Loved Mice in the Churchouse By Jarjarjoss and Domoviye

Comments are always welcome

Domoviye wrote: Comments are always welcome

Cool! ... Do we actually know Monty and Pepper's parents? Or are they OCs?

I'll take this one since I created The concept of Pepper and Monty.

Their dad is an open mutant with minor GSD who works for the Quebec milk mafia, specifically as a lawyer for some of the majour cheese producers. During his free time he does probono work for non-militant mutant rights groups. Yes he named both of his children after cheeses.
His power is that he is a minor speedster, which he uses basically as a way to get paperwork done faster.
During school (at Whateley) he had a well deserved reputation as a prankster. No one thought he would get anywhere given his abysmal Grades. He was there during the transitional stage between the previous longstanding headmaster and Mrs. Carson, which is why he got away with so much.

Their mom works as a university professor and teaches philosophy. Even though she is a baseline she is a strong supporter of mutant rights.
Unlike their father their mother was quite straight laced at school. She always followed the rules to the letter of the law. She was one of the prim and proper straight A students.

They met at a mutant rights sit in while they were both, well, sitting in. They hated eachother. Then it turned out that they went to the same university, so they constantly bothered eachother in different ways. That lead to them hanging out together a lot, which lead to them and one thing lead to another which lead to twins with a mischievous streak a mile wide. Each!

Wait... What year is this taking place in?

August 2007

This story lost me for two reasons.

1. The going back and retelling the same events from. Multiple points of Veiw was boring. I think at one point we ended up with four retellings of the same five minutes, and they really didn't add. Anthing to the story except length.
2. Monty belongs in juvinial detention. He seems to relish the opertunity to engage in theft and property damage. Damaging the bus was stupid. And the bank robbery was inexcusable. I really felt no sympathy for him. He should have been caught.

Monty was suppose to be the stupid teenager who panicked and overreacted. And yeah, he's going to be suffering from this for a LONG time.

Domoviye wrote: Monty was suppose to be the stupid teenager who panicked and overreacted. And yeah, he's going to be suffering from this for a LONG time.

To me it felt more like he had been waiting for an excuse to go on this little crime spree. And s soon as he had one he reall went to town with it.

Stupid teenager, initailly panicked, then overreacted when he had the chance to have 'fun'.
And I agree with you completely.

konzill wrote: This story lost me for two reasons.

1. The going back and retelling the same events from. Multiple points of Veiw was boring. I think at one point we ended up with four retellings of the same five minutes, and they really didn't add. Anthing to the story except length.

It was an experiment, it didn't work out. I wanted to show the effects of Pepper's powers on the people from their own perspective.

Jarjaross wrote:

konzill wrote: This story lost me for two reasons.

1. The going back and retelling the same events from. Multiple points of Veiw was boring. I think at one point we ended up with four retellings of the same five minutes, and they really didn't add. Anthing to the story except length.

It was an experiment, it didn't work out. I wanted to show the effects of Pepper's powers on the people from their own perspective.

I think I liked that part...

Malady wrote:

Jarjaross wrote:

konzill wrote: This story lost me for two reasons.

1. The going back and retelling the same events from. Multiple points of Veiw was boring. I think at one point we ended up with four retellings of the same five minutes, and they really didn't add. Anthing to the story except length.

It was an experiment, it didn't work out. I wanted to show the effects of Pepper's powers on the people from their own perspective.

I think I liked that part...

That would put you in the minority, unfortunately. If I was a better author I probably could have executed the sequence better. This is still better than the original version where everyone told their story in sequence, which is how I wrote it in the first place. The best perspective I got was from Abby because she realized everyone was acting weird but wasn't blue to resist it either.

It was an experiment, and it wasn't bad, just not as good as it could have been.
Believe me I have many such experiments that never see the light of day, or are used once and then gently pushed off into the background.

Practicing like that is the only way you'll get better. And if I had thought it was really bad I'd have said something a bit more than "Wow that was long!" as you were writing it.

I think having multiple PoV has the potential to work, but if you're going for blocks of PoV, it's probably best to restrict it to no more than two recreating the same scene. However, you can get away with more PoV if they're sequential to minimise overlap: for example, when Pepper arrived at the house, her PoV of arriving and meeting the parents, then switch to Marge's PoV of seeing Pepper arrive and giving her a bite to eat, then Abby's PoV of being called down and meeting Pepper, then back to Pepper for her reaction to Abby...

With the arrival of the parents, Monty's likely to get the biggest dressing down, while Pepper's more likely to get the "Why didn't you stop him?" speil. Going forward, when they're in separate cottages and likely to develop separate networks of friends (rather than stay close for mutual support), Pepper's likely to continue being the responsible one, getting a campus job and earning pocket money, while Monty's likely to get increasingly acquainted with the residents of Hawthorne Cottage, when he's not begging his sister for some money...

