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Float your latest theory on who is going to be this school year's big bad, piece together plot points to unravel one of the big mysteries, or guess what's coming up next in your favorite stories.
Anything is fair game... just don't complain when someone with more Whateley-verse savvy shoots your theory out of the sky.
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Anything is fair game... just don't complain when someone with more Whateley-verse savvy shoots your theory out of the sky.
Posting rules: Any registered member can create threads or post to existing ones.
Question Eisenmadel 1: Summer of my German Heritage
8 years 3 months ago - 8 years 3 months ago #3
by Malady
Posts:
3893
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Unknown
Birthdate:
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- Malady
-
Wonder what the title's referencing...
Well, this is all happening over Eric's summer vacation... And the main action is in less than a day. Well, its basically just a really long fight, so no reason for it to take over a day. ... The Bunny Rabbit Company is Bugs's Company, I guess. ... Hmm... Superserums and Nazis... Is Erica, not Cerulea, the test subject 16 for that Nazi secret lab?
... The Green Cross's last name... It sounds familiar... Where have I seen it before? ... The Secret Lab? ... And more Whateley!Nazi history! ... Those German codenames... I should figure out their translations... They've lived long lives and done a lot of stuff, worked for most everyone as well.
BadassGrandparents! Yeah! ... This is more about them than Erica at this point?
So, they found Eric's family via his mom, who is some homeless person or something? Estranged, at any rate. ... Does Erica have any cousins or something? ... Who is Eric's father? Her father might have siblings?
... Wait... If they scan their recruits for the MGC, then Penelope can't be a mutant? ... She's eventually adopted by the other pair, I think, as said in Big Apple?
... Where are the guys for the Nazi breeding program being recruited? This is only the girls after all... Or did they not start that part yet?
That 2 centuries+ cyborg guy. Creepy, with his trepanation and stuff, and not being in control of his body, but not caring much about that either...
Green Cross having an affected accent is funny, though! And Agent B snorts drugs!
So, this is Part 1, so there's a part 2. This part is basically Erica being rescued by those 4, with a bit of combat herself at the end. Will she be get a more actiony part to play in Part 2? ... Part 2 is her training, and then some tie into The Big Apple Comes With Calamari, I guess.
... Woah, is this update really long, or me just being used to shorter installments?? ... Not a lot has changed from the fanfic. Then again, this story doesn't deal much with mutants, and possibly had Canonist help in its first version.
Well, this is all happening over Eric's summer vacation... And the main action is in less than a day. Well, its basically just a really long fight, so no reason for it to take over a day. ... The Bunny Rabbit Company is Bugs's Company, I guess. ... Hmm... Superserums and Nazis... Is Erica, not Cerulea, the test subject 16 for that Nazi secret lab?
... The Green Cross's last name... It sounds familiar... Where have I seen it before? ... The Secret Lab? ... And more Whateley!Nazi history! ... Those German codenames... I should figure out their translations... They've lived long lives and done a lot of stuff, worked for most everyone as well.
BadassGrandparents! Yeah! ... This is more about them than Erica at this point?
So, they found Eric's family via his mom, who is some homeless person or something? Estranged, at any rate. ... Does Erica have any cousins or something? ... Who is Eric's father? Her father might have siblings?
... Wait... If they scan their recruits for the MGC, then Penelope can't be a mutant? ... She's eventually adopted by the other pair, I think, as said in Big Apple?
... Where are the guys for the Nazi breeding program being recruited? This is only the girls after all... Or did they not start that part yet?
That 2 centuries+ cyborg guy. Creepy, with his trepanation and stuff, and not being in control of his body, but not caring much about that either...
Green Cross having an affected accent is funny, though! And Agent B snorts drugs!
So, this is Part 1, so there's a part 2. This part is basically Erica being rescued by those 4, with a bit of combat herself at the end. Will she be get a more actiony part to play in Part 2? ... Part 2 is her training, and then some tie into The Big Apple Comes With Calamari, I guess.
... Woah, is this update really long, or me just being used to shorter installments?? ... Not a lot has changed from the fanfic. Then again, this story doesn't deal much with mutants, and possibly had Canonist help in its first version.
8 years 3 months ago - 8 years 3 months ago #4
by Arcanist Lupus
Posts:
1820
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Male
Birthdate:
Unknown
Also, I can't tell you how pleased I am to see someone make an Oz reference from further into the series than the movie.
Shame, Penelope! Refusing to be hypnotized! Unthinkable! How could you?
Looking forward to more.
"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy." - Spider Robinson
- Arcanist Lupus
-
Well, I don't know much about posterity, but it did great things to your grandchild's posterior!Which is why it was understandable, if not exactly smart, that he palmed one, and just one, of the sample vials while his wife wasn't looking. For posterity.
What are the chances that at least one of those requests was made by a member of the Beret Mafia, who won't be pleased when a young mutant shows up at Whateley bearing her hero's code name?"Perhaps not to you personally, but your exploits are still discussed in European intelligence circles. Have you heard," the woman said, "that an illustrator in Berlin created a graphic novel series based on your declassified files? That the German hero registry office receives almost a dozen requests a year for the use of your codename?
Also, I can't tell you how pleased I am to see someone make an Oz reference from further into the series than the movie.
Shame, Penelope! Refusing to be hypnotized! Unthinkable! How could you?
Looking forward to more.
"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy." - Spider Robinson
8 years 3 months ago - 8 years 3 months ago #5
by Dreamer
Posts:
984
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
03 Dec 1976
Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked.
Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
- Dreamer
-
Over 7 hours to read and type up my comments on this part 1 of the story. It feels like this is the longest entry released so far.
SPOILER ALERT
Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.
Eisenmädel 1: Summer of my German Heritage Part 1 comments
Eric Schroeder, interesting last name. Ah, I remember trying to rush out, last bell of the last day of school, such a feeling of freedom. Saumer, another interesting name. Hiking pack, a camping trip from the sounds of it, ah to be young and enjoy such things again. His mom and him haven't lived together in over a decade, good grief, that mom of his has serious issues with being a mother.
Men in those kind of suits, plus an old man with possibly a monocle, this is bad, those types never show up with good news. A shouting argument between his grandparents, yet they tell Eric it is nothing, just an old colleague of his Opa. What did Eric's great-grandfather do that makes his Oma so upset, I wonder.
Little Rock, Arkansas, nice visuals of their home. Gah, had to mention strudel, one of the things I miss from my 4 short years in Germany is strudel. Dang, that is a desk, could probably set up a full desktop computer with space to spare. A homebrew D&D campaign played over Skype, sounds like fun.
Achziger was the old man earlier from the sounds of it, in his 2nd century!?! Wonder what has kept him alive that long, so many possibilities. The Schattenkriege, guessing they aren't as finished as Opa and Oma think they are.
A troop going for a few days in the mountains along the Buffalo Springs River, dang, wish I could have gone on such trips. Love the look of Hans lab, bubbling beakers and all. Scrambler, potent tool for erasing evidence in the modern age. And schimmelhorning in the bad old days, dang, Hans aka Eric's Opa has a lot more surprises than I would have thought based on the other Gen 2 stories. D'oh! Palming that vial is going to come back to bite them in the butt later.
Saumer, Maxwell, and Kyle, nice mix of character types for their campaign. Ack! To have an epic dream like that disrupted by Brass Monkey music, poor kid. Dang, that is some time management skills for a 14 year old. Granola and yogurt mix that is delicious and healthy, dang, wish I could get the recipe for it if it actually exist. And a thin grey cylinder about four inches long, is that the vial from earlier or something else?
Winifred aka Eric's Oma, worrying about whoever might be after them going after their grandson. Only fools go after family that isn't involved, always ends badly for them somehow.
The kids talk of exploits among other things, only the most simplistic of RPG systems have few or no exploits. Part of the fun is in finding them. The members of the older patrol slacking off, at that age where they begin not to care about things like scouting activities and such, oh boy. Weird Al Yankovic for road music, nice.
Agent Glas, under orders from Achziger to follow Eric, great, they are planning to go after him if the grandparents don't cooperate. This won't end well.
Winifred waiting for Achziger and his goons with tea and cookies, priceless. Yikes, the appearance of Achziger, part frail and part scary just by his presence. And of course he doesn't take no for an answer, plus reveals he works for a woman who wants Hans to continue his work for her. Dang, slamming the tea tray into a goon's face, way to go Winifred! Darn, stopped half an inch from his face, guessing PK superman.
A mom'n'pop store on Hwy-84, even I would have wanted to stop. Missed the Mazda zipping by, yet one of them gets busted trying to buy an issues of Hustler, normal teenage boys.
And Eric finds what his Opa left for him in his bag, plus a message about protecting it and keeping it safe. Eric is too naïve, that warning about they're coming and he thinks the note is innocuous.
Glas and Sandmann are brothers, orders to just observe and prepare. Yet Sandmann is impatient, only to be reminded of a fiasco in Rio Matando which shuts him up. Impatience in an agent like that, he won't last long if he doesn't learn some patience.
A fumigation tent around the house so Achziger's team can search it, dang, dealing with pros. Silent code between Hans and Winifred, nice code system despite the limits of it. And they are going to have to rely on Adolf to find them now.
The top of the Big Bluff, dang, that takes focus and watching your footing. Gorp, remember eating that, nice when you get one your fav cereals in the mix. Okay, the name of what is in the vial is ominous. Small glass vial with contents that are dark red, with his Opa's history definitely something you don't want to fall into the wrong hands.
Glas and Sandmann heard what Eric said, yikes. And things just escalated. At least with Sandmann being held back for now, Eric has a chance.
Staying at the back of the group, but it is easier to be ambushed when in the back of a large group. Strong power serum, oh boy, definitely something a criminal organization would want. An ambush and S.O.S., at least Saumer is being smart about it and trying to keep Eric safe.
A deadman's switch in the walky talkies, definitely not normal over the counter stuff. Oh god, with a name like Sandmann I'm hoping all he did was put the 7 Boy Scouts and 2 leaders to sleep, not something worse.
Okay, Eric's thoughts on who could be chasing him
Based on how Sandmann is looking at the group on the ground, mention their target isn't with them, he didn't use lethal force otherwise Eric couldn't have been used as a bargaining chip. And he is on Eric's trail, a trained tracker who can spot minor details, great. Ouch, KO'ed by a sucker punch and some of Sandmann's sand to put him out.
2 hours in a propeller plane, that is still over 200 miles at least. As if I didn't like Achziger already, calling mutants genetic filth, *growls in anger*. Genetic experimentation is what empowers the goons working for him, von Groenwald's boys. Dozens of young girls, yikes. Used stuff from the janitor's closet and super-fine wheat dust to blow the place, dang, Winifred is scary dangerous.
Screech Owl aka Matthias Brooks, an avatar with a spirit of a screech owl, is the hero who came when the S.O.S. went out. Informed of what happened so far, confirm no one was hurt, just K.O.ed. Ozarka, a nature mage, is checking everyone for injuries. Yikes, smelling sounds in Technicolor, that is some side-effect.
Dang, Adolf Stein is an intimidating figure of a man. And Adolf now has to find Eric as well. Ah, so that is what Sandmann does, close range psionic disruption attack with the sand as a somatic component, interesting. And Adolf currently works for Homeland Security, oh goodie. Mr. Saumer and Hiram having information, Hiram having to keep his dad from rambling on. Eric has Hiram's GPS tracker on him, kid is even smarter than I thought before. And Glas' knack for making himself and other stuff hard to notice extends to electronics. Wonder how that driver was for Mr. Stein.
