Question You know you're sick when

still recovering from a monstrous cold or flu my daughter gave me. And I came to some realizations as i laid in bed on the edge of death yesterday. Feel free to add your own.

You know you're really sick when:

-You spend twenty minutes painstakingly writing and editing a post about how sick you are, and just as you're about to post it, you realize you're eyes are closed, you're still in bed and your tablet is on the other side of the room.

-You start thinking you have super powers because the dust motes look really big and you think you're moving them with your mind.

-Breathing through your nose causes intense stabbing pains behind your eyes, but you're happy because you can actually breathe again.

-You consider turning on the oven and crawling inside a viable option to warm up.

-You're lying down in a nice warm bed, when you realize that the pillow is really hard. Then you realize you're in the shower.

you dream up a very invigorating scenario only to curse at yourself because you can't type as fast as you wished onto the paper you should have been writing on.

You look at a ball and see it split in half revealing the wiring to a bomb that you have to deactivate only to fall onto the floor having fallen out of the top bunk bed. (Yes it happened to me.)

You swear to God that you saw your friends walking on the ceiling as you were lying in bed.

You take a hot bath yelling at your wife to throw in some lava as it was still to cold.

While in the Army I went to what we call sick call. As they had certain hours, I was required to go at a certain time. This was when they were trying to alleviate some of their backups.

Those in the office I worked in all knew I was sick and even the Col I worked for asked why I didn't stay in my room until such time. It was just who I was and years of not complaining. Next door to that office was the head office for the whole post for medical personnel. Yeah I was in the major headquarters for the post.

Anyway I go to sickcall and as I'm sitting there I can see all who come and go along with the Officer and staff who manned the front. My eyes sit a little farther in so if I just close my eyes a little it looks like I'm asleep.

I had yet to have my vitals taken. As I'm sick I'm just leaning back when the OIC comes up to me, bitching me out for sleeping. As I generally loose my bearings when sick I informed him that I had not been sleeping and I saw him come up along with several others who walked in. He cared not to believe it and said I was to leave his facility premises and if I was that sick I should have gone to the hospital. Now for those uninitiated those at the hospital would ask why a soldier didn't go to sickcall and I told him so. He had no response.

As I was leaving, in a very slow walk, I might add, the NCOIC complained I should have been reading up on my skill level and that I was just trying to get out of duty. I looked at him and asked, "If I was dead should I have been reading it then? And if I wasn't sick why would I even try to go on sickcall in the first place." I was an E-6 Staff Sergeant at the time, and I could barely walk in and out of the facility.

As I made it back to my barracks, which wasn't far, I stopped off first to report to the 1st Sergeant. One look at me and he knew I was sick. He knew me enough to know I don't play the sickcall game and called the office I was in and was told go to my bunk. I went back to sickcall the next day and neither the officer or NCOIC were there. I was called in and I still had a temp of about 103-104 F. The doctor asked why I waited so long and I explained (he was a civilian) and nodded in understanding.

When I was well enough I made a complaint to the officers next door who had a sympathetic ear but explained it was the company in charge who made the policies for each of the med stations, but from what I took away he would give them a call as a reminder on what constitutes a sick person.

Sorry if I took away from you Dom, but I thought of this and how you feel about being sick.

You stare at the clock all day, not because there is nothing else to look at or do, but because someone it playing tricks on you and winding it backwards and forwards and you want to catch them at it.

You seriously can't remember if your father is dead or not. Half the time when you wake up you can't remember if it was a dream you were talking to him, or if it was a dream that you burried him.

You stare at the ceiling and eventually after thirty or so minutes work out you are in Singapore because none of your family is here. Then you wake up and do it again as you can't work out if you were talking to them today or not, you can remember both being true.

Turtles fly is a article of faith as you where just talking to a nice one named George before he had to fly to work.

It puzzles you that you have a right hand. You don't know why it puzzles you, but it does.

Your name, age, job and current location are items of debate and wonderment.

Ib12us wrote:
Sorry if I took away from you Dom, but I thought of this and how you feel about being sick.

No problem. I was hoping for things like this.

A power drill is a good idea to empty your sinuses.

When you pray for Death, and Death says 'No way am I getting close to you!'

When you've drunk so much orange juice your kidneys think they are in Florida.

When you're so desperate to get better that a 50/50 mix of Buckley's and OJ heated in the microwave for 20 seconds is a good idea.

When work calls you and says 'Don't come in we want you to get better.'

When at 3am you're hallucinating about hallucinating.

After a nasty hellish week and weekend, you finally drag yourself to work on Monday only to be told when you arrive that it's Thursday and you should really go home.

The makers of Ny-Quil tell you that you aren't covered under the warranty.

The police pull you over for driving erratically and you tell the officer that you can't breathe so you're chasing the oxygen.

The cat won't bother you, no matter how empty the food dish is or how full the litter tray is.

The last you remember is saying 'I'm feeling better' then waking up in an ambulance.

You swear the sheets are made from sandpaper, but there are no sheets.

