgana and Lady Lightning
28. Hart is not allowed to violate JG's rules
29.Nor am I allowed to encourage him to do so
30.Or Renae
31.Or Motley
32.A xeroxed copy of my ass is not a terrain map of Whateley Academy
33. In fact I am never to use my ass for anything involving Whateley ever again
34.Super-powered mutants are not real and I should not encourage stupid people to take part in my Devisor experiments.
35.No longer allowed to steal plot hooks from Animaniacs
36.The Devisor Lab is not run by two laboratory mice who's genes have been spliced
37.Supergluing Bek to Babs does not constitute cold fusion, and I should refrain from doing so ever again.
38.contrary to state laws, Hart is never in season, nor do I have a hunting permit for one per year
39.Am not allowed to dress like willy wonka and discuss the social ramifications of cannibalism ever again.
40.Even if I have the cool Goggles Johnny Depp wore
41. Warren is no longer to be referred to as "Billy the Squid"
42. Puns are never to be used unless they are funny
43.According to E.E. Nalley my puns are never funny. Even if they are.
44.Not allowed to rewrite Enter the Chaka to fill the readers in on Chaka's tragic, yet sordid history
45. Fey does not consult the magic eight ball for pop quiz answers
46.I am not, in fact the only person who can correctly pronounce Aunghadhail
47.No longer allowed to call babs Mini-me
48. No longer allowed to declare myself dead sexy during plot discussions
49. Not allowed to encourage renae to eat more sugar
50.Tennyo is not the antichrist
51.Jade becoming a girl is not, in fact "A sign of the apocalypse."
52.Until she births the antichrist
53.Dr. Bender is not a good Barometer of wether a story is "too dark."
54.I may not use Warren's websites as testing grounds for my subliminal messages.
55.I am not allowed to reference religious figure of import (i.e. christ, buddha, Brigham Young) in a story indicating them to be alive and well and fighting evil with truth, enlightenment and a caddy with fuzzy dice on the mirror.
56. No longer allowed to attempt to trade Ren for cappucino
57.No longer allowed to attempt to trade Motley for smokes.(who'd have thought Tai chi could hurt so much?)
58.No longer allowed to sign Warren up for medical experiments
59.Even if Bek asks me to.
60.Wiccans are not related to any "Wiccan witch of the west," nor can they be defeated en masse with a firehose.
61.I am no longer allowed to roshambo anyone for story priority
62.I am not to tell fans that Babs is recovering from a near-fatal sugar-overdose.
63.Am not allowed to inform nitpickers that Nobody loves them
64.Even if it is true.
65.I am not "Here to whip the authors' sorry asses into shape."
66.I am not allowed to say it either until after I get my sorry flabby beer gut under control.
67.No longer allowed to inform people that my beer gut is responsible for war crimes in Africa.
68.I am never to eat burritos before an author's meeting again.
69.Barney is not Starwolf's hero.
70.No longer permitted to give E.E. Nalley plot device ideas. (Come on guys! Dredz with a thermonuclear handgun was a GREAT idea!)
71.I am not to feed Dr. Bender's paranoid delusions by feeding him LSD and screaming about the chipmunk panzer brigade at the door
72.No longer allowed to collaborate with Maggie unmedicated.
73.Am not allowed to write stories involving Banana Cream Pies ever again
74.Even if the fans deserve that kind of psychological trauma
75.Shroud is not a hyped up golf caddy.
76.Tennyo does not ask shroud for a nine-iron and a can of whupass.
77.Chaka's claim to fame has nothing to do with her burgeoning career in the mutant porn industry, post-whateley.
78.I am not allowed to accuse Kirsten Darken of stealing my doritos.
79.Nor am I allowed to petition to interrogate her in the "inquisition room" about my missing chips.
80.Hank Declan does not wish he was me.
81.Neither does Fey.
82.No longer allowed to dress up in Tenchi Muyo costuming I create myself. (A cardboard box with Tenchi scribbled on the front is apparently not good enough)
83.I am not allowed to send my zombie minions after people who annoy me.
84.Angry trekkies whom I have whipped into a rabid frenzy at my victim are not to be referred to as "Zombie Minions"
85.Am no longer to ever speculate about the Jobe/Hekate/Fey love triangle ever again.
86.Am no longer allowed to tell people who piss me off that nobody loves him when I am having a sadistic moment.
87.Am no longer allowed to tell anybody on the forums that nobody loves them.
88.Am no longer allowed to be a complete bastard on the Forums. (Expect me to break this rule, a lot.)
89.If the thought of doing something makes me feel a sense of inner peace I am to assume I am not to do it.
90.Even if I use anesthesia on my victims
91.The Grunts are not allowed to "panty raid" Carson's house.
92.Chou Lee is not the poster child for postnatal abortion.
93.That honor falls to Jericho, by a 12-1 vote. (I was robbed)
94.I am no longer allowed to attempt to warp the other authors' collective minds.
95.They were already there.
96.I am not allowed to write any stories involving a mack truck, a redhead in a bikini, and a trailer full of whipped cream ever again.
97.Maggie has informed me that she may someday forgive me for the above infraction.
98.Jade is a little girl, not a satan-worshipping biker chick with a thing for laxatives.
99.Even if it would make her story more interesting.
100.I am not allowed to bring anything that could be used as a weapon into the chat room.
101.In the spirit of things I am to be sedated heavily and kept in an invulnerable plexiglass case during author meetings.
