Question For Sted stories

This is the thread for comments on the stories about Sted "Ponygirl" Lancaster. I'll be posting them over the next few days. Enjoy.

Good to see you reposting and (based on the v4 designation) reupdating these. I did notice one obvious typo in the first story, or at least I assume that "Ponyglrl’s Combat Final (game to come)" is supposed to be "Ponygirl’s Combat Final (game to come)".

This was one of my favorite fanfic sagas, particularly given the way its history interacts with the history of the Whateley Academy stories, and I look forward to its return and perhaps further progression.

First of all, thank you for the stories. While not my favourites so far, they've definitely been worth reading and I thank you for writing and sharing them.

picaresque means " : of or relating to rogues or rascals; also : of, relating to, suggesting, or being a type of fiction dealing with the episodic adventures of a usually roguish protagonist <a picaresque novel> ". I think you want "picturesque" instead.

The rest of the time you’ll either work in small groups, <Your story cuts off here; I suspect you hit your text limit for the post.


I don't think you have Mahren's voice right. I'm not certain, of course, but I think his word choice is very different from how you have him. Even when calm and with people who haven't pissed him off yet.

Also, it's odd. Why do so many characters seem to be gadgeteer/devisors when that's supposed to be an extremely rare combination?

Also: Most devises work perfectly fine for other people. Their belief is irrelevent. There certainly are devisors whose devises don't work properly for other people, but they're a notable minority. Is your character wrong, is this an AU element, or what?

I have kind of a tin ear for characterization: if Eric's "voice" is off, I couldn't tell. Sted's power set was rather early in the history of the Whateleyverse; if I was doing her again I'd make a few different choices. As it is, a lot of people might think she's overpowered, but her challenges are in her relationships to her "goddess," which will come out in further stories, not in her use of powers.

As I understand it, most devises don't work fine for other people, or they tend to degrade over time. You see a lot of devises out there in the field, but those are the ones that can be stabilized. The ones that can't be stabilized are the ones that stay in the devisor's lab, or that the devisor has to personally attend to.

We'll have to wait for Kristen to get done with her revised writeup on powers; there are several other things in Sted's power set that will need to change.

Another thing to keep in mind is that a lot of the devises we see working successfully are either used by their creators or by people around Whateley. They know Devises work, and many of them realize that Devises made by other people work better if you don't think to hard about how they work.

I seem to recall that in an earlier version of this story that Sted used a devise that locally reversed entropy to clean the clock. Using her telekinesis to strip the parts of corrosion may make more work for her (since she then has to repair or replace the parts that are now too damaged to use), but it also does make her power set more obviously useful.

XaltatunOfAcheron wrote: I have kind of a tin ear for characterization: if Eric's "voice" is off, I couldn't tell. Sted's power set was rather early in the history of the Whateleyverse; if I was doing her again I'd make a few different choices. As it is, a lot of people might think she's overpowered, but her challenges are in her relationships to her "goddess," which will come out in further stories, not in her use of powers.

Characterization would be a good thing for your beta to be good at if you get one, then.

Slice of life and interpersonal relations are very good things to have as the focal point of a story. I think. I hope Sted's relationship(s) with her "goddess" don't eclipse her relationships with the other students and other people around her.

Personally, I think Sted's utterly insane to be carrying around her "lightsaber" given how she wants to use it, the sheer amount of power it represents, and how dangerous it would be if it were to fail. (Such as, say, from it being damaged). Even if most of the actual power is stored in a pocket dimension, or something, and it'd seal itself off when it failed, it'd still probably annihilate at least a few city blocks if it were catastrophically damaged while active. Probably a lot more. And with her only other weapon choice being a pistol, she doesn't have any weapon choices that are less-lethal for when she gets into a fight.

XaltatunOfAcheron wrote: As I understand it, most devises don't work fine for other people, or they tend to degrade over time. You see a lot of devises out there in the field, but those are the ones that can be stabilized. The ones that can't be stabilized are the ones that stay in the devisor's lab, or that the devisor has to personally attend to.

Well, enough of them work well enough to be sold on that one weapons-dealing site that Ayla makes heavy use of and is relatively popular amongst the rest of the student body and the general villain community. Mahren also has a few devises that he can maintain himself if I recall correctly.

I don't think that that "user's emotions wear away at the devise" is at all accurate, but it is known that how the user feels at least CAN matter to the operation of a devise. (See: The Big Idea) I suspect it's more a matter of it being used as it was actually intended at construction. As long as the devisor isn't pushing themselves it is unlikely that the emotional component would be particularly important.