The toilette has tape wrapped around it with word 'Condemned'.

Face down in the toilette you suddenly wonder if that fuzzy felling at the back of your throat is your asshole.

Your right hand has a confrontation with the left hand and the neck tries to intervene. All you could remember is that it had something to do with which one was favored the most.

You watch as your clothes fold themselves after having undressed and then have your pajamas dance to you as you crawl back in bed.

Your kids yell at you that you need to feed them, not caring how sick you are. After cooking dinner (microwavable in a convection oven) and putting it out with a fire extinguisher you agree to pizza.

Your legs feel more alive than your head.

(Kidney Stone) As you stand in the shower you realize you're peeing blood and the only coherent thought you can make is how pretty the pattern is.

Domoviye wrote: -You spend twenty minutes painstakingly writing and editing a post about how sick you are, and just as you're about to post it, you realize you're eyes are closed, you're still in bed and your tablet is on the other side of the room.

I've done this when I've been really tired. And then kicked myself later because I couldn't remember what it was I wanted to write when I was feeling wide awake.

You typed up a magnificent scene only to find that when you relooked at it later you couldn't understand the gibberish that was there.

You are comforted by your cat and dog only to realize later that you never owned one.

You spent time to clean house only to find that it was all a dream for when you awoke it was still in the same manner it was before you were sick.

Domoviye wrote: (Kidney Stone) As you stand in the shower you realize you're peeing blood and the only coherent thought you can make is how pretty the pattern is.

Why did I know someone was going to mention kidney stones?
Had 5. last was 16mm x 11 mm.

You know you're having a kidney stone when you think that an agonizing death in a Star Trek agonizer booth would be an improvement.

Distraction - true story. Had one stone, ended up going to the ER. They couldn't give me anything until they got the paperwork done - which they weren't working on. I was there 4 FREAKIN' HOURS in agony, lying on the floor because it was the only place I could get half comfortable. Wife kept nagging and nagging - and their response was "we'll get to him when we can - we're busy. And we can't give him anything until a doctor sees him." Busy? yeah. waiting room full of uninsured Hispanic people with stubbed toes and little cuts on the finger - and they got in with no freakin' wait.

Asked my wife to make a call to my regular GP, and he said come over; he'd work me in somehow. I got up (very painfully), screamed bloody murder at them and made a big scene, then told my wife LOUDLY that "I'm not going to stick around this place if they're going to ignore patients in obvious pain, and we were very fucking lucky it wasn't a fucking heart attack because I'd have died on the waiting room floor." Then I started hobbling out. They suddenly were VERY interested in my well-being. At which point I rather loudly screamed at them, "It's about fucking time - I only had to lie on the floor in agony for 4 FUCKING HOURS! You can bet your ass I'll file a complaint!" And yes, I swore at them - A LOT. My wife was embarrassed, but after the fact, I told her that only by making a scene did I get their attention, so if I scared off some people, they EARNED it.

My regular doc got me worked in, I got a shot of toridol, and within 5 minutes I was asleep and pain free.

And I DID file complaints - with the ER, with their owning corp, with BBB, with the state board.

elrodw wrote:

Domoviye wrote: (Kidney Stone) As you stand in the shower you realize you're peeing blood and the only coherent thought you can make is how pretty the pattern is.

Why did I know someone was going to mention kidney stones?
Had 5. last was 16mm x 11 mm.

You know you're having a kidney stone when you think that an agonizing death in a Star Trek agonizer booth would be an improvement.

Distraction - true story. Had one stone, ended up going to the ER. They couldn't give me anything until they got the paperwork done - which they weren't working on. I was there 4 FREAKIN' HOURS in agony, lying on the floor because it was the only place I could get half comfortable. Wife kept nagging and nagging - and their response was "we'll get to him when we can - we're busy. And we can't give him anything until a doctor sees him." Busy? yeah. waiting room full of uninsured Hispanic people with stubbed toes and little cuts on the finger - and they got in with no freakin' wait.

Asked my wife to make a call to my regular GP, and he said come over; he'd work me in somehow. I got up (very painfully), screamed bloody murder at them and made a big scene, then told my wife LOUDLY that "I'm not going to stick around this place if they're going to ignore patients in obvious pain, and we were very fucking lucky it wasn't a fucking heart attack because I'd have died on the waiting room floor." Then I started hobbling out. They suddenly were VERY interested in my well-being. At which point I rather loudly screamed at them, "It's about fucking time - I only had to lie on the floor in agony for 4 FUCKING HOURS! You can bet your ass I'll file a complaint!" And yes, I swore at them - A LOT. My wife was embarrassed, but after the fact, I told her that only by making a scene did I get their attention, so if I scared off some people, they EARNED it.

My regular doc got me worked in, I got a shot of toridol, and within 5 minutes I was asleep and pain free.

And I DID file complaints - with the ER, with their owning corp, with BBB, with the state board.

Don't ever let that man get stoned.

elrodw wrote:

Domoviye wrote: (Kidney Stone) As you stand in the shower you realize you're peeing blood and the only coherent thought you can make is how pretty the pattern is.

