Question Whateley Christmas Carols

This thought was inspired in another thread when I started (or Kristin started - well, it was SOMEONE who started) fitting Kayda and Angst into familiar Christmas Carol titles. So I figured I'd post this to see how creative people could be with a Whateley theme.

And it's too late and I'm too tired and sore (shoulder AND back), and I did a few in the other thread, so I'm going to let someone else start the chaos.

Okay, I'm only going to do one as I've thought of several already.

The Kayda Clause.

Rudolf, the Red-Skinned Mutant

First a scary one - Jobe Wilkins is Coming to Town. (You definitely better watch out!)

A Tim Burton production : Tansy's Nightmare before Christmas.

There's a Santa Who Looks A Lot Like Bogus (from Bob Rivers There's a Santa who Looks a Lot like Elvis)

Tink, The littlest Angel.

Whateley Academy's Christmas Vacation

I Saw Sara Kissing Santa Claus

Oh Hey, We're In Danger

Violent Night

I Saw Three Bricks (Come Sailing In)

Carson Got Run Over By A Bison

Deck The Halls Like Diabolik

Loopholes 12 days of Christmas gifts.

Oh how I'd love to write that one out.

On the first day of Christmas Kodiac gave to her; A Jet Pack ride to the stratosphere.

Grandma Got Run Over by a Rager

Frosty the Mutant Snowman
Deck the Crystal Hall
How Gizmatic Stle Christmas
All I Want For Christmas is My 2 Balls Back (Only sung in Poe)

Bloodwolf Got Run Over By A Kimba (yes, I know Kettlekorn already did GGROBAR, but it was too good to pass up)

I'm Dreaming of a Red Christmas

Away in a tank
no crib for a bed
the little class-x foob
lays down his sweet head

The stars in the sky look down where he lay...
and promise swift fiery death when Cthulu rises.

Sorry, better at Halloween than Christmas carols.

I Saw Tennyo Kissing Jericho

N'Dizi Got Run Over by a Grandma - Yeah GGRObaR has been up twice, but this one happened.

I decided to elaborate on some of the titles I came up with last night.


"Oh Hey, We're In Danger" -- Nikki Version

Oh hey, we're in danger; no big surprise here.
Our little vacation is ruined by fear.
The Syndicate base blows up behind us.
Our little vacation has caused such a fuss.

Our teachers are glaring; detention awaits;
this little vacation has put us in straits.
I miss thee, Vacation, you're making me cry.
We get into trouble whenever we try

to have thee, Vacation; you're not in our fate;
denied thee forever, our problems won't wait.
I have magic powers and a Jade or two,
but that's not sufficient to bring us to you.


"Oh Hey, We're In Danger" -- Syndicate Version

Oh hey, we're in danger, we're facing a myth:
a Vampire Princess killed those we worked with!
The cams in the ceiling looked down as they died;
the Vampire Princess raised those that she spied.

The sirens are sounding, our dead team now walks,
but Vampire Princess, no guilt as she talks.
I loath thee, Vampire; put down my dead friend,
and go back to Whateley; I've mourning to tend.

We fear thee, Vampire; I ask thee to go
far from me forever, and spare me, my foe.
Free all our dead teammates from your evil grip,
while I flee from here at a blistering clip.


"Deck The Halls Like Diabolik"

Deck the halls like Diabolik,
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)
Tis the season villains frolic
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Don we now our dark bandanas
(Fa la la, la la la, la la la)
Roll the loaded Yuletide Santas
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)

See the blazing town's disquiet
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)
Strike a cop and join the riot
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Follow my vindictive pleasure
(Fa la la, la la la, la la la)
While I fill my bags with treasure
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)

Fast away; the heroes join us
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)
"Foiled again," our mocking chorus
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)

We leave quickly, all together
(Fa la la, la la la, la la la)
Heedless of their loud displeasure
(Fa la la la la, la la la la)


"Violent Night"

Violent night, painful night,
all is blood, all is fright.
Come young mutant, powerful child.
Manifest now, untrained and wild.
Disturb all of the peace,
Disturb all of the peace.

Violent night, painful night,
police quake at the sight.
KOP frames drop from afar,
Militant hosts shout "Surrender now!"
A new mutant is born,
A new mutant is born!

Violent night, painful night,
misfortune, deadly light.
Radiant beams from his fearful eyes
flick left and right; everyone dies.
Call the MCO now,
Call the MCO now.

Violent night, painful night,
BFG, lend thy might;
with the flashes let us scream,
"Surrender now to our team!"
A new mutant is born,
A new mutant is born!


"Carson Was Run Over By A Bison"

Carson was run over by a bison
Walking home from Schuster Christmas Eve
You can say there's no such thing as karma
But as for me and Beltane, we believe

She had been too harsh on us students
And we begged her to chill out
But then she gave us all detention
And she said her rules were not for us to flout

Franklin found her late that evening
On her back out in the Quad
She was feeling pretty woozy
And insinuating loudly she'd been trod

(chorus)

Now we're all so proud of Kayda
She's been taking this so well
See her in there cursing at us
Throwing slurs and making threats from in her cell

It's not Christmas with detention
All us students are taking flack
But we smile as we remember
That when Carson did us wrong, we got her back!

(chorus)

Now, I am a manifester
Beltane manifests things too
And a big white shaggy bison
That would just have fit the bill, we both can do

I've warned all my fellow pranksters
Better watch out for yourselves
They should never give a bison
To a girl who rages out and sides with elves

(chorus)

~wiping the tears of laughter from my eyes.~

dang kettle, that is hilarious.