One last query: Why is Sted so open about being formerly male but in Whitman? Why lie on the application but not to the councillor? Or, if she didn't lie, why is she in Whitman?

Nice to see you're still around Xaltatun and also good to see you re-posting your Sted stories. I always enjoy reading of her exploits so I'm looking forward to anything new that you can come up with.

John.

Naomi wrote: One last query: Why is Sted so open about being formerly male but in Whitman? Why lie on the application but not to the councillor? Or, if she didn't lie, why is she in Whitman?

As I understand it, that is a relic of how the CC intended to use the characters that they asked fans to submit. Also, Sted has a very distinct GSD issue, and there are other students like Diamondback that are in Whitman who have GSD, and who also experienced sex changes.

Thanks for the information.

In Diamondback's case she also refused to admit to her power-induced sex-change and thus she couldn't be placed in Poe.

Though how in the world they got away with not including a tunnel entrance to Poe I cannot understand. "We put all of the non-Hawkthorne people with mental issues in Poe... unless they're unable to pass for normal. Then they're stuck in Whitman or Twain."

Also, what do they did about the sex-shifters who don't need Hawthorne but can't pass as normal and thus cannot be placed in Poe or Melville? Just stick them in whichever of Twain or Whitman seem most fitting and then ignore all other issues?

It looks like Sted 4 has the same problem Sted 2 did (of being just a bit too long for a single post on the forum). Lady Morigan and her group are a fascinating bunch of bad guys, each with their own unique motivation, and yet they are all so self centered and almost banal. It's nice to see people who are and do evil for reasons that are actually understandable rather than people who are out to destroy the world.

As far as the tunnel goes, the original authors group wound up creating a lot of the backstory on the fly as stories got written. Some of it has authorial duct tape, some of it doesn't. In other cases, things just got out of control and had to be backed down.

Thanks for the comments!

There's a bit more going on with the Sidhe than meets the eye. If you've got Tolkien's Elves on your mind, the Sidhe here are not that. They regard humans as noxious vermin that they can't exterminate - yet. Well, it's not quite that bad, but Morigan and Sergei can expect to live several thousand years. To them, humans are, if not exactly mayflies, somewhere between cats or dogs and gerbils. Here today, gone tomorrow.

In addition, to them humans are not Sidhe. They feel no moral obligation to act honorably toward them. They're marking time until humans wipe themselves out because of overpopulation, resource exhaustion and gross mismanagement of the environment - or at least kill off enough of themselves so they can be gotten under proper control by the Sidhe.

This is, as I understand it from some of Maggie Finson's comments, her view of the matter.

So. Why is Sted in Whitman instead of Poe? If you go back and read the deleted scene from Sted 1: Pegasus, you'll see that I originally put her in Poe, and provided a link to Team Kimba. Most of the early fan-fics were doing exactly the same thing. The further development of the Whateleyverse put an end to both of those ideas. Besides, Babs Yerunkle may have put her in Whitman; at this point I don't remember.

She did most of her adjustment to her sex change in the five months or so she was home before she came to Whateley. From her viewpoint, becoming a mutant and no longer having a baseline human form was the more wrenching change. She doesn't mention her sex change partly because she's aware enough of the campus situation and partly because she regards most of her prior circumstances as nobody else's business: remember that her family makes a cult of secrecy. Effectively, she had a very easy transition.

I believe that is everything except the anti-canonical Roommates story. I think I'd prefer the Fall combat final to the Lizards story, but I've noticed that forcing people to write gets either poor quality or very formulaic (or both).

Actually, Ponygirl's combat final has been sitting on my hard drive for several years. It's a browser game, not a story, and it should take five to ten minutes to play. It ought to work on any desktop, laptop or android device, but I won't jump through Apple's hoops to get it into their store.

The holdup is that I don't have anywhere to post the files, nor has it been playtested by anyone else. Posting it here is out of the question, since the maximum file size is .1 meg; the unzipped files are closer to 2 meg. If I ever break down and get my own blog (very unlikely), or can talk someone else into it, I may post it there. Kristen suggested using something like github, which might be an alternative.

So, has posting the rest of the series given you any new story ideas? I suspect that Wine Dark Sea will end up being non-canonical, but on the other hand, we don't know where Poseidon and Dionysus are in Canon. Still, I suspect the CC does, and that they have plans for them, just as they surely do for the rest of the Dodekatheon.

Well, I use Google Drive, personally, but is DeviantArt an option?

I'm not sure about new stories. I've got the first bit of one that isn't in the Sted series sitting in a file somewhere, but that's where it's been for six or so years. I'm waiting to see what happens with spring combat finals and the new fall term before writing anything there; in any case Wine Dark Sea is Andromeda's origin story; if I do anything in the next term, she will probably be part of it.

