Question Interlaced, official feedbacks n stuff thread

This is for Interlaced , sequel to Parallels .

All feedback is welcome! I will also link parts as they are posted.

Part one , in which our heroine gets her head shrunk.

Part two , in which our heroine meets her adoptive grandpa.

Part three , in which she makes a map, and a friend.

Gothmog nods. "The universe is immense, and you won't run out of things to learn. But also, I find it helps to accept the moments, rather than push them away. If you're looking towards what will happen, it can feel like nothing is happening now. But that's not true at all. In every moment, so many things are happening. If you allow yourself to experience and care about them, then time is never empty. The thing you are waiting for will come around in its proper time, and then your attention can turn towards it. But right now, my daughter has tentacles stroking your scalp. Right now, miss Cyberkitty has lovely blue eyes and a gentle look in them. See the moment, and it's full."

Very Taoist.

Part four , in which she learns of trouble, reassures a friend, and gets a lesson.

Part five , in which she has an enjoyable morning, gets scolded by Chou, and tells the school her plans.

Part six , in which there are two councils of war, plans are made, and she meets Foob.

Part seven , in which she gets new boots and learns to solder.

The idea that Bugs had would be covered under the Workshop ban on working with nano-replicators.

Use a bird to make more eggs.

Goes to hide after the bio-devisors become inspired...

She probably figures that Parallel is using a different kind of replication, no nano involved. But she's also relatively easy to persuade it's a bad idea so perhaps she realised that explaining this loophole to Carson after the tunnels got overrun by a prototype would not go well.

Any time you see a rule introduced, think of the story behind why that is...

Why do people say aviation regulations are written in blood?

Part eight , a quiet interlude with parkour and a hacienda.

Part nine , a conversation with the headmistress.

Part ten , with introspection and piratical music.

That bone trick might be more risky than working with blood...

She can vanish it as quickly as she made it, and that helps, but it'd be dangerous if anyone managed to sneakily steal some.

Part eleven , meditation and GOOs.

Nice approach towards becoming un-human.

Part twelve , powers creep and a fighting lesson.

Part thirteen , ogling and breakfast

Try to think like, you're not moving your body. You're moving your intent, and your body is flowing along effortlessly.

Excellent description.

Part fourteen , tentacles, necromancy, and Tolman

grumble grumble Fricken Winter term. I've made a mistake in my timeline and there's no easy way to repair it now - classes don't actually start until Tuesday. Meh. I'll just let the mistake stand. frustrated sigh

Which means some things that happen on Wednesday in canon are gonna get pulled to Monday in my story. Hrmph. Sorry.

Part fifteen , lunch and escape class

Part sixteen , Aquerna, codebreaking and Englund

JulesMorrison wrote: Part sixteen , Aquerna, codebreaking and Englund

Yeah hopefully Jules "nopes" this one

Part seventeen , oath, Jade, and itch

Part eighteen , sewers, dance and hatching

Part nineteen , Carson, Gothmog, weres, news and Sara

JulesMorrison wrote: Part nineteen , Carson, Gothmog, weres, news and Sara

Does she realize the implications yet that the new rune is almost certainly a major part of her name, and as it becomes known, it will be easier for people to figure out how to summon her, than it would be to do so for other GOO, If she hasn't Circe almost certainly has, and likely will make that part of her detention, nothing is without its price.

It probably does help summoning her. But then, Sara and Gothmog have well known "domains" too. Parallel just has a brand spanking new one.

As I understand it, there's two levels to being summoned. One, as a bargainer - constrained by Solomon's rules to drive a hard bargain, but free to say yes or no. And the other, as a do-as-ordered slave - but only if someone cracks the whole of their True Name.

JulesMorrison wrote: It probably does help summoning her. But then, Sara and Gothmog have well known "domains" too. Parallel just has a brand spanking new one.

As I understand it, there's two levels to being summoned. One, as a bargainer - constrained by Solomon's rules to drive a hard bargain, but free to say yes or no. And the other, as a do-as-ordered slave - but only if someone cracks the whole of their True Name.

As she's originally from outside the WA universe, is she constrained by Solomon's rules?

