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Question Scald-Crow 2: Under Pressure!

4 years 11 months ago #1 by ShadowedSin
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  • First collab between Branwen and me, I hope you all enjoy.

    "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
    -Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Force, Babylon 5
    4 years 11 months ago #2 by Rose Bunny
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  • Ice Ice baby... ok, being serious. It was a good story, though for some reason some of the characters just didn't seem right. Chaka and Nikki especially. I know it's hard to get other people's characters to sound like the original authors voices for them.

    High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan


    4 years 11 months ago #3 by Camospam
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  • Nicely presented, well paced and good character development.
    I had a little confusion when you switched between Grainne and Sophie’s POV, It took me a few paragraphs to cue in.
    Most enjoyable.

    Camospam
    You just can’t hide spam.
    4 years 11 months ago #4 by mhalpern
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  • And, I'm not working on a warp drive! I'm developing a system to prevent human flesh from being liquified during high g burns! It's to get us to Mars in less than a year!


    you dont need to exceed 3g to get to Mars in 6 months

    Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
    4 years 11 months ago #5 by ShadowedSin
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  • Lexi is basically inventing the Epstein drive, and unless you want her to explain it all she's just gonna be generalistic about it.

    "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
    -Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Force, Babylon 5
    4 years 11 months ago #6 by mhalpern
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  • ShadowedSin wrote: Lexi is basically inventing the Epstein drive, and unless you want her to explain it all she's just gonna be generalistic about it.


    I was being general about it provided you use the 1 in 26 month window.

    Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
    4 years 11 months ago #7 by Dreamer
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  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    Scald-Crow 2: Under Pressure, Part 1 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    4 years 11 months ago #8 by Kristin Darken
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  • Just a reminder that Lexi is 'my' character originally, not Sin's... and just as I've explained to her (and the rest of the team).. Lexi is not a fifty year old who has been watching and reading sci-fi all her life with all the popular names and theories at the tip of her tongue... she is, instead, a 15 year old teenage mutant with minor warping and gadgeteer powers (from a family with gravity power sets) who has had a gadgeteering based 'insight' into a gravity based engine/drive and wants to use it to build star ships. At some point, I'm sure she'll encounter other theorists and engineers that have previously named similar things and she may adapt her naming... but in the meantime, she can name and describe things however she thinks she needs to for people to understand it. And... like many low powered gadgeteers, she actually doesn't actually understand the tech that she has 'seen' the design for. She has enough detail that she can build it (probably) but that doesn't mean she understands 'how and why'.

    If that bothers you... tough. :P

    She has called it a warp drive in the past (this is canon, I know because I wrote it). Does that mean she's developing warp drive? No. Welcome to the world of unreliable narrators.

    My original intention is that what she has is similar to what was once called a 'skip drive'. It uses a very large energy charge to fold space between two points in space and cross between them without having to accelerate to light fractional (or FTL) speeds to travel. However the power constraints are high, higher than power plants are capable of generating 'regularly' so generally there's a power plant and capacitors that are charged over time. For intra-system use, the ship would calculate a series of short skips rapidly crossing from planet to planet or the belts with short breaks between each skip (but using only a fraction of the capacitor charge for each). For inter-stellar use, ships would do use both regular acceleration and long skips, that completely drain the capacitors but cross light years in a moment. Then it might take a week to fully recharge the caps.

    That was the 'original' design. This design is not realistically completed during the Gen 1 time frame. An intra-system prototype may or may not be available and being tested during the Gen 2 time frame. If it is, it is top secret and not something the public would know about. At some point, it may reach the prototype stage for interstellar use... most likely before that nebulous Gen 3 timeline I tease about from time to time. This is all just PROPOSED concept... and there is push back from other authors who do not want travel off the planet to be a part of the Whateley Universe. If I cannot convince those authors that such a thing won't break the universe, it won't happen... and for whatever reason, Lexi's drive won't make it to production.

    At this time, though... NONE of that matters... because she's a young teenage gadgeteer who has a potential invention for just ONE part of a very complex technological advancement. Without powerful generators and a really high capacity charging system, her concept can't even be implemented to test. And as just one author, I don't get to decide on the course of such things all on my lonesome. :P

    So, in the meantime... know that Lexi talks about her invention in inaccurate terms INTENTIONALLY. She is smart and she's got gadgeteering 'insight'... but she doesn't have the education or the background to know that there are 'right' or 'wrong' terms for what she's got... and at best, she's using Hollywood and pop culture terms that she thinks describes what she's got. "What do you mean a warp drive involves displacing a bubble of reality into hyperspace ...that's not what my drive does at all!"

    Fate guard you and grant you a Light to brighten your Way.
    4 years 11 months ago - 4 years 11 months ago #9 by Mister D
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  • Partway through. :D

    Tasty so far. :D

    "The actual homey massive school lodge feel"

    Should that be "homely"?


    "Morgan says ‘outwit it ye sable-headed lass’,” Gráinne quoted, blushing.

    should read " ‘out wit' it ye sable-headed lass’, "

    Some of the Irish dialects of English use a lot of Norse pronunciations, so sometimes the "th-" aspirant breathy sound, becomes a more solid "d" sound, so it's said as "out wid it" but it's still written as "out wit' it", where the apostrophe stands for the missing "h".

    This also contrasts with the Scots Gaelic versions where "out wi' it" loses the "th" altogether. :)

    .


