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Max Does the Splits discussion

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3 years 2 weeks ago #46352 by konzill
konzill replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
My suspicion is:
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3 years 2 weeks ago - 3 years 2 weeks ago #46372 by Littlebeast
Littlebeast replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
Not going to say if that's true or not but I'm glad it got into speculation. :)

Also chapter 9 has appeared.

Max Does the Splits: Story * Discussion
Last Edit: 3 years 2 weeks ago by Littlebeast.

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3 years 2 weeks ago #46379 by konzill
konzill replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
Well, chapter nine took an unexpected turn. But the hints are definitely there in hindsight. I'm looking forward to chapter ten.

That said, I have to agree with Domoviye what you are posting so far does seem to fly through the story a little too fast. It also has the occasional detour into a scene where nothing really happens. Once you finish, you should really consider taking what you have, and seeing how you can put more meat on these lovely bones.
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3 years 2 weeks ago #46385 by Littlebeast
Littlebeast replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
Aaand tenth and final chapter is up. (Well, final of this section.)

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Anyway I absolutely agree that I should go back and flesh it out, but I don't really know how to do that. *sweatdrop* My writing experience comes mainly from a webcomic and similar publish-as-you-go formats, so I've got a decent amount of experience with dialogue and pushing forward; much less when it comes to prose and editing.

Not that I'm asking for advice, necessarily(I wouldn't say no), just letting you know where I'm at.

...

Max Does the Splits: Story * Discussion

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3 years 2 weeks ago #46386 by Domoviye
Domoviye replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
Send me some of your ideas and I'll give you advice.

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3 years 2 weeks ago #46405 by Littlebeast
Littlebeast replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
See, the problem with that offer is it would require me to have concrete ideas on what I want to do, but that's the part I'm having trouble with. :rolleyes:

I'm rolling my eyes at myself, not you

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3 years 2 weeks ago #46409 by Malady
Malady replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
Shopping trip!

And confrontation with Chris!

Interesting reveal in the last part!

"Cup of Joe" reminds me of the "cup of Joe" test from www.scp-wiki.net/scp-294 ...

Ah, I guess the gaming scenes and stuff don't contribute much... Maybe use that time to swap POVs and go to Mysterious Scientist and others, if you don't want to just timeskip past that...

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3 years 2 weeks ago - 3 years 2 weeks ago #46423 by konzill
konzill replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
Broadly speaking there are two things I think this story really needs:

1. More of Max's family, I think the story needs more family interaction and some opportunity to show the family dynamic even more than it has so far. , especially considering the final reveal. In comparison, the scenes with Max's friends are more like comic relief, and probably should be. May flirting with a boy, or having a boy try to flirt with her would have been hilarious during the 2nd shopping trip.

2. Distinct voices for Max, May and the gestalt that combines them. This is probably the most challenging thing in this story, as the reader needs to really feel that these are distinct characters with somewhat different personalities And right now this is more something that we are told than being something that is shown. In some scenes, I was left somewhat unsure of which one of May or Max was active at any given point.
Last Edit: 3 years 2 weeks ago by konzill.

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1 year 3 months ago #64801 by Littlebeast
Littlebeast replied the topic: Max Does the Splits discussion
Okay, thank you all for the feedback. I think I'll eventually do a full rewrite and publish it to WhatIF, but for now I'm doing what I know how to and pushing on to Joe's story. So the first chapter of that is up!

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Max Does the Splits: Story * Discussion
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