102.Although she fits the bill, Ren is not to be referred to or used as a deadly weapon ever again.
103.Babs' sense of humor did not sink the Titanic.
104.My singing does not herald world peace.
105.I am never to reword the song 'Free Falling' into a hodgepodge entitled 'Freeballing' ever again.
106.Jericho does not need to walk up to a cop and ask about "nuklear wessels" in an attempt to bring whales forward in time.
107.Apparently this plot thread has already been done.
108.Am not allowed to write a story rip-off of "charmed" with Caitlin, Nikki and Sara as the protagonists.
109.My characters are not allowed to break the sigil of the Gateway in the Whateley Sewers.
110.I am no longer permitted to create characters with interesting yet disgusting character flaws. The eternally-full bladder was a bit much.
111.I am never to use the words Pirate, Ninja and Screwed in the same sentence ever again.
112.I am not to encourage Ren's addictions anymore.
113.I am not capable of defeating Motley's Baseball Bat Death Strike if I violate rule 112
114.I am not a lotus blossom.
115.never again am I allowed to whack Bek on the back of the head with a frying pan.
116.the bobbing motion of her head when whacked from behind means whiplash, not affirmation of my Loopy ideas.
117.There is no exemption from imprisonment if I attempt to carry out my plan of wiping all of your minds.
118.I am never again to bring a Twister board to an Author meeting ever again.
119.Lillandra is not my unseen servant.
120.I should not use the infamous "Caffeine IV" ever again.
121.I might not survive the previous rule if Dr. Bender ever catches me.
122.I am no longer permitted to play with anything more complex or fragile than a steel ball bearing near the other authors.
123.Ball bearings are forbidden as well. (sorry about that Starwolf)
124.Am not allowed to have Diamondback demolish a Catholic Church with a Steamroller.
125.Razorback is not allowed to eat fluffy wiccans and vegans.
126.Jericho is not the Agnostic messiah.
127.Caitlin did not have a tragic childhood where she was left on the doorstep of a stern but kind kung-fu master.
128.I am never again to encourage Warren to eat paste ever again.
129.I am no longer allowed to replace Warren's mayonnaise with paste.
130.Superglue and qwik-dry rubber cement are not paste, apparently.
131.Fey does not moonlight at Santa's sexy helper.
132.Tennyo is not to be used as an object lesson in anti-aircraft gunnery practice.
133.I am not allowed to advertise my liposuction franchise through Whateley stories.
134.Apparently dull scissors and a Sears Shop-Vac do not count as a liposuction procedure.
135.I will not replace babs' make-up with Cidatel paints ever again.
136.I am not allowed to try to convince Doc Bender that the Necrons are simply misunderstood.
137.I am never allowed to play necrons again.
138.Heather's sword collection is off-limits in the future.
139.By unanimous vote.
140.On pain of death.
141.I am no longer allowed to re-write the Ayla stories to improve them.
142.ayla does not shoot one random, unworthy gene-scum every day, despite my literary genius.
143.i am not allowed to proofread Diane's stories anymore.
144.Jericho's love affair with hippolyta has been nixed.
145.Even if another devisor mind-controls both of them.
146.The Fury twins are not manifestations of the Goddess.
147.I am technically no longer allowed to make fun of mimes.
148.Mimes are never to appear in one of my stories again.
149.Apparently clown college is a serious thing.
150.i am not allowed to modify Maggie's new car.
151.Even if i was adding moron-tracking miniguns.
152.Babs is not to be trusted in "go Fish"
153.I am no longer allowed to cheat in Crazy Eights.
154.Anytime I win, it's assumed that I cheated.
155.Fun time with balloon animals shall never again appear in a Whateley story draft.
156.The Evil overlord list is not required reading in Powers Theory.
157.I am no longer allowed to claim that I am Zeus, God of Thunder.
158.Throwing fluorescent lights at people from a rooftop does not prove my divinity.
159.I have been barred from all clocktowers in the other authors' home cities.
160.i am not allowed to reprogram ATM machines to say "Feed me a stray cat' while visiting other authors.
161.Foxfire is not Bek's wounded inner child. It's the inner child that wounds back.
162.i am not allowed to make teasers for other authors' works.
163.If I ever make a teaser for another author, I am to use factual information.
165.Merry is not to be dropped into a giant pool of lime jell-o
166.Heyoka Is not Gold Stallion's sordid lover from before.
167.i am no longer allowed to make suggestions pertaining to Canon character sex lives ever again.
168.Apparently the donkey show is a forbidden topic as well.
169.Especially when I explained the difference between the donkey show we are all familiar with, and the donkey show that has become a military legend (and horror story)
170.I am not allowed to quote the King James bible whenever we discuss editing the Whateley bible.
171.The pope has not excommunicated me...yet.
172.i was informed that I had to become catholic to be excommunicated.
173.I am not allowed to become catholic for the purpose of excommunication.
174.I am not a keeper of the Holy Whateley bible.
175.I am never to hold "church of Whateley" services ever again.
176.Apparently the Cult of Kellith bonus indoctrination was over the top.
177.My hunting license cannot be upgraded from moose to idiots.
178.I am no longer allowed to abuse Alaska's permissive concealed-carry laws in the continental US.
179.I am not allowed to split portions of the US off to remove their continental status.
180.Nachos cannot be used as stuffing for cannibal feasts.
181.I am never to suggest a cannibal feast again.

213.i am no longer allowed to continue this list.

-JG
This is still subject to change at the whim of the canon authors, and some of it has.