Margit, sounds like Adolf's wife from how they are talking, wanting to get out of the business once they rescue Hans, Winifred and Eric. Cute older couple, similar to Hans and Winifred.
In Kansas or Nebraska, wonder where Achziger's base is. A field of yellow wheat, a building with no identity to make it stand out, near a little airstrip. All blue eyed, blonde and less than thirty, that is more than a bit creepy. Good grief, the inside of the base is like a white-washed Cyberpunk future where corporations have taken over.
Okay, who is this woman, look definitely stands out. Baron Dammerung, yikes. And it is Lilian Von Groenwald aka Green Cross, the daughter of the madman mentioned earlier. This is much worse than expected.
Great, daughter of Daisy Frances Pritchard and just barely older than Winifred's own daughter. Ugh, parents treated her like that, disowned her, and worked herself to death to provide for her child. She killed her own grandmother when her father came for her, enhancement, as if she didn't seem dangerous enough already. And of course Green Cross is a racist who only wants pure Aryan people for her organization.
Oh crud, they have Danielle, Eric's mom, and believe that with what Hans did to save her life he could allow them to create super-soldiers from adults. Oh brother, sees the MGC and those who become active mutants as a threat to their plans, as the true inheritors of Earth. Wants their help so the Aryan people can survive, talk about twisted ideals.
Uh oh, a villain who keeps records of every time he fought in various forms, and his greatest collection was of Winifred aka Eisenmädel. All that based around her, wishing to use her codename, dang. She is a legend in Germany.
Great, talking with a man who watched the whole thing, trying to win over Hans and Winifred to their cause. And Eric will arrive by the evening, oh boy. With a codename like Truth, he seems to be able to tell when someone is lying, telepath perhaps.
6 hour drive, Eric waking up every half hour or so, Sandmann low on juice for his power. Darn, they arrive right as Eric wakes up and a knockout patch is used to sedate him again. That little good luck charm is actually the GPS it seems and it is active once more. At least things have started to turn the good guys way.
Nice banter between Screech Owl and Adolf, both no nonsense and straight to the point.
Married spies as a husband and wife team are odd, guess things have changed since their time in the field. Wichita and contact with the local team, definitely out of the way and not near where you would expect a supervillain orgnaization to even have a secondary base at.
Some sequences of genes reacting more than others, doing everything it was supposed to, and one or two things it wasn't. Meaning this is why Eric is so changed by the time we met the poor kid.
Heh, I can understand Matthias not liking to fly except under his own power, a sense of control over what happens to you is important. Wichita Warriors, meet up in fourty-five minutes, talked to a woman named Ruby, probably codename. A base that was once a firehouse, painted red, white, and blue. Ouch, due to local legislature and the team's budget came up, things happened, the others besides Ruby not local and not feeling welcome left, dang. Heck of a way for a superhero team to fall apart.
What the! She only stayed because the state government owns the balance on her cybernetic legs. Great, red tape due to being state sponsored, ugh. TAGINBERT is Adolf's codename, XQVW, guessing that is something we won't find out about any time soon. And Margit is SILBERSTERN, very unique codenames. And Hans is Adolf's brother, didn't see that coming.
Clothing hanging looser in some spots, tighter in others, popped more than one button off a uniform shirt, with more details this would sounds like a slow TG transformation. Ruby is scared of the MCO or KoP showing up in the area, they are that bad down in Kansas, I guess. May be pointless administrative work, but for now she is helping keep any kids who manifest out of the MCO's eye by doing the work in place of them.
Google Earth, smart thinking. Ruby Boots, fitting with the teleport function in her legs, Dolores Gardner so D.G. and a Beretta for Toto. And I'm with Owl on this, when Adolf says he will make some calls it is time to be concerned.
Because of the transformation he is going through, the sedative patch has already burnt itself out on Eric, nice. Oh boy, looking right in a mirror when his conscious mind catches up to reality. And Eric is shocked, as the mirror shows a pretty girl with yellow gold hair. Oh boy, starting to realize the girl in the mirror is him/her, breasts included. Guessing that Scheisse is a German cuss word and he is upset at his Opa, oh boy.
Crying for 15 minutes while in the fetal position, only to get up to drink with eyes shut, better than most his age would handle it. Trying to deal with this logically, oh boy, going to snap if he doesn't get some help soon. Leaving a dent in a desk like that, superhuman strength, and only obvious when in use, dang.
Aerial recon by Screech Owl and yet they have some blueprints of the base somehow, makes you want to bang your head against the wall in frustration. Adolf got info from Colonel Cranston in the Syndicate, just how connected is he. Lingering issues with the electrical systems, good. Syndicate repair personnel uniforms, sneak in hiding in plain sight. And poor Screech Owl, Margit wanting to keep him after all this.
Unable to blush, otherwise Eric would be bright red with embarrassment, poor kid is having a rough day. An announcement over the intercom system shocks Eric, scaring him half out of his wits, like something out of a summer camp announcement. And Eric decides to try and sneak out with the other girls, wonder how this will go. All those different shades of blonde, dang.
Nice bluff by Erica, and Erica gets placed with Penelope to help her out. A silvery jumpsuit, oh brother, someone likes science fiction looks.
Winifred unable to sleep, worrying about what has happened to Eric. Having to sleep on a small cot, no cameras spotted yet, possibly only sound-bugged, they are pros and it shows with how they work together seamlessly. Offered the Green Cross' personal washroom to bathe in, they see the teenage girls leaving the showers and in their silver jumpsuits, too bad Winifred couldn't recognize the transformed Eric as she was rushed off.
Darn, poor Erica having to keep her cover. And now she has to deal with being dumped by Penelope who went off to dine with her friends, Erica waved over by a group and wondering if this is place is like what Dr. Pygmalion did years ago, turning boys into girls. Talia, Mary, Bethany, and Imogene, at least some of the girls are trying to be nice to the new girl. No boys there age, boys at a different training camp according to Green Cross.
No knowledge was ever wasted, interesting. Murfreesboro, who thought of that name in Arkansas. Low-light vision so she can see clearly as long as there is even a little light, highly useful ability. And the ability to speed up her perception of things so she can see the individual frames in a film, dang. Ugh, subliminal imagery is sickening like this, brainwashing innocents into fearing those not like themselves. And subliminal messages in the music as well, leave it to Nazis to resort to such tactics.
Great, they at least shrugged off Erica's reaction as just being new to the subliminals. But Penelope, wonder why she is so resistant to them, mutant power they haven't detected yet perhaps. So Penelope being so popular with her friends is a good thing, might make it easier for her to convince them what the subliminals are saying is wrong.
Mauer, Sandmann, Glas, and Wahrheit, which means truth according to what Hans thinks of the codename. Uh oh, sending Glas to get Eric, time to find out he is gone from his cell. And she barely showed she was upset at the news of Eric's escape, lying to his grandparents he just wasn't feeling well.
No daylight goggles for Screech Owl, poor Ruby having trouble fitting the uniform over her legs, hope this plan works. A building that would blend into an industrial park with ease, makes you want to go to sleep looking at it. Now on with the show.
The lock broken from the inside, desk bent in the middle, washstand pulled half off its setting, that is more damage than the scenes with Eric made it seem like except for the lock. At least Green Cross understands Eric showed so signs of ability yesterday, so doesn't take it out on Glas. And they think he has a Dynamorph now, hehehe, love it when they are wrong. Bigoted little...can't say any more, Green Cross needs a serious beating already.
Booby-trapped their own systems, makes sense from that point of view. Set off every booby-trap in the place, Margit is a woman you don't want to be on the bad side of.
Poor Ruby, so scared going into the den of a bunch of Nazis to do what is right. Ah, having to cover for Margit as she does some sabotage to the base, right under the watchful eyes of the guards even. Smell of gunsmoke as a line of young girls pass by, what is up with that?
Firearms training and poor Erica realizes she isn't attracted to females anymore, it seems. Penelope actually saying Erica has more sense than she thought because she is terrified of Green Cross, good to see she still has her wits about her in this place. Dart-chargers, sounds like the kind of stuff H1! would use to catch mutants alive to torture.
Noticed in the wrong way, so Penelope has noticed what is going on around there. At least now Erica has informed Penelope about the subliminals in the seminar, video and audio. And Penelope has warmed up to Erica. Margit actually recognizes Erica as Eric with the description of shock and recognition.
No wonder, Erica looks like her grandmother did at that age and Margit realizes who she is. Dang, only she would go to the least likely conclusion and get it right. Using Penelope as a faux hostage, even telling her she won't hurt her. Dang, pointblank shot to Mauer to use her knowledge him being a Brick with a PK repulsion field strong enough to deflect her bullets against him, as the flash and ejecta went straight into his eyes. And down due to Very Hungry Tiger from Ruby, nice.
Margit does good work, scary good. Now Screech Owl and Adolf join the fun, with two more security guards down. Torture by dull, droning small talk for an hour on end, that is inhuman! KOed Achziger with her chair, then made their way to the janitor's closet, knowing Adolf and Margit are behind what is going on. Those two with a closet full of household chemicals, yikes.
Trick the systems into analyzing themselves, clever. And Green Cross thinks the Syndicate betrayed them, oh boy, if she acts on that false notion. Project Walkuren, I don't like the sounds of that.
German codewords for the targets, Ruby confused since Erica doesn't look anything like Eric used to. Penelope was sent here by foster parents who told her it was a charity summer camp, oh boy. Oh crap, a trigger word for the brainwashed girls, confirm that Penelope isn't brainwashed and Erica defends her, while Penelope just wants to get the hell out of this madhouse. Smart girl.
Taking as many dart-chargers as possible, including Penelope, and she bluffs four girls who show up, subduing them with a dart-charger.
A MacGyver trait with chemicals, very useful ability Hans has there. Bleach fuses and chemical bombs, never let him in the cleaning supplies aisle at any supermarket.
Achziger is a freaking cyborg, oh great, that is how he has lasted so long. Conscious and following Hans and Winifred now, not good.
Ooo, security turret went rogue and injured 10, Wahrheit trapped in a toilet and they don't know what happened to Mauer. And there went the shooting range and the Nazis still in it.
Matthias thought he left all this craziness behind after graduating high school, meaning he went to Whateley with that kind of stuff in high school. And disguises for him and Adolf, as long as the lights are out.
And two guards on the lowest rung in the place get taken out by a tupper bomb, ouch. All those girls following Agent Baumgartner's orders, hopefully they can be deprogrammed. Darn, Talia is among the brainwashed seen so far, and she was so nice to Erica. D'oh! Had to use the little girl's room, never go with that as a bluff.
Agent Wilson got out of there fast, Achziger is very creepy right now and doesn't seem to care who he attacks. Poor Agent Dade, what a way to go, taken out by one of his own bosses.
Ooo, lured the Valkyrie brainwashed girls into a tripwire-based trap. Even in your own base you have to watch out for traps, thought that was part of villain 101. All to set off the rigged dart-chargers, Margit is a master.
Finding out about Penelope Rose is one thing, Green Cross is shocked to hear about a new girl. Oh boy, the villains are catching on to what happened.
Okay, just the sounds for that scene made it all the more creepy, bravo.
Joking about Green Cross being a Bond villain and if that makes them Bond girls. Darn it! Of course she figured it out, now she is trying to trick her, not revealing her grandparents have already escaped for the most part. Erica is frustrated about what to do, takes it out on a table and reveals her super strength, remembering she has it now.
