×
Similar to the main general chat... but let's keep this limited to topics directly relating to writing and Independent Fiction.
Posting rules: Any registered member can create or post to a thread.
Posting rules: Any registered member can create or post to a thread.
Question Interest Check: Dead Girl walking
8 years 11 months ago #1
by Wyverntamer
Posts:
43
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
Unknown
Two things you need to know about me:
One, I'm not my characters, no matter how much I may sometimes act like them;
Two, I really like watching thunderstorms from inside the house, reading, gaming and sleeping.
- Wyverntamer
-
Topic Author
A/N I wanted to see who would be interested in this story idea, so I thought I'd make a quick draft of the first chapter. I have not yet thought of a name, so any name used in this Topic will be a placeholder. ENJOY!
(And I might not get to finishing this until way later than when I am writing this, since I am still catching up with the main timelines. I was afraid I would lose the idea, as I have done more than once)
Hello, I am Gracie, and I should be dead... No, that didn't work, backspace again. The girl at the laptop thought to herself as she pressed the backspace and deleted her writing. She had been drafting up introductionary texts like these ever since that day. She sighed and swirled around in her chair. Why did she have to have such anxiety problems? At school she could be as normal as they allowed her to be, but she was a perfectionista, and she wouldn't call that 'Whateley Academy' untill she had the perfect way to introduce herself.
Hello, this is Gracie speaking. I got this number from an acqaintance who said that he had once been a student at Whateley. My powers are that I can't die, I have been hit by a train and survived, and while that is not that unlikely, it is unlikely that I now have my legs, which were torn off due to the way the train hit me. There, that was good, she would call the school, that should be enough to get me a place at that school.
She dialed up the number and was answered by a woman who sounded really tired. Oops, she hadn't taken the time difference into account. "Whateley administration, how can I help you?" She answered, a bit embarrassed. "Hello, this is Gracie speaking. I got this number from an acqaintance, who said that he had once studied at Whateley."
The woman on the other line sighed. "Why are you calling me at this time though? You know what time it is?" Gracie was embarrased all the way to hell. "No, I am calling from somewhere else, I think I should have first looked at the time zone you were in, anyway, I got this number from some guy calling himself Krachtbron, Powersource, pretty lame, but he gave me this number due to the fact that..."
The woman sighed at the name Kracthbron. "He's still alive? I thought he'd died long ago, damn shame that he gave you this number, that means that he wants you to be his enemy. And it's about half past five here, so could you please make it quick? Why would he give you this number?" Gracie looked at the clock, the minutes were right, she'd really need to get a new clock with a pointer for the hours though. "Well, the thing is, I was hit by a train, and my legs were torn off."
Gracie shuddered when she thought of it, it was not the best experience. "Go on" the woman at the other side of the line said, her interest was definitely peaked. "So yeah, my legs were torn off, and my body finally left the front of the train, and I felt a pull, I looked at where my legs were supposed to be and saw a very vague green beam of light coming from the stumps, and no blood, then, when the green beam of light was very strong, tentacles came out of the stumps and begin 'climbing' over the beam, and after a while, another layer, and then a few more, and I found myself being pulled with it, and appearantly towards my legs, since I passed out from the fear but awoke a few minutes later and saw that I was where I was hit by the train and a person was holding me while my friends stood next to him."
Gracie stopped when she realised she had spoken that all without ever breathing in once and took a deep breath. "He gave me this card and it had been signed by 'Krachtbron', so I assumed that was him, then he left. I could still use my legs, so I got tested for mutant powers and then I called you."
I hope you enjoyed that, this was written in about half an hour, and is the first part of the first chapter.
(And I might not get to finishing this until way later than when I am writing this, since I am still catching up with the main timelines. I was afraid I would lose the idea, as I have done more than once)
story
[ Click to expand ]
[ Click to hide ]
Hello, I am Gracie, and I should be dead... No, that didn't work, backspace again. The girl at the laptop thought to herself as she pressed the backspace and deleted her writing. She had been drafting up introductionary texts like these ever since that day. She sighed and swirled around in her chair. Why did she have to have such anxiety problems? At school she could be as normal as they allowed her to be, but she was a perfectionista, and she wouldn't call that 'Whateley Academy' untill she had the perfect way to introduce herself.
Hello, this is Gracie speaking. I got this number from an acqaintance who said that he had once been a student at Whateley. My powers are that I can't die, I have been hit by a train and survived, and while that is not that unlikely, it is unlikely that I now have my legs, which were torn off due to the way the train hit me. There, that was good, she would call the school, that should be enough to get me a place at that school.
She dialed up the number and was answered by a woman who sounded really tired. Oops, she hadn't taken the time difference into account. "Whateley administration, how can I help you?" She answered, a bit embarrassed. "Hello, this is Gracie speaking. I got this number from an acqaintance, who said that he had once studied at Whateley."
The woman on the other line sighed. "Why are you calling me at this time though? You know what time it is?" Gracie was embarrased all the way to hell. "No, I am calling from somewhere else, I think I should have first looked at the time zone you were in, anyway, I got this number from some guy calling himself Krachtbron, Powersource, pretty lame, but he gave me this number due to the fact that..."
