Question Lucky Girl Discussion thread

Christ, I was crying at the end of this story.
Feel free to leave comments.

I - um - but - wow.

This is hard. I'll come back later when I can string words together.

You and me both, Dom. You and me both.

Arcanist Lupus wrote: I - um - but - wow.

This is hard. I'll come back later when I can string words together.

I know how you feel and I wrote the bloody thing.

You showed great depth in how the girl felt. We can only imagine what her brothers had done to her, as well as it should be. Not overly gratuitous in what happened.

The girl has problems, and she's afraid to come out with them, both by fear and shame. The shame that she had been made into someone else. The fear in that if she was found out, how others would treat her due to the ridicule, belittlement and humiliation she had endured with her own family.

The amount of emotion she showed is a testament to your writing skills, for she hides it well from others. We know what she seeks and if you continue it will be up to you on how she deals with her internal struggles and life.

A very nice, yet sad, piece of work.

*edit here* I did fail to mention that the girl will have to someday talk to one of the doctors as she has also been molested/raped by her own family members and would need to have counseling.

Thanks.
Kota actually started off as a minor character who was created by NeoMagus as a prize for a small contest I held on another story, Fate Sucks. She interacted with Estelle and her mother so well she became an important secondary character, and at the point I'm at now with the second part of Fate Sucks she's going to be a less important main character.
Almost everything except for the suicide attempt was already mentioned in the main story, so was simply expanding things, making them a bit more clear and really diving into the source of Kota's problems.
But wow, this was hard to write by the end, because I've written and thought about Kota for several months, in both good and bad times, writing her at her very lowest was like pulling out stitches.

Ib12us wrote:
*edit here* I did fail to mention that the girl will have to someday talk to one of the doctors as she has also been molested/raped by her own family members and would need to have counseling.

It's mentioned in Fate Sucks that she does talk to a counselor, but because she refuses to talk about being a boy or go into any details about what happens, it's not very helpful.
Let's go pull out some more teeth and add in a few paragraphs about that.

Dom, if you're going back and making some changes anyways, can I make one suggestion that I just thought of?

Namely, it seems highly unlikely to me that Kota wouldn't bump into at least ONE empath who can feel just how messed up her emotions are. An encounter like that, showing how Kota evades questions or even just snaps back at the girl to mind her own business, is probably worth including.

Sure. Caroline needs some face time.

Domoviye wrote: Sure. Caroline needs some face time.

Oooh...good choice.

Ok, two new scenes one right after the other have been added at the very end.
Go and enjoy them.

Domoviye wrote: Sure. Caroline needs some face time.

Been so long since you wrote about Caroline I got her mixed up in my head with another Caroline in another Whateley fanfic by A-Eadie whose stuff is still over on deviantart. Both empaths who like to try and help people, sometimes whether they want it or not.

And yeah, I was crying by the end as well. I don't care how your child changes, that is still your child. To allow her own brothers to do such things to her, if they try to say they can't be blamed for what their sons did charge them with depraved indifference. Wasn't there a part where Mrs. Carson confronts her parents after they try to sue Prairie Sun to get Kota back and she threaten to reveal their dirty little secrets or I'm I misremembering something.

Those additional scenes drove the point that Kota very much at that point wasn't open to normal psych help or listening to others, trying to keep the angry, frustration and pain hidden from the world. It is a good thing she met Prairie Sun when she did, otherwise who knows how things would have turned out.

Caroline has shown up as a secondary character a fair bit with Tink and others. And it's only been a few months, I started writing her in March of this year.
I agree with you about children, as a father I'm very protective of kids. And the scene you're thinking about doesn't have Mrs. Carson, she doesn't really factor into Kota's part of the story. Prairie Sun meets the parents and let's just say for a superhero, she can be very scary sometimes.
If Kota hadn't met the Young's, she'd probably take a walk in the Grove or end up in prison when she finally snapped. She was not anywhere near a safe state of mind when she arrived in Edmonton. And as I hope I showed her main problem is trust, she simply doesn't trust anyone and it took a big and surprising gesture after a very big shock to get her to start opening up.

I'll be honest Dom, *I have not read Fate Sucks* yet.

As it appears tho that several weeks have passed as she's in Whateley, there 'has' to be several people, be them empaths and such that will know that something is troubling the girl.

I cannot also see to where 'the hero's' who had her go to Whateley did not suspect that there was something wrong from the way she had acted towards them. The warning signs were clearly there.

I of course have more reading 'homework' and such to read in order to get a fuller understanding of her predicament. Girls will of course see her as an exemplar but from the way she acts there has to be those that are confused about how she conducts herself. I'm not just referring to other girls her age but the more senior ones who would or should pick up the subtle indications that she is very tomboyish in her manner, thus raising questions about her past.

Just my *current* observations.

You can *smack* me down now also as I become the buffoon that's placed with the intellects.

No need to smack you down.
It's actually not gone into much detail in Fate Sucks, which was one reason I decided to do a little story here.

Now for most of this, look to the add on posted at the bottom of the story, of how Kota acts snarky and shuts down around Dr. Bellows, and refuses any offers of help from a psychic. She doesn't trust them enough not to mess with her, and they can't force her. She's not a danger to anyone, she's not skipping classes or acting out, and as far as they know she isn't harming herself, so they have a depressed girl they're trying to help.
The fact she was assaulted by her brothers is in her files thanks to the heroes, so everyone is going along the lines that she was 'only' assaulted and abused. If she's acting tomboyish well as far as they know she could have been before, or she's that way because of the trauma, they don't know and she's not telling.
And I did try to show that the girls are concerned for her in the scene with Pucelle. Mischief and Grace acted pretty quickly to stop the conversation. As for older girls and other students, Kota is quiet and stays out of the way, trying to make herself invisible. Some might notice her and suspect, but she's getting counseling, if there was anything really bad, the school will deal with it.

These are good questions and precisely the reason I added in the two scenes, so that it explained that people were tryng to help her.

But I like smacks, sugar smacks.

Koda is starting to take on a more vivid role for you it seems and should be continued (not to where one gets bored with it) as it shows a harsh side that many don't see. If I was to go down the scientific road, her brain will force changes to her mind in that she will see things differently. She will go through her mood swings and such.

Anyways if there is a way (that is if you edited your story) and incorporated the changes would it be possible to color code them or mark the changes in some way so that previous readers will know where to look, unless its a requirement to reread the whole story.

I would also humbly suggest that 'Fate Sucks" be ported over here for some serious discussions.

Just a suggestion on my part.

*edit* nevermind I found the ending but did find this. Minor but makes a bit of difference. Conversation with Caroline in where she was reading the aurora.

“I thought psychic's were suppose to pry into things like this?” Should read "I thought psychic's weren't suppose to pry into things like this?"

I'll put a lot of Fate Sucks up today. Along with Broken Glass, and some more Tink.
We're going to see Kota at Christmas, briefly in March and then at the end of the school year and summer in Fate Sucks, and there will be glimpses of her in Broken Glass after Christmas.
And thanks for spotting the mistake, I wrote the last bit a little quickly, so I have a few mistakes to deal with.

I'll edit as needed.