Green Cross is ticked but keeping it hidden fairly well, especially since Mauer is dead, most of the girls are incapacitated, and 3 more are dead by Achziger now. Good lord, Achziger is more machine than man now, with little of the original left. His mind isn't even in control of it right now, just along for the ride and enjoying it.
Oh crud, Achziger has found Adolf, Hans, Winifred and Screech Owl, this is bad. Hope they have some bombs left. And he goes for Winifred first, the cyborg monster. Dang, she is able to catch and throw him, but he springs back for more. A throw or a hold each time he tried to attack her, she is good. And he tries to kill her with the thin needle spike that is part of his repair system.
Only for her to counter with a palm strike to his head, nice. And down due to dart-chargers from 4 of them. Now they have to go find Eric to prevent her from falling into a trap.
Ah, so intel isn't sure about Eric/a being a boy or girl due to conflicting reports. And Erica shows up with Penelope, Penelope acting like she is going to trade Erica for her freedom from this place while Green Cross tries to convince her she doesn't want to do this. Emotion projection by GC and it doesn't work on Penelope.
Looks like Penelope might just get out of there with Erica, GC none the wiser to her ploy and thinking she can just take her out later. And Penelope is just calling names to tick them off and keep attention on her, before they run to safety and Ruby teleports.
Ouch, that roundhouse punch from Erica sounds like she snapped the guy's neck. All the chaos of the fight, Penelope firing when she can, Margit taking on some goons, Ruby porting in and out with pot shots, and someone was behind Margit which Erica spotted.
Glas shows up and just waltz through the fight without a care due to his power. Going after Margit, thinking he has her dead to rights. Only for Erica to come out of nowhere and blindside him, KOed with one punch from the girl he dismissed as no threat to him.
GC injured due to Ruby firing flechette in her arm, while Baumgartner is shot twice in the arm and once in the shoulder, Ruby is gone with shots on the fly while teleporting rapidly, a rare skill to see from a teleporter. Trying to kill Erica now with a head shot, what a coward.
Ah, so Erica seems to have been saved by her own PK field, thought seeing it happen distract Ruby long enough for Sandmann to put her to sleep. Oh brother, ticked off because she thinks Erica gained her powers due to mutation and it is an insult to the Aryan race, sickening villain through and through. Great, GC has gone crazed as she tries to continue to kill Erica.
6 shots all stopped by what appears to be a PK field, made of grey light. And with her distracted, Erica clocks GC one in the nose and sends her spinning. Only for GC to try and focus all her emotion projection on Erica and make her think she can't win against her. And a powerful voice drives GC's out, by force of presence alone, dang.
And Penelope meets Adolf, Hans, and Winifred in the strangest way, Adolf placing a dart-charger to her head and her saying she is with Margit. And Adolf is the one who shut down GC with just the force of his presence, now that is awesome.
Ooo, I love how Adolf is talking to GC and telling her not to make mistakes like her father did. FBI and ATF show up with warrants and guns, dang Adolf is good. And waving as they retreat, now that is a spy.
Penelope finds out Erica used to be a boy, not bothered by it a bit, even offers her a hug. Ruby knocked out due to the fall when Sandmann hit her, ouch. Having to cover up Erica's change, downplay the superstrength until they determine how she came by these changes, thinking ahead.
Placing Agent Baumgartner in with Achziger in his condition is a death sentence almost, if she survives this I wonder how loyal she will be to GC in the future. Great, they escaped to come plague Erica and her family another day.
At least the girls might be deprogrammed now since they just abandoned them at the base.
SPOILER ALERT
Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.
Eisenmädel 1: Summer of my German Heritage Part 1 comments
Eric Schroeder, interesting last name. Ah, I remember trying to rush out, last bell of the last day of school, such a feeling of freedom. Saumer, another interesting name. Hiking pack, a camping trip from the sounds of it, ah to be young and enjoy such things again. His mom and him haven't lived together in over a decade, good grief, that mom of his has serious issues with being a mother.
Men in those kind of suits, plus an old man with possibly a monocle, this is bad, those types never show up with good news. A shouting argument between his grandparents, yet they tell Eric it is nothing, just an old colleague of his Opa. What did Eric's great-grandfather do that makes his Oma so upset, I wonder.
Little Rock, Arkansas, nice visuals of their home. Gah, had to mention strudel, one of the things I miss from my 4 short years in Germany is strudel. Dang, that is a desk, could probably set up a full desktop computer with space to spare. A homebrew D&D campaign played over Skype, sounds like fun.
Achziger was the old man earlier from the sounds of it, in his 2nd century!?! Wonder what has kept him alive that long, so many possibilities. The Schattenkriege, guessing they aren't as finished as Opa and Oma think they are.
A troop going for a few days in the mountains along the Buffalo Springs River, dang, wish I could have gone on such trips. Love the look of Hans lab, bubbling beakers and all. Scrambler, potent tool for erasing evidence in the modern age. And schimmelhorning in the bad old days, dang, Hans aka Eric's Opa has a lot more surprises than I would have thought based on the other Gen 2 stories. D'oh! Palming that vial is going to come back to bite them in the butt later.
Saumer, Maxwell, and Kyle, nice mix of character types for their campaign. Ack! To have an epic dream like that disrupted by Brass Monkey music, poor kid. Dang, that is some time management skills for a 14 year old. Granola and yogurt mix that is delicious and healthy, dang, wish I could get the recipe for it if it actually exist. And a thin grey cylinder about four inches long, is that the vial from earlier or something else?
Winifred aka Eric's Oma, worrying about whoever might be after them going after their grandson. Only fools go after family that isn't involved, always ends badly for them somehow.
The kids talk of exploits among other things, only the most simplistic of RPG systems have few or no exploits. Part of the fun is in finding them.
The members of the older patrol slacking off, at that age where they begin not to care about things like scouting activities and such, oh boy. Weird Al Yankovic for road music, nice.Agent Glas, under orders from Achziger to follow Eric, great, they are planning to go after him if the grandparents don't cooperate. This won't end well.
Winifred waiting for Achziger and his goons with tea and cookies, priceless. Yikes, the appearance of Achziger, part frail and part scary just by his presence. And of course he doesn't take no for an answer, plus reveals he works for a woman who wants Hans to continue his work for her. Dang, slamming the tea tray into a goon's face, way to go Winifred! Darn, stopped half an inch from his face, guessing PK superman.
A mom'n'pop store on Hwy-84, even I would have wanted to stop. Missed the Mazda zipping by, yet one of them gets busted trying to buy an issues of Hustler, normal teenage boys.
And Eric finds what his Opa left for him in his bag, plus a message about protecting it and keeping it safe. Eric is too naïve, that warning about they're coming and he thinks the note is innocuous.
Glas and Sandmann are brothers, orders to just observe and prepare. Yet Sandmann is impatient, only to be reminded of a fiasco in Rio Matando which shuts him up. Impatience in an agent like that, he won't last long if he doesn't learn some patience.
A fumigation tent around the house so Achziger's team can search it, dang, dealing with pros. Silent code between Hans and Winifred, nice code system despite the limits of it. And they are going to have to rely on Adolf to find them now.
The top of the Big Bluff, dang, that takes focus and watching your footing. Gorp, remember eating that, nice when you get one your fav cereals in the mix. Okay, the name of what is in the vial is ominous. Small glass vial with contents that are dark red, with his Opa's history definitely something you don't want to fall into the wrong hands.
Glas and Sandmann heard what Eric said, yikes. And things just escalated. At least with Sandmann being held back for now, Eric has a chance.
Staying at the back of the group, but it is easier to be ambushed when in the back of a large group. Strong power serum, oh boy, definitely something a criminal organization would want. An ambush and S.O.S., at least Saumer is being smart about it and trying to keep Eric safe.
A deadman's switch in the walky talkies, definitely not normal over the counter stuff. Oh god, with a name like Sandmann I'm hoping all he did was put the 7 Boy Scouts and 2 leaders to sleep, not something worse.
Okay, Eric's thoughts on who could be chasing him
Nice reference to Romanesco Broccoli and its nickname. Yikes, that angry at his Opa, understandable in the situation. *eyes bug out* His Opa made a super-soldier formula and to keep it safe Eric just downs the vial like that, good grief.Alien broccoli from the planet Brassica?
Based on how Sandmann is looking at the group on the ground, mention their target isn't with them, he didn't use lethal force otherwise Eric couldn't have been used as a bargaining chip. And he is on Eric's trail, a trained tracker who can spot minor details, great. Ouch, KO'ed by a sucker punch and some of Sandmann's sand to put him out.
2 hours in a propeller plane, that is still over 200 miles at least. As if I didn't like Achziger already, calling mutants genetic filth, *growls in anger*. Genetic experimentation is what empowers the goons working for him, von Groenwald's boys. Dozens of young girls, yikes. Used stuff from the janitor's closet and super-fine wheat dust to blow the place, dang, Winifred is scary dangerous.
Screech Owl aka Matthias Brooks, an avatar with a spirit of a screech owl, is the hero who came when the S.O.S. went out. Informed of what happened so far, confirm no one was hurt, just K.O.ed. Ozarka, a nature mage, is checking everyone for injuries. Yikes, smelling sounds in Technicolor, that is some side-effect.
Dang, Adolf Stein is an intimidating figure of a man. And Adolf now has to find Eric as well. Ah, so that is what Sandmann does, close range psionic disruption attack with the sand as a somatic component, interesting. And Adolf currently works for Homeland Security, oh goodie. Mr. Saumer and Hiram having information, Hiram having to keep his dad from rambling on. Eric has Hiram's GPS tracker on him, kid is even smarter than I thought before. And Glas' knack for making himself and other stuff hard to notice extends to electronics. Wonder how that driver was for Mr. Stein.
Margit, sounds like Adolf's wife from how they are talking, wanting to get out of the business once they rescue Hans, Winifred and Eric. Cute older couple, similar to Hans and Winifred.
In Kansas or Nebraska, wonder where Achziger's base is. A field of yellow wheat, a building with no identity to make it stand out, near a little airstrip. All blue eyed, blonde and less than thirty, that is more than a bit creepy. Good grief, the inside of the base is like a white-washed Cyberpunk future where corporations have taken over.
Okay, who is this woman, look definitely stands out. Baron Dammerung, yikes. And it is Lilian Von Groenwald aka Green Cross, the daughter of the madman mentioned earlier. This is much worse than expected.
Great, daughter of Daisy Frances Pritchard and just barely older than Winifred's own daughter. Ugh, parents treated her like that, disowned her, and worked herself to death to provide for her child. She killed her own grandmother when her father came for her, enhancement, as if she didn't seem dangerous enough already. And of course Green Cross is a racist who only wants pure Aryan people for her organization.
Oh crud, they have Danielle, Eric's mom, and believe that with what Hans did to save her life he could allow them to create super-soldiers from adults. Oh brother, sees the MGC and those who become active mutants as a threat to their plans, as the true inheritors of Earth. Wants their help so the Aryan people can survive, talk about twisted ideals.
Uh oh, a villain who keeps records of every time he fought in various forms, and his greatest collection was of Winifred aka Eisenmädel. All that based around her, wishing to use her codename, dang. She is a legend in Germany.
Great, talking with a man who watched the whole thing, trying to win over Hans and Winifred to their cause. And Eric will arrive by the evening, oh boy. With a codename like Truth, he seems to be able to tell when someone is lying, telepath perhaps.
