Question One Woe Doth Tread Upon Another's Heel

The Witch Formerly Known As Hekate strikes again!

One Woe Doth Tread Upon Another's Heel comments
Oh ****, Hekate is back at Whateley. Thought that wouldn't be resolved until the next school year. Ouch, more painful each time we have the remembrance scene from a different perspective. Ms. Guzman and even members of Jamie's tribe, Mrs. Carson having to give that painful speech and try to give comfort to so many. Hank seeing Ms. Guzman and Mrs. Carson's pain, even how Chief Delarose is dealing with it. Bringing all that pain back, yet Hekate is there and going to try and bring more pain. She is going to regret it, if she lives through it.

Hekate has some twisted mind, eavesdropping on them at time like this. A special way to remember those who were lost, yet for Nikki it brings up other memories as well. Oh boy, so that is why Nikki upset, ticked off at a comment about Aunghadhail and seeing everything in Mrs. Carson's speech as an affront. Trying to reason with Nikki right now is bad, talk of rebuilding the Five-Fold Court in Aunghadhail's honor. Hope whatever Hank shows Nikki gets her thinking more clearly again, because right now she is unbalanced.

Great, Hekate is casting spells to sow further disorder among Team Kimba, hope they catch onto her soon. Dang, Hank has to give Nikki the tough love talk. Hope Nikki listened to what he was saying, because a race war between the Sidhe lead by her and humans would be horrific for both sides. Oh crap, Hekate pushed Nikki and ruined everything, please let it not end like this.

Oh @#$!, enraged Nikki is terrifying. At least Ayla was able to escape, hope the spell on Nikki wears off soon. Was wondering who would wonder what Nikki might have done to Hank first. Hank blaming himself for it all, not knowing the unseen party pushing things further. And the pain spread to Team Kimba friends, Hekate needs a lot of pain.

Toni not able to get the door open and even Koehnes banished, this is extremely bad. Ayla having Toni bunk with Vamp! Vamp will regret any pranks they pull on Toni, she will return in kind. Nikki forced Jade's copies back into her, that is needlessly cruel imo. Taking out her white lion Kimba stuffed toy like that, Nikki is going to be upset with herself later. Even Mrs. Horton thinks its best to leave Nikki alone for now. All that was happening with Wondercute and this happens, ouch. And Jade distraught over the thought of having no one again, double ouch.

And now we see even Ayla crying at the loss of Jamie, just keep hitting with the emotions, along with Hank sobbing. Oh boy, Ashley we know is bad off, hearing it put in these words though hits harder. Mary keeping that to herself because she wants to help Lily not take on too many burdens at once. It is good to have friends who help out in troubled times.

Oh crap! A curse on Hank and Nikki doesn't even realize she did it, while Hekate is gloating about it and taking down Nikki and her friends. If this isn't fixed before they leave for summer vacation, going to be even more worried about Team Kimba and what Nikki might become without them. A Leanan and it is twisting Hank towards the deepest darkness, that is the curse, things are spiraling out of control.

Nikki having to talk to security, now she will be in an even more foul mood afterwards. *smacks forehead* Bomber is dense! An argument over who won and Bunker rightly saying it was a draw, Hank probably just wishes they would drop the subject. Thank you Deadeye for getting them to shut up.

At least Sam sees how it is all spiraling out of control, she doesn't even know about Hekate yet or she might think it was hopeless if the psycho isn't caught. And another person blaming themselves for everything that is going on, believing if they hadn't done one thing it would change what is happening. I understand why he is doing so, but no one could have predicted what happened in that crash.

That spell of Hekate's was a dozy, Nikki is taking it out on everyone with her attitude. At least Hank and Lily get some quality time together, something they both desperately need. And the scene where Lily sees the members of Wondercute and Hank has to assure her they will be back to normal, that their friendships aren't lost.

The Leanan messing with Hank as he is happy after a private dinner with Lily, this thing is ticked and thinks of Lily as a rival. This...creature needs to be destroyed. Manipulating his dreams and making him think Lily's family rejected him like that, that can't be a real memory. I thought we already had it confirmed Hank was staying with Lily for the summer.

Two days and Nikki is still furious with Hank, at least Toni and the others can warn him and Ayla so they can avoid her for now. Hank isolating himself due to everything that is happening and things he doesn't wish to hear being discussed, yikes. And now the day Lily had to do the sims to help her and Ashley to get past what happened. Poor Hank is already in a bad way, this Leanan is making it worse and making him see everything in a more negative light, it seems.

Twisting him memories of what happened with Nikki and making it like Lily threw him away, this creature is a true monster. No wonder Hank was an even worse wreck for a while there.

Nightmares every night, having to deal with all the last week has brought, shoot, I would be having nightmares myself at that point. Lily busy trying to patch things up between Wondercute and Star League Jr., Team Kimba fractured because of what is happening with Nikki, Hank avoiding the Grunts now too. Oh crud, the nightmare was real, he is going home to be with his family for the summer. Double crud, Nikki left without resolving things with Ayla or Hank, this is horrible! Ayla leaves and now so is Hank, is this the end of Team Kimba as we know it?

Billie and Jade together for the summer, at least part of it. Hank going to sleep and hoping to see Lily in the morning, while the Leanan is still feeding off all his dark emotions and what is happening. This is the worst thing possible.

Okay, that isn't a family, that is a bunch of strangers forced to be together with the way they are treating Hank. And that Leanan is really ticking me off, want to destroy it so badly for how it keeps making things worse. And a guest room, for their child they give a guest room! No pictures of Hank or Hanna, Hank needs to get out of there and fast. At the rate the Leanan is messing with him and his own family is driving these dark memories, it sounds like this creature will either try to drive Hank to suicide or to kill his own family.

And his father has to work even sooner than expected, putting it ahead of his family is what lead to how Jay views his own sibling. Lily telling Hank to give it a chance, she has no idea how bad his family really is to him. At least talking to her picked him up, yet the Leanan seeks to tear that all apart. And now it is going to manipulate his family into being even worse to Hank, this creature is a blight.

Jay being a big brat, his mom admonishing him and leaving him behind, just great. Jay ate all that food just to spite Hank, doubt the little monster wouldn't do that even without the Leanan's influence. Completely erased from his family like that, these people are monsters to treat their own child this way. It sickens me anyone could do this to their child, to their own sibling.

Another talk with Lily and Hank is all sorted out for now, how long until the Leanan messes him up again, how soon until the creature is caught in the act. Jay not setting Hank's place just to mess with him, little monster is pushing him at the wrong time. Okay, the Leanan is making them ignore Hank completely now, act like he doesn't exist to feed on his fears. Sneaking out to wander the park, not like his family will miss him at this point.

