Question Things Found in the Whateley Lost and Found

Hmm here is a few....

-Another Lost and Found box, inside that is another Lost and Found box...

-All the missing socks from all the dryers

-A bag of marbles labeled 'Staff'

-A big red button, marked 'go ahead I dare you'

-A metal rod, labeled 'Karmic Lightning Rod'

-A old jar labeled property of Pandora

-Illustrated and Pop Up version of the Necromonicon

-The missing floppies to Leisure Suit Larry 4

-The Nixon tapes, unedited

A perfect icecream cone that refuses to melt

A helicopter hat with a backpack fuel supply

A klein bottle sock

An annotated copy of the Kama Sutra

A d20, a d6, and a d17.

An antique key

Mrs. Carson

A key that opens another hidden box. Somewhere.

An unexploded bomb
An unexploded joke
Porn, of the tentacle kind
Someone's humanity.
Someone's sanity.

A golden apple with "For the Fairest" written on it.

A very mangled paper clip

A book published in 2019

Two blind mice.

A piece of Mrs. Carson's sanity, lost shortly before Team Kimba finished their senior year at Whateley Academy.

The beating heart of a hunter for not betraying the fairest of the land.

A black hole that goes nowhere.

A white hole leading to a rabbit.

An insanity plea from the insane

Three dead carcasses of blind mice

The answer to peace telling the user not to press the red button.

An unbreakable wish bone

Hollandaise sauce

The missing box of T-virus antidote. If you find it hang onto it, it'll be useful later.

A Death Ray... long since replaced

A half-used tube of toothpaste

A glove covered in sequins

A Lucky Rabbits foot... slightly-used and also gnawed-upon

a VHS-tape of Goonies

127 pairs of unclaimed panties (used)

3 vials labeled in Jobe's handwriting

An Oscillation Overthruster

a spool of wire and 3 railroad spikes

A case for an oriental sword

"So that's where my vial of Ebola went..."

Also found:

An Omega Incabloc Oyster Accutron 72 wrist watch,

A three sided-knife,

A trick top hat,

A box filled with only hope,

An active chaos-sphere,

One of Ahmlod's millstones,

Half of a complete collection of Magic Girl dvd's,

A Clow Card,

A old, locked notebook labeled "To be Held by Holbrook by Betty Brant"

A wax figurine wearing a red and white striped shirt and hat.

A sack of Floridian election ballots.

The Game.

Cryptic wrote: a cybernetic leg. How do you not realize you forgot your leg?

Easy. You have multiple cybernetic legs that you switch between as the situation dictates.

The lost and only copy ever made of Goonies 2, never released to the public.

The script for the never made 3rd Bill and Ted movie.

The only intact copy of the Ghostbusters 3 script.

The record of every 7th son of a 7th son in history.

The mystical formula for mithril, but it is in the ancient Faerie script.

The script for Brokeback Wolverine.

A series of stories by the Lit Chix about a bunch of people writing stories about mutants.

Tansy's soul.

A legal tender US three dollar bill.

A map of Whateley Academy with an X on it. (The X changes position every time it is looked at.)

The original code of pedit5.

Kettlekorn wrote: ...The Game...

...
...
Seriously? Do you know how annoying that is?

A set of invisible marbles

One entirely accurate, perfectly working, 3 inch high car.

Half a chicken.

A pet rock. Quick! Catch it before it escapes again!

Arcanist Lupus wrote: One entirely accurate, perfectly working, 3 inch high car.
!

Tink: Hey! That's where my convertible got to!


Items

The Hope Diamond
The Despair Diamond
A politicians brain (you may need a magnifying glass)
A box of souls
A bag of soles.
Two front teeth

Two Morpheus's (part of a set of nine)
A cute plush Elrod (labelled property of Gen2)
A large carrot carved into a Playboy Bunny

(Late 2007 onwards) A folded sheet of suspiciously strong paper with a strange circular diagram written on it in permanent ink...