6 hour drive, Eric waking up every half hour or so, Sandmann low on juice for his power. Darn, they arrive right as Eric wakes up and a knockout patch is used to sedate him again. That little good luck charm is actually the GPS it seems and it is active once more. At least things have started to turn the good guys way.
Nice banter between Screech Owl and Adolf, both no nonsense and straight to the point.
Bwahahaha, now that is funny. Ouch, dayvision goggles to deal with sunlight or bright lights, poor Screech Owl got his namesake's vision and problem from it as well."Look out the window, old man."
Ah, she is the kind of grandma a kid would love to have."Are they legit?" "Enough for our purposes!"
Married spies as a husband and wife team are odd, guess things have changed since their time in the field. Wichita and contact with the local team, definitely out of the way and not near where you would expect a supervillain orgnaization to even have a secondary base at.
Some sequences of genes reacting more than others, doing everything it was supposed to, and one or two things it wasn't. Meaning this is why Eric is so changed by the time we met the poor kid.
Heh, I can understand Matthias not liking to fly except under his own power, a sense of control over what happens to you is important. Wichita Warriors, meet up in fourty-five minutes, talked to a woman named Ruby, probably codename. A base that was once a firehouse, painted red, white, and blue. Ouch, due to local legislature and the team's budget came up, things happened, the others besides Ruby not local and not feeling welcome left, dang. Heck of a way for a superhero team to fall apart.
What the! She only stayed because the state government owns the balance on her cybernetic legs. Great, red tape due to being state sponsored, ugh. TAGINBERT is Adolf's codename, XQVW, guessing that is something we won't find out about any time soon. And Margit is SILBERSTERN, very unique codenames. And Hans is Adolf's brother, didn't see that coming.
Clothing hanging looser in some spots, tighter in others, popped more than one button off a uniform shirt, with more details this would sounds like a slow TG transformation. Ruby is scared of the MCO or KoP showing up in the area, they are that bad down in Kansas, I guess. May be pointless administrative work, but for now she is helping keep any kids who manifest out of the MCO's eye by doing the work in place of them.
Google Earth, smart thinking. Ruby Boots, fitting with the teleport function in her legs, Dolores Gardner so D.G. and a Beretta for Toto. And I'm with Owl on this, when Adolf says he will make some calls it is time to be concerned.
Because of the transformation he is going through, the sedative patch has already burnt itself out on Eric, nice. Oh boy, looking right in a mirror when his conscious mind catches up to reality. And Eric is shocked, as the mirror shows a pretty girl with yellow gold hair. Oh boy, starting to realize the girl in the mirror is him/her, breasts included. Guessing that Scheisse is a German cuss word and he is upset at his Opa, oh boy.
Crying for 15 minutes while in the fetal position, only to get up to drink with eyes shut, better than most his age would handle it. Trying to deal with this logically, oh boy, going to snap if he doesn't get some help soon. Leaving a dent in a desk like that, superhuman strength, and only obvious when in use, dang.
Aerial recon by Screech Owl and yet they have some blueprints of the base somehow, makes you want to bang your head against the wall in frustration. Adolf got info from Colonel Cranston in the Syndicate, just how connected is he. Lingering issues with the electrical systems, good. Syndicate repair personnel uniforms, sneak in hiding in plain sight. And poor Screech Owl, Margit wanting to keep him after all this.
Unable to blush, otherwise Eric would be bright red with embarrassment, poor kid is having a rough day. An announcement over the intercom system shocks Eric, scaring him half out of his wits, like something out of a summer camp announcement. And Eric decides to try and sneak out with the other girls, wonder how this will go. All those different shades of blonde, dang.
Nice bluff by Erica, and Erica gets placed with Penelope to help her out. A silvery jumpsuit, oh brother, someone likes science fiction looks.
*laughing so hard it is hurting my sides* RFID chips in the buttons on the collar, darn, going to be harder to escape than she thought. Oh boy, first public shower as a girl, going to be interesting for her.and boing!, like the booby fairy visited while you sleep."
Winifred unable to sleep, worrying about what has happened to Eric. Having to sleep on a small cot, no cameras spotted yet, possibly only sound-bugged, they are pros and it shows with how they work together seamlessly. Offered the Green Cross' personal washroom to bathe in, they see the teenage girls leaving the showers and in their silver jumpsuits, too bad Winifred couldn't recognize the transformed Eric as she was rushed off.
Darn, poor Erica having to keep her cover. And now she has to deal with being dumped by Penelope who went off to dine with her friends, Erica waved over by a group and wondering if this is place is like what Dr. Pygmalion did years ago, turning boys into girls. Talia, Mary, Bethany, and Imogene, at least some of the girls are trying to be nice to the new girl. No boys there age, boys at a different training camp according to Green Cross.
No knowledge was ever wasted, interesting. Murfreesboro, who thought of that name in Arkansas. Low-light vision so she can see clearly as long as there is even a little light, highly useful ability. And the ability to speed up her perception of things so she can see the individual frames in a film, dang. Ugh, subliminal imagery is sickening like this, brainwashing innocents into fearing those not like themselves. And subliminal messages in the music as well, leave it to Nazis to resort to such tactics.
Great, they at least shrugged off Erica's reaction as just being new to the subliminals. But Penelope, wonder why she is so resistant to them, mutant power they haven't detected yet perhaps. So Penelope being so popular with her friends is a good thing, might make it easier for her to convince them what the subliminals are saying is wrong.
Mauer, Sandmann, Glas, and Wahrheit, which means truth according to what Hans thinks of the codename. Uh oh, sending Glas to get Eric, time to find out he is gone from his cell. And she barely showed she was upset at the news of Eric's escape, lying to his grandparents he just wasn't feeling well.
Boy, Hans needs to get out more and see how much trouble boys Eric's age can get into now.After all, how much trouble could one boy get into?
No daylight goggles for Screech Owl, poor Ruby having trouble fitting the uniform over her legs, hope this plan works. A building that would blend into an industrial park with ease, makes you want to go to sleep looking at it. Now on with the show.
The lock broken from the inside, desk bent in the middle, washstand pulled half off its setting, that is more damage than the scenes with Eric made it seem like except for the lock. At least Green Cross understands Eric showed so signs of ability yesterday, so doesn't take it out on Glas. And they think he has a Dynamorph now, hehehe, love it when they are wrong. Bigoted little...can't say any more, Green Cross needs a serious beating already.
Booby-trapped their own systems, makes sense from that point of view. Set off every booby-trap in the place, Margit is a woman you don't want to be on the bad side of.
Poor Ruby, so scared going into the den of a bunch of Nazis to do what is right. Ah, having to cover for Margit as she does some sabotage to the base, right under the watchful eyes of the guards even. Smell of gunsmoke as a line of young girls pass by, what is up with that?
Firearms training and poor Erica realizes she isn't attracted to females anymore, it seems. Penelope actually saying Erica has more sense than she thought because she is terrified of Green Cross, good to see she still has her wits about her in this place. Dart-chargers, sounds like the kind of stuff H1! would use to catch mutants alive to torture.
Noticed in the wrong way, so Penelope has noticed what is going on around there. At least now Erica has informed Penelope about the subliminals in the seminar, video and audio. And Penelope has warmed up to Erica. Margit actually recognizes Erica as Eric with the description of shock and recognition.
No wonder, Erica looks like her grandmother did at that age and Margit realizes who she is. Dang, only she would go to the least likely conclusion and get it right. Using Penelope as a faux hostage, even telling her she won't hurt her. Dang, pointblank shot to Mauer to use her knowledge him being a Brick with a PK repulsion field strong enough to deflect her bullets against him, as the flash and ejecta went straight into his eyes. And down due to Very Hungry Tiger from Ruby, nice.
Margit does good work, scary good. Now Screech Owl and Adolf join the fun, with two more security guards down. Torture by dull, droning small talk for an hour on end, that is inhuman! KOed Achziger with her chair, then made their way to the janitor's closet, knowing Adolf and Margit are behind what is going on. Those two with a closet full of household chemicals, yikes.
Trick the systems into analyzing themselves, clever. And Green Cross thinks the Syndicate betrayed them, oh boy, if she acts on that false notion. Project Walkuren, I don't like the sounds of that.
German codewords for the targets, Ruby confused since Erica doesn't look anything like Eric used to. Penelope was sent here by foster parents who told her it was a charity summer camp, oh boy. Oh crap, a trigger word for the brainwashed girls, confirm that Penelope isn't brainwashed and Erica defends her, while Penelope just wants to get the hell out of this madhouse. Smart girl.
Taking as many dart-chargers as possible, including Penelope, and she bluffs four girls who show up, subduing them with a dart-charger.
Poor kid is going to become part of the family now, with all that entails."Leave 'em." said Penelope. "They're Nazis, and more than that they're scumbags who use kids as weapons. Let 'em get what they deserve." "Oh, this one's a keeper," Margit murmured
A MacGyver trait with chemicals, very useful ability Hans has there. Bleach fuses and chemical bombs, never let him in the cleaning supplies aisle at any supermarket.
Achziger is a freaking cyborg, oh great, that is how he has lasted so long. Conscious and following Hans and Winifred now, not good.
Ooo, security turret went rogue and injured 10, Wahrheit trapped in a toilet and they don't know what happened to Mauer. And there went the shooting range and the Nazis still in it.
Matthias thought he left all this craziness behind after graduating high school, meaning he went to Whateley with that kind of stuff in high school. And disguises for him and Adolf, as long as the lights are out.
And two guards on the lowest rung in the place get taken out by a tupper bomb, ouch. All those girls following Agent Baumgartner's orders, hopefully they can be deprogrammed. Darn, Talia is among the brainwashed seen so far, and she was so nice to Erica. D'oh! Had to use the little girl's room, never go with that as a bluff.
Agent Wilson got out of there fast, Achziger is very creepy right now and doesn't seem to care who he attacks. Poor Agent Dade, what a way to go, taken out by one of his own bosses.
Ooo, lured the Valkyrie brainwashed girls into a tripwire-based trap. Even in your own base you have to watch out for traps, thought that was part of villain 101. All to set off the rigged dart-chargers, Margit is a master.
Finding out about Penelope Rose is one thing, Green Cross is shocked to hear about a new girl. Oh boy, the villains are catching on to what happened.
Now that line is priceless, surprised something like it hasn't been used in an action movie before, afaik. Contingency plans, wonder what craziness Adolf has created with those."Dammit, Hans!" he yelled into the shadows. "Check before you chuck."
Okay, just the sounds for that scene made it all the more creepy, bravo.
Joking about Green Cross being a Bond villain and if that makes them Bond girls. Darn it! Of course she figured it out, now she is trying to trick her, not revealing her grandparents have already escaped for the most part. Erica is frustrated about what to do, takes it out on a table and reveals her super strength, remembering she has it now.
Green Cross is ticked but keeping it hidden fairly well, especially since Mauer is dead, most of the girls are incapacitated, and 3 more are dead by Achziger now. Good lord, Achziger is more machine than man now, with little of the original left. His mind isn't even in control of it right now, just along for the ride and enjoying it.
Oh crud, Achziger has found Adolf, Hans, Winifred and Screech Owl, this is bad. Hope they have some bombs left. And he goes for Winifred first, the cyborg monster. Dang, she is able to catch and throw him, but he springs back for more. A throw or a hold each time he tried to attack her, she is good. And he tries to kill her with the thin needle spike that is part of his repair system.