Okay, the Leanan is bringing out the worst in Hank's mother, reacting like that after they acted like he didn't even exist at dinner. Then subjecting him to spring cleaning. Talking with Lily, she encourages him to talk with his parents, but will it help with the Leanan making things worse. Even before it got to them his dad just wanted to make sure Hank was getting counselling after his roommate and best friend was kill, didn't try to comfort him, ask if he was okay.

Desert but none for him, yet his mom ask that, I have to wonder how much the Leanan has affected her and how much is just how she would treat Hank anyway. With the way the Leanan is reacting to Hank's mood, it seems it is driving him to murder his family even more now. Crud, it is influencing his mom the most, this is bad.

Hank goes out for a run and gets a call from Lily, at least she backs off the subject of his family when he ask her to. No talking to Lily for a week as her family goes camping, this is bad for Hank, very bad. Again berating from mom about leaving and not telling her where he went, despite how she has been treating him. It is like the Leanan is making them blind to their own behavior. Now it is making her state they worked out chores when they didn't, just to make Hank even more upset. Even using his old name on the chore list to drive the pain even further. The Leanan screwed up, Hank has to realize if his mom thought he was there last week yet also only showed up Sunday that something is up.

Each time the Leanan thinks to itself, I get sick to my stomach, twisted Sidhe. Oh ****, Hank trying to convince himself everything bad happening was just a dream, then breaking down. At least he noticed how strange his mom is acting, though Lily brings it back to Hank. Lily trying to convince Hank it is his family, but he is right, it sure doesn't feel like one, even before the Leanan got its hooks into them.

Good lord, that is the mother of all nightmares, thinking everyone you care about is being killed and you can't do anything as you are taunted. Oh crud, her mother is understanding but she doesn't understand how bad Hank is right now. A week away might be enough time to drive him to do something horrible. Tabitha and Robert, this might have been your worst idea ever, you don't know Hank's family even when they aren't being influenced by a supernatural being. Resolve family issues, that won't happen without outside intervention at this point.

Hank already that bad and Lily just left for the week, I'm scared for what might happen to Hank right now. Drinking in the afternoon, treating Hank even more callously than before, the Leanan needs to be stopped before it is too late.

The description of that Army power suit, are they refusing to have any mutant aid or what? Ah, so that is what Ayla did, everyone expecting that from Anna when it probably will never happen. Miss-timed laugh at something he imagined right as the pilot in the power suit feel down on his back, yikes. Thinking his father is his uncle, this family, if it can be called that at this point, is a mess. Hank having to correct Major Anderson just adds to his pain.

And more trouble because his mother assumes he gave someone attitude instead of just correcting them about who he is related to. Days left until Lily is back to cell phone access and Hank is already being barraged by negative emotions and hostility from his family. Cares more about her husband's career, her youngest son, and since the change treated Hanna turned Hank badly. Now she blows up at Hank over what she thinks happened and chides him, at this rate Hank is going to blow up soon.

This is just getting worse as time goes on, without Lily to talk to Hank is slipping further into depression. Another picture taken without Hank, just ouch, the Leanan may be keeping the feelings around and preventing any kind of healing, but still. Answering machine from Lily and Hank is thinking about Nikki because of a red-haired woman. No, no, no! All these memories just driving Hank further and further into depression, why isn't Lily picking up! NOOOOO! Not Hank! It can't end like this, it just can't. Not after we learned so much about him, came to care about him even more. Please say this is part one of the story, that something will happen to save Hank. I can't stand to think we lost Hank like this.

Just... wow.

Story was well written. I am not sure I really enjoyed this tale. No it did not make me cry, but ... well, the dark hole that that team Kimba is falling into is a tough read. I understand the whys of all this happening, but damn I hope the light at the end of this tunnel is not an oncoming train.

Phoenix, thank you for this tale, and I hope your muse continues giving you tales to share with us.

Wrayth

Don't worry, Dreamer - this is part one of a tale. I've been working with PS on the next bits - he's got some good stuff planned but we had to work timing issues. It's gonna be good. I promise. Pinky-swear even.

elrodw wrote: Don't worry, Dreamer - this is part one of a tale. I've been working with PS on the next bits - he's got some good stuff planned but we had to work timing issues. It's gonna be good. I promise. Pinky-swear even.

Ah, thank you for that, elrod. Was worried about Hank, plus what is going on with Nikki and Team Kimba. But especially with Hank right now, know what it is like to be that depressed, to the point you think nothing matters. Was hard seeing Hank go through this, reminded me of how bad my own depression spiral got years ago. Which is why I can't wait to see him recover from it, even a little.

Well, it was emotionally charged to say the least.

Thanks Phoenix.

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I want to say something but I don't know what

Dreamer wrote:

elrodw wrote: Don't worry, Dreamer - this is part one of a tale. I've been working with PS on the next bits - he's got some good stuff planned but we had to work timing issues. It's gonna be good. I promise. Pinky-swear even.

Ah, thank you for that, elrod. Was worried about Hank, plus what is going on with Nikki and Team Kimba. But especially with Hank right now, know what it is like to be that depressed, to the point you think nothing matters. Was hard seeing Hank go through this, reminded me of how bad my own depression spiral got years ago. Which is why I can't wait to see him recover from it, even a little.

Apologies Dreamer, originally it was a single story but grew too large.

Yes, there is a second part.

Phoenix Spiritus wrote:

Dreamer wrote:

elrodw wrote: Don't worry, Dreamer - this is part one of a tale. I've been working with PS on the next bits - he's got some good stuff planned but we had to work timing issues. It's gonna be good. I promise. Pinky-swear even.

Ah, thank you for that, elrod. Was worried about Hank, plus what is going on with Nikki and Team Kimba. But especially with Hank right now, know what it is like to be that depressed, to the point you think nothing matters. Was hard seeing Hank go through this, reminded me of how bad my own depression spiral got years ago. Which is why I can't wait to see him recover from it, even a little.

Apologies Dreamer, originally it was a single story but grew too large.

Yes, there is a second part.

I was going to say, because this leaves more questions than it answers.

Either Major Anderson is crappy at his job, or the Army is doing a crappy job. Major Anderson as Colonel Declan's Aide should be talking to his superiors about why he never knew about Hank, and the weird behavior surrounding the events at the testing. That's part of his job. While normally it could take the Army a while to process things, when you are dealing with prototypes and classified programs, the wheels turn a lot faster. It is possible that higher ups said "he's a mutant, just ignore it," but the odd behavior should have triggered an investigation.

I can understand Hank not calling most of his team, but Chaka doesn't live that far away. They didn't make arrangements to meet, with Jolt too? Kind of surprised Chaka hasn't called Hank (in between calling Rip).