The woman sighed at the name Kracthbron. "He's still alive? I thought he'd died long ago, damn shame that he gave you this number, that means that he wants you to be his enemy. And it's about half past five here, so could you please make it quick? Why would he give you this number?" Gracie looked at the clock, the minutes were right, she'd really need to get a new clock with a pointer for the hours though. "Well, the thing is, I was hit by a train, and my legs were torn off."
Gracie shuddered when she thought of it, it was not the best experience. "Go on" the woman at the other side of the line said, her interest was definitely peaked. "So yeah, my legs were torn off, and my body finally left the front of the train, and I felt a pull, I looked at where my legs were supposed to be and saw a very vague green beam of light coming from the stumps, and no blood, then, when the green beam of light was very strong, tentacles came out of the stumps and begin 'climbing' over the beam, and after a while, another layer, and then a few more, and I found myself being pulled with it, and appearantly towards my legs, since I passed out from the fear but awoke a few minutes later and saw that I was where I was hit by the train and a person was holding me while my friends stood next to him."
Gracie stopped when she realised she had spoken that all without ever breathing in once and took a deep breath. "He gave me this card and it had been signed by 'Krachtbron', so I assumed that was him, then he left. I could still use my legs, so I got tested for mutant powers and then I called you."
I hope you enjoyed that, this was written in about half an hour, and is the first part of the first chapter.
Two things you need to know about me:
One, I'm not my characters, no matter how much I may sometimes act like them;
Two, I really like watching thunderstorms from inside the house, reading, gaming and sleeping.
8 years 11 months ago #2
by Wrayth
Posts:
64
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
Unknown
- Wrayth
-
Since this is an interest check, I will go ahead and reply... You have a good idea, this little teaser and the idea you presented caught my attention, so yeah, I am looking forward to see where you take this.
Thanks for sharing, and may your muse continue to provide tales for you to share with us.
Wrayth
Thanks for sharing, and may your muse continue to provide tales for you to share with us.
Wrayth
8 years 11 months ago #3
by Quorry
Posts:
186
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
09 Dec 1997
- Quorry
-
I am also interested. This is a teaser written in a short amount of time so I will just assume the final product will be more polished, and a bit easier to follow. The POV confused me a little.
But the idea itself, as far as it was expressed, makes me want to read more.
But the idea itself, as far as it was expressed, makes me want to read more.

8 years 11 months ago #4
by Wyverntamer
Posts:
43
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
Unknown
Two things you need to know about me:
One, I'm not my characters, no matter how much I may sometimes act like them;
Two, I really like watching thunderstorms from inside the house, reading, gaming and sleeping.
- Wyverntamer
-
Topic Author
Yeah, I found taht out too when I was rereading the other drafts I have not yet put up here (and probably never will, not satisfied with them), I know that when it is in first person, she is writing it down, but I just can't find a way to make that clear.
Two things you need to know about me:
One, I'm not my characters, no matter how much I may sometimes act like them;
Two, I really like watching thunderstorms from inside the house, reading, gaming and sleeping.
8 years 11 months ago #5
by Quorry
Posts:
186
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
09 Dec 1997
- Quorry
-
You could try making it in italics or something, to differentiate it from the rest of the text.
8 years 11 months ago #6
by Mister D
Posts:
832
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
Unknown
Measure Twice
- Mister D
-
Nice intro, chewy set of abilities, and a good set-up for potential routes for the back-story.
As a short, it stands nicely.
Depending on how the ability works, it would also give some lead-ins to some good scenes with Ito/combat classes, and/or the magic dept, and/or the psychic dept.
Looking forward to further developements.
As a short, it stands nicely.
Depending on how the ability works, it would also give some lead-ins to some good scenes with Ito/combat classes, and/or the magic dept, and/or the psychic dept.
Looking forward to further developements.
Measure Twice
8 years 11 months ago #7
by Wyverntamer
Posts:
43
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
Unknown
Two things you need to know about me:
One, I'm not my characters, no matter how much I may sometimes act like them;
Two, I really like watching thunderstorms from inside the house, reading, gaming and sleeping.
- Wyverntamer
-
Topic Author
I have at least one scene planned that could mark a fued between Alexandria (I've decided on a name for the main character, though not on one for the story) and Ito, in the magic dept and psychic dept I am not quite sure.
Two things you need to know about me:
One, I'm not my characters, no matter how much I may sometimes act like them;
Two, I really like watching thunderstorms from inside the house, reading, gaming and sleeping.
Moderators: WhateleyAdmin, Kristin Darken, E. E. Nalley, elrodw, Nagrij, MageOhki, Astrodragon, NeoMagus, Warren, Morpheus, Wasamon, sleethr, OtherEric, Bek D Corbin, MaLAguA, Souffle Girl, Phoenix Spiritus, Starwolf, DanZilla, Katie_Lyn, Maggie Finson, DrBender, JG, Bladedancer, Renae_Whateley