Only for her to counter with a palm strike to his head, nice. And down due to dart-chargers from 4 of them. Now they have to go find Eric to prevent her from falling into a trap.
Ah, so intel isn't sure about Eric/a being a boy or girl due to conflicting reports. And Erica shows up with Penelope, Penelope acting like she is going to trade Erica for her freedom from this place while Green Cross tries to convince her she doesn't want to do this. Emotion projection by GC and it doesn't work on Penelope.
Looks like Penelope might just get out of there with Erica, GC none the wiser to her ploy and thinking she can just take her out later. And Penelope is just calling names to tick them off and keep attention on her, before they run to safety and Ruby teleports.
Ouch, that roundhouse punch from Erica sounds like she snapped the guy's neck. All the chaos of the fight, Penelope firing when she can, Margit taking on some goons, Ruby porting in and out with pot shots, and someone was behind Margit which Erica spotted.
Glas shows up and just waltz through the fight without a care due to his power. Going after Margit, thinking he has her dead to rights. Only for Erica to come out of nowhere and blindside him, KOed with one punch from the girl he dismissed as no threat to him.
GC injured due to Ruby firing flechette in her arm, while Baumgartner is shot twice in the arm and once in the shoulder, Ruby is gone with shots on the fly while teleporting rapidly, a rare skill to see from a teleporter. Trying to kill Erica now with a head shot, what a coward.
Ah, so Erica seems to have been saved by her own PK field, thought seeing it happen distract Ruby long enough for Sandmann to put her to sleep. Oh brother, ticked off because she thinks Erica gained her powers due to mutation and it is an insult to the Aryan race, sickening villain through and through. Great, GC has gone crazed as she tries to continue to kill Erica.
6 shots all stopped by what appears to be a PK field, made of grey light. And with her distracted, Erica clocks GC one in the nose and sends her spinning. Only for GC to try and focus all her emotion projection on Erica and make her think she can't win against her. And a powerful voice drives GC's out, by force of presence alone, dang.
And Penelope meets Adolf, Hans, and Winifred in the strangest way, Adolf placing a dart-charger to her head and her saying she is with Margit. And Adolf is the one who shut down GC with just the force of his presence, now that is awesome.
Ooo, I love how Adolf is talking to GC and telling her not to make mistakes like her father did. FBI and ATF show up with warrants and guns, dang Adolf is good. And waving as they retreat, now that is a spy.
Penelope finds out Erica used to be a boy, not bothered by it a bit, even offers her a hug. Ruby knocked out due to the fall when Sandmann hit her, ouch. Having to cover up Erica's change, downplay the superstrength until they determine how she came by these changes, thinking ahead.
Placing Agent Baumgartner in with Achziger in his condition is a death sentence almost, if she survives this I wonder how loyal she will be to GC in the future. Great, they escaped to come plague Erica and her family another day.
At least the girls might be deprogrammed now since they just abandoned them at the base.
Sandmann knows how to tease his brother well. Can't wait for the next part of this story to see what happens to Erica and Penelope."Close. It was a petite little girl."
Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked.
Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
8 years 3 months ago - 8 years 3 months ago #6
by Katssun
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- Katssun
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Well, it certainly explained a few things!
"Cousin" Penny being naturally resistant to brainwashing. Ego? Self-identity? Just a cheerleader-rebel through and through? They explained that they screen all the girls for proper Aryan traits, so she shouldn't be a mutant. Just extremely strong willed, whip-smart, and almost unflappable. No wonder Margit and Adolf like her enough to adopt her (as indicated by Calamari pt 1), she's practically a blond Margit!
I guess the only questions I'm left with are the whole Dynamorph thing. Does Erica have it or not? Did the serum produce the bulletproof field or did something else.
The other is big picture stuff. If this Nazi base got routed, and Green Cross flew off to who knows where, how did they not know of the other Nazi base in Missouri/Nebraska?! Are these separate cells, or is Groenwald and her faked accent, completely unconnected to that group?
So Erica looks like her grandmother, Bianca looks like her grandmother, Tanya looks like her mother, Morgana looks like her blood-sister, Tia takes after her 'adopted' big sister...and Laura's left out of that little club.
"Cousin" Penny being naturally resistant to brainwashing. Ego? Self-identity? Just a cheerleader-rebel through and through? They explained that they screen all the girls for proper Aryan traits, so she shouldn't be a mutant. Just extremely strong willed, whip-smart, and almost unflappable. No wonder Margit and Adolf like her enough to adopt her (as indicated by Calamari pt 1), she's practically a blond Margit!
I guess the only questions I'm left with are the whole Dynamorph thing. Does Erica have it or not? Did the serum produce the bulletproof field or did something else.
The other is big picture stuff. If this Nazi base got routed, and Green Cross flew off to who knows where, how did they not know of the other Nazi base in Missouri/Nebraska?! Are these separate cells, or is Groenwald and her faked accent, completely unconnected to that group?
So Erica looks like her grandmother, Bianca looks like her grandmother, Tanya looks like her mother, Morgana looks like her blood-sister, Tia takes after her 'adopted' big sister...and Laura's left out of that little club.
8 years 3 months ago #8
by annachie
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597
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- annachie
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If I understand things right, and if I remember from the original story right, nope no dynamorph.
Eric took what was basically the same super soldier serum that that the Nazi's were given. Except in Eric's case it worked at a much older stage of development and would appear to be stronger. Green Cross was also older I think when she was given her serum by her father, but maybe she had had in-utero prep work as well. Not sure if they said. Have to re-read
Not knowing that Eric had taken the serum, Green Cross assumed it was the rumored dynamorph that was giving Eric his abilities.
Eric took what was basically the same super soldier serum that that the Nazi's were given. Except in Eric's case it worked at a much older stage of development and would appear to be stronger. Green Cross was also older I think when she was given her serum by her father, but maybe she had had in-utero prep work as well. Not sure if they said. Have to re-read
Not knowing that Eric had taken the serum, Green Cross assumed it was the rumored dynamorph that was giving Eric his abilities.
8 years 3 months ago #9
by GrimGrendel
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243
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Female
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Up for review: Magpies 1 - Flock (Part 1)
- GrimGrendel
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Thanks Dreamer for the synopsis. It helped with points I had missed on the first reading.
Erica flipped quite easily to, I would say, be functionnal as a girl. And then there was that poster reaction, or non-reaction, that really ciments her awareness of her changes. The serum changed her mind too? Or at least her sexuality? Or is that more a spur of the moment thing, with the woman on the poster giving her the creeps enough to completely skip any attractive thought?
I loved the clever description of how a gunshot to the face is still effective against a PK field.
That cyborg was frigging creepy. Especially that no-description section of only shuffling and clicking sounds (and silences). Minimalist scene, yet highly effective.
Is Erica's PK the same level as Hank's?
Ohhhh, I only realized in hindsight why there was so much talk about Dynamorph instead of assuming mutant powers. First, the location was suposed to be evacuated after a Dynamorph incident, but Green Cross stayed behind. Then Eric suddenly got stronger and escaped, leading the others to think he became a Dyna-host baseline overnight. That explains Green Cross's reaction once she realizes that Erica is in fact a mutant, as she wanted the Aryan race to remain untainted by the mutant gene (Erica would have made such a fine specimen otherwise. Blonde, blue eyes, fit, beautiful)
Put that way... That's no coincidence. Maybe the Gen2 authors want to explore similar themes in slightly different way. Legacy, identity, family. It bears keeping an eye open to compare and contrast the different girls.
Erica flipped quite easily to, I would say, be functionnal as a girl. And then there was that poster reaction, or non-reaction, that really ciments her awareness of her changes. The serum changed her mind too? Or at least her sexuality? Or is that more a spur of the moment thing, with the woman on the poster giving her the creeps enough to completely skip any attractive thought?
I loved the clever description of how a gunshot to the face is still effective against a PK field.
That cyborg was frigging creepy. Especially that no-description section of only shuffling and clicking sounds (and silences). Minimalist scene, yet highly effective.
Is Erica's PK the same level as Hank's?
Ohhhh, I only realized in hindsight why there was so much talk about Dynamorph instead of assuming mutant powers. First, the location was suposed to be evacuated after a Dynamorph incident, but Green Cross stayed behind. Then Eric suddenly got stronger and escaped, leading the others to think he became a Dyna-host baseline overnight. That explains Green Cross's reaction once she realizes that Erica is in fact a mutant, as she wanted the Aryan race to remain untainted by the mutant gene (Erica would have made such a fine specimen otherwise. Blonde, blue eyes, fit, beautiful)
Katssun wrote: So Erica looks like her grandmother, Bianca looks like her grandmother, Tanya looks like her mother, Morgana looks like her blood-sister, Tia takes after her 'adopted' big sister...and Laura's left out of that little club.
Put that way... That's no coincidence. Maybe the Gen2 authors want to explore similar themes in slightly different way. Legacy, identity, family. It bears keeping an eye open to compare and contrast the different girls.
Up for review: Magpies 1 - Flock (Part 1)
8 years 3 months ago #10
by mhalpern
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2026
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Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
- mhalpern
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Only until she gives someone a present (a devise) that fails (going up in smoke) as the box is opened.Katssun wrote:
So Erica looks like her grandmother, Bianca looks like her grandmother, Tanya looks like her mother, Morgana looks like her blood-sister, Tia takes after her 'adopted' big sister...and Laura's left out of that little club.
Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
8 years 3 months ago - 8 years 3 months ago #11
by joreymay
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- joreymay
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8 years 3 months ago - 8 years 3 months ago #13
by Katssun
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- Katssun
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8 years 3 months ago #15
by elrodw
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Assuming, of course (which may or may not be a bad idea when MY muse is involved ) that Green Cross Nazis are in league with Frau Doctor Stauffer and her Nazis ....
Which may or may not be the case. Or cases. If Frau Doctor Stauffer is even working with Nazis, as opposed to merely being the descendant of a Nazi. Or she could be a rival leader. Or a twin sister. Only time will tell
Never give up, Never surrender! Captain Peter Quincy Taggert
- elrodw
-
konzill wrote:
Sir Lee wrote: The only thing is... I wonder what surprises Wasamon reserved for Part 2. I mean, at first glance, from the little info available in "Calamari", unless the Green Cross attempts revenge right away, Part 2 is likely to be fairly boring. Explaining things to the Feds, adopting Penny, getting a new ID for Erica, going to ARC for testing, meeting Calliope, enrolling at Whateley... not really a lot of action telegraphed from there.
Well, maybe they are going to mount a search-and-rescue for Erica's mom, who is apparently in the hands of the Nazis? That could work...
The bad guys don't know about Erica having drank the super serum yet, which needs to happen to justify Dr Stauffer's scenes that appear in I Don't Think We're in Kansas Anymore. This tells me that part 2 is not going to be that boring, as at a minimum its going to require Hans to make more of the serum for some reason.
Assuming, of course (which may or may not be a bad idea when MY muse is involved
) that Green Cross Nazis are in league with Frau Doctor Stauffer and her Nazis ....Which may or may not be the case. Or cases. If Frau Doctor Stauffer is even working with Nazis, as opposed to merely being the descendant of a Nazi. Or she could be a rival leader. Or a twin sister. Only time will tell
Never give up, Never surrender! Captain Peter Quincy Taggert
8 years 3 months ago #16
by null0trooper
Posts:
3032
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Birthdate:
19 Oct 1964
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
- null0trooper
-
First order of business: great story. It was worth taking the time to convert it to Gen 2. Bunny setting up a business on the East Coast was also nice surprise.