I'm surprised Hank hasn't called Whateley after the weird way his family, except for Jay, are acting. Hank's seen enough of the ways that people can be affected by mental powers to be worried about how his family is acting. Lily probably should have been more proactive too, or her parents.

Some of Hank's behavior can be explained by the curse and Leanan Sidhe, but his families odd behavior seems to predate that, at least their exposure since it started out unsure as to what his family was.

I wonder if Jay has manifested with evil mind control powers?

To sum up, the part at school makes sense, except none of Team Kimba talking to Hank out of Nikki's earshot. That seemed odd, although Hank has always been portrayed as the solid base that the team is founded on. The part after he leaves Whateley is just surreal and no one seems to be acting normal. So it's like everything is seen in a Funhouse mirror.

Maybe part two will make this make sense.

I WISH TO EXACT FURIOUS VENGEANCE AGAINST ALL INVOLVED.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is good job?

Valentine wrote:

Phoenix Spiritus wrote:

Dreamer wrote:

elrodw wrote: Don't worry, Dreamer - this is part one of a tale. I've been working with PS on the next bits - he's got some good stuff planned but we had to work timing issues. It's gonna be good. I promise. Pinky-swear even.

Ah, thank you for that, elrod. Was worried about Hank, plus what is going on with Nikki and Team Kimba. But especially with Hank right now, know what it is like to be that depressed, to the point you think nothing matters. Was hard seeing Hank go through this, reminded me of how bad my own depression spiral got years ago. Which is why I can't wait to see him recover from it, even a little.

Apologies Dreamer, originally it was a single story but grew too large.

Yes, there is a second part.

I was going to say, because this leaves more questions than it answers.

Either Major Anderson is crappy at his job, or the Army is doing a crappy job. Major Anderson as Colonel Declan's Aide should be talking to his superiors about why he never knew about Hank, and the weird behavior surrounding the events at the testing. That's part of his job. While normally it could take the Army a while to process things, when you are dealing with prototypes and classified programs, the wheels turn a lot faster. It is possible that higher ups said "he's a mutant, just ignore it," but the odd behavior should have triggered an investigation.

I can understand Hank not calling most of his team, but Chaka doesn't live that far away. They didn't make arrangements to meet, with Jolt too? Kind of surprised Chaka hasn't called Hank (in between calling Rip).

I'm surprised Hank hasn't called Whateley after the weird way his family, except for Jay, are acting. Hank's seen enough of the ways that people can be affected by mental powers to be worried about how his family is acting. Lily probably should have been more proactive too, or her parents.

Some of Hank's behavior can be explained by the curse and Leanan Sidhe, but his families odd behavior seems to predate that, at least their exposure since it started out unsure as to what his family was.

I wonder if Jay has manifested with evil mind control powers?

To sum up, the part at school makes sense, except none of Team Kimba talking to Hank out of Nikki's earshot. That seemed odd, although Hank has always been portrayed as the solid base that the team is founded on. The part after he leaves Whateley is just surreal and no one seems to be acting normal. So it's like everything is seen in a Funhouse mirror.

Maybe part two will make this make sense.

I think you captured what I was thinking as I was reading. Hank's parents were acting strangely before the curse creature could even touch them. Jay's behavior I can understand, he's been a brat and a antagonist for a while. But both parents are behaving as though they were under some sort of compulsion spell they was messing with their perceptions. If that's the case, who could be responsible?
Its honestly hurt to read this story, sir. If that what you were aiming for, well done.

The question about why Hank doesn't call others is logical, but think of it this way - Team Kimba looks to be shattered. Who is on whose side? Is Toni more concerned with Fey? Look at the last scene of leaving Whateley - Fey was all buddy-buddy with everyone but Ayla and Hank. Is he SURE that he'd get support from them? And it seems Lily isn't as supportive as he expected.

As to whether there's a second part, look at it this way - we JUST brought PS into canon authorship. Do you honestly think we'd let someone pick up Hank's story only to kill him in the second one?

Personal note - I've asked PS as we reviewed this why he didn't have Hank get pissed and just fly back to Whateley. Hank's been a good little trooper, even when he was Hannah. Military family, expectations of father, etc. It probably doesn't occur to him. He's lived his entire life dealing with some of this with the attitude that he's supposed to find a way through it - no matter what.

Having personally put up with serious family bullshit of rejection and taken for granted and such, I DID leave a couple of times - and the second I almost didn't go home after. And they STILL didn't get a clue. So this story hit home as PS was writing it. And it gets better.

elrodw wrote: The question about why Hank doesn't call others is logical, but think of it this way - Team Kimba looks to be shattered. Who is on whose side? Is Toni more concerned with Fey? Look at the last scene of leaving Whateley - Fey was all buddy-buddy with everyone but Ayla and Hank. Is he SURE that he'd get support from them? And it seems Lily isn't as supportive as he expected.

As to whether there's a second part, look at it this way - we JUST brought PS into canon authorship. Do you honestly think we'd let someone pick up Hank's story only to kill him in the second one?

You, sure you'd do that to a new author. Look what you've done to your characters.

Personal note - I've asked PS as we reviewed this why he didn't have Hank get pissed and just fly back to Whateley. Hank's been a good little trooper, even when he was Hannah. Military family, expectations of father, etc. It probably doesn't occur to him. He's lived his entire life dealing with some of this with the attitude that he's supposed to find a way through it - no matter what.

Having personally put up with serious family bullshit of rejection and taken for granted and such, I DID leave a couple of times - and the second I almost didn't go home after. And they STILL didn't get a clue. So this story hit home as PS was writing it. And it gets better.

There were a couple of times I thought Hank might just fly off to anywhere.

The situation looks like a reversed Dark Hank Scenario, and I guess with all the "Don't go it alone" crap that Gunny, Caitlin, Sam, and being a military brat has drilled into him, he's trying to go it alone.

elrodw wrote: The question about why Hank doesn't call others is logical, but think of it this way - Team Kimba looks to be shattered. Who is on whose side? Is Toni more concerned with Fey? Look at the last scene of leaving Whateley - Fey was all buddy-buddy with everyone but Ayla and Hank. Is he SURE that he'd get support from them? And it seems Lily isn't as supportive as he expected.

As to whether there's a second part, look at it this way - we JUST brought PS into canon authorship. Do you honestly think we'd let someone pick up Hank's story only to kill him in the second one?

Personal note - I've asked PS as we reviewed this why he didn't have Hank get pissed and just fly back to Whateley. Hank's been a good little trooper, even when he was Hannah. Military family, expectations of father, etc. It probably doesn't occur to him. He's lived his entire life dealing with some of this with the attitude that he's supposed to find a way through it - no matter what.

