Question Funny Things People have said.

What funny things have people said around you?

I'll start.

My 5 year old daughter: I'm bored doing this.
Me: What are you doing?
D: Making a list of enemies.
M: Who's on your list?
D: Everyone.
M: What will you do to your enemies?
D: Destroy them.

Apparently I'm raising a supervillain.

Better yet! You're raising a bored supervillain.

On the upside, she's bored with writing out a list of her enemies. It's when she gets past the stage of writing out her enemies and starts compiling dossiers on them, including known allergies and any medications they might be taking, that you have to worry.

Bit of a setup here - I had to do single-dad thing for almost 2 months while my wife was hospitalized. Son was about 2 1/4. On the ride in to day care, I'd usually give him coins from the coin tray to play with to distract him. One day, I picked him up after a hectic work day, and after strapping him in the car seat, I got in, and automatically grabbed some coins to amuse him.

"Daddy, I don't want your money!"

I lost it laughing. I knew I'd NEVER hear those words from his mouth ever again!

Another day, a woman cut me off on the freeway on the way to daycare. I automatically said something to/about her. I said "Stupid Cow!"

All the rest of the day, my son was saying "Toopid Cow, Toodpid Cow!"

There are days when you're glad you didn't say the f-word!

Don't worry, you don't have to start making rules until they start figuring out what to use as supplies. That's what my parents did with me and not one turned up dead. Or they haven't found the bodies yet, one of the two.

Bek D Corbin wrote: On the upside, she's bored with writing out a list of her enemies. It's when she gets past the stage of writing out her enemies and starts compiling dossiers on them, including known allergies and any medications they might be taking, that you have to worry.

Well on the plus side, when I explained that her family was on the list, she went "Oh. You, Grandma and Grandpa aren't on the list. You can help me."
We got promoted to minions.

Bek D Corbin wrote: On the upside, she's bored with writing out a list of her enemies. It's when she gets past the stage of writing out her enemies and starts compiling dossiers on them, including known allergies and any medications they might be taking, that you have to worry.

Stop reminding me about how easy I am to kill. (Not kidding, quote from a friend of mine in high school, "you are the luckiest person I know, God is trying to kill you but you are still alive.")

Domoviye wrote:

Bek D Corbin wrote: On the upside, she's bored with writing out a list of her enemies. It's when she gets past the stage of writing out her enemies and starts compiling dossiers on them, including known allergies and any medications they might be taking, that you have to worry.

Well on the plus side, when I explained that her family was on the list, she went "Oh. You, Grandma and Grandpa aren't on the list. You can help me."
We got promoted to minions.

Well, when she starts fixing industrial lasers to tables and petting cats incessantly while monologuing, then worry.

As for me, the dumbest thing I've ever heard anyone say, is someone say when watching a TV add on their old television in their home: "Wow that picture looks much better than mine!"

For the record, if you don't get it, sound off here and I'll explain.

Nagrij wrote:

Domoviye wrote:

Bek D Corbin wrote: On the upside, she's bored with writing out a list of her enemies. It's when she gets past the stage of writing out her enemies and starts compiling dossiers on them, including known allergies and any medications they might be taking, that you have to worry.

Well on the plus side, when I explained that her family was on the list, she went "Oh. You, Grandma and Grandpa aren't on the list. You can help me."
We got promoted to minions.

Well, when she starts fixing industrial lasers to tables and petting cats incessantly while monologuing, then worry.

Especially if she trying to power the lasers with the static electricity generated by the cat petting.

Nagrij wrote:
Well, when she starts fixing industrial lasers to tables and petting cats incessantly while monologuing, then worry.

Umm... Noooo... when she starts fixing industrial lasers to cats and petting tables while incessantly monologuing... then worry.

When my brother was 4 or 5, he brought a cake to school for his birthday. It was an excellent cake, and his teacher asked him if his mother had made it. Now, my father does all the cooking and baking in our family and my mother had recently had a hysterectomy, but nobody is entirely sure why my brother replied, "My mommy can't cook, she doesn't have a uterus!"

We're not entirely sure why he said it, but you can bet your britches that we'll never let him forget it.

DanZilla wrote:

Nagrij wrote:
Well, when she starts fixing industrial lasers to tables and petting cats incessantly while monologuing, then worry.

Umm... Noooo... when she starts fixing industrial lasers to cats and petting tables while incessantly monologuing... then worry.

Well we do have two cats, and several tables. And she does want to get tools and learn how to use them.

Well, it's better for her to be fixing lasers to cats than to team up with them, or, god forbid, start working for them.

When she first started school my youngest daughter, Bobbi-Blu, told her teacher that her name was spelt with a hymen.

Way back when, me and few friends were playing Hong Kong Action Theater, in a car case between the players and bad guys. We the players, had hijacked a stretched limo to get away from gang chasing us, anyways the driver of said limo (NPC) was wanting to pull over and get out. Player 'B', our two gun wielding collection of poor impulse control issues, said to the GM after the driver started slowing down, 'I'm firing two warning shots in the back of his head! No wait!' It was like 'Grand Theft Auto' crossed with 'Weekend at Bernie's '

The chase ended up in the bay with party bleeding, trapped in a limo that was filling up with water.

After that session most of us wanted to play something safer, like Call of Cthulhu or Paranoia.