Margit rocked, but everyone had a moment or two. Ammonium triiodide and other fun mixers make for the best Tupperware parties.
In theory, drinking a serum should not work, as stomach acids are very effective at breaking down peptids. Then again, roughly 1/4 of Eric's genetics should be his grandmother's, for whom the original serum seems to have been made (or one of a few successes). Hans' work in saving their daughter may have contributed even more compatibility. So, that's three generations of tinkering.
It would be fun to see GC's reaction at finding out that the mutant gene complex is X-linked. Eric/Erica could not get that from poppa, but from either the original Eisenmadel or from Herr Abendritter ...
Hey lady, who's your "Master Race" now?
Margit rocked, but everyone had a moment or two. Ammonium triiodide and other fun mixers make for the best Tupperware parties.
In theory, drinking a serum should not work, as stomach acids are very effective at breaking down peptids. Then again, roughly 1/4 of Eric's genetics should be his grandmother's, for whom the original serum seems to have been made (or one of a few successes). Hans' work in saving their daughter may have contributed even more compatibility. So, that's three generations of tinkering.
It would be fun to see GC's reaction at finding out that the mutant gene complex is X-linked. Eric/Erica could not get that from poppa, but from either the original Eisenmadel or from Herr Abendritter ...
Hey lady, who's your "Master Race" now?
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
8 years 3 months ago - 8 years 3 months ago #17
by konzill
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500
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Unknown
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Unknown
two sucessful super serums at the same time, would be a rather annoying coincidence. That say yes clearly Stauffer can't be from the same faction as Green Cross, as she does not seem to have an aversion to mutants per say. However she could be from a rival faction, who simply have a different opinion of mutants. Them being completly unrelated would again be most annoying to me as a reader.
As to where Eric got his mutant gene complex, obviously from his currently unknown father. Which would be a perfect setup for a No, I am your father moment at some unspecified point in the future.
Speaking of, The other big what happened to the Mouse moment in this story is the claim that Green Cross had Eric's Mother in her clutches at some point in the recent past. Winifred and Hans seem to be showing a surprising lack of interest in that little factoid. Sure maybe they where just playing it cool, but you'd think that they'd want to know where their daughter is.
- konzill
-
elrodw wrote: If Frau Doctor Stauffer is even working with Nazis, as opposed to merely being the descendant of a Nazi. Or she could be a rival leader. Or a twin sister. Only time will tell
two sucessful super serums at the same time, would be a rather annoying coincidence. That say yes clearly Stauffer can't be from the same faction as Green Cross, as she does not seem to have an aversion to mutants per say. However she could be from a rival faction, who simply have a different opinion of mutants. Them being completly unrelated would again be most annoying to me as a reader.
As to where Eric got his mutant gene complex, obviously from his currently unknown father. Which would be a perfect setup for a No, I am your father moment at some unspecified point in the future.
Speaking of, The other big what happened to the Mouse moment in this story is the claim that Green Cross had Eric's Mother in her clutches at some point in the recent past. Winifred and Hans seem to be showing a surprising lack of interest in that little factoid. Sure maybe they where just playing it cool, but you'd think that they'd want to know where their daughter is.
8 years 2 months ago #22
by Wasamon
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342
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
8 years 2 months ago #27
by Arcanist Lupus
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- Arcanist Lupus
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8 years 2 months ago #29
by Wasamon
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342
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
Or we can say that the declassification of certain records which led to the eventual composition of that comic book did not happen until around 2010 or so 
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #30
by Schol-R-LEA
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- Schol-R-LEA
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8 years 2 months ago #33
by Otherself
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99
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- Otherself
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Ok, I agreed with a few have already said: it's a well written story..... and it quite long, it could be a whole story already and it's just the first part. 
However it comes with a inherent problem: what do I talk about, there's too much stuff.
So I will point out just the parts that made my brain glitch.... or that left me with questions that won't leave me alone until answered:
However it comes with a inherent problem: what do I talk about, there's too much stuff.
So I will point out just the parts that made my brain glitch.... or that left me with questions that won't leave me alone until answered:
Brain glitches: StarCraft serum.....Starkkräfteserum
Is it Bunny's (Fey's girlfriend) company?The Bunny Rabbit company did good work
- Abendritter.... Google Translate tells me that it means "The" with the capitalized 'A' while it means "Nightclub" if the 'a' is left uncapitalized..... can anyone give me the proper translation (however the uncapitalized version might be amusing: Herr Stripclub)..... thinking about it, a translation of every piece of German for non-german-speakers would be appreciated
And one or two things it wasn't.
When did he work for the MCO? I mean, it started as a research organization, he might have worked for them before the leftovers of the old spy agencies took over, or maybe to work against a mutant suprematist group and left afterward."Team affiliation: Project Shadow Hunter, 1966-1975. See also: MORGENSTERN, SILBERSTERN, EISENMÄDEL. Organizational affiliations..." She let out a long whistle. "Man, I haven't seen this many random letters since Mama stopped making alphabet soup for me in grade school. APS, ARC, BFV, BIS, BND, CIA, CSIS, DAS, DGSE, DHS, DPA, DPS, ICPO, MAD, MCO..." Matthias glared at the old man. He'd thought better of him, somehow. "... MI6 — oh, there's a number! —MIVD, Mossad, MUST, NCIE, NEXT, NSA, SVR, XQVW... um, what's XQVW?"
- Subliminal hypnotic indoctinatrion, I hope it can be reversed...... I also smell shit, they talk about the master race but one of the trait that they don't want is a strong mind that's resistant to manipulation, [sarcasm]after all people that think with their own heads are weak while the programmed drone/breeder/fucktoy is the superior race[/sarcasm]
- Wait, Green Cross the last of the great Nazi theme operatives? Wasn't Baron Blitzwhatitwas one of them?
- Achziger....
he's not just a creepy old fucker (on the top of being a nazi), he's also the bastard child of a cyberzombie and the Frankenstein monster with a touch of terminator, I would suggest to deal with him burrying him alive into a vault full of thermite and igniting it (or maybe a plasma blast furnace), otherwise something heavy handed such as Tennyo or Gotterdammerung (....what would Phase's disraption do to him?) - Why didn't Adolf just kill Green Cross?
- What was doing Achziger to Baumgartner in the rear compartment? Is he just a pervert (on the top of being a nazi, an old fucker and the bastard child of a cyberzombie and the Frankenstein monster with a touch of terminator..... with maybe some vampiristic tendencies) or is it something worse?
- The nazi still have Erica's mother in their hands, that can't be good
- The nazi hate mutants so Stauffer isn't working on producing new mutants, they can be exposed without triggering a war on mutantkind -> (after rereading the last part of IDTWAIKAM) no Stauffer IS working on activating more mutants..... Shit.
8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #37
by Schol-R-LEA
Posts:
1766
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Unknown
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24 Oct 1968
- Schol-R-LEA
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8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #39
by Schol-R-LEA
Posts:
1766
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
24 Oct 1968
- Schol-R-LEA
-
8 years 2 months ago #41
by Arcanist Lupus
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1820
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Male
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Unknown
- Arcanist Lupus
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8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #44
by Mannelig
Posts:
2
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Unknown
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Unknown
- Mannelig
-
Hey, you did an awesome job of writing things from the perspective of a German-American. As I mentioned in the story commentary, I'm not offended because you wrote a story about "those whacky nazis", even with those overplayed stereotypes. We Germans know of our reputation. 
Um... There are some small grammar problems even though you used small and short sentences.
Please don't be mad at me for pointing some out in this post.
I already noticed this before, always when the mad scientist occupied the stage in the Gen-2 stories.
- For example, "verdammt" is always declinated in German, and we would do the same whenever we mix both languages:
One damned person = eine verdammte Person, one verdammte person
One damned horse = ein verdammtes Pferd, one verdammtes horse
Two damned horses = zwei verdammte Pferde, two verdammte horses
- Another one is the "Starkkräfteserum" (strong powers serum). Yes, I get it, Opa was really bad at name-giving. But he'd know the rules how to compound German words: You compund two or more nouns together - adjectives don't belong into the mix. For the composite word, you could have used "Kraftverstärkungsserum" = "power strengthening serum".
- And the worst one is Liebchen. *shudder* . I had to look it up here , as it is pretty ancient and has completely fallen out of use. For your convenience: it has had three overlapping meanings:
1. = the paramour of someone. Specifically: the young female love interest of a man. (very popular in use around 1800. Goethe was a guy who used that - but he is like, the German Shakespeare, and Shakespearian English is also considered awkward, I hear )
2. = "oh my paramour" as a pet name (ironic or in folk songs, still used around 1900)
3. = floozy (of a common soldier, of a criminal, or some other low-life): still used in that meaning around 1950
If you find the word in books nowadays, you are looking at either a history piece or at a literary reference to older times.
Suggestions:
- So, Opa may use "Liebchen" to refer to Oma, but it doesn't work the other way around. And Oma should NEVER call Eric or Erica "Liebchen".
- Another gender-neutral pet-name is "Schätzchen" (= little treasure). You already used "Schatz", as well, which is just the normal-size treasure.
- Or try "mein Lieber" (towards a male), "meine Liebe" (towards a female). This one is either ironic, or means litterally "my beloved one".)
- And the best choice to replace Liebchen would be "Liebling". Now THIS one is totally okay. "Liebling, ich habe die Kinder geschrumpft" is the German title of "Honey, I shrunk the kids", a very appropriate translation. The irony is that "-chen" and "-ling" do have the same function, making things small. But most words are always compunded with one OR the other, and some may have vastly different meanings if switched. For example: "Frühling" (= little early) means "spring". But "Frühchen" (= little early) means "preemie".
Okay, enough pontificating about German words.
~~~
Speculation time: We haven't seen any story play in Germany, so far. And I have a very strong opinion about how Germany would see the "mutant menace".
You see, Germans are big in the way of registering everything.
- Everyone has to own an ID card issued by the government, that states among other things your biometrics, your birthplace and -date, your town of residence, and a photo. Whenever you move to a new residence, you need to see a citizen's office and have that ID card renewed. That's a bit inconvenient, but the law requires you to do it within the week of moving your residence. Because of historical experiences, these records aren't centralized, however. So only your municipal citizen's office and your own card know who and where you are.
- Every owner of a weapon has to register it. The same is with cars, of course. Dogs, too, especially the dangerous ones. Anything dangerous is supposed to be registered and licensed by the government. I gather that some of these ideas are seen similarly in the US, but I'm just pointing something out:
- Any and every German would totally agree if the government wants to register every mutant and their powers. That would be "a matter of course", as Ayla would put it. (People in Germany actually don't see ID cards as an infringement of civil rights. We regard them as part of our identity. No ID, no identity. Americans see it differently - the "evil MID" controversy makes that one clear.)
As a result, I can easily see Germany being one of the countries that pushed the issue of international standardized MIDs. German mutants wouldn't know a time when there weren't MIDs. However, that makes mutants in Germany a state-controlled resource.
- Independent hero teams? Nope. The German state is very firm on it's "Gewaltmonopol". There is no deputization: You're either in the police force, or you're supposed to be a law-abiding citizen.
- You have an important power? The state will offer you military/police/security education, or even make such a thing compulsory. (That education is probably not up to Whateley standards !)
- You hide your power? The state frowns on that. You'll get fined or sent to prison.
- You are secretly a villain or super-powered criminal? The state will sic the police and/or government-funded mutant SWAT teams on you.