Having personally put up with serious family bullshit of rejection and taken for granted and such, I DID leave a couple of times - and the second I almost didn't go home after. And they STILL didn't get a clue. So this story hit home as PS was writing it. And it gets better.

The reason Hank doesn't "Call Carson and run back to school" is that it just never occurs to him. Hank isn't at Whateley because he's an at risk mutant, he's at Whateley because it has a JROCT program and Hank is on a JROTC scholarship. The JROTC program is on summer recess, all his friends are elsewhere, why would Hank think to go back to Whateley?

As for why not call the other members of Team Kimba? Well, Hank doesn't want to be a burden, and it's not like his family is beating him. As a kid, the one it's happening too, from his point of view this is just 'family life'. It's not like Jade and her father beating her. It's not Ayla and his family throwing him out and sending him off to be experimented on (remember, Ayla still loves and defends his family, and they sent him off to a doctor who didn't care if his experiments killed him or not). It's not like Chou who's family was killed by a demon. It's not like half the kids at Whateley who have been thrown out or hounded from their homes. To Hank, he might not like it there, but that's no reason to run away.

Remember, for these kids, 'normal' is a whole different experience.

And no, I'm not defending Hank's family, just explaining why it never occurred to him to attempt to leave, or call anyone for "help". Even Lily only knew about things as she called him everyday and knows Hank so well.

Phoenix Spiritus wrote:

elrodw wrote: The question about why Hank doesn't call others is logical, but think of it this way - Team Kimba looks to be shattered. Who is on whose side? Is Toni more concerned with Fey? Look at the last scene of leaving Whateley - Fey was all buddy-buddy with everyone but Ayla and Hank. Is he SURE that he'd get support from them? And it seems Lily isn't as supportive as he expected.

As to whether there's a second part, look at it this way - we JUST brought PS into canon authorship. Do you honestly think we'd let someone pick up Hank's story only to kill him in the second one?

Personal note - I've asked PS as we reviewed this why he didn't have Hank get pissed and just fly back to Whateley. Hank's been a good little trooper, even when he was Hannah. Military family, expectations of father, etc. It probably doesn't occur to him. He's lived his entire life dealing with some of this with the attitude that he's supposed to find a way through it - no matter what.

Having personally put up with serious family bullshit of rejection and taken for granted and such, I DID leave a couple of times - and the second I almost didn't go home after. And they STILL didn't get a clue. So this story hit home as PS was writing it. And it gets better.

The reason Hank doesn't "Call Carson and run back to school" is that it just never occurs to him. Hank isn't at Whateley because he's an at risk mutant, he's at Whateley because it has a JROCT program and Hank is on a JROTC scholarship. The JROTC program is on summer recess, all his friends are elsewhere, why would Hank think to go back to Whateley?

As for why not call the other members of Team Kimba? Well, Hank doesn't want to be a burden, and it's not like his family is beating him. As a kid, the one it's happening too, from his point of view this is just 'family life'. It's not like Jade and her father beating her. It's not Ayla and his family throwing him out and sending him off to be experimented on (remember, Ayla still loves and defends his family, and they sent him off to a doctor who didn't care if his experiments killed him or not). It's not like Chou who's family was killed by a demon. It's not like half the kids at Whateley who have been thrown out or hounded from their homes. To Hank, he might not like it there, but that's no reason to run away.

Remember, for these kids, 'normal' is a whole different experience.

And no, I'm not defending Hank's family, just explaining why it never occurred to him to attempt to leave, or call anyone for "help". Even Lily only knew about things as she called him everyday and knows Hank so well.

Well as for the Ayla bit, that may change if he finds out any of them knew about the MCO disappearing people as more than just a hoax

Regarding the way Hank's family was acting before the Leanan had a chance to influence them, I don't think it's that strange. It's certainly not nice, but it feels pretty much par for the course based on what we saw of them previously. They don't really know how to deal with what has happened to Hank, so they're trying to forget or ignore the problem rather than address it directly. Hank being depressed isn't helping matters; they don't know how to react, and in his depression he isn't being proactive about helping them figure it out. In fact, he doesn't try to interact with them at all; he only reacts to what they do, and then minimally. Meanwhile, we're seeing the bulk of these scenes through Hank's increasingly warped perceptions as the Leanan Elrods him up. An objective bystander would probably describe their initial meeting, trip, and dinner as awkward and tense rather than negligent or hostile. It was only after the Leanan started sinking its hooks into the rest of the family that things got weird.

EDIT: Oh, and I doubt Jay has mind control powers. He's just The Youngest. The Youngest can get away with all sorts of shit that would have had The Eldest belted, even without a Leanan interfering.

I would suggest a couple of changes to the presentation of the story. First, I would suggest adding "(Part 1)" to the title, unless the "other part" being discussed has an entirely different title. Second, it would be a very good idea to put a Trigger Warning in the header.

Beyond a few minor editing issues, the story itself is well written. Unrelentingly dark, but well written. I look forward to the next part.

I'm one of those people who suffers from depression, I'm on meds for it but it has been between mild to severe since my early to mid teens. And I honestly don't like trigger warnings, you have to face these kind of things to help you deal with them and it is part of recovery. Knowing you aren't the only one going through something helps. True, things are dark for Hank and it is depressing but a trigger warning would ruin the story.

I agree with not using trigger warnings; I've had to deal with depression as well, and trigger warnings would allow one to just avoid dealing with it.

Second, when did "to Elrod" become a verb? And exactly what is its definition?

elrodw wrote: I agree with not using trigger warnings; I've had to deal with depression as well, and trigger warnings would allow one to just avoid dealing with it.

Second, when did "to Elrod" become a verb? And exactly what is its definition?

Whateley fandom dictionary (someone should make a thread named that)
To Elrod: To GLORIOUSLY take characters to very dark places, and cause them to grow as mushrooms grow, fed crap in said dark places.

Going to preface this post by saying: "Phoenix Spiritus, you are a DAMN good author with a gift for stirring up emotions in your readers whether they want them or not. You should be very proud of this story, and I hope to eventually be able to write things even half this good."

That said, this story was tough for me to read. Not in the sense that it was difficult to get through (on the contrary, I read it all through in one sitting), but in the sense that its decidedly dark tone and theme resonates with me all too well. I can't rightly say with any certainty if I've ever actually had depression or not (clinical or otherwise), but I can say that I've felt everything Hank is feeling in this story on a personal level. The fear, the loneliness, the despair, the feelings of uselessness and being unwanted. If that's what defines depression then I've definitely been there and wandered that lonely road on more than one occasion.