Poseidon and Dionysus are not essential to Wine Dark Sea. That whole pantheon was not, to the best of my knowledge, part of the original planning for the Whateleyverse, and likewise AFAIK, there are no current canon authors who care about them other than as bit characters. I wouldn't be at all surprised to see them get the ax the same way Aunghadhail and Sara did. If the coin flips the other way, I could replace them. It would take a bit of work, but like I said, they were more justification for the scenario than anything else. A couple of Titans, possibly? It might be a good excuse to read Hesiod's Theogony.

As far as Ponygirl's Combat Final is concerned, I've been cleaning it up for the last few days, and I think I've figured out where to put it that's actually legitimate. More on that if I hammer it into shape to post.

Interesting and fun stories, if a little hard to read emotionally when she is abducted and then when dealing with other victims of these ponygirl transformation rings. Had me wanting to beat within an inch of their lives everyone involved. I still don't understand how Ponygirl could go from being abducted by Lady Morigan and her group, then handing over a girl who trust her to them for training. Something feels like it was left out or missing in the narrative which would reveal why she would even think of trusting them for a second.

My interpretation of that particular nuance was that as a result of the machinations of the Ponygirl Goddess that Sted is stuck with a subordinate who she needs to have trained to be a ponygirl. Rather than training Andromeda herself (difficult given that she is in school), she goes with Lady Morigan training her to be a ponygirl (as the best of a bad lot, and the one she knows the best of the trainers), and then Aspi training her how to be human again.

Exactly. Sted did tell Andromeda that she wouldn't like the training. Andromeda also knows (in a general sort of way) what's ahead of her, so she doesn't need any training in "how to be human again." Her time at Aspidistra's is partly to clean up any lingering trauma from the training, partly to get familiar with working with other ponygirls (even Sted doesn't have that piece) and partly to get a head start on formal magic training.

Re; Ponygirl's Combat Final; testing is coming along and I have located a place to host the files (the IFArchive), assuming I can get it past Zarf and compatriots. I should have thought of that first, but text adventures aren't really a primary focus of mine.

I tried to get into the story, but there were a bit too many things that made me not like the character concept, most of them being powers related and what they entailed.

A pet peeve of mine is when authors create characters that have some of every type of mutation.... a jack of all trades, master of none. I find characters infinitely more interesting if their powerset is much more limited and clearly defined, which provides a better ability to interact with the universe for both the character and the writer.

The other thing that irked me was your method of putting way too much under the umbrella of "gadgeteer". The first couple of chapters were the main culprits in this case, and admittedly I didn't read past chapter two.

I know this post came out sounding overwhelmingly negative, but I was just trying to point out the things I felt held the story back from its full potential. I look forward to seeing you start another project!

Also: I still intend to read all the chapters, I just haven't gotten the time.

Though I have read and enjoyed it before I noted a major error for Aspidistra.

The story is broken into 3 parts, but you neglected to post part 2 of 3.

Uhh... Aspidistra still doesn't have a Part 2.

A.k.a: It's missing Chapters 2 and 3!

The third post in the Aspidistra thread is a copy of the second post, just with a The End at the end of it...

Umm... Xaltatun, if you're changing things in response to these messages, could you reply to them to show that you've read them?

Oops. Part 2 went missing and I didn't catch it. Sorry!

Yes, I just fixed it. Had to move part 3 into the third piece, and then it took a bit of time to double-check part 2 before overlaying it on the second post. Should be fine now.

Well, that melange of powers is a lot less important than it looks. Her actual challenges won't show up until Aftermath, and they're only loosely powers-related; what's really going on hasn't shown up yet, although a bit of it peeks out of the gloom in Wine Dark Sea.

I only just read this series, and I like it so far. (Only up to chapter 5, but still reading!)

One thing I noticed though, is that this story is only posted here. I prefer not to read stories on forums, and went looking for your website, but the only one I found (asstr.org) hadn't been updated since 2009. Do you have any plans to update that page? Or cross-post this series elsewhere?

Atlan wrote: I only just read this series, and I like it so far. (Only up to chapter 5, but still reading!)

One thing I noticed though, is that this story is only posted here. I prefer not to read stories on forums, and went looking for your website, but the only one I found (asstr.org) hadn't been updated since 2009. Do you have any plans to update that page? Or cross-post this series elsewhere?

No, I don't have another website. It's possible that the two latest stories in the series may be posted on ASSTR as well, but they're the only other ones that fit ASSTR's mission statement. Otherwise, there won't be a site under the Xaltatun of Acheron alias.

