Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing

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6 months 3 weeks ago - 6 months 2 weeks ago #67441 by Malady
Malady created the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing! From our Discord:

  1. #1. You have to be fashionable and inexplicably rich. - RoseBunny
  2. #2. You have to be one of the pretty people. - RoseBunny
  3. #3. You have to be "totes popular" - RoseBunny
  4. #4. Vampires and werewolves in your world have to follow the rules set forth in Twilight. - RoseBunny
  5. #5. The hot emo guy is "just misunderstood". - RoseBunny
  6. #6. Access to things like private jets and limos is no big deal. - RoseBunny
  7. #7. Someone is really a lost heir or heiress of some importance, but doesn't know it. - RoseBunny
  8. #8. The special secret key was inside them all along. - Katssun
  9. #9. Main character has access to the Deus ex machina force. - RoseBunny
  10. #10. They get in trouble, but it's easily excused for some reason. - Katssun
  11. #11. Sudden revelation of mysterious powers that never appeared before, and perfectly resolve the current crisis. (every crisis) - RoseBunny
  12. #12. The antagonist appears late, delivers entire motivation in a monologue. - Katssun
  13. #13. The two strangers are destined by fate to become lovers, because ancient prophecy said so. - RoseBunny
  14. #14. When a boy is turned into a girl they always like it. - Amethyst
  15. #15. A mysterious stranger (with not apparent means of support) tells him/her/them they have a Destiny. - Astrodragon
    • #15A. the hero/heroine has a Mysterious Tatoo/Birthmark. - Astrodragon
  16. #16. Parents? At all. Anywhere. - Katssun
  17. #17. Must have a tragic past, which later is revealed that your parents died protecting you from a great evil that only you can defeat. - RoseBunny
    • #17a. A bad foster home/orphanage is involved. - RoseBunny
  18. #18. No one "says" anything. They "breathed," "whispered," "cheered," but mostly "purred". - Katssun
  19. #19. Every male character has a deep baritone and every woman is a soprano. - Katssun
  20. #20. Every female character is at least a C-cup, even the teenagers. - Astrodragon
  21. #21. All female characters are a good 8+ Inches shorter than the males, so that they can press up against their chests. - RoseBunny
    • #21A. Even if they wear high heels. - Astrodragon
    • #21B. The only heeled shoes that exist are 4" or greater. - Katssun
    •      #21B1. All females can run in these at normal speed. - Astrodragon
           #21B2. High heels are as indestructable as a Nokia phone. - Oneiros
           #21B3. They're all stilettos. - Katssun
  22. #22. Nobody is named Bob or Jim or Jane, they are all Austin, Dustin, or Skye. - RoseBunny
  23. #23. Cooking is a combat skill. - RoseBunny
    • #23A. All main characters can cook like Gordon Ramsey. - RoseBunny
  24. #24. Cell phones are only ever a plot device for the antagonist to call and report they've kidnapped someone. - Katssun
  25. #25. Females can get into into a skin-tight catsuit (or spandex equivalent) in seconds. - Astrodragon
    • #25A. Nobody looks bad in them. - RoseBunny
  26. #26. Everyone wears skinny jeans. - RoseBunny
  27. #27. Handguns sure are easy to use accurately and without training! - Katssun
  28. #28. Recoil is literally only for girls. - Null0Trooper
    • #28a. Accuracy is only for girls. - Malady
  29. #29. Have to learn magic? No problem. Just takes a few hours. - RoseBunny
  30. #30. Screw Physics, I need my bullet to go around corners. - RoseBunny
    • #30A. Screw Physics, I need to dodge bullets. - Malady
    •      #30A1. All bad guys go to the Imperial school of Marksmanship. - RoseBunny
                   #30A1א. All the good guys do too. That's how they all met. - Malady
  31. #31. Medical technology is amazing! Even the school nurse can cure that broken arm, dislocated shoulder, and gun shot wound in an hour, and you'll be good as new in 12 hours. - Katssun
    • #31A. Or magic fixed it.. - Katssun
    • #31B. If you're coughing blood, though, you're dead. - Malady
    • #31C. You can fight the big bad with one broken arm, internal bleeding, a broken leg, and severe concussion. - RoseBunny
    •      #31C1. And win. - Astrodragon
  32. #32. Airbags never go off in a car crash, but still no-one gets hurt except the bad guys. - Astrodragon
  33. #33. Eye protection? Nah. You closed your eyelids. - Katssun
  34. #34. Physical therapy? Say no more, just shake it off! - Null0Trooper
    • #34A. This is a fanfic. - Katssun
    •      #34A1. There is no rule 34. - Astrodragon