I'm definitely worried about Hank. He's been systematically isolated from any means of support, trapped in a situation that only pushes him deeper into his personal darkness and away from anyone who might be able to help him, and all because he was trying to do the right thing by trying to talk to and help Nikki. All because a selfish, slimy, black-hearted B!+<# feels the need to meddle with and destroy peoples' lives.

Lastly, I just want to say that this story highlights very well just how easy it is to miss someone who is falling into depression. This is most clearly seen with Lily, who does in fact know that Hank is having a tough time but simply doesn't know how seriously. It's also apparent with Major Anderson, who could tell right away something unusual was going on but got railroaded into not doing much about it. I feel like that scene at the demonstration could have ended very differently if he'd just gone and spoken with Hank rather than going to his mom first.

So yeah, a tough story to read, but it definitely has a lot of good meat on its bones. It gives me, and I presume just about any other reader, quite a lot to think about and reflect on, both in terms of how it advances the overall story of the WU and, perhaps more importantly, how we live our own lives interact with the people around us. A very fine work indeed.

mhalpern wrote: Whateley fandom dictionary (someone should make a thread named that)
To Elrod: To GLORIOUSLY take characters to very dark places, and cause them to grow as mushrooms grow, fed crap in said dark places.

Well...that's quite the metaphor there. That's got to be pretty high praise if you can make something that unpleasant sounding be a good thing.

NeoMagus wrote:

mhalpern wrote: Whateley fandom dictionary (someone should make a thread named that)
To Elrod: To GLORIOUSLY take characters to very dark places, and cause them to grow as mushrooms grow, fed crap in said dark places.

Well...that's quite the metaphor there. That's got to be pretty high praise if you can make something that unpleasant sounding be a good thing.

Its the growth thats the good thing, for example Kayda, not only do the Franks family live in a mutant un-friendly town, and the event that lead to burn out happened, but then there was the MCO problems in getting to whateley, the PTSD, the being framed for murder, Sara's essence, Snaky 1, the copies of the very personal picture of herself and Cornflower, and now recently her grandmother, and a bunch of other things that I missed, she grew as a character from all of that. So the metaphor fits...

mhalpern wrote: Its the growth thats the good thing, for example Kayda, not only do the Franks family live in a mutant un-friendly town, and the event that lead to burn out happened, but then there was the MCO problems in getting to whateley, the PTSD, the being framed for murder, Sara's essence, Snaky 1, the copies of the very personal picture of herself and Cornflower, and now recently her grandmother, and a bunch of other things that I missed, she grew as a character from all of that. So the metaphor fits...

Oh it definitely fits, I'm not arguing against that at all. It just strikes me as funny that a depiction of the growth of mushrooms can be accurately used to describe good writing.

NeoMagus wrote:

mhalpern wrote: Its the growth thats the good thing, for example Kayda, not only do the Franks family live in a mutant un-friendly town, and the event that lead to burn out happened, but then there was the MCO problems in getting to whateley, the PTSD, the being framed for murder, Sara's essence, Snaky 1, the copies of the very personal picture of herself and Cornflower, and now recently her grandmother, and a bunch of other things that I missed, she grew as a character from all of that. So the metaphor fits...

Oh it definitely fits, I'm not arguing against that at all. It just strikes me as funny that a depiction of the growth of mushrooms can be accurately used to describe good writing.

Well the torture claim doesn't work on the less extreme examples of Elrod's writing, for instance Danny is in a darker place with his fears of no longer being a "him" as it were, and he has to deal with teasing, and when he's happy he gets a reminder of his fears from his own purrs, but I would hardly call it torture.

Well... a few interesting points to ponder...

First... I wonder what exactly was Hekate's disguised as. Whoever it is, she had an excuse to be at the memorial service; but then, she is planning to come back in the fall. What sort of fake ID would allow it? Soon-to-manifest relative of one of the deceased security people, maybe? Well, maybe she will use a different ID in the fall... but then, why bother visiting Whateley now?

Second... we know that Nikki gets better (less angry) eventually: she seemed pretty well in North Dakota. Also, Hank mistaking some random redhead for her may be foreshadowing: we do know that she was in DC around... uh... let me check... the 26th, and probably back there (and in a much better mood, after retrieving the Seed) by early July. So, yes, they might meet. And Nikki might be key in figuring out the Leanan Sidhe's presence -- even if she doesn't figure out her own role in cursing Hank with it. But, as heir to the Queen of the West, she should have some influence over the Leanan.

Third... If (a) Hank had a less dysfunctional family, who, you know, permitted talking about stuff, and (b) he wasn't mired in depression, he might have considered his mother's self-contradicting behavior as something worrying... in the medical sense, and took his concerns to his father. Also, there are hints that Mom has been drinking (probably to numb the headaches induced by the Leanan's manipulations). But, between a cold, dysfunctional family, Hank's depression and magical influence, that's not going to happen.

OTOH... Lily should be getting back any day now. And, more importantly, with her mom. Now, Tabby may think that Hank needs to "work things out" with his family, but she's not stupid. Five minutes after meeting this family, she will notice that whatever they are, they are not normal.. And I very much doubt that Colonel Declan will be able to intimidate her -- as an experienced hero, she has met much scarier people and is still kicking butt and taking names. I think that the Declans will get a piece of Tabitha's mind, like it or not. Whether it will do any good is a different matter.

The Leanan appears to operate on a mostly emotional level, living in the present without being able to plan very far into the future; she seems to think that Lily getting out of touch for a few days is the same as Lily giving up on Hank. Boy, is she going to be surprised...

joreymay wrote: I would suggest a couple of changes to the presentation of the story. First, I would suggest adding "(Part 1)" to the title, unless the "other part" being discussed has an entirely different title.

Hi Joreymay, thank you for the comments.

The next part of the story does have a different title, its "Life's but a Walking Shadow"

I do not like this story. I do not like it when characters make poor choices based on negative emotions, and I like it even less when those choices are being maliciously influenced (by either lies or psychic powers, although psychic powers are worse). I find plots that could be solved by locking everyone in a room and not letting then out until they talk to each other irritating, and I dislike tragedies. All told, this is probably my least favorite Whateley story so far. But that should in no way be taken as a negative opinion of the quality of the story. And hopefully the sequel will alleviate some of the issues I have with it.

Are the jagged section breaks new? I can't recall noticing then before, but I'm not particularly observant. I like then a lot.



I think that this post is harsher than I want it to be. But the hour is late and the story is dark, so I'm not sure how to fix it.

While I liked the quality of the story, I'm afraid I didn't like the plot so much. Sorry.

I guess it may be because the plot works pretty much perfectly, everyone makes the appropriately foolish decisions to let it run along smoothly, and it does seem to need too much suspension of disbelief in the characters reactions. Of course suspension of disbelief is always necessary, but I'm afraid this pushed it too far for me.