Mister D wrote: As she's originally from outside the WA universe, is she constrained by Solomon's rules?

Yes, a cross-universe teleport is essentially a mapping operation from one set of fundamental laws to another, you have to exist in this universe's rules to exist in this universe. Also her GOO nature was sparked in Whateley.

JulesMorrison wrote:

Mister D wrote: As she's originally from outside the WA universe, is she constrained by Solomon's rules?

Yes, a cross-universe teleport is essentially a mapping operation from one set of fundamental laws to another, you have to exist in this universe's rules to exist in this universe. Also her GOO nature was sparked in Whateley.

Nice structural rationale.

I vaguely remember reading about some form of spiritual-entity/psychic-structure/magic-based-sapient, that was not subject to Solomon's Bargain, but i don't remember if it was fanfic or Canon, so i'm probably wrong.

Part twenty plans, angels, demons, and a haircut

Part twenty one , lunch, rumours, babies, and trouble

Part twenty two , Doc Bellows and combat movement

Part twenty three , powers re-test

Part twenty four , bouncing and Circe

This one fought me a bit, but I got there!

Part twenty five , big me and changes

Nice interpretation of the human vs. un-human perspectives on reality.

Looking forward to your future work.

Part twenty six , Kimbas, Counterpoint, and teeth

Part twenty seven , dreams, secrets, and sex

Part twenty eight , play and baby.

This one does get its own content note. Includes forceful sex (with consent) and selfcest. Smut level: intense. Have fun and enjoy!

Part twenty nine , tai chi and busted

Part thirty , Tolman and fighting.

Sorry for the delay! I blame the world falling upside down. This one was hard to write, I hope the next will be easier.

a fun addition

Part thirty one , Petra and healing

In which I start to bend things even further away from canon, mwahaha.

Part thirty two , orgy and Feral

Dun dun dahh! Ominous chord! (And, a productive evening. I may have had too much coffee.)

Part thirty three , goodbyes and authorities

JulesMorrison wrote: Part thirty three , goodbyes and authorities

So they attempted to SWATT her

Part thirty four , MCO and Donna

Part thirty five , strategy and super suit

Part thirty six , Donna, lock picking and ransom

Part thirty seven , corruption and go

Part thirty eight , Caitlyn, confrontation and scramblers

Part thirty nine , in the lions' den

Part forty , scolding, praise and Donna

Part forty one , confirmation, suit, Jobe, trauma, and Pack

Part forty two , armband and bath

Part forty three , Kimbas and devisors

Part forty four , influence, Sara, and costume

Part forty five , Journeyman and lunch

Part forty six , room-mate and planning

Part forty seven , Sweetheart and Jade

Part forty eight , prank and negotiation

Part forty nine , Paige and trouble

Part fifty , arm, announcement, and warning

Part fifty one plans and introductions

Part fifty two Zenith and Shrike

I'm amazed none of the characters has made a "family Jules" pun yet.

Part fifty three , the project

And pthbbt to that awful pun

Safer than her other way of cutting things... an elegant weapon, (for) a more civilized age

Part fifty four , Tolman's class

JulesMorrison wrote: Part fifty four , Tolman's class

Technically it depends on the era of the Jedi Order you are talking about Clone War and the hundred or so years prior the order was against any sort of emotional attachments and saw the code as law rather than the guidelines they were intended to be for the less disciplined Jedi with strong personalities

Yeah, I think a big part of the prequels / clone wars is the underlying message "Do not do this. These Jedi are fucking up. Observe them do the wrong thing and faceplant painfully."

JulesMorrison wrote: Yeah, I think a big part of the prequels / clone wars is the underlying message "Do not do this. These Jedi are fucking up. Observe them do the wrong thing and faceplant painfully."

Well until the Naboo conflict the Jedi thought the Sith were a dead order,no Jedi encountering a Sith lord or apprentice until that point living to tell about it, so until that point they thought the greatest threat they'd face would come from a fallen Jedi (they were half right), even then Maul wasn't really considered a true Sith, as Plagous was still around at that point, he was just a Sith Assassin, the entire point of the Clone War was to cloud Jedi precognition to make them easier to wipe out. Ahsoka said it best in the final season, they were taught that they were supposed to be peacekeepers, but all she ever was was a soldier, heck she probably never stopped being a soldier for long until after the Galactic Civil War, during which she was an intelligence asset to the Rebellion, and an occasional fighter.

Honestly, the Sith were unexpected, but if it hadn't been them, it would have been something else. They were brittle because they'd quit being force-mystics and become republic functionaries and soldiers, and were settling into becoming something close to a "warrior caste" with privileges that weren't necessarily earned or well used, and with an enormous heap of arrogance and smugness. "If it isn't in the archives it doesn't exist", etc.

Part fifty five , several kinds of unexpected company

Part fifty six , meeting Mrs Goat

Part fifty seven , Journeyman's class

This one, I'm doing something a bit cheeky - reprising an existing scene, but from a different perspective, with one extra person in the scene, and with a timeline that flows between altered and unchanged. Playing with how time heals small rifts, but larger divergences grow. A lot of dialogue is borrowed, but even the borrowed bits change subtly.

Something new! I got a sketch of Sara and Parallel by overshia.

Part fifty eight , cuffs, Dyffud, and comms

Part fifty nine Englund and cryptids

Hmm I wonder what more reliable (working for less religious people) method Jules will propose.

It was "off camera" but Englund discussed a few other methods, such as magical banishment. As for whether his method would work equally well for other religious people - well, let's just say that "your faith was not sufficient" is a very convenient justification.

Part sixty Assembly and after

Part sixty one , Jade, library and stars

Part sixty two , Sara and screams

Content warning for this episode: emotionally intense BDSM, pain, violence, blood.

This one hit me emotionally harder than just about anything in the last year. But be warned that it will mess you up if you have a kink inclination at all. Wait until you are off work to read, ne?

Part sixty three , aftercare and friends

Part sixty four , dreams, Mrs Horton, and running

Part sixty five , games and planning

Part sixty six , the interview

Part sixty seven , Caitlin, Paige, and lightsabers

Part sixty eight , Kimbas and lunch

Part sixty nine , Tansy and negotiations

No, I couldn't miss the opportunity ;-P

"Through the history of humanity since the invention of poetry, love has been described as a force of nature that can conquer all. Thanks to me, now it actually is. You're welcome."

Part seventy , connecting up the links

Part seventy one , Ayla and secrets

Part seventy two , Tansy and singing

Part seventy three , Mostly mages

Part seventy four , dinner and Poe

It's a shame that the events in these stories didn't take place before Parent's Day.

It would be one way of getting Parallel in closer proximity to the parent's of the students who aren't out.

As proximity has an effect on how strongly people are influenced by Parallel's powers, it would have been an easier way of affecting the parents without it being classed as mind control...

Chewy issues.

Such sneaky-sneaky plans have begun many a career into villainhood. A thing doesn't become legal just because it's well hidden

Part seventy five , choice and song

Part seventy six , lifeboating Cat

Part seventy seven , breakfast, Head and Donna

Part seventy eight , tea and visiting

Part seventy nine , Necromancer's end

Part eighty , Paige is missing

Render unto Paige what is Paige's yes, but even more so render unto Carson what is Carson's. Because someone. Is fucking. With her school. On top of that, neutrality has well and truly been violated. Powers on both sides of the fence are going to be coming swiftly for whoever is behind this to Make An Example Of Them to show that Whateley is not a candy bowl full of powered children free for the taking. Their reckoning will be the stuff of legend. There is no hole this person can hide in now that will save them.

Part eighty one , visitors and dreams

There is a gap above this at present due to DB crash, but please enjoy Part one hundred and fourteen , the conclusion of the hearing, and meeting Mr Lodgeman

Part one hundred and fifteen , Lodgeman, Donna, and Bunny

Part one hundred and sixteen , Cecilia, and a plan for after lunch

Part one hundred and seventeen , Fun in Sara's room, picking up a sword, and trouble in combat movement

Part one hundred and eighteen , Molly, Vamp, Doc Bellows, and Jadis

Part one hundred and nineteen , realms, videos, and the handmaid

Part one hundred and twenty , dinner, spellbinder, and Jobe

Part one hundred and twenty one , Jobe's decision, an adventure in the making, and Vamp's first time

I enjoy your writing especially as “Parallel” is essentially solving all problems in her own way
We could do with someone like Parallel” in the real world right now

I know right?