  35. #35. No-one ever gets motion sickness. - Astrodragon
  36. #36. Eyeglasses are always made of candy glass. - Null0Trooper
  37. #37. Tragically blinded person will mysteriously develop ESP, mute character will have telepathy. - RoseBunny
    • #37A. Quadriplegic gets telekinesis. - Malady
    • #37B. Blindness allowed your ESP to develop, because before it was a mental block. - Katssun
  38. #38. No matter how serious the cut, how many major blood vessels have been severed, the character will either keep fighting or have an endless dying soliloquy. - Astrodragon
    • #38A. Transfusions are never required. - Katssun
    •      #38A1. Unless it just so happened to unlock that special ability that you never knew was there. - Katssun
  39. #39. "A wizard did it" explains everything, even in "hard" sci fi. - Null0Trooper
  40. #40. Radiation never kills you, it just gives you odd powers. - Astrodragon
    • #40A. It does kill you, but also revives you. - RoseBunny
    • #40B. Rectal bleeding isn't a superpower? - Null0Trooper
  41. #41. There are no mutual breakups, just betrayals. - Katssun
  42. #42. Life, the Universe, and Everything. - RoseBunny
  43. #43. Vaccines only cause autism and superpowers, and never work against communicable diseases. - Null0Trooper
  44. #44. Rich people are the best choice for high office, because they know the struggles of the poor and working poor. - RoseBunny
  45. #45. The contents of a wallet are endless, or an expired bus pass. - Katssun
    • #45A. Every credit card is one of those black cards with no limit and a concierge. - Katssun
    • #45B. No withdrawal limits, ever. - Null0Trooper
  46. #46. The cake is a lie. - RoseBunny
    • #46A. On the off chance that a parental figure does exist, they are really good at baking. - Katssun
    • #46B. Especially brownies, which always have marijuana baked in. - Null0Trooper
    • #46C. Bread though, does still make you fat. - Katssun
  47. #47. Exercise will make you lose weight, never diet, and god forbid you needed to do both. - Katssun
    • #47A. Superpowers do this instantly, every time. - Katssun
  48. #48. The reason your parents are never around is because they are really spies. - RoseBunny
    • #48A. Or NGOs - Katssun
    • #48B. They're spies, who pretend to work for an NGO. - Katssun
    • #48C. Or still at the bar, which never closes. - Null0Trooper
  49. #49. You grew up your whole life wishing you had X powers, so when you reach adulthood, you of course get them. - RoseBunny
    • #49A. Or the opposite-themed powers, whichever is c00lest. - Null0Trooper
    • #49B. You definitely read. And its always scifi or fantasy novels. - Katssun
    • #49C. And it's considered cool that you do. - RoseBunny
  50. #50. You moved to a new city because of your parent's job (again assuming you actually have parents) or divorce. No other reasons. Ever. - Katssun
  51. #51. You start at a new school and are immediately the most or least popular kid there. There is no in between. - Amethyst
    • #51A. And the popular clique is composed of supernatural kids of some sort. - RoseBunny
    •      #51A1. So, if you're unpopular, you're powerless. - Malady
           #55A2. In which case you have to stop the popular kids from their evil plot. - RoseBunny
    • #51B. Whether they know it yet or not.. - Null0Trooper
    • #51C. If they do, it's because of sinister intent and reasons. - RoseBunny
  52. #52. Nobody is concerned that your little sister is 7'1", and built like Porn-star Barbie, when just a year before she wasn't. - RoseBunny
  53. #53. Most transformations complete while you're asleep. - Katssun
    • #53A. And they never hurt. - RoseBunny
    • #53B. Premonitions are dreams, and they are the opening paragraphs. - Katssun
    • #53C. Because, magic. - Amethyst
    • #53D. And visiting the doctor will confirm that they are 100% complete. - Katssun
  54. #54. The only Canon that matters is Pachelbel's Canon in D. - RoseBunny
  55. #55. Most women can play the piano or violin. Not much else. - Katssun
    • #55A. Every romantic interest can play the guitar. Probably the bass. - Katssun
    •      #55A1. Regardless of gender. - Katssun
    • #55B. Or flute, clarinet, oboe, anything that buzzes when you blow it. - Null0Trooper
  56. #56. The protagonist knows how to dance. Somehow. The romantic interest won't if it is a she, will if it is a he. - Katssun
    • #56A. A little sister, should they exist, does ballet. - Katssun
    • #56B. And are better than you are in everything. - RoseBunny
  57. #57. Pachelbel hated Cello players. - RoseBunny
  58. #58. Nursing homes don't exist. You grandparent(s) are awesome, live by themselves without help, and probably have superpowers or taught you how to cook, dance. Your parents taught you none of your unique and special skills. - Katssun
    • #58A - and your grandpa can kick anyone's ass in martial arts. - RoseBunny
    • #58B. They were also spies. - Katssun
    • #58C. They are a highly positioned wizard or sorceress. - Katssun
    • #58D. Grandma looks 40, at most. Grandpa, at least 80. - RoseBunny
  59. #59. Excretion? Not in this story! Unless it's comedically pathologic. - Null0Trooper
  60. #60. If you have a Mom, she looks like a 20-something stripper, and your male friends drool over her. - RoseBunny
    • #60A. If you have a Dad, he's totally normal, or a lumberjack...he's not really described at all anyway, so don't worry about it. - Katssun
    •      #60A1. But you definitely have his red hair, because he's Irish. - Katssun
           #60A2. Red hair == Irish. - Null0Trooper
           #60A3. And your Mom's green eyes, because she's Irish. - Katssun
    • #60B. Not that lumberjacks aren't okay. - Null0Trooper
    • #60C. Your 12 year old sister looks older than you, and constantly comes on to your friends. - RoseBunny
    •      #60C1. And she calls you "Onee-chan!" while squishing your face in her DD cup cleavage. - RoseBunny
  61. #61. Emotional and physical abuse are always sexier than a stable relationship built on trust and respect. - Null0Trooper
    • #61A. Consent wasn't a requirement to starting that relationship. - Katssun
    • #61B. Because "Penis!", "Vagina!", or "Tentacles!" - Null0Trooper
    • #61C. How did they know ahead of time, anyway? - Null0Trooper
  62. #62. You turn into a girl and you're miraculously similar in appearance and size to a cousin or female friend. - Amethyst
    • #62A. The cousin or friend you look like is Irish (red hair green eyes, maybe freckles, but only if they are also on your breasts) or Asian (almond eyes for sure). - Katssun
    • #62B. If you're now blonde instead, they and you look like a stripper. - Katssun
  63. #63. Characters will suddenly break into Weeb-ish Japanese, even though they live in Cleveland. - RoseBunny
    • #63A. Which says so much about Cleveland, tbh. - Null0Trooper
    •      #63A1. Everyone uses Cleveland as the bad example city. - RoseBunny
  64. #64. There will be a beach vacation. Because who goes anywhere else? - Katssun
    • #64A. There will be boobs. - Fiddlerfox
    • #64B. Or hot Springs. - RoseBunny
    • #64C. Bikinis are the only type of swimsuit that exist. - Katssun
    • #64D. There will invariably be a bathhouse. - Amethyst
    • #64E. Bikinis double as acceptable ski wear. - Null0Trooper
    • #64F Guy will end up in the girl's bath, hot spring, etc. - RoseBunny
    • #64G. Towels will be dropped. - Amethyst
    • #64H. Sand, it gets everywhere, except in this story where it isn't really a factor. - Katssun
  65. #65. Btw, thongs are the only type of female underwear. - Katssun
    • #65A. Nightgowns are the only sleep attire that exist. - Katssun
  66. #66. Afore mentioned DD-Cup 12 year old little sister will crawl into main character's bed. - RoseBunny
  67. #67. Ping Mal constantly. - RoseBunny
  68. #68. Everyone has a maid. - RoseBunny
    • #68A. The only maid style is French. - Katssun
    • #68B. The maid is always a slut. - Amethyst
    • #68C. They are a martial arts master. - RoseBunny
    • #68D. Or a corporate spy. - Katssun
    • #68E. If they are newly hired during the story, they probably were your evil boss. - Katssun
    • #68F. Your maid might be a warship. - RoseBunny
    • #68G. The maids only use feather dusters, not dust cloths or cleaning sprays. Or...[redacted]. - Katssun
  69. #69. All clothes must be sexy. - Null0Trooper
    • #69A. And never need cleaning. - Null0Trooper
    • #69B. Even unsexy clothes are made sexy when worn by the protagonist or 12 year old sister. - Amethyst
  70. #70. Socks are only worn by the protagonist. Women only wear stockings. - Katssun
    • #70A. Stockings are always worn with a garter belt. - Amethyst
    • #70B. Runs only happen to the comedy relief, or to have the protagonist crash into hello. - Null0Trooper
    • #70C. Stockings roll up the correct way, never ending up with the toe or heel portion going the wrong side. - Katssun
    • #70D. Bras are never nude, neutral, or otherwise match a skin tone. They're black, or vibrantly colored. - Katssun
  71. #71. Leg cramps don't exist. - Null0Trooper
  72. #72. Heels require no training to walk in. - Amethyst
    • #72A. Boots for women go above the knee. Boots for men are combat boots. - Katssun
    • #72B. Prosthetics, including bifocals for the elderly mentor, also need no training to use. - Null0Trooper
    • #72C. Boots for women are patent black leather. Boots for men are never described, but they're combat boots of some kind. - Katssun
    • #72D. Rednecks and cowboys always wear "shitkickers". - Null0Trooper
  73. #73. If you have an alternate form, your clothes alter to suit it, unless you are a hot girl. In that case you end up naked. - RoseBunny
    • #73A. clothes are usually destroyed beyond repair if you end up naked. - Amethyst
    •      #73A1. Like actually shredded and probably dissolve into the earth. - Katssun
    • #73B. If buttons pop off, they only hit bad guys or the comic relief character. - RoseBunny
    • #73C. Champagne corks can substitute for firearms. - Null0Trooper
  74. #74. Being too awesome can be a tragic flaw. - Mylian
  75. #75. Scotch is probably the only liquor that exists. - Katssun
  76. #76. If you are a girl and have a white tee shirt on, odds are 99% that it will get wet. - RoseBunny
    • #76A. White shirts are perfectly opaque until the shirt gets wet, then they are essentially transparent. - Katssun
    • #76B. If your white t-shirt gets wet you are always braless or wearing a dark colored bra. - Amethyst
    •      #76B1. If you are bra-less and get wet, it will always be cold enough that you get "nippley". - RoseBunny
    • #76C. "Could cut glass" will be used in the next paragraphs. - Katssun
  77. #77. The more embarrassing your panties, the higher percentage that an accident will happen where they are in the male protagonist's face.
    • #77A. See #70D, but stripes or animals are also options. - Katssun
    • #77B. it will be the afore-mentioned 12 year old DD-Cup sister with the "Onee-chan" fixation. - RoseBunny
    • #77C. If the protagonist is the one whose panties show it will be to a large group. - Amethyst
  78. #78. Underwear is always color coordinated matching sets. - Fiddlerfox
    • #78A. Even nurses on duty wear black lacy undergarments. No exceptions. - Null0Trooper
    • #78B. So if you're braless... - Amethyst
    • #78C. Your mom, if you had one, bought them all, and your little sister or new/childhood female friend tagged along. - Katssun
    • #78D. At some point the male protagonist will turn female and have to borrow the embarrassing underwear from the little sister. - RoseBunny
  79. #79. Normal towels have become scratchy and irritating, even if you didn't change gender. - Katssun
    • #79A. Hotel towels are never discussed, but you definitely used them. - Katssun
    • #79B. But towels never ever leave colored lint all over the protagonist. - Null0Trooper
    • #79C. Lint and static cling only exists for background characters or comic relief. - Amethyst
  80. #80. With great power comes great nudity. - Amethyst
  81. #81. That hotel, even if it was a motel, wasn't rancid and disgusting. Unless it was, and you never changed rooms, except when the government or enemy spy came after you. - Katssun
    • #81A. Bedbugs only exist if you checked for them or hoped they weren't there. - Katssun
    • #81B. Likewise for body lice, and scorpions. - Null0Trooper
    • #81C. The door chain was useless, and the deadbolt doesn't exist in this universe - Katssun
    • #81D. Windows don't exist (that's what the peep hole is for!), unless they're too small to crawl out of for an escape, or were definitely used to escape from the bathroom and only ever the bathroom. - Katssun
    • #81E. There is never an ice machine or soda machine on the same floor as your motel room, necessitating long trips outside. - Amethyst
    •      #81E1. No one is ever encountered during that trip, except for the antagonist who's identity is still a secret at this point. - Katssun
    • #81F. Everyone must spend time in the hotel pool. - Null0Trooper
    • #81G. The fewer clothes you have on, the more likely you are to forget your keycard when you go for ice. - RoseBunny
    •      #81G1. And the more likely you are to slam the door closed on your towel. - RoseBunny[/li]
  82. #82. All endowed women come with reinforced back musculature to alleviate the pain of having their big busts. - RoseBunny
    • #82A. They won't even hurt their back from physical trauma! - Katssun
  83. #83. Traffic problems don't exist, except when they do. - RoseBunny
  84. #84. Skintight latex is an effective thermal insulator. - Null0Trooper
    • #84A. And will never show off a camel-toe... - RoseBunny
    • #84B. Or how "perky" you are at that given moment. - RoseBunny
    • #84C. A dry catsuit just slips on and off without any help. - Null0Trooper
  85. #85. A crossdresser will always get caught. Always. - DorothyB
