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Hollow/Dice Dicussion

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3 years 1 month ago #35525 by Iwasforger03
Iwasforger03 created the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
Hello everyone, this is the thread for discussion/feedback of my newly posted work in need of just that. I'm hoping for some proper feedback from anyone who liked it or is interested in helping. Did you like it? Which parts? Where did I lose you? was something particularly bad or good? Were there any formatting issues you spotted I need to be aware of? Did any of the puns make you groan in pain?

Also if anyone can answer this question: is there an indentation coding for this sight/setup so I can indent my paragraphs?

I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
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3 years 1 month ago #36953 by Iwasforger03
Iwasforger03 replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
Chapter 2 is up! Lots to read, lots to see, lots to... oh god.

I'm... debating, well, really I'm not. I plan to convert this to a Gen 2 fanfic. I just need to dig up a few things, and change a bunch of stuff in chapter 1, mostly relating to exactly where the idea behind Hollow's powers came from. And the date stamp, obviously.

It amuses me insanely that if I update this to gen 2, This now happens at the tail end of the very day Samurai accepted the burden that would change him into Okami. I... well I had no friggin idea about that until now, I hadn't read Gen 2 at all when I started this. Still, that's not the only insane coincidence I'm finding, and all of them are just making me chuckle REALLY hard.

I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
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3 years 1 month ago #37663 by Esar
Esar replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
I didn't know if you wanted it by PM or here for the second chapter, but because maybe it will elicit a discussion I have decided to post it here :

Thoughts scene by scene (as usual, even questions are not actual questions, you don't have to answer. Those are only the thoughts that went through my mind while reading it) and typos :
Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]


General thought :

I still can't really talk about the plot. It's really action focused (I am not saying this is a bad thing). Elaine seems interesting and I expect a Heel-face turn latter on (or a self sacrifice to help the heroes).

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3 years 1 month ago #37672 by Iwasforger03
Iwasforger03 replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
Arigato. I'm working out some scene setting to hopefully work my plot into it, but yes, I admit it's rather heavy on action. Lots going on. I've made the pointed out corrections to typos, thank you for that! I'm hoping to have part 3 out by Wednesday morning. Once I've got it all reviewed and corrected for typos, I'm going to convert it to a proper WhatIf and get it published.

KC Knights are local super team. They are down a member, and Lionheart had an... interesting past. He was not originally a British Citizen, and his knighthood is quite recent.

Scintillation actually HAS met Ito... many times, very painfully, often after being thrown into the ground or a few minutes prior.

I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
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3 years 1 month ago #37726 by Iwasforger03
Iwasforger03 replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
Elaine... I forgot to address that. I got lots planned for Elaine. Her situation isn't entirely clear, genderwise, nor will it be clear quickly. She could be projecting a bit on these guys and being called "sir." Or she could be right on the money, and forgetting they're as scared of the boss as she is. Or maybe her boss considers it gender neutral. Heck, maybe he lied and said she prefers being called "sir." Who knows?

I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
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3 years 1 month ago #38524 by Anne
Anne replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
I'm writing a quick note here to encourage you to keep going.

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3 years 1 month ago #38541 by Iwasforger03
Iwasforger03 replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
I appreciate the encouragement and interest, but if you could give me fuller feedback I'd appreciate it. Stream of consciousness reactions, any thoughts, anything you liked or really didn't, etc.

I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
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3 years 4 weeks ago #39303 by Iwasforger03
Iwasforger03 replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
Chapter 3 is finally up. After an unexpectedly emotional night, my muse was in a very... cooperative mood, and I hammered out what I feel is appropriate to be called Chapter 3. As ever, please offer me any feedback or reactions you might have.

I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
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3 years 4 weeks ago - 3 years 4 weeks ago #39355 by Malady
Malady replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
Fricking Finally started reading!

Aww! Yeah! RescueRomance! ... Gonna go chapter by chapter, 'cause I don't feel like an ArchiveBinge. Yes. I feel you write enough per chapter for 3 of them to count. Congrats!

Chapter 1 Funniest Quotes [ Click to expand ]



Typos and stuff [ Click to expand ]
Last Edit: 3 years 4 weeks ago by Malady.

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3 years 4 weeks ago #39369 by Iwasforger03
Iwasforger03 replied the topic: Hollow/Dice Dicussion
The illusion created fake dice pointing left, going straight was correct.

I will fix other typos soon, now that I am aware of them. Thank you for starting to read, Malady!

I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
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