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Under the Sea

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4 months 1 week ago #69443 by Dreamer
Dreamer created the topic: Under the Sea
The start of a new Gen 2 story by Nagrij is up. So read, enjoy, and please comment.

Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
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4 months 1 week ago #69446 by Dreamer
Dreamer replied the topic: Under the Sea
SPOILER ALERT
Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

Under the Sea Part 1 comments
Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.

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4 months 1 week ago #69447 by Enemyoffun
Enemyoffun replied the topic: Under the Sea
I really love the tone of this story. There is this great build up and we spend most of the first part of this learning about the characters and the world they live in. Its such a different feel from anything else here that it was refreshing. It has this almost dreary, Lemony Snicket feel to it. In my head, everything was gray and gloomy. I thought for sure that this first part would end without one mention of the universe as a whole then BAM, its right there at the end. Very well done. I can't wait to read more :)

Master of The DarkRealms

The DarkRealms Universe

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4 months 1 week ago #69451 by Nagrij
Nagrij replied the topic: Under the Sea
Whoops. Didn't realize this had gone out yet. Here I am, better late than never.

Dreamer... I love that you've picked up what I was going for on several points, but I think the thing I realized most when reading your review was... I misspelled many words in writing the piece. I will get on that.

Enemy, I'm glad the tone came through, it is sometimes very difficult for me to keep such a thing consistent from tale to tale. One of the downfalls of writing the way I do. (A braindead lag gerbil with ADHD, as one fan put my writing style so well.)

It is indeed a gray and gloomy kind of tale.

www.patreon.com/Nagrij

If you like my writing, please consider helping me out, and see the rest of the tales I spin on Patreon.
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4 months 1 week ago #69453 by Trantos0_1
Trantos0_1 replied the topic: Under the Sea

Under the Sea

You know, for some crazy reason I have the suspicion that this story will not be involving a singing crab and a cute mermaid. Beings that are varying degrees between fish and men I can see showing up though.

Pale as a ghost, with pitch black hair that seemed to shimmer for a moment in the sunlight, she was thin in a way supermodels might envy, with hints of curve just blossoming out of nowhere. Her face was heart-shaped, with large dark gray eyes blinking up at me over a slim nose with just a hint of tilt, and a mouth full enough to paint words on.

Coupled with her feeling oddly cold for the weather (not to mention her behavior, statements etc), I'll take not normal human (or not human to begin with) for 500 Alex.
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4 months 1 week ago #69454 by Astrodragon
Astrodragon replied the topic: Under the Sea
Under the Sea makes me think of Bedknobs and Broomsticks!
Yes, I'm old!

I like the story, now get bus on part 2!!

I love watching their innocent little faces smiling happily as they trip gaily down the garden path, before finding the pit with the rusty spikes.
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4 months 1 week ago #69455 by Nagrij
Nagrij replied the topic: Under the Sea
I'm actually 3k words into part 2 as we speak. So... I should be done by next year? (Just kidding)

www.patreon.com/Nagrij

If you like my writing, please consider helping me out, and see the rest of the tales I spin on Patreon.
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4 months 1 week ago #69457 by null0trooper
null0trooper replied the topic: Under the Sea
One wonders what Mom's maiden name was.

Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

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4 months 6 days ago #69476 by Anne
Anne replied the topic: Under the Sea
What an interesting and dark bit of work from the pen of Nagrij! I am eagerly awaiting the next episode to see just what happens to Theo.... URK Anise why do you have tentacles....
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3 months 4 weeks ago #69516 by Kettlekorn
Kettlekorn replied the topic: Under the Sea
I love everything about this.

I am the kernel that pops in the night. I am the pain that keeps your dentist employed.

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