    • #85A. No matter how drunk everyone else is, even if they go home alone. - Null0Trooper
  86. #86. A mysterious figure will always save you at the last moment if you're ever in any real danger. - Amethyst
    • #86A. And they will throw a flower or playing card or other signature item. - RoseBunny
    •      #86A1. Said signature item is something you will always overlook a close friend having a large supply of. - Amethyst
  87. #87. The greater the evil, the longer the monologue. - RoseBunny
  88. #88. Cross-dressed males always attract heterosexual males. - Null0Trooper
    • #88A. Cross-dressed females also always attract heterosexual males. - Null0Trooper
  89. #89. That popular song/brand/actor, etc. You make the protagonist like will look totally dated in less than a year. - RoseBunny
  90. #90. What's that? You don't have super powers, or if you do this isn't one of them, but you overheard a hushed conversation perfectly as if you were an arm's length away. - Katssun
  91. #91. Step relatives are always romantically interested in said protagonist. - Fiddlerfox
    • #91A. Protagonist finds out the 12 year old DD-Cup sister was adopted. - RoseBunny
    •      #91A1. Her introduction in the story mentions she's adopted or a step-sister right after it describes her cup size. - Katssun
           #91A2. If the protagonist turns into a girl, They end up shorter and flatter than said sister. - RoseBunny
  92. #92. If this is magic or fantasy, just like Hollywood, female characters only use bows. - Katssun
    • #92A. They are always a crack shot. - Amethyst
    • #92B. Until they are grabbed by the "official female capture zone" (upper arm) at which point they are incapacitated. - Fiddlerfox
    • #92C. Or they trip over a rock, root, or nothing at all. - RoseBunny
  93. #93. No one in your fantasy world can climb trees except for elves, orcs, or your rogue/thief. - Katssun
    • #93A. No one even looks up. - Null0Trooper
  94. #94. The cuter, the deadlier. - RoseBunny
  95. #95. Catgirls are always super sexy. - Amethyst
    • #95A. And prone to going into heat. - RoseBunny
    • #95B. Or Furries. - Pyro Hawk
    • #95C. They are your step-sister, and/or maid. - Katssun
    •      #95C1. They're also a spy, since this is fantasy, and your parents are definitely dead. - Katssun
    • #95D. And never ever cough up furballs, full-body fur, or not. - Null0Trooper
    • #95E. Catgirls say "nyan" every other word. - Amethyst
    • #95F. Catboys never have spines on their penises. - RoseBunny
    • #95G. Catgirls always have the hots for the wrong person. - Amethyst
    • #95H. Catgirls have to have a bell collar. - RoseBunny
    • #95I. Catnip. Expand at your own risk. - Fiddlerfox
  96. #96. It's spies, ninjas, or pirates, all the way down! - Null0Trooper
    • #96A. Unless the pirate captain is the romantic interest, they're space pirates, and then they are probably also led by the romantic male lead. - Katssun
    • #96B. And the entire crew is his harem - if only he noticed. - Null0Trooper
  97. #97. Everything is a sexual innuendo, except for the sexual innuendos. - Null0Trooper
    • #97A. Actual sexual innuendos are always accidental. - Amethyst
    • #97B. "That's what she said". - RoseBunny
  98. #98. Hidden tropical island lairs are not cliche. - RoseBunny
    • #98A. Only the heroes have arctic bases. - Katssun
    • #98B. The villains use the Antarctic, even though there are plenty of actual civilian bases there. - Katssun
  99. #99. Puns are only used by the best friend in the introduction, or by an elderly neighbor, or by your Dad, assuming he's not a dead spy/wizard. - Katssun
  100. #99. Never explain how the villains get to their orbital satellite bases. - Amethyst
  101. #100 - It's not fantasy? Nanobots did it. - Katssun
  102. #101. Things always happen with amazingly convenient timing. - Amethyst
  103. #102. That thing nobody wants will end up being important. - RoseBunny
    • #102A. Your parents sent it to you. - Katssun
    • #102B. And then everyone will want it even less. - Amethyst
    • #102C. That thing everyone wants will have no use. - RoseBunny
    •      #102C1. Because the true key was inside you the whole time. - Katssun
                   #102Cא1. But only if you believe in the Heart of the Cards. - RoseBunny
    • #102D. It will still remain a status symbol though. - Amethyst
  104. #103. The protagonist has trophies, rather than equipment, to prove they do an activity/sport. - Katssun
    • #103A. Actual equipment will never be shown or even referred to. - Amethyst
    • #103B. Except Cheerleading, which they will be forced into, or will reappear as a fetish outfit. - Katssun