A catnip filled toy, sized for a teen-aged panther or puma shifter
A stack of books labeled 'Chaka-Do for <powerset>'
A glass box containing pixie sticks labeled 'In case of boredom, break glass'

NeoMagus wrote:

Kettlekorn wrote: ...The Game...

...
...
Seriously? Do you know how annoying that is?

the movie or the rapper?

as you can toss both!

cprime wrote: A glass box containing pixie sticks labeled 'In case of boredom, break glass'

ha Domoviye would get this inside joke...we have and his character Tink!

lighttech wrote:

cprime wrote: A glass box containing pixie sticks labeled 'In case of boredom, break glass'

ha Domoviye would get this inside joke...we have and his character Tink!

Is that the one where she lost her marbles? I keep on hearing how she went KerPlunk.

A small, featureless ring that appears to be made of gold.
A pair of silver shoes
A perfectly balanced sword with an unusually long hilt.
A board game that seems to be drumming.
A heavy locket that nobody could open
One six foot tall traditional Ozark walking club
A pair of suspenders (you must particularly remember the suspenders, Best Beloved)
A perfect circle of thread with four evenly spaced lumps in it.
A small soapstone statue of a friendly looking dog
A simple silver-plated bronze earring.
A useful pot for putting things in.
A bowl of petunias
Two dozen pink lollipops, and a packet of rubber bands.
A very pale violin
Two daggers - one of silver, the other of iron.
A pair of spectacles made with lenses of unusual glass.
A knit chain made of black wool
A piece of what appears to be a large partially eaten mushroom.

Ib12us wrote:

lighttech wrote:

cprime wrote: A glass box containing pixie sticks labeled 'In case of boredom, break glass'

ha Domoviye would get this inside joke...we have and his character Tink!

Is that the one where she lost her marbles? I keep on hearing how she went KerPlunk.

okay I will let the 'pixie' out of the bag!

I have Pixies from the grove in my fan fics and one of my characters is teamed with one

well the scene is Tink in Carson's office explaining this

Whateley has one night where they are infested with super sugar high pixies----100s of them!

Tink would go buy a shitload of Pixie sticks and give them out to all the pixies
when asked what she thought she was doing, Tink could say, "I thought they were pixie quarter staffs!"
Tink looks around, "But it says right on the box "PIXIE STICKS" I assumed they had to be made for pixies
who would call something 'pixie sticks' if pixies were not supposed to have them?"

A pair of mismatched slippers, one ruby, one glass.

***

Can others give their references? So we can admire your knowledge / inventiveness / whatever?

"Arcanist Lupus" post=17975]

Possibly a few more

Malady wrote:

Some of what Arcanist Lupus lost [ Click to expand ] [ Click to hide ]

Arcanist Lupus wrote: A board game that seems to be drumming.

Jumanji

Arcanist Lupus wrote: A heavy locket that nobody could open

RAB Locket

Arcanist Lupus wrote: One six foot tall traditional Ozark walking club

Dresden's Staff

Arcanist Lupus wrote: A perfect circle of thread with four evenly spaced lumps in it.

'Circle of Magic' Thread Circle

Arcanist Lupus wrote: A small soapstone statue of a friendly looking dog

Barbas

Arcanist Lupus wrote: A bowl of petunias

Agrajag

Arcanist Lupus wrote: A very pale violin

Lecter, a.k.a Dracula?

***

Can others give their references? So we can admire your knowledge / inventiveness / whatever?

You missed the soapstone dog statue, but the rest are all right.

Astrodragon wrote: "Arcanist Lupus" post=17975]

Possibly a few more

Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ] [ Click to hide ]

A small, featureless ring that appears to be made of gold.- The one ring

A bowl of petunias - could also be HHGTTG

Two daggers - one of silver, the other of iron.- Seanan McGuires October Daye

A piece of what appears to be a large partially eaten mushroom.- Alice

These are completely correct.