...if only her power worked on him, their journey to Whateley would have been a lot more straightforward!

I'm a little surprised Jarjarjoss didn't stop my insanity at some point. It was a blast to write, but I did make Monty into the poster boy of juvenile delinquency, when in Jarjarjoss original write up he was suppose to be the more excitable but largely levelheaded one.
And yes, he's grounded until he's 18, and his parents have asked Carson to give him a long detention.

Where do people keep getting this idea that Pepper isn't as mischievous as Monty? I mean come on she caused a bomb threat that got her school evacuated, and didn't get caught! Everyone knew it was her, but no one could prove it.

The difference between Monty and Pepper is not that Monty is irresponsible and mischievous while Pepper is responsible and serious. The difference between Pepper and Monty is that Monty is spontaneous and Pepper plans ahead.

Take the stink bomb incident again, Pepper had to carefully plan out where to set up all of the bombs, make sure they were all ready the night before and get sent to the principals office on multiple occasions to double check the details of the event it was planned around… and I'm not going to say anymore because that's a microscene I'm working on.

Edit:
People also seem to be making Peppers powers out to be more than they actually are. Yes Pepper is a projective empath that can hit things other than emotions such as drowsiness or protective/paternal instincts but there is a reason she uses the flute other than the fact that it helps her focus her power, she needs to work with something that is already there. The whole scene at the police station only occurred because everyone was already a little pissed off because the two agencies were stepping on each others toes.

…Anyone is allowed to post for the microscenes thread correct?

Yes you can.

Jarjaross wrote: Where do people keep getting this idea that Pepper isn't as mischievous as Monty? I mean come on she caused a bomb threat that got her school evacuated.

I guess the difference is that stink bombs caused an evacuation, arguably something like that could and possibly should have lead to her getting expelled from her school. Honestly if that went to court she'd probably get a suspended sentence and a good behaviour bond. What Monty did was at a different magnitude. First he destroyed a bus, and thats thousands of dollars worth of property damage. Then he stole a police car and then he stole and destroyed another car. And then he robbed a bank, Now car theft can carry 10 years in prison and he did that twice, as for bank robery thats a Federal crime carrying 10 - 25 years in prison. So really that little escapade would have easily seen him locked away for 20 years.

Yep.
Hde didn't think through his first action and then he kept escalating them thinking that it was his only way out. When I wrote it, I was in the middle of month long binge of watching old tv shows like the three stooges and the old warner brothers and Tom and Jerry cartoons, so I was channeling that A LOT.
I just kept trying to up myself, and you'll notice how everyone is calling him an idiot.

I don't know, There are case where children were arrested for terrorism because they made clocks that looked like bombs.

Also think about the amount of planning that goes into all of this. Monty would end up being a supervillain like sparkler, destructive, random, and dangerous but on the whole easily captured and subdued. Pepper on the other hand would be the person making a career of it, planning the crimes carefully looking over every possibility and planning for most.

We all saw how Monty robs a bank but how would Pepper do it? I'm not sure the police would even realize she was involved if everyone stuck to the plan.

Jarjaross wrote: I don't know, There are case where children were arrested for terrorism because they made clocks that looked like bombs.

We are getting off topic here, but thats not what actually happened. He didn't make a clock, he took the guts out of a comerical alarm clock and went to some lengths to make it look like a bomb. And then he kept showing it around even after a teacher warned him to put it away. And this is on top of having a history of disruptive pranks. So basically he was a known attention seeker causing trouble for the umpteenth time.

Malady wrote:

Jarjaross wrote:

Malady wrote: Ah. Got it. Emotion-Alteration Through Music.

Like Pepper Jack, if we're gonna be talking about fanfics.

That's not how… you know what never mind. This is not the topic nor the time to discuss how her powers work.

I was like "What do you mean?! This is the perfect time and place to talk about Calliope's powers!" but now I'm like "Oh! You're talking about Pepper Jack!"...

Yeah. I should figure out how to use "like" better.

Since this topic seems less escapable than I first thought I am going to post this here resurrecting the somewhat dead thread.

Pepper Jack's powers do not work solely when there is music present. She uses music to focus, amplify, and control her powers. She is not a siren, nor, is she technically an projective empath, though she can be mistaken if the definitions being used are sufficiently broad.

How her powers work are a secret hidden somewhere else on this forum which I will not be revealing as I have more plans for my lovely little mouse girl.

So does Domoviye if I remember correctly.