    • #103C. Except for the story of how they got a certain convenient injury. - RoseBunny
  105. #104. Nonsense words like supercalifragilistic expideliocious are great flavor. - Abi
    • #104A. Word salad will describe how something works, and everyone in story understands it. - Katssun
    • #104B. The more syllables the more believable it will be. - Amethyst
  106. #105. Characters cast Bastardize Latinium. - RoseBunny
  107. #105. Time traveling future selves save the day, because screw temporal mechanics. - RoseBunny
  108. #106. Main character has to have sex with hot guy or girl to spawn the "chosen one". - RoseBunny
    • #106A. It's the sister. - RoseBunny
    • #106B. It will never take the first try. - Amethyst
  109. #107. Terminator references are a must in any situation which is supposed to be serious, but you don't want taken seriously. - Amethyst
  110. #108. If you write yourself into a corner, it was a clone of the main character that died. - RoseBunny
    • #108A Or a twin they knew nothing about until they were dead... and then they mourn. - Amethyst
    • #108B. Or you made Jobe make a clone of the main character just before they died. - Abi
    • #108C. Or a Life-Model Decoy. - RoseBunny
    • #108D. Or them from an alternate dimension or timeline. - RoseBunny
  111. #109. Unknown twins are always identical. If the twin is of the opposite gender the main character will change genders to be identical to the twin. - Amethyst
    • #109A. Fraternal Twins of the same gender do not exist. - RoseBunny
    • #109B. Reunited twins will always become "besties" as soon as they meet. Unless they meet after one twin is killed in which case they obviously don't become "besties". - Amethyst
  112. #110 - Evil versions of the Protagonist from other dimensions must always have goatees. - RoseBunny
    • #110A - Even the female ones - RoseBunny
    • #110B - or twirled moustaches. - Abi
    • #110C Handlebar moustaches are also acceptable. The thing is facial hair must be evil at all times. - Amethyst
  113. #111. Trump is really a mech piloted by the Weasel sitting on top of his head. - RoseBunny
  114. #112. If a disaster occurs, the Statue of Liberty must survive as a symbolic figure. - RoseBunny
  115. #113 All newly-minted girls have an uncontrollable urge to dress in pink. - Amethyst
    • #113A. Pastels are also acceptable. - Amethyst
    • #113B. Boys can not turn into tomboys. - RoseBunny
  116. #114. Goth girls are super-depressing, unless they're the protagonist's friend, in which case they are sickeningly cheerful. - Amethyst
    • #114A. unless they're a romantic interest, then they're dark and brooding, but also sickeningly cheerful about it. - Abi
  117. #115. Cheerleaders are either incredibly dumb, or secretly Nuclear Engineers. - RoseBunny
  118. #115. Korrekt speling und yous off homofones is two hard. - RoseBunny
  119. #116. English is the only language, no other languages seem to exist though accents do. - Amethyst
    • #116A. Oi, iff'n a fereign Languge exizts ya'll gtta OVUH emphasize it, 'ntil its illeg'ble - RoseBunny
  120. #117. There is no such thing as sag, except in realllly old people, and then only for comedic uses. - Amethyst
  121. #118. When a male becomes a female, they always just use a female version of their male name. - Amethyst
    • #118A. Even though they're using essentially the same name, nobody catches on. - Mylian
  122. #119. If you are a girl that gets turned into a vampire, you need to become a goth Emo and listen to Evanescence. - RoseBunny
    • #119A. If you don't, the only other option is vampire cheerleaders. - RoseBunny
    • #119B. One of those cheerleader will always be a Vampire hunter though. - Amethyst
    • #119C. Unless they aren't. - RoseBunny
    • #119D. And if they are they have no clue that their squadmates are Vamps. - Amethyst
    • #119E. Unless they are turned by their teammates, then they become the Queen Bitch. - RoseBunny
  123. #120. Everyone will assume the redhead is evil, unless she's the plucky sidekick. - RoseBunny
    • #120A. Even if she is the plucky Sidekick, she may still be evil. - RoseBunny
    • #120B. Or she's being framed. - Abi
    •      #120B1. Or she's making it look like she's being framed. - RoseBunny
    • #120C. Ginger hair dye makes women become either evil or Plucky Sidekicks. - Amethyst
    •      #120C1. Redheads who dye their hair will immediately reflect on their misspent lives. - Amethyst
  124. #121. The female protagonist's unusual eye color or heterochromic eyes signify nothing. - RoseBunny