After 30 years in engineering, I think I prefer settings where things go wrong (for both sides).

Arcanist Lupus wrote: Are the jagged section breaks new? I can't recall noticing then before, but I'm not particularly observant. I like then a lot.

It took me a while to figure out the meaning of the different sorts of break lines. Briefly:
- The straight gray lines are standard story breaks;
- The blue wavy ones frame (that is, come before and after) the Witch-formerly-known-as-Hekate's POV scenes;
- The jagged grey lines frame the Leanan Sidhe's POV scenes.

There are also differences in formatting, indentation and such to highlight TWFKAH's and Leanan's POV, dream scenes and flashback/despairing thoughts scenes. All of which required a bit of thought on my part to translate to the e-book format I use in my reading copy.

And, Astro, I don't think it is working as "perfectly" for the antagonists as you say. Yes, TWFKAH got lucky and found Fey in a particularly vulnerable moment, and fanned the flames of Nikki's already present anger; but, given the events of "The Best Days of Our Lives", she appears to eventually get over it, so it was a limited success at best. The one hit hardest was Hank, who was not even her target. As for the Leanan's plans, well, I think that there are a lot of things likely to go wrong with them. Mom is resisting the influence, which is making her behave oddly, which might get noticed; Lily and Tabby should come visiting soon; and (again from "Best Days") Fey is coming to DC for... some reason. It might be coincidental (spend a few days with Dad), but I doubt it will be inconsequential.

And, if Fey DOES figure out that she is responsible for the Leanan's presence, it may be just the kick in the pants she needs in order to start maturing and mending bridges.

I kind of like the story. It is well written but darker than I like.
The Leanan has been doing a lot of work to get Hank away from Lily. I hope to see it frustrated when Lily and her mom show up. In the back of my mind when TWFKAH hit Nikki whith that spell will she live long enough to regret it? a made queen is not good for life expediency.

I look forward to the next part.

I've refrained a bit from commenting, since I did a lot of review while this was being written. In many ways, it's no different than what we've seen done to other characters. Fey lost Unga Dunga. Billie was nearly suicidally-depressed after their first sim. Jade WAS suicidal when she lost her girl body. Kayda - well, y'all know where I've taken HER story.

As far a suspension of disbelief goes, I didn't find it any harder than most Whateley tales. Fey was in a depressed rage - still missing Unga Dunga, finds out that her 'friends' knew about it - getting pissed at Hank and Ayla? I've seen teen girls madder for less. When teens are like that, they tend to miss a LOT of what's going on around them, because they're so consumed with emotion.

As to Hank, he's always been an enigma. We knew from early bits that his manifestation was not pleasant - anything involving tanks shooting at you is not something you recall with great cheer and peels of laughter. We haven't seen INSIDE his head - until recently, and then we find out he's a lot more complex than we thought, and that his good-nature has been a facade to hide his inner pain.

I recognize that this story is NOT going to be everyone's cup of tea. After a particularly brutal bunch of commentary on one of my stories, though, I would ask you - if it isn't your thing, and you feel you must say something, PM the author instead of critiquing in public. It's easy to say something like "the writing is excellent, but I just couldn't get into the plot" on the forums, and then PM more detail. This is just a suggestion from me, not a criticism or attack on anyone's commentary. But since we've lost writers to criticism before, please be careful. Remember the maxim of managing people - "praise in public, critique in private".

I maintain the same position about trigger warnings as I did the last time they came up - that a good story will telegraph its emotional tone early enough that someone who is significantly affected by it can identify it and get out before it causes them unintentional/overwhelming distress. A trigger warning is therefore a crutch that sufficiently polished stories (like this one and All the King's Horses before it) do not need.

Wow! I'm glad to see another Team Kimba (member) story, and especially a Lancer one, but this was seriously dark. And the fact it isn't labelled "part 1" left some confusion about where it was going. Since we now know the next part has a different tittle, that is cleared up, but I might have had a tag on the end "continued in 'Life's but a Walking Shadow'". Just a suggestion.
I am looking forward to the next one, but I hope it won't be this dark.
Although since Elrod is involved it may be, considering how long he kept Kayla there.
Still, the story was well written. As I said, looking forward to the next one.

amratner wrote: Wow! I'm glad to see another Team Kimba (member) story, and especially a Lancer one, but this was seriously dark. And the fact it isn't labelled "part 1" left some confusion about where it was going. Since we now know the next part has a different tittle, that is cleared up, but I might have had a tag on the end "continued in 'Life's but a Walking Shadow'". Just a suggestion.

While I was writing this I wavered back and forth multiple times. As I said before, it started as a single story, and it went dark and then the rest happened (not spoiling). Then it got too large and I had to break it into two.

Now, all that anxiety, all that angst is meant to be there, I want you to feel that. Calling it "Part one", or setting a "to be continued" cut that dread, almost erased it. All the impact of the events would be destroyed, so eventually I went with the option I did, two stories, two titles, as the best compromise that kept the integrity of the story.

Also, while I could have chosen to stop elsewhere, there isn't really any other good alternative stop points. In this story, this is the first time I could have ended it. In the next story, it starts immediately with a plot point I want revealed and resolved within the same story part, so this is the break point we have, and I'm aware of how horrible it is as a break point, but circumstances dictate.

I am looking forward to the next one, but I hope it won't be this dark.

Umm, its resolving this story, these circumstances. The bleakness of this story will be cut, but it will hardly be sweetness and light. Sorry, I hate bleak stories too, unfortunately, this is the arc Hank was on from the stories preceding my arrival as a writer for him, and I believe people would prefer me to complete Hank's current arc, rather then sharp turning it in the middle.

I promise resolution and closure of this arc in the next story.

Beyond all of the concerns for Hank, and resolving this situation regarding the Leanan Sidhe and TWFKAH, my thoughts dwell on Lily and what these events mean for her.

Notably, the dreaded thought that she might realise how much of an anchor she was to Hank recently and what she might think if she were to discover all the missed calls. When she finds him not answering in kind, might she fear the worst?

I kind of doubt it, but is there any chance we could sic the Leanan on the Calibans bothering Diamondback, or vis versa? That would be lots of fun.

On the one hand, this Leanen is invisible / undetectable to baselines, and may not be immediately obvious to many magic users.

On the other hand, her actions are limited to interfering with people's dreams, and she seems to require close proximity to people to act, which are limiting factors. Her acting upon dreams may make her visible (either directly or indirectly) in the astral plane, while being a form of Sidhe indicates there's likely to be a subset of Sidhe-type mutants who'll be able to detect her.

