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Question Noblesse Oblige

4 years 7 months ago #1 by DanZilla
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    • Kristin Darken's Library entry set in Elrod's MAU Universe... please leave comments if you so desire.
    4 years 7 months ago #2 by joreymay
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    • Great start, in one of my other favorite universes. Looking forward to more.
    4 years 7 months ago #3 by Anne
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    • A wonderful start to a story in a universe that I really like. I hope that Kristin will find time and inspiration to finish it. Also I hope that this is not a signal that there will be a hiatus in the stories (parts) posted about WA!
    Adopt my story: here
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    4 years 7 months ago #4 by Kristin Darken
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    • There is more ready, but I had to put the cut point 'there' because that's the section that Elrod has seen and approved so far. It's his universe and I want to make sure I'm fully compliant in both the technical and the interaction with other events and characters... so the next part will get some clean up and then I'll run it past El and have it ready to go up. The part after that might have to wait while I apartment hunt/move. :P
    Fate guard you and grant you a Light to brighten your Way.
    4 years 7 months ago #5 by Sir Lee
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    • I suppose what we have seen might be looked upon as the prologue to the tale itself, since the first major transformation was just before the cliffhanger...
    So while it's too early to comment on the overall plot, there is room to discuss style and narrative approaches.
    I found this beginning a tad slow, although it might a deliberate choice to convey the mood of the character who feels "stuck" in his life. I hope it picks up in the next part.
    Two narrative choices I found interesting:
    1. The narrator doesn't bother much with introducing himself, giving his name, explaining what he does for a living etc. These details come slowly through the narrative, as if he is telling the story to someone who already knows his background. Although it might be disconcerting to some readers, it's a valid tool. It reminds me a bit of Mary Renault's "The King Must Die" (which I'm rereading) -- that book is written as an elderly King Theseus reminiscing about his youth with a friend, rarely bothering to explain things that should be common knowledge to a contemporary Greek, and sometimes digressing into things that happened years later.
    2. Most MAU tales kinda gloss over the investigation of the box, going as fast as possible to the transformation itself -- sometimes the investigation even happens off-camera, done by a secondary character. In this, we are treated to the thoughts of the protagonist formulating a logical -- ultimately wrong, but still logical -- theory of the box as an alien communications device, and the decision to experiment with it.
    Don't call me "Shirley." You will surely make me surly.
    4 years 7 months ago - 4 years 7 months ago #6 by marie7342231
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    • Wow, some of my first FM stories over 20 years ago were MAU stories from EW. I love that the universe has found its way here.

    Echoing what everyone else has said, it’s a great start and I look forward to much more!
    Last Edit: 4 years 7 months ago by marie7342231.
    4 years 7 months ago #7 by Kristin Darken
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    • Sir Lee wrote: I found this beginning a tad slow, although it might a deliberate choice to convey the mood of the character who feels "stuck" in his life. I hope it picks up in the next part.

    It should indeed, this will fall into line with the more sci-fi / superhero type MAU stories than the pure;y sex/erotica ones.

    1. The narrator doesn't bother much with introducing himself, giving his name, explaining what he does for a living etc. These details come slowly through the narrative, as if he is telling the story to someone who already knows his background. Although it might be disconcerting to some readers, it's a valid tool. It reminds me a bit of Mary Renault's

    Thanks. It is a slower method to revealing details, and that can be a challenge in getting readers to bite compared to a heavily active hook... but in this case, I think it will play a nice contrast between the before and after MAU versions of Drew.

    theory of the box as an alien communications device, and the decision to experiment with it.


    What it isn't a phone booth!? :P
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    4 years 7 months ago #8 by null0trooper
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    • Kristin Darken wrote:

    Sir Lee wrote: theory of the box as an alien communications device, and the decision to experiment with it.


    What it isn't a phone booth!? :P


    It does behave more like a police call box. How often do you see a phone booth in a motel room without a heavy props surcharge?
    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

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