The reason ASSTR hasn't been updated is that I had a disk crash, and I haven't gotten back to posting updated versions of what's there and new stories since then. There are a couple of things I'm still working out with a co-worker (who I've bounced a lot of the ideas off of for much of the background on several of the series there) to begin posting in one of those universes under his own name, but those plans are trudging through mud.

These just came to me...

Does the Ponygirl Goddess also apply to the horsegirls of Paradise Island?

Did the Ponygirl Goddess have any part in Dr. DNA's desire to make horsegirls, in the For Sted Fanon?

Malady wrote: These just came to me...

Does the Ponygirl Goddess also apply to the horsegirls of Paradise Island?

Did the Ponygirl Goddess have any part in Dr. DNA's desire to make horsegirls, in the For Sted Fanon?

As far as I know, no. E. E. Nally's "picture" on his posts should tell you where that came from.

"God-type" Class 2 Entities are my invention. I think the basic scenario permits them, but they have never been made canon to the best of my knowledge. The notion that worshipers create their gods is not precisely a new idea. I've met people who were part of groups that did it deliberately.

XaltatunOfAcheron wrote:

Malady wrote: These just came to me...

Does the Ponygirl Goddess also apply to the horsegirls of Paradise Island?

Did the Ponygirl Goddess have any part in Dr. DNA's desire to make horsegirls, in the For Sted Fanon?

As far as I know, no. E. E. Nally's "picture" on his posts should tell you where that came from.

"God-type" Class 2 Entities are my invention. I think the basic scenario permits them, but they have never been made canon to the best of my knowledge. The notion that worshipers create their gods is not precisely a new idea. I've met people who were part of groups that did it deliberately.

Thank you for that! But it seems I need to clarify:

I'm asking about in Sted's own Alternate Continuity.

So in your canon for the history of the Sted-'Verse, does the Ponygirl Goddess have the Paradise Island Horsegirls as part of her worshippers, and was Dr. DNA affected by the Ponygirl Goddess to make Horsegirls?

Malady wrote:

XaltatunOfAcheron wrote:

Malady wrote: These just came to me...

Does the Ponygirl Goddess also apply to the horsegirls of Paradise Island?

Did the Ponygirl Goddess have any part in Dr. DNA's desire to make horsegirls, in the For Sted Fanon?

As far as I know, no. E. E. Nally's "picture" on his posts should tell you where that came from.

"God-type" Class 2 Entities are my invention. I think the basic scenario permits them, but they have never been made canon to the best of my knowledge. The notion that worshipers create their gods is not precisely a new idea. I've met people who were part of groups that did it deliberately.

Thank you for that! But it seems I need to clarify:

I'm asking about in Sted's own Alternate Continuity.

So in your canon for the history of the Sted-'Verse, does the Ponygirl Goddess have the Paradise Island Horsegirls as part of her worshippers, and was Dr. DNA affected by the Ponygirl Goddess to make Horsegirls?

Probably not. The Ponygirl Goddess' portfolio, if you want to call it that, is depersonalized animal roleplaying. It has nothing to do with horses other than it's a popular species for people to play that kind of games with, There are also kittygirls, puppygirls and so on and so forth in that particular section of the BDSM fetish scene. By extension, she's also involved in the more hardcore parts of the dominance and submission scene. Unless you are seriously kinky, you don't want to go there. It's also not something that I'm going to get into here; we do want to make sure the site maintains its PG rating.

To summarize: she's not interested in horses per se, the only link is that a fairly large number of her worshipers are interested in that particular scenario. She has a lot of others. If she intersects with parts of the Whateleyverse at all, it would be with Gothmog and Sara.

As I understand it, E.E. Nally's version of The Island of Dr. Moreau doesn't kink that way. He's just doing a fairly straightforward scenario with DNA created GSD, not Circe's island from the Odyssey.

I should, by the way, mention that Ponygirl's Combat Final has been indefinitely delayed. After spending way too long debugging, I lost steam. It's still got several run-throughs to go, plus I found I hadn't written the evaluation routines where Ponygirl gets her grade. I hate the Conan the Barbarian method of software development!

XaltatunOfAcheron wrote: I should, by the way, mention that Ponygirl's Combat Final has been indefinitely delayed. After spending way too long debugging, I lost steam. It's still got several run-throughs to go, plus I found I hadn't written the evaluation routines where Ponygirl gets her grade. I hate the Conan the Barbarian method of software development!

Try the Fred Flintstone method. Grab a club and beat it.