A cheap-looking old brass medallion with a figure that looks very vaguely like an angel or a fairy. - The Medallion of Zulo (cracked by Valentine)

A metallic silver-colored box, about the size of a briefcase, with no obvious seams. - A MAU (Morphic Adaptation Unit) (cracked by Valentine)

A simple goblet, made by hand of rough ceramic. - The Holy Grail (according to Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, anyway) (cracked by Arcanist Lupus)

A golden trophy representing Victory holding a cup overhead.

A very old book with only a few faded Greek characters legible on the cover: "ποιη II" - "Aristotolian dissertation on comedy that was the cause of so many deaths in Umberto Ecco's The Name of the Rose." (cracked by Bek)

A black statue of a perched bird of prey, about 30cm tall - The Maltese Falcon (cracked by Arcanist Lupus)

The ID card for a one-handed man.

A basketball-size golden ball with dozens of cylindrical protrusions.

A 19th-century U.S. dime tied at the end of a string. - $crooge McDuck's Number One Dime (cracked by Kettlekorn)

A lion skin, notable for being the complete skin of the animal, with no missing parts and no signs of stitching. - The Nemean Lion's skin (cracked by Arcanist Lupus)

1 Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator

Valentine wrote: 1 Illudium Q-36 Explosive Space Modulator

1 Earth Shattering Kaboom!!! (there was supposed to be an Earth Shattering Kaboom)

Bottle city of Kandor.

A large vial with some black sand in it with a label that says 'Instant Shuggoth, just add water'

Partial notes on how to make dehydrated water.

A partially dehydrated porous cuboctahedron solid. Just add water.

A Frankish strongbox holding a hunting horn made from elephant ivory, two swords with the hallmark of Wayland on the pommel, and the broken tip of another sword of the same type.

A Warlock's Wheel.

A set of 16 instant-demon balls, 15 of which are painted as billiard balls.

A humanoid body in a silken cocoon, warm to the touch but apparently in suspended animation.

A bag of yams vacuum-sealed in a box marked with biohazard labels.

Nine pre-republican Roman shields.

A scroll in Attic Greek containing a dissertation on Comedy.

A Siamese cat that's not so secretly an AI, she cant help how much she loves to talk about the browsing history of nearby humans that should be petting her.

A pair of leather gloves, the right of which has six fingers.

bergy wrote: A pair of leather gloves, the right of which has six fingers.

To go with the wrote: A perfectly balanced sword with an unusually long hilt.

That one was maybe a bit too vague on my part.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A Frankish strongbox holding a hunting horn made from elephant ivory, two swords with the hallmark of Wayland on the pommel, and the broken tip of another sword of the same type.

Not sure about this one. Something out of Nibelung Cycle, maybe?

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A bag of yams vacuum-sealed in a box marked with biohazard labels.

Heh. Tree-of-life root?

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A scroll in Attic Greek containing a dissertation on Comedy.

Hey, this one matches one of mine!

Sir Lee wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A Frankish strongbox holding a hunting horn made from elephant ivory, two swords with the hallmark of Wayland on the pommel, and the broken tip of another sword of the same type.

Not sure about this one. Something out of Nibelung Cycle, maybe?

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A bag of yams vacuum-sealed in a box marked with biohazard labels.

Heh. Tree-of-life root?

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A scroll in Attic Greek containing a dissertation on Comedy.

Hey, this one matches one of mine!

The first one is from the Carolignian Cycle, revolving around Charlemagne and his paladins. The horn is Oliphant, Roland's horn. BTW, 'Oliphant' was a generic term for horns made of elephant ivory, and Charlemagne received a live elephant as a tribute. He was so impressed (and can you BLAME him?) that he made the elephant his royal symbol.

I think you're right about the Tree-of-Life root.

But I think that the scroll in Attic Greek is the Aristotolian dissertation on comedy that was the cause of so many deaths in Umberto Ecco's The Name of the Rose.

Exactly! I had it as the "old book with Greek letters on the cover."

OK, I know some of mine are pretty obvious, but some are more obscure... anyone biting?

Sir Lee wrote: A simple goblet, made by hand of rