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Question Re Vantier ch 1 feedback

8 years 8 months ago #1 by lighttech
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    • here we go

    I decided to move this from the author tunnels to here and see how it fly's
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    8 years 8 months ago #2 by lighttech
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    • well I have seen some reads here?

    any feedback?

    just note this is part 1 and I have 4 more in the pipe ready to go if This looks good for here? or not?
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    8 years 8 months ago #3 by lighttech
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    • part 2 is up

    "and come on people throw me a bone here!" in dr evil voice
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    8 years 8 months ago #4 by Wrayth
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    • Ok,
    Hi lighttech. You have a cool concept.R read this over on BC, and found that i have to be in the right frame of mind to read this story. I am trying really hard to be nice , but your writing is VERY hard to read,stopping and starting in, to me, odd places. I would like to help you edit this, but I have very limited time. Work and My two children take up the majority of my days.

    Other thoughts... Vantier seems over the top for Whateley. You have shown a very powerful ruler of a planet, who is now a teen in ARC research. She seems to be nearly indestructible, and has all the joys of learning to get along in a new world and time, while dealing with the loss of her race and family. You chose some tough concepts to explore. Sympathizing with the alien can be rough to pull off.

    If you would like help with editing this , let me know, here or PM, and I will do what I can.

    Thank you for the tale,

    Wrayth
    8 years 8 months ago #5 by Yolandria
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    • As a ravenous devourer of WAU stories. Both here and offsite i have to say your stories are some of the hardest to read. Maybe it's format,maybe it's style. I'm not 100% sure. However. I do enjoy the content of the stories. I enjoy the characters,the situations etc. I know it's not much help. But its better than a blank wall.

    *Hugs*

    P.S.
    Tell your partners i want more Kelly,Super Soldier updates!

    m = ^.^=m
    Mistress of the shelter for lost and redeemable Woobies!
    8 years 8 months ago #6 by lighttech
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    • yep I need some help with smoothing it all out and punctuation!
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    8 years 8 months ago #7 by lighttech
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    • thanks for the offer I might take you up on part of that, I just got intro-ed to a editor of a type and I will see if that works out

    my main issue is punctuation and smoothness. A English class was a longtime back and I really sucked at it!

    funny how I asked my teacher way back then If I could write fiction that interested me instead of the boring class stuff, she said no of course!
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    8 years 8 months ago #8 by Wrayth
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    • Google docs is a great way to have someone help edit a story.
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