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Question For Kadis story.

9 years 5 months ago #1 by frosty563
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    • I started this story with Kadis changing into a boy but with hints of a Danny cat-boy I thought it'd be fun to add another kitten to the pot except this one can't do anything about it. That little thing about being contagious.:P
    9 years 5 months ago #2 by Arcanist Lupus
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    • Looks interesting, but you have a severe problem with unattributed dialog which makes this difficult to read. Also, there are some parts which I assume were meant to be italicized but the italics didn't transfer over that need to be fixed.

    Finally, the chapter felt very one note. It covers Alex's mutation, but it doesn't do anything us. We have next to zero information about Alex's personality, or life before this. Did she have friends? How old is she? Is she a nerd, a fashionista, or an athlete?

    I look forward to seeing more, and I hope that it starts to dig a little deeper into who Alex is.
    "Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy." - Spider Robinson
    9 years 5 months ago #3 by NeoMagus
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    • Arcanist Lupus wrote: Looks interesting, but you have a severe problem with unattributed dialog which makes this difficult to read. Also, there are some parts which I assume were meant to be italicized but the italics didn't transfer over that need to be fixed.

    Finally, the chapter felt very one note. It covers Alex's mutation, but it doesn't do anything us. We have next to zero information about Alex's personality, or life before this. Did she have friends? How old is she? Is she a nerd, a fashionista, or an athlete?

    I look forward to seeing more, and I hope that it starts to dig a little deeper into who Alex is.


    I had the same feeling overall, that it really needs some more meat on the bones, if you know what I mean. We need to know more about Alex and her situation before we can really care about her as a character. Other than that, I'd also suggest slowing down the pacing a few notches. As it stands it feels very rapid fire, jumping from one thing to the next very suddenly. Fleshing it out with more detail will also help with this.

    All of that said, the concept seems interesting enough, it just needs a bit more development.
    ... . . -.- / .--- ..- ... - .. -.-. . .-.-.- / .-.. --- ...- . / -- . .-. -.-. -.-- .-.-.- / .-- .- .-.. -.- / .... ..- -- -... .-.. -.-- / .-- .. - .... / -.-- --- ..- .-. / --. --- -.. .-.-.-
    9 years 5 months ago #4 by frosty563
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    • Thanks for the feedback guys i really appreciate the time you took to write them up. I hope i did a better job this time ;) and thanks for tuning in.
    8 years 11 months ago #5 by frosty563
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    • Just added part 2 of Kadis, hope u guys enjoy!
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