  125. #122. With satellite technology being what it is today, nobody is going to notice you building that underwater domed base, or that fortress in the Amazon. - RoseBunny
  126. #123. Volcano lairs only erupt after or during attacks by the protagonist(s). - Amethyst
    • #123A. Probably because the protagonists destroyed the machines controlling the volcano. - Pyro Hawk
    • #123B. Such eruptions will only occur after painfully slow countdown sequences. - Amethyst
    • #123C. Trying to take ideas from Austin Powers and use them in a serious context. - RoseBunny
  127. #124. Putting a cast list of the main characters... example: Protagonist - Insert hunky teenager's fantasy heartthrob here. - RoseBunny
    • #124A. Self insert. - RoseBunny
    • #124B. Subtitling it as " blank X blank ". - RoseBunny
    • #124C. Writing a " Blank X Blank" ( seriously nobody wants to read your "Me X Bert and Ernie"). - RoseBunny
  128. #125. All males turned female have an aversion to greasy food or junk food after their change, suddenly preferring salads or other healthy foods. - Amethyst
    • #125A. Unless reasons, like they are a bunny girl, or Sidhe, etc. - RoseBunny
  129. #126. You are not Deadpool, stop smacking the 4th wall so hard. - RoseBunny
    • #126A. If you must smack the 4th wall do it with flair and preferably over the top violence. - Amethyst
  130. #127. Nothing has calories in written word, and your characters eat like it. - RoseBunny
  131. #128. There is always an expert around when you need them. you: "Oh no! the penguin is acting strangely, is there an Ornithologist in the house?" Random guy: "Why Yes, I'm an ornithologist!" - RoseBunny
    • #128A. Said expert is never given a name and is never seen again after being viciously used as a plot device. - Amethyst
    • #129. When a guy becomes a girl, every single new experience or task is described in far too much detail and is over the top in 'how different it is as a girl then as a guy'. - Amethyst
    • #129A. Except things that actually are very different by sexual differences. Like sex and restroom use. Those get ignored. - Abi
    •      #129A1. Unless they go into entirely too much detail on those. - RoseBunny
                   #129A1א. Or they are described improperly, such as peeing from one's vagina. - Amethyst
  132. #130. All clothing must be described in detail. Even in prison and boot camp scenes when everyone is wearing the same thing. - Null0Trooper
    • #130a. If I can't describe said clothing, here is a random image of it I lifted from somewhere. - RoseBunny
    • #130b. Exceptions include formal balls and events at which varying and interesting modes of dress and undress might be of interest. - Null0Trooper
    • #130c. Women's clothes will end up getting destroyed in such a way as the breasts will always end up mostly uncovered, same for the legs of the woman. Guys will only lose their shirt. - RoseBunny
    • #130d. Guys' trousers magically become shorts, maybe even made of a different material. - Null0Trooper
    • #130e. Panty shots will be frequent. - Abi
    • #130f. Guys will have "hulk pants" if a transformation requires them to bulk up. - RoseBunny
    • #130g. Mens' trousers will always become painfully tight in the crotch and ass. - Amethyst
  133. #131. Hot Female scientists will always have glasses, nylons, and a short pencil skirt to go with their lab coats and cleavage exposing tops. - RoseBunny
    • #131A. Same for teachers and Librarians. - RoseBunny
    • #131B. And said labcoat will be left completely undone, despite all regulations against such. - Abi
    • #131C. Their undergarments will always be matching sets from the raciest pages of Victoria's Secret. - Amethyst
    • #131D. Said scientists will be working on some sort of experiment that will increase their sexiness, and sexual desire. - RoseBunny
    • #131E. If the subject is a librarian or teacher, the odds are they are a succubus. - RoseBunny
  134. #132. Any beach scenes for the protagonist must at some point involve an awkward mouth-to-mouth scene. Especially if the protagonist is a boy-turned-girl. - Amethyst
    • #132A. Any lifeguard scene must involve a guy nervously trying to figure out how to do chest compressions on a busty girl - even if they don't need them. - RoseBunny
  135. #133. Nerdy guys turn into hot Miss Hyde characters, but nerdy girls never become the Mr. Hyde ( I wish someone would pick this idea up and run with it. I can't do the Miss Hyde thing Justice) - RoseBunny
Last Edit: 6 months 2 weeks ago by Malady.
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6 months 3 weeks ago #67443 by Rose Bunny
Rose Bunny replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
Keep goin' Mal!