- You are a vigilante? Probably not for very long, the state will either reign you in or send you to prison. Germany has not tolerance at all in that regard.
Does that sound like a totalitarian regime? Probably. Fun isn't to be had as a German mutant. But modern Germany believes much in lawful procedures, and the check-of-powers would have been devised in a way that no new Führer could emerge in the 70 years since WW2.
So far, nothing in the Whateley Universe is speaking against my assumptions. The nazi supervillains were run out of the country after WW2 (Neue Grönwald is in South America, right?). Some affluent young mutants choose to go to boarding schools instead of state-controlled service, but the poorer ones probably have to join the German MCO where their every move is scrutinized. Strongarm villains and vigilantes rather emigrate to a certain country "where everyone can make it". Super-Villains have hideouts in Germany (Baden-Baden was mentioned in that capacity). And while open rampage is put down quickly, organized crime and sinister secret societies thrive. Neo-nazi Schatten-warriors just among them, probably.
Am I right?
Um... There are some small grammar problems even though you used small and short sentences.
Please don't be mad at me for pointing some out in this post.
I already noticed this before, always when the mad scientist occupied the stage in the Gen-2 stories.
- For example, "verdammt" is always declinated in German, and we would do the same whenever we mix both languages:
One damned person = eine verdammte Person, one verdammte person
One damned horse = ein verdammtes Pferd, one verdammtes horse
Two damned horses = zwei verdammte Pferde, two verdammte horses
- Another one is the "Starkkräfteserum" (strong powers serum). Yes, I get it, Opa was really bad at name-giving. But he'd know the rules how to compound German words: You compund two or more nouns together - adjectives don't belong into the mix. For the composite word, you could have used "Kraftverstärkungsserum" = "power strengthening serum".
- And the worst one is Liebchen. *shudder* . I had to look it up here , as it is pretty ancient and has completely fallen out of use. For your convenience: it has had three overlapping meanings:
1. = the paramour of someone. Specifically: the young female love interest of a man. (very popular in use around 1800. Goethe was a guy who used that - but he is like, the German Shakespeare, and Shakespearian English is also considered awkward, I hear
)2. = "oh my paramour" as a pet name (ironic or in folk songs, still used around 1900)
3. = floozy (of a common soldier, of a criminal, or some other low-life): still used in that meaning around 1950
If you find the word in books nowadays, you are looking at either a history piece or at a literary reference to older times.
Suggestions:
- So, Opa may use "Liebchen" to refer to Oma, but it doesn't work the other way around. And Oma should NEVER call Eric or Erica "Liebchen".
- Another gender-neutral pet-name is "Schätzchen" (= little treasure). You already used "Schatz", as well, which is just the normal-size treasure.
- Or try "mein Lieber" (towards a male), "meine Liebe" (towards a female). This one is either ironic, or means litterally "my beloved one".)
- And the best choice to replace Liebchen would be "Liebling". Now THIS one is totally okay. "Liebling, ich habe die Kinder geschrumpft" is the German title of "Honey, I shrunk the kids", a very appropriate translation. The irony is that "-chen" and "-ling" do have the same function, making things small. But most words are always compunded with one OR the other, and some may have vastly different meanings if switched. For example: "Frühling" (= little early) means "spring". But "Frühchen" (= little early) means "preemie".
Okay, enough pontificating about German words.
~~~
Speculation time: We haven't seen any story play in Germany, so far. And I have a very strong opinion about how Germany would see the "mutant menace".
You see, Germans are big in the way of registering everything.
- Everyone has to own an ID card issued by the government, that states among other things your biometrics, your birthplace and -date, your town of residence, and a photo. Whenever you move to a new residence, you need to see a citizen's office and have that ID card renewed. That's a bit inconvenient, but the law requires you to do it within the week of moving your residence. Because of historical experiences, these records aren't centralized, however. So only your municipal citizen's office and your own card know who and where you are.
- Every owner of a weapon has to register it. The same is with cars, of course. Dogs, too, especially the dangerous ones. Anything dangerous is supposed to be registered and licensed by the government. I gather that some of these ideas are seen similarly in the US, but I'm just pointing something out:
- Any and every German would totally agree if the government wants to register every mutant and their powers. That would be "a matter of course", as Ayla would put it. (People in Germany actually don't see ID cards as an infringement of civil rights. We regard them as part of our identity. No ID, no identity. Americans see it differently - the "evil MID" controversy makes that one clear.)
As a result, I can easily see Germany being one of the countries that pushed the issue of international standardized MIDs. German mutants wouldn't know a time when there weren't MIDs. However, that makes mutants in Germany a state-controlled resource.
- Independent hero teams? Nope. The German state is very firm on it's "Gewaltmonopol". There is no deputization: You're either in the police force, or you're supposed to be a law-abiding citizen.
- You have an important power? The state will offer you military/police/security education, or even make such a thing compulsory. (That education is probably not up to Whateley standards !)
- You hide your power? The state frowns on that. You'll get fined or sent to prison.
- You are secretly a villain or super-powered criminal? The state will sic the police and/or government-funded mutant SWAT teams on you.
- You are a vigilante? Probably not for very long, the state will either reign you in or send you to prison. Germany has not tolerance at all in that regard.
Does that sound like a totalitarian regime? Probably. Fun isn't to be had as a German mutant. But modern Germany believes much in lawful procedures, and the check-of-powers would have been devised in a way that no new Führer could emerge in the 70 years since WW2.
So far, nothing in the Whateley Universe is speaking against my assumptions. The nazi supervillains were run out of the country after WW2 (Neue Grönwald is in South America, right?). Some affluent young mutants choose to go to boarding schools instead of state-controlled service, but the poorer ones probably have to join the German MCO where their every move is scrutinized. Strongarm villains and vigilantes rather emigrate to a certain country "where everyone can make it". Super-Villains have hideouts in Germany (Baden-Baden was mentioned in that capacity). And while open rampage is put down quickly, organized crime and sinister secret societies thrive. Neo-nazi Schatten-warriors just among them, probably.
Am I right?
8 years 2 months ago #48
by Phoenix Spiritus
Posts:
2595
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20 Jan 1976
- Phoenix Spiritus
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8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #49
by JG
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Unknown
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Unknown
- JG
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8 years 2 months ago #50
by Wasamon
Posts:
342
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
Unknown
1- Where were you when I was writing this thing? >_<; Expect to get pinged from time to time for word choice confirmation.
2- *takes notes*
3- on the matter of endearments and other random exclamations, I must confess to be working on most pop-cultural knowledge of the language interspersed with Internet research that was clearly not as good as I could hope it to be. Makes me worry about this story I wrote that makes heavy use of Hawai'ian...
4- FYI to anyone else who wants to put random other languages in their writing, short and simple sentences are the way to go. If you know enough to be able to Google stuff and find native-writer text that fits what you need, feel free to cut and paste (and pray you didn't leave out something important).
5- Opa's dad was really, really bad at naming stuff. That'sa handy excuse canon and I'm sticking with it.
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
Mannelig wrote: Hey, you did an awesome job of writing things from the perspective of a German-American. As I mentioned in the story commentary, I'm not offended because you wrote a story about "those whacky nazis", even with those overplayed stereotypes. We Germans know of our reputation.
Um... There are some small grammar problems even though you used small and short sentences.
Please don't be mad at me for pointing some out in this post.
1- Where were you when I was writing this thing? >_<; Expect to get pinged from time to time for word choice confirmation.
2- *takes notes*
3- on the matter of endearments and other random exclamations, I must confess to be working on most pop-cultural knowledge of the language interspersed with Internet research that was clearly not as good as I could hope it to be. Makes me worry about this story I wrote that makes heavy use of Hawai'ian...
4- FYI to anyone else who wants to put random other languages in their writing, short and simple sentences are the way to go. If you know enough to be able to Google stuff and find native-writer text that fits what you need, feel free to cut and paste (and pray you didn't leave out something important).
5- Opa's dad was really, really bad at naming stuff. That's
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
8 years 2 months ago #51
by Wasamon
Posts:
342
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
Unknown
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
8 years 2 months ago #52
by Arcanist Lupus
Posts:
1820
Gender:
Male
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Unknown
- Arcanist Lupus
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8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #54
by Schol-R-LEA
Posts:
1766
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
24 Oct 1968
- Schol-R-LEA
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8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #55
by Phoenix Spiritus
Posts:
2595
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
20 Jan 1976
Lol!
Since the main way the English language expanded was through other people conquering it (Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes, French), I think the correct quote is that it was pursued into the alley and then the words beaten into it
- Phoenix Spiritus
-
JG wrote:
Arcanist Lupus wrote:
-James NicollThe problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
More true than most people realize.
Lol!
Since the main way the English language expanded was through other people conquering it (Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes, French), I think the correct quote is that it was pursued into the alley and then the words beaten into it
8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #56
by Sir Lee
Posts:
3113
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Male
Birthdate:
08 Nov 1966
- Sir Lee
-
8 years 2 months ago #57
by Jarjaross
Posts:
455
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Unknown
… you've gotten something slightly wrong here. You are right in the area of england being conquered a lot, you even go the order correct, but it is hard for the English to conquer the English.
The 'angles' (by which I assume you mean 'anglos') are the origins of the original english language (because we are on something like version 5 now). Anglophone means english speaker for a reason.
My dreams take me to far off lands and times of distant past and future. They tell what has been done, what will happen and who I am. They show me things beyond the machinations of any man. Tell me, what are dreams to you?
- Jarjaross
-
Phoenix Spiritus wrote:
JG wrote:
Arcanist Lupus wrote:
-James NicollThe problem with defending the purity of the English language is that English is about as pure as a cribhouse whore. We don't just borrow words; on occasion, English has pursued other languages down alleyways to beat them unconscious and rifle their pockets for new vocabulary.
More true than most people realize.
Lol!
Since the main way the English language expanded was through other people conquering it (Romans, Angles, Saxons, Jutes, Danes, French), I think the correct quote is that it was pursued into the alley and then the words beaten into it
… you've gotten something slightly wrong here. You are right in the area of england being conquered a lot, you even go the order correct, but it is hard for the English to conquer the English.
The 'angles' (by which I assume you mean 'anglos') are the origins of the original english language (because we are on something like version 5 now). Anglophone means english speaker for a reason.
My dreams take me to far off lands and times of distant past and future. They tell what has been done, what will happen and who I am. They show me things beyond the machinations of any man. Tell me, what are dreams to you?
8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #58
by Domoviye
Posts:
2428
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Unknown
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Unknown
- Domoviye
-
8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #60
by Phoenix Spiritus
Posts:
2595
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
20 Jan 1976
- Phoenix Spiritus
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8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #63
by Dpragan
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- Dpragan
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8 years 2 months ago #64
by Arcanist Lupus
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- Arcanist Lupus
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8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #65
by konzill
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- konzill
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8 years 2 months ago #66
by Wasamon
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #67
by Dpragan
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In the end reality is only consensual! It means that Al Gore is causing "Global Warming" by his rhetoric alone! Fortunately, there are enough Global Warming "Deniers" still about to keep him from boiling the planet.
=^+^=
- Dpragan
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Tyler is smaller like nearby Longview (Kilgore is a bedroom community for Longview-Hometown of Jericho and Sandra)
But I've also lived in Kansas City Mo/Kan (two medium cities smushed together) and we have the Dallas/Arlington/Fort Worth gigaplex nearby
So yeah it can be perspective.