Bwahahahaha! Carson Was Run Over By a Bison was the best of the songs, Kettle.

Nice, kettle.

Given the setting of Whateley, lyricists may find the reworkings of popular carols by the HP Lovecraft Historical Society (A Very Scary Solstice and An Even Scarier Solstice) suitable for adaptation...

Meanwhile:

We three witches of Whateley we are,
Our essence search will take us afar...

And simultaneously:

We three boys of Twain Cottage are... || We three furies of Faction 3 are...

"Up On The House Top (Eldritch Stands)"

Up on the housetop Eldritch stands
With a bunch of guns in hand
Down through the chimney with lots of noise
All for the baddies' Christmas joy

Ratta-tat-tat, what was that?
Ratta-tat-tat, what was that?
Up on the housetop, click click click
Down through the chimney with old Eldritch

First come the henchmen in the hall
Oh, dear Caitlin, make them fall
Give them a taste of your AEGIS load
And send their spirits down the road

Ratta-tat-tat, what was that?
Ratta-tat-tat, what was that?
Up on the housetop, click click click
Down through the chimney with old Eldritch

Next comes the leader, a PK brick
Oh, he is such a glorious prick
Here is a rocket and lots of HEAT
What's left of his corpse lands in the street

Ratta-tat-tat, what was that?
Ratta-tat-tat, what was that?
Up on the housetop, click click click
Down through the chimney with old Eldritch

Because after so many years of my friend introducing me to this Weird All classic...

"The Night Bardue Went Crazy"

Down in the workshop all the devisors were makin' toys
For the good heroine girls and the paying villain boys
When Security busted in, nearly scared 'em half to death
Had a rifle in his hands and cheap whiskey on his breath
From his beard to his boots he was covered with ammo
Like a big fat drunk disgruntled black thick Rambo
And he smiled as he said with a twinkle in his eye,
"The Eldritch came to all - now you're all gonna die!"

The night Bardue went crazy
The night Gunny went insane
Realized he'd been gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain

Well, the workshop is gone now, he decided to bomb it
Everywhere you'll find pieces of tentacles and gadgets
And he tied up the builders and he held the Drows hostage
And he ground up poor Mr Prickles into bio sausage
He got Jinn and Jann with an old German Luger
And he slashed up Hekate just like Freddy Krueger
And he picked up a flamethrower and he barbequed Bloodwolf
And he took a big bite and said, "It tastes just like chicken!"

The night Bardue went crazy
The night Mad Gunny went nuts
Now you can't hardly walk around the North Tunnel
Without steppin' in Class X guts

There's the National Guard and the F.B.I.
There's a van from Huminity First
And MCO copters circlin' 'round in the sky
And the bullets are flyin', the body count's risin'
And everyone's dyin' to know, oh Bardue, why?
My my my my my my
You used to be such a jolly guy

Yes, Whateley, now Bardue's doin' time
In an ARC prison for his infamous crime
Hey, little friend, now don't you cry no more tears
He'll be out with good behavior in 700 more years
But now Caithlin's in therapy and the Don's still nervous
And the Jades all got jobs working for the postal service
And they say Mrs. Ayla, she's on the phone every night
With her lawyer negotiating the movie rights

They're talkin' bout - the night Bardue went crazy
The night Sergeant Oscar flipped
Broke his back for some milk and cookies
Sounds to me like he was tired of gettin' gypped

Wo, the night Bardue went crazy
The night Gunny went insane
Realized he's gettin' a raw deal
Something finally must have snapped in his brain
Wo, something finally must have snapped in his brain
Tell ya, something finally must have snapped... in his brain

No mention of "Scarlet Ribbons"? You don't even have to modify it...

I peeped in to say “Goodnight,”
and then I heard my child in prayer:
“And for me, some scarlet ribbons,
scarlet ribbons for my hair.”

All the stores were closed and shuttered;
All the streets were dark and bare.
In our town, no scarlet ribbons,
not one ribbon for her hair.

Through the night my heart was aching
And just before the dawn was breaking
I peeked in and on her bed
In gay profusion lying there
Lovely ribbons, scarlet ribbons
Scarlet ribbons for her hair

If I live to be two hundred,
I will never know from where
came those lovely scarlet ribbons,
scarlet ribbons for her hair.



Seriously, I could see Ribbon pulling that off...

For Poe, maybe?
Jingle ball rock!
For security
Silent night... But set to something very sinister!
For the Admiral
Hauling for home... Okay it isn't Christmas, but it is nautical...
For Hartford
Redolph the rude nosed reigndear
For all the speedsters
Dashing through the snow... Double speed at least!
For Ayla
I won't be home for Christmas...
For Tenyo
The ghost of Christmas past...

Silent Night, Innsmouth Night!
All is calm, the tide is high
Round yon daughters of Mother Hydra
Dagon's infants in dark cathedra
Dream of undying sleep
Dream in unholy deep

Silent night, Dunwich night!
Townsmen quake, at the sight
Whippoorwills arrive from afar
Unwitting prey chant Ia! Ia!
Wilbur of Whateley is born!
Twin to Yog-Sothoth spawn!

Silent night, Arkham night!
Witches curse, legends blight
Mi-Go breeding in outer space
Whisperers haunting this place
Fungal lords of Yuggoth
Hail our lords from Yuggoth


I'm surprised no one's come up with/reposted "Sacrificing Grandma To The Old Ones"

All I want for Christmas is my two...
Hmmm I better not Poe style?
Hawthorn style?