Meanwhile, with TWFKAH on campus during the summer break, there aren't going to be many students around, although it's remotely possible that if she encountered Circe, Circe might detect something off about her (but not precisely what). But heading slightly into the future, if Freya and jailbirds decided to invade campus while TWFKAH was there, it could create potential for some interesting scenes. Even more so if Dr. B gets a 'feel' for Sara while writing the one tale she currently has planned and feels able to contribute beyond Sara's rescue from the underside of an anonymous lab bench.

As for detecting and dealing with TWFKAH (either legally, or, more likely, through mechanisms that involve plausible deniability given her knowledge of the darker aspects of Mythos magic could potentially render almost any means of containment, including the Black Zone of ARC, useless), that's likely to be an ongoing arc throughout the 2007-08 academic year.
(Or, on the exceedingly unlikely front, has a Close Encounter of the Seraphim Halo Kind and consequent Road to Damascus Moment - a free idea if anyone's sufficiently deluded / inebriated to write it up as a WhatIF micro-scene).

OK, this took me a while to read because it hit close to home. I've been through what Hank is going through with my Ex, so at points I was seriously thinking about the best ways to murder his family.
Even before the curse/parasite got to them that family deserved a beating. No pictures at all even from Whateley, not telling anyone they have a second son, no saying on the first night "Hey dear, we've got all these things lined up won't it be fun?" Not even a hug.
ARGH!!!
At least make it a clean break and disown the child if you're going to be like that.

Having said that, it was well written. I can read most things and keep myself nicely detached, but this not a chance. That takes real skill.
And I thought it was cut at exactly the right place. Hank is at his lowest, there is a glimmer of hope with Lily and her Mom coming, but the memories and the repeated attempts at calling are yanking out the heartstrings and strangling the reader.

I can also see why he might not call the Kimba's and let them know what's going on. He's almost always been the rock for them, and even the stuff with Jamie, he was more intent on solving the problem than crying about it (even though he really needed a good cry). So his personalty is telling him he can deal with all the crap, his curse is pushing him away from any source of help, and depression is doing its fun and happy thing with him.
So Jesus that was hard to read, but that is definitely not a criticism.

OK, time to go and top it in a story.

It has taken me a while to put into words what bothered me about this story, but I think I have it. When Fey's emotions get tampered with, she responds with

"You ... you ... Human!"

This indicates a level of racism or race division that has not been present before in her. It indicates an immediate separation of herself from "humanity", but such a separation would have to be preceded by many events to be so ingrained that it came out unplanned in a moment of rage (albeit encouraged rage). Normally such types of prejudice is deep-seated and long-standing - I speak from experience being around people who still do this at times despite living in a multi-racial society.

That was the one big thing that to me felt totally out of character. Even as recently as February 2007 she was calling her father "Daddy", and now in June in a moment of magically-heightened rage she immediately separates herself from humanity? I understand that Aunghadhail died, but in no way does one become so racist in 3 months.

Calling her father daddy does not imply that she likes his species. It only implies that he is family and she still has some positive feelings toward him. And feelings can be complex. I love my grandma and still call her Nana even though she's a homophobic islamophobic halloweenophobic nutjob who thinks satanic cults are binding demons into pokemon cards to possess children. I can hate psycho-fundies and love my psycho-fundie grandma at the same time.

It's also important to remember that Aunghadhail was in her head for nearly two years, and there was some memory transfer as well. So she's certainly been exposed to the idea that she is not human, and many of the problems humans have will have been standing out to her (Aung would have been pointing them out, and she'd be starting to notice on her own as well). She has also been aware for a while that other Sidhe have been popping up and that she wants to help them. Now take all that and put it in a context where, while she's trying to grieve the loss of a close mentor, Hank starts forcing a stupid false dichotomy on her, trying to make her abandon her Sidhe heritage. He is the one who brought up race and started trying to force her to choose humans or Sidhe. Which, incidentally, is an extremely human behavior pattern -- "You're either with us or against us!"

Also, when people are upset they may say things they don't really believe, because they are going for what hurts more.

Kettlekorn wrote: It's also important to remember that Aunghadhail was in her head for nearly two years, and there was some memory transfer as well. So she's certainly been exposed to the idea that she is not human, and many of the problems humans have will have been standing out to her (Aung would have been pointing them out, and she'd be starting to notice on her own as well).

In point of fact, recall this little gem from Whilst Any Speaks...

Finally, nearly a mile underground, the lift came to a stop and the doors opened. Save for the lack of windows, it might have been any hospital above ground. There weren't as many nurses or patients wandering about as you might expect, but the air was heavy with the smells of disinfectant and chemicals. Nikki couldn't imagine an environment less suited to healing.

Tell me once more, Child, how far humanity has 'advanced', sniffed Aunghadhail in disdain.

Kettlekorn wrote: Calling her father daddy does not imply that she likes his species. It only implies that he is family and she still has some positive feelings toward him. And feelings can be complex.

I agree to some extent. However, this would definitely colour all her interactions with her father as well. Yet if you look at her speech patterns and interaction with him, no disdain of any kind for humanity (or his being human or suffering from human failings) is evident, even in unguarded moments.

Kettlekorn wrote: I love my grandma and still call her Nana even though she's a homophobic islamophobic halloweenophobic nutjob who thinks satanic cults are binding demons into pokemon cards to possess children. I can hate psycho-fundies and love my psycho-fundie grandma at the same time.

Sir Lee wrote: Also, when people are upset they may say things they don't really believe, because they are going for what hurts more.

The persons I was referring to were loved and respected elders around me. I hear things from them like "you think like a black person" which they perceive as an insult for God's sake. I can hate racism, and love them, but I still hate their policies - hate the sin and not the sinner. Nikki's outburst falls into the category of my elders saying something like "you.... black person!" - hate the 'sin' and the 'sinner'. No non-prejudiced person would say such a thing even when desiring to cause the worst hurt.

Kettlekorn wrote: It's also important to remember that Aunghadhail was in her head for nearly two years, and there was some memory transfer as well.

Memory transfer is one thing; personality transfer is quite another thing entirely. What we are talking about here seems to me to be personality transfer, as Aunghadhail was always dismissive of humanity as a "lesser species" while Nikki never was.

Kettlekorn wrote: She has also been aware for a while that other Sidhe have been popping up and that she wants to help them. Now take all that and put it in a context where, while she's trying to grieve the loss of a close mentor, Hank starts forcing a stupid false dichotomy on her, trying to make her abandon her Sidhe heritage. He is the one who brought up race and started trying to force her to choose humans or Sidhe. Which, incidentally, is an extremely human behavior pattern -- "You're either with us or against us!"