Japanese can also be confusing in it written form because it uses multiple writing systems
But I've also lived in Kansas City Mo/Kan (two medium cities smushed together) and we have the Dallas/Arlington/Fort Worth gigaplex nearby
So yeah it can be perspective.
Japanese can also be confusing in it written form because it uses multiple writing systems
In the end reality is only consensual! It means that Al Gore is causing "Global Warming" by his rhetoric alone! Fortunately, there are enough Global Warming "Deniers" still about to keep him from boiling the planet.
=^+^=
8 years 2 months ago #69
by null0trooper
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3032
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- null0trooper
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8 years 2 months ago - 8 years 2 months ago #70
by Phoenix Spiritus
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- Phoenix Spiritus
-
You're right - "Britannia" not "Brittany"
Correctly "Britannia" is all the places of Britain ruled by the Romans, so it is redundant to specify places Romans didn't conquer were not part of Britannia
Correctly "Britannia" is all the places of Britain ruled by the Romans, so it is redundant to specify places Romans didn't conquer were not part of Britannia
8 years 3 days ago #72
by Katssun
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- Katssun
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Penny: The best.
That is all for now.
That is all for now.
8 years 3 days ago - 8 years 3 days ago #73
by Malady
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- Malady
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^ - Agreed!
Some history, some nods to Whateley, and
Some more Class X stuff...
Tabletop RPGs make an appearance!
Ruby Boots + Screech Owl! Yeah!
Part 3 is gonna be a thing...
Some history, some nods to Whateley, and
Warning: Spoiler!
Some more Class X stuff...
Tabletop RPGs make an appearance!
Ruby Boots + Screech Owl! Yeah!
Part 3 is gonna be a thing...
8 years 3 days ago #74
by Dreamer
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Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
- Dreamer
-
Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked.
Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
8 years 19 hours ago #78
by Wasamon
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
7 years 11 months ago #80
by null0trooper
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So I went and looked up the pronunciation.
Now I'm left wondering why my brain thought that was the pronunciation all along.
Thanks, guys.
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
- null0trooper
-
NeoMagus wrote:
Wasamon wrote: The fact that it is not pronounced even remotely like how it is spelled is actually a point of pride among the locals in Natchitoches Parish.
This. Definitely this.
So I went and looked up the pronunciation.
Now I'm left wondering why my brain thought that was the pronunciation all along.
Thanks, guys.
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
7 years 11 months ago #84
by Wasamon
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
7 years 11 months ago #88
by Arcanist Lupus
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"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy." - Spider Robinson
- Arcanist Lupus
-
Does Houston count as a Shibboleth? I don't think so, but it's good for separating out the Texans from the New Yorkers. 
"Shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased — thus do we refute entropy." - Spider Robinson
7 years 11 months ago #89
by Phoenix Spiritus
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- Phoenix Spiritus
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7 years 11 months ago #91
by DanZilla
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At least we don't pronounce Colour like Velour...
I'm not sure about Melbourne... I've a tendency to pick up pronunciations and dialects from the people around me fairly quickly... so if someone's saying Mel-burn I'd gravitate toward that pronunciation. I once spent a weekend hanging out with a girl from Australia and some Swedish chaps and ended-up with what seemed to be a Scottish brogue.
- DanZilla
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OtherEric wrote:
Phoenix Spiritus wrote: 'Melbourne' is a great way to pick Americans. Americans seem constitutionally unable to see the 'u'.
I don't know that we don't see it, it's just that we don't understand it. Similar to color/ colour.
At least we don't pronounce Colour like Velour...
I'm not sure about Melbourne... I've a tendency to pick up pronunciations and dialects from the people around me fairly quickly... so if someone's saying Mel-burn I'd gravitate toward that pronunciation. I once spent a weekend hanging out with a girl from Australia and some Swedish chaps and ended-up with what seemed to be a Scottish brogue.
7 years 11 months ago #93
by Katssun
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- Katssun
-
I know that feeling. We have a Versailles (Ver-sailz). That pronunciation is universal here. Yay...United States~ 
7 years 11 months ago - 7 years 11 months ago #95
by Phoenix Spiritus
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- Phoenix Spiritus
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Hint. Both those examples have almost silent letters in them, it's just, it is the opposite letter in each example
7 years 11 months ago - 7 years 11 months ago #96
by Sir Lee
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- Sir Lee
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7 years 11 months ago #97
by Wasamon
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Hm, a dozen Australian co-workers and former roommates, mostly from the Melbourne area, have left me with the impression that it's pronounced something closer to Mell-burn.
How about Miami, Oklahoma? Not pronounced like the city in Florida
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
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Phoenix Spiritus wrote: 'Melbourne' is a great way to pick Americans. Americans seem constitutionally unable to see the 'u'.
Hm, a dozen Australian co-workers and former roommates, mostly from the Melbourne area, have left me with the impression that it's pronounced something closer to Mell-burn.
How about Miami, Oklahoma? Not pronounced like the city in Florida
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
7 years 11 months ago #98
by Phoenix Spiritus
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Correct
If you're going to pick a letter to ignore, ignore the 'o'
- Phoenix Spiritus
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Wasamon wrote:
Phoenix Spiritus wrote: 'Melbourne' is a great way to pick Americans. Americans seem constitutionally unable to see the 'u'.
Hm, a dozen Australian co-workers and former roommates, mostly from the Melbourne area, have left me with the impression that it's pronounced something closer to Mell-burn.
Correct
If you're going to pick a letter to ignore, ignore the 'o'
7 years 11 months ago #99
by annachie
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- annachie
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Sir Lee, that one is simple.
Because it is Sao Paolo, given the tendency of English to absolutely ignore accutes, umlatts, or any other accenty things that we can't spell.
Because it is Sao Paolo, given the tendency of English to absolutely ignore accutes, umlatts, or any other accenty things that we can't spell.
7 years 11 months ago #100
by Valentine
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They'd be easier to use if they were part of our alphabet.
Don't Drick and Drive.
- Valentine
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annachie wrote: Sir Lee, that one is simple.
Because it is Sao Paolo, given the tendency of English to absolutely ignore accutes, umlatts, or any other accenty things that we can't spell.
They'd be easier to use if they were part of our alphabet.
Don't Drick and Drive.
7 years 11 months ago #101
by Phoenix Spiritus
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They'd be easier to use if we had the slightest clue what it was they did!
- Phoenix Spiritus
-
Valentine wrote:
annachie wrote: Sir Lee, that one is simple.
Because it is Sao Paolo, given the tendency of English to absolutely ignore accutes, umlatts, or any other accenty things that we can't spell.
They'd be easier to use if they were part of our alphabet.
They'd be easier to use if we had the slightest clue what it was they did!
7 years 11 months ago #102
by Sir Lee
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Does English has a tendency of gratuitously turning "U" into "O" too?
- Sir Lee
-
annachie wrote: Sir Lee, that one is simple.
Because it is Sao Paolo, given the tendency of English to absolutely ignore accutes, umlatts, or any other accenty things that we can't spell.
Does English has a tendency of gratuitously turning "U" into "O" too?
Don't call me "Shirley." You will surely make me surly.
7 years 11 months ago #104
by Phoenix Spiritus
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I note the Melbourne example earlier in this thread
- Phoenix Spiritus
-
Sir Lee wrote:
annachie wrote: Sir Lee, that one is simple.
Because it is Sao Paolo, given the tendency of English to absolutely ignore accutes, umlatts, or any other accenty things that we can't spell.
Does English has a tendency of gratuitously turning "U" into "O" too?
I note the Melbourne example earlier in this thread
7 years 11 months ago #105
by JG
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English has a tendency of horrendously altering the bejeezus out of words in other languages. Just to make them harder to comprehend.
Tlingit is a native alaskan tribe. It's actually pronounced Klink-it. Most native words spelled out in english were constructed by shaking a scrabble bag, grabbing a handful and seeing where they fell.
So yeah, english (especially American english) likes to play fuck-fuck games with phonetics.
- JG
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Sir Lee wrote:
annachie wrote: Sir Lee, that one is simple.
Because it is Sao Paolo, given the tendency of English to absolutely ignore accutes, umlatts, or any other accenty things that we can't spell.
Does English has a tendency of gratuitously turning "U" into "O" too?
English has a tendency of horrendously altering the bejeezus out of words in other languages. Just to make them harder to comprehend.
Tlingit is a native alaskan tribe. It's actually pronounced Klink-it. Most native words spelled out in english were constructed by shaking a scrabble bag, grabbing a handful and seeing where they fell.
So yeah, english (especially American english) likes to play fuck-fuck games with phonetics.
7 years 11 months ago #106
by Wasamon
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342
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Heck, there are about a dozen letters that used to be a part of our alphabet that we seem to have lost in the sofa cushions of the past, even though having them would make our phonetic situation a little less ridiculous. (In actuality, they lost out to matters of convenience and typesetting, because the early printing presses were all either Dutch or French, and they couldn't really care less about those crazy island letters).
Anyhoo, anyone have any more comments about the actual story?
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
Valentine wrote:
annachie wrote: Sir Lee, that one is simple.
Because it is Sao Paolo, given the tendency of English to absolutely ignore accutes, umlatts, or any other accenty things that we can't spell.
They'd be easier to use if they were part of our alphabet.
Heck, there are about a dozen letters that used to be a part of our alphabet that we seem to have lost in the sofa cushions of the past, even though having them would make our phonetic situation a little less ridiculous. (In actuality, they lost out to matters of convenience and typesetting, because the early printing presses were all either Dutch or French, and they couldn't really care less about those crazy island letters).
Anyhoo, anyone have any more comments about the actual story?
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
7 years 11 months ago #107
by elrodw
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3263
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Yes. I liked it. It will be fun working your Nazis in with Bek's Nazis and my Nazi-bitch-doctor
Never give up, Never surrender! Captain Peter Quincy Taggert
- elrodw
-
Wasamon wrote: Anyhoo, anyone have any more comments about the actual story?
Yes. I liked it. It will be fun working your Nazis in with Bek's Nazis and my Nazi-bitch-doctor
Never give up, Never surrender! Captain Peter Quincy Taggert
7 years 11 months ago #110
by Wasamon
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342
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Yeah, it was a challenge to find a good way to reference Stauffer without bringing her in too close to the action. Establishing Lillian von Groenwald as someone with a massive Elektra Complex actually helped there.
I'll certainly be bringing it up more, and I probably should've talked to Astro about having someone else notice it in the NYCalamari story.
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
elrodw wrote:
Wasamon wrote: Anyhoo, anyone have any more comments about the actual story?
Yes. I liked it. It will be fun working your Nazis in with Bek's Nazis and my Nazi-bitch-doctor
Yeah, it was a challenge to find a good way to reference Stauffer without bringing her in too close to the action. Establishing Lillian von Groenwald as someone with a massive Elektra Complex actually helped there.
"Katssun wrote: I hope the next segment specifically addresses why the super serum resulted in Erica being incapable of blushing, or similar facial physical effects. It was touched on in the first, thoroughly noticed by the Chimerically Prestigious Cousin Penny in the second, yet oddly never came up in Calamari or IDTWIKA.
I'll certainly be bringing it up more, and I probably should've talked to Astro about having someone else notice it in the NYCalamari story.
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
6 years 4 months ago #112
by Wasamon
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
6 years 3 months ago #114
by Wasamon
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342
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Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
- Wasamon
-
Check this out sometime!
Princesses of the Pizza Parlor, ep. 1: Princesses Don't Do Summer School
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