Why did I know someone was going to mention kidney stones?
Had 5. last was 16mm x 11 mm.

I hope some people were fired after all of that Elrod.

First time I had a kidney stone, I was in China and had no idea what the heck was going on. The hour long bus ride to work kept getting more uncomfortable, went to the school cafeteria to eat some breakfast hoping that would make me feel better, and the pain became agonizing. As I was limping out two of my students came over to say hello. I somehow asked politely to be taken to the school infirmary.
Once there the nurse gave me an IV full of painkiller.
She missed the vein.
The pain didn't go down, but my hand began to swell and I was really light headed.
An hour of agony later they drove me back into the city to a hospital at which point the pain killer was being absorbed by my body.
The two students stuck with me the whole time acting as translators. At the end of the term I made sure they got an extra 10% on their final grade.

Funny thing with the first one (if you can find a funny spot) - they had to pull it down out of my urethra, which kind of tore that up, so it was bleeding. red urine. then as it diluted, it got orange-ish and then regular yellow. Then I got methylene blue to help calm the thing, and with the yellow, it looked green. More fluids diluted my urine, so it turned blue, then something irritated the lining and it started bleeding again, so it was purple.

I was peeing a rainbow

Color-change urine went on for a day and a half. "Oooh - what color have we got this time?"

ill jump on this band wagon!

I was working at a hollywood rental house that does entertainment rentals and its a famous one that was around for decades! began with a 'O' and a 'N' at the end I bet Kristin knows it!

Well on my very first week of working in that hell hole! the lead admin in the office told me "You will get sick in about a week or so and want to die...then you will be fine! Everybody her has done it!"

What?!

Well about 10 days later! there I was in bed covered in 2 down comforters and had the heat on in the house at 95! I kid not shivering like mad...mom was thinking to get ambulance for me! But 6 hours later? nothing, I felt FINE

for the next 12 moths or so. No colds at all! what ever it was, drove all germs form my body and chased off the rest in fear!

I hated that place as well known as it was! I had heard of it all during my high school days and read its catalogs all the time thinking it was cool!
but it was run by the cheapest B%&#ch ever!
She ran it into the ground! You had to, when pulling gear...find said gear...move the RAT that was siting on it.. grab gear...move RAT back and say sorry to it!

You realize that you aren't sleeping all the time because you're tired, you're sleeping all the time due to lack of oxygen making you tired. Then you fall asleep again, and forget all about it.

I got an old union brain teaser for ya Kristin!

how many union people, would it take to film this one scene?

Live theater with 50 person audience
1 'talent' that walks onto the stage,
then says 'plant' while pointing at a "live' plant on a small table,
with one 'real' lit candle,
then 1 small decorative lamp lighting it for 'look'
add one 'green' screen to add in EFX later.

in full film (no digital crap) and the stage has its own sound and lights!

my buddies and I have gone well over 200 on this!

elrodw wrote: Funny thing with the first one (if you can find a funny spot) - they had to pull it down out of my urethra, which kind of tore that up, so it was bleeding. red urine. then as it diluted, it got orange-ish and then regular yellow. Then I got methylene blue to help calm the thing, and with the yellow, it looked green. More fluids diluted my urine, so it turned blue, then something irritated the lining and it started bleeding again, so it was purple.

I was peeing a rainbow

Color-change urine went on for a day and a half. "Oooh - what color have we got this time?"

I don't want to find the end of that rainbow.

You know your sick when:
(Friend's reactions to my statements)

You lose your sense of humour.
(You have a sense of humour? Please note not a joke)

You stop being able to do math as fast as a calculator.
(Stop bragging)

You are no longer able to effectively rationalize going to school to your mother.
(You want to go to school? Of course you do!)

Kristin Darken wrote:

lighttech wrote: move RAT back and say sorry to it!

Very important step. You do NOT piss off these rats. They're unionized rats. And they're f'ing serious about protocol.


Although, to be fair, I'm not sure which scare me more... those rats... or the seagulls at the shipyard in Bremerton. Also union. But with security clearances.

Seagulls are scary.

Seagulls around where I worked many years ago had the whole crew worried. There were a bunch of fast food restaurants nearby, this was about the time that Bovine Growth Hormone was in the news I think. Anyways I noticed that the gulls in addition to growing in number were getting bigger, as in BIG and BUFF, the little guy on our crew, Sean, came in saying that a few didn't run from him that night, in fact they seemed to sizing him up. So I looked out and I swear several of these things not only were huge but had muscles on their legs. As in those drumsticks could feed a family of four. Supervisor found us debating the merits of 7.62mm vs. 12 gauge as an anti-gull weapon. (I wanted 40mm Bofors, damm things kept crapping on my car, 'sides ain't no kill like overkill)

~Archangel~ wrote: (I wanted 40mm Bofors, damm things kept crapping on my car, 'sides ain't no kill like overkill)

You know you're sick when you've got rusty water leaking from both ends of your body.

Yeah and both my pipes constantly leak also.