Also there are a bunch of problems that are going to just quietly solve themselves due to influence.

Don't worry, I have plans, she'll be coming here too, hehehehe

Parallel is being scary.

Part one hundred and twenty two , Nikki, fly pies, and Tansy's plans

Part one hundred and twenty three , two fights, a visitor, and girl Jobe

Part one hundred and twenty four , Nex and lunchtime conversations

Part one hundred and twenty five , Mr Reilly and Exemplar Grace

Part one hundred and twenty six , an adventure begins

Part one hundred and twenty seven , storm tossed

I’m interested in how you are going to portray Parallel dealing with stiff paranoid government and military people because their inflexibility is legendary
I imagine the “real troops” like the pilots etc will be on her side? The Brass not so much

Hehe, we shall see

Part one hundred and twenty eight , discussions after the fact

Part one hundred and twenty nine plans, and bedtime

Part one hundred and thirty , Saturday begins

Part one hundred and thirty one , off to a busy start

Part one hundred and thirty two , fight in the tunnel

Part one hundred and thirty three , many explanations

Part one hundred and thirty four , Jet, Boston, and debriefing

Part one hundred and thirty five , Carl, a disappointment, and two announcements

Part one hundred and thirty six , Tansy, and fly pies

Part one hundred and thirty seven , Vamp and XO, and Tansy's errand

Part one hundred and thirty eight , Hartford, Zenith, and DARPA

Part one hundred and thirty nine , Hank, sims, new rules, and Tansy

Part one hundred and forty , first time in the sims, and kidnapped!

Part one hundred and forty one , politics and dinner

Part one hundred and forty two , council of war, and show-and-tell

Part one hundred and forty three , Della and plans

Part one hundred and forty four , showers, Della, Jade, Troy, and secrets

Part one hundred and forty five ,Paige, first aid, and the Big Portal

Part one hundred and forty six , Strega, drones, and Knights

Part one hundred and forty seven , kidnappers, Pride, and Fino

Part one hundred and forty eight , Fino and Squires

Part one hundred and forty nine , Fino, Siona, and Hammond

Part one hundred and fifty negotiations, parentage, and hole

Are you getting any feedback here at all?
If somewhere else, then disregard....
So: Massive amount of thought went into producing this story. I sort of grieve that perhaps if you'd been writing, we'd have more from Maggy Finson. Okay that said, on to technical. Actually there isn't a whole lot to criticize there. You must have an incredible team helping you, 'Cause, truth told this is pretty close to professional level work

Here's where feedback's supposed to happen, in the forums! But I only get a little here, much of it happens in the Whateley Discord. Even so, it's very welcome.

> Massive amount of thought went into producing this story

Here's an interesting twist. Since the beginning, I've been writing this story "into the dark", before I even knew that was a technique. I'd have things I wanted to push towards, foreshadowings I've dropped with ideas of how they'd pan out - but an awful lot was letting the characters and the context lead and just exploring where they took the story. For example, I did plan Jade's monster in the tunnels and a little about how it would be fought. I didn't plan influencing DC, but there it was, it fell out of the flow of the story, and so I went with it. Lots of things worked out that way. It has been a journey of learning to trust my storytelling voice.

> You must have an incredible team helping you

Branwen, Sara's creator, has helped a lot, so has FiddlerFox, writer of the Fox Tails stories. Many people have helped me with specific queries on the Discord. But I'm writing solo. This isn't edited, and because I write as a serial, it also can't be revised once it's posted. I'm as intrigued to watch it grow as any of my readers.

Part one hundred and fifty one Connor, and explanations

Part one hundred and fifty two , Strega, and planning the fight

Part one hundred and fifty three , Meeting the President, and the fight

Part one hundred and fifty four , aftermath

Part one hundred and fifty five , Donna and picking things back up

Part one hundred and fifty six , showers and conversation