High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan


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6 months 3 weeks ago #67444 by Katssun
Katssun replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
We're still transcribing, so be patient!

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6 months 3 weeks ago - 6 months 3 weeks ago #67445 by null0trooper
null0trooper replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
#11. Sudden revelation of mysterious powers that never appeared before, and perfectly resolve the current crisis. ( every crisis ) - RoseBunny
#12. The antagonist appears late, delivers entire motivation in a monologue. - Katssun
#13. The two strangers are destined by fate to become lovers, because ancient prophecy said so. - RoseBunny
#14. The hero/heroine has a Mysterious Tatoo/Birthmark. - Astrodragon
#15. A mysterious stranger (with not apparent means of support) tells him/her/them they have a Destiny. - Astrodragon
#16. Parents? At all. Anywhere. - Katssun
#17. Protagonist must have a tragic past, which later is revealed that your parents died protecting you from a great evil that only you can defeat. - RoseBunny
#17A. - A bad foster home/orphanage is involved. - RoseBunny
#18. No one "says" anything. They "breathed," "whispered," "cheered," but mostly "purred". - Katssun
#19. Every male character has a deep baritone and every woman is a soprano - Katssun
#20. Every female character is at least a C-cup, even the teenagers - Astrodragon

Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

WhatIF Stories: Dream A Little Dream For Me

Discussion Thread
Last Edit: 6 months 3 weeks ago by null0trooper. Reason: Names have not been changed to protect the innocent
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6 months 3 weeks ago #67448 by Sir Lee
Sir Lee replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
Your heroine is a vampire goff Mary Sue.
Her improbably-long name changes spelling every single time it's written down.

Don't call me "Shirley." You will surely make me surly.

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6 months 3 weeks ago #67450 by Bek D Corbin
Bek D Corbin replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
The Main Characters of the Franchise you're writing in immediately accept, if not kowtow to you, even if you're only a Midshipman who just graduated from Star Fleet Academy (First in your class and the youngest cadet to graduate!), and you outshine them in every way

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6 months 3 weeks ago #67451 by Rose Bunny
Rose Bunny replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing

Bek D Corbin wrote: The Main Characters of the Franchise you're writing in immediately accept, if not kowtow to you, even if you're only a Midshipman who just graduated from Star Fleet Academy (First in your class and the youngest cadet to graduate!), and you outshine them in every way


"Shut up Wesley!" - Literally everyone, including his own Mother.

High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan


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6 months 3 weeks ago #67476 by cprime
cprime replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
If set in a long-running franchise, the protagonist invents an unprecedented way (or two) to use their signature power. Bonus points if said usage saves the day.

Is your muse looking for inspiration? Send them to Parkerville! Welcome to Parkerville is the latest edition in my series of writing prompts.

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6 months 3 weeks ago #67480 by Malady
Malady replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
Amethyst of BigCloset TopShelf has set up a contest around these rules!

I'll let her explain. Just follow this finely crafted link!

bigclosetr.us/topshelf/blog-entry/82525/...2020-story-challenge

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6 months 2 weeks ago #67532 by Katssun
Katssun replied the topic: Rules of Bad Fanfic Writing
Even with a modest increase in breast size, it noticeably and negatively impacts the character's balance to the point that they fall over, stumble, or struggle to walk at all, but a change in hip size either doesn't amount to anything, or immediately makes the character permanently strut like a catwalk model.

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