    Measure Twice
    Last Edit: 4 years 11 months ago by Mister D. Reason: Additional comments. :)
    4 years 11 months ago #10 by null0trooper
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  • Mister D wrote: This also contrasts with the Scots Gaelic versions where "out wi' it" loses the "th" altogether. :)

    Does that dialect replace the "th" with a glottal stop (like "li'l" in some American dialects)?
    If so, "out wi' it" would be the closest spelling.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    4 years 11 months ago #11 by ShadowedSin
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  • Morgan's dialect is Western Galway sa she doesn't generally pronounce the 'TH". The sound of the T isn't completely voiceless. How, I write the dialect really comes down to how I'm receiving her speech at the time. A millennia year old entity likely blends her vowls.

    Also, that being said I write her how I write her.

    "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
    -Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Force, Babylon 5
    4 years 11 months ago - 4 years 11 months ago #12 by Malady
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  • Scald being in awe at Whateley is so adorable!

    ----

    I wonder how Scald will react when she finds out that Envy's already taken, by Daphne Han...

    Like, either Envy's giving up on her...

    Or Envy could just be trying to admire the sights...

    Reminds me of Kayda's "I gotta be loyal to Cornflower" thing, but... less angst / worry about it?

    ----

    Hmm... Who to ship with who... The Martial Arts stuff has some possibility for interesting pairs... Betting Metal Girl and Scald... Because they share Music and MA...

    ----

    What does it mean, that she has Hartford as an advisor?? Is it just that all the others are full? Or is it something more??

    Wait... The Atlantean League... Is that it???

    ----

    Is Maeve trying to kill Morgan because she killed her sister or something? Mixing families and spirits and stuff... Confusing...

    ----

    Ito sensing that Scald would've needed to learn control eventually. Good setup, with just chance throwing things off...
    Last Edit: 4 years 11 months ago by Malady.
    4 years 10 months ago #13 by mhalpern
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  • Malady wrote: Scald being in awe at Whateley is so adorable!

    ----

    I wonder how Scald will react when she finds out that Envy's already taken, by Daphne Han...

    Like, either Envy's giving up on her...

    Or Envy could just be trying to admire the sights...

    Reminds me of Kayda's "I gotta be loyal to Cornflower" thing, but... less angst / worry about it?

    ----

    Hmm... Who to ship with who... The Martial Arts stuff has some possibility for interesting pairs... Betting Metal Girl and Scald... Because they share Music and MA...

    ----

    What does it mean, that she has Hartford as an advisor?? Is it just that all the others are full? Or is it something more??

    Wait... The Atlantean League... Is that it???

    ----

    Is Maeve trying to kill Morgan because she killed her sister or something? Mixing families and spirits and stuff... Confusing...

    ----

    Ito sensing that Scald would've needed to learn control eventually. Good setup, with just chance throwing things off...


    Maeve is trying to track down Morgan, as a witness, or at least try to get Scald to agree to being bait,

    Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
    4 years 10 months ago #14 by Wavehead
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  • Very much enjoyed this chapter and looking forward to the next one :)
    It’s also nice to see an old and new member of the Canon team producing new stories that encompass old and new characters imo :)
    4 years 9 months ago #15 by Cryptic
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  • Looking forward to part two, and not just cause you're hinting about more info on the Sidhe Queens.

    I am a caffeine heathen; I prefer the waters of the mountain over the juice of the bean. Keep the Dews coming and no one will be hurt.
    4 years 9 months ago #16 by ShadowedSin
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  • Cryptic wrote: Looking forward to part two, and not just cause you're hinting about more info on the Sidhe Queens.


    Morgan: "Dun mention dose damn feckin' aelf bints ta me!"

    "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
    -Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Force, Babylon 5
    4 years 2 months ago #17 by Dreamer
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  • Time to revive the feedback on stories section.

    SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    Scald-Crow 2: Under Pressure, Part 2 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    4 years 2 months ago #18 by Dreamer
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  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    Scald-Crow 2: Under Pressure, Part 3 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    4 years 2 months ago #19 by ShadowedSin
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  • As always Dreamweaver your assessment makes me so damn happy that I'm able to contribute with Branwen to the Whately Universe. I am working on some parts for an upcoming collab with Bran and another with FiddlerFox. Also, preparing to write my next feature length novel!

    "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
    -Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Force, Babylon 5
    4 years 1 week ago - 4 years 1 week ago #20 by Erianaiel
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  • I think the question you (Dreamer) are asking should no be 'what did Strega do to Fino/Fina'?
    but rather 'What did Morrigan do?'
    Last Edit: 4 years 1 week ago by Erianaiel.
    4 years 4 days ago #21 by ShadowedSin
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  • Erianaiel wrote: I think the question you (Dreamer) are asking should no be 'what did Strega do to Fino/Fina'?
    but rather 'What did Morrigan do?'


    Morgan hasn't done a thing to Fina.

    "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
    -Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Force, Babylon 5
    4 years 3 days ago #22 by Erianaiel
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  • ShadowedSin wrote:

    Erianaiel wrote: I think the question you (Dreamer) are asking should no be 'what did Strega do to Fino/Fina'?
    but rather 'What did Morrigan do?'


    Morgan hasn't done a thing to Fina.


    My apologies about being unclear.

    This dream or psychic intrusion into Fina was angry at her for being in a relation with Grainne. Specifically being in a relationship with the murderer of her son.
    Grainne did not kill anybody who this can apply to (unless of course that H1! had a mother who is more involved with magic than the organisation is supposed to be comformtable with) and the accusation does not seem to make sense if Strega is the murderer (because then why psychically attack her daughter?). This leaves Morgan who did something. And Morgan is already hunted by some powerful Faerie I think. Something we don't know the details of at this point. (so that will be interesting to see revealed in the coming chapters !)
    4 years 2 days ago #23 by ShadowedSin
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  • The individual in the dream has already been revealed, you should reread the Bets scenes. :D

    "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
    -Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Force, Babylon 5
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