And she did recognise that he was wrong. She even argued with him just three sentences before that "it doesn't have to be that way". One second she was trying to reason with her friend (whom she loved enough to allow him to hold her tight), and then she unbelievably switches in a heartbeat.

Anyway apologies if I come across as being pedantic. My whole intention was just to bring up a motivation that to me felt out of place. The whole piece was far too maudlin for me, but it was well-written, and so well-done to the author.

Ahimsa wrote: Nikki's outburst falls into the category of my elders saying something like "you.... black person!" - hate the 'sin' and the 'sinner'. No non-prejudiced person would say such a thing even when desiring to cause the worst hurt.

That may apply to you, but it does not apply in general.

Ahimsa wrote: One second she was trying to reason with her friend (whom she loved enough to allow him to hold her tight), and then she unbelievably switches in a heartbeat.

Speaking as somebody who has had to deal with large amounts of anger before, this did not seem unrealistic to me. It's not unlike depression; you can hide it and appear normal, and even feel normal for short bursts, but it's all sitting there smoldering just under the surface, biding its time. Give it just a scrap of fuel, and it can go from coals to a firestorm in a heartbeat, even toward somebody you care about. Especially when you're also feeling large amounts of grief, which is a very volatile emotion. Imagine that you see somebody who is soaking wet and shivering. The last thing you expect is for them to burst into flame. Gasoline seems a lot like water until you introduce a spark.

We do not know just what spell was used on Nikki. I suspect it is playing a part on her reaction to people.

Kettlekorn wrote:

Ahimsa wrote: Nikki's outburst falls into the category of my elders saying something like "you.... black person!" - hate the 'sin' and the 'sinner'. No non-prejudiced person would say such a thing even when desiring to cause the worst hurt.

That may apply to you, but it does not apply in general.

Actually, it does apply in general. The users of racial epithets only use them because they really do believe what they are saying; it is never a throw away sentiment to them, but a deep seated conviction.

However, I do believe that we are getting side-tracked from the story here. The author can resolve all this at his/her leisure with any plot device, making all this discussion moot, and so I will just say thank you for your kind responses, and let us move on to brighter and better things.

Ahimsa wrote:

Kettlekorn wrote:

Ahimsa wrote: Nikki's outburst falls into the category of my elders saying something like "you.... black person!" - hate the 'sin' and the 'sinner'. No non-prejudiced person would say such a thing even when desiring to cause the worst hurt.

That may apply to you, but it does not apply in general.

Actually, it does apply in general. The users of racial epithets only use them because they really do believe what they are saying; it is never a throw away sentiment to them, but a deep seated conviction.

If there is one thing I've learned by reading Whateley stories, it's that people are different, sometimes far more so than I'd expect. It may seem unfathomable to you that somebody could say prejudicial things without being prejudiced, but they can. I've seen it done, and it's not hard to imagine scenarios where I could end up doing it myself. But yeah, we're getting sidetracked.

Oooh, and now the next story's up! Time to finish catching up on the forum, then I can go find out if Lily shows up in time to give Hank a good solid shove off the pier in a misguided attempt to cheer him up!

Ahimsa wrote: It has taken me a while to put into words what bothered me about this story, but I think I have it. When Fey's emotions get tampered with, she responds with

"You ... you ... Human!"

This indicates a level of racism or race division that has not been present before in her. It indicates an immediate separation of herself from "humanity", but such a separation would have to be preceded by many events to be so ingrained that it came out unplanned in a moment of rage (albeit encouraged rage). Normally such types of prejudice is deep-seated and long-standing - I speak from experience being around people who still do this at times despite living in a multi-racial society.

That was the one big thing that to me felt totally out of character. Even as recently as February 2007 she was calling her father "Daddy", and now in June in a moment of magically-heightened rage she immediately separates herself from humanity? I understand that Aunghadhail died, but in no way does one become so racist in 3 months.

OK, the next part is up and I'm no longer spoilering it, so I can respond.

This isn't about Hank, this is about Nikki, not as in "Nikki is racist", but as in Nikki is struggling with who she is, what she is, what being Sidhe means.

With the death of Aunghadhail she's trying to embrace her Sidhe heritege, and is struggling with her humanity and how Aunghadhail viewed it, and then everyone started trying to make her reject Aunghadhail, reject being Sidhe (from her flawed perspective), and then TWFKAH pushed her already volatile temper all the way to 'snap, crackle and pop' and it all came out in a verbal torrent directed at Hank.

Just remember, at least part of that torrent is actually directed at herself, Hank's just a handy target to lash out at.

Phoenix Spiritus wrote: OK, the next part is up and I'm no longer spoilering it, so I can respond.

I must admit, I was quite surprised when the part that I had a disagreement with turned out to be a major part of the next story

Let me just chalk up my disagreement to living in a completely different country with different attitudes, and leave it at that. Keep up the good work, but a humble request: please, less crying next time?

Ahimsa wrote: Keep up the good work, but a humble request: please, less crying next time?

Less ... crying ...

I think my WhatIF story has less crying in it

You've got me and Phoenix Spiritus writing, and you want LESS angst? LESS ANGST? Do you think we're even CAPABLE of that?

Excuse me while I roll on the floor laughing for a while.

elrodw wrote: You've got me and Phoenix Spiritus writing, and you want LESS angst? LESS ANGST? Do you think we're even CAPABLE of that?

Excuse me while I roll on the floor laughing for a while.

Actually I think its more like neither of you understand the concept...

Kristin Darken wrote: They understand it just fine. But seriously... have you seen that OTHER look? The "I'm plotting something so devious and messed up that you will wish Dom were back writing canon stories because at least then human emotions would be capable of encompassing the horror of what they're going to do to these characters" look? Because I'm pretty sure I'll take stories that make me cry over the ones they're writing when THOSE looks are on their faces.

Please say they haven't gotten that OTHER look on their faces recently, I don't want to think of the nightmares the poor characters might go through if they have. Or to the ones the readers might have either.

Umm,

I think Kristin mistook me for E. E. Nalley. I Promise, I've never had that look, nor done anything other then make Kristin cry once ... maybe twice.

Kristin Darken wrote: They understand it just fine. But seriously... have you seen that OTHER look? The "I'm plotting something so devious and messed up that you will wish Dom were back writing canon stories because at least then human emotions would be capable of encompassing the horror of what they're going to do to these characters" look? Because I'm pretty sure I'll take stories that make me cry over the ones they're writing when THOSE looks are on their faces.

Well you'll be happy then, I've got a few in the pipeline just waiting for me to get home and back at my computer, and a few that are just waiting for the appropriate time. One of which had three beta readers crying or almost crying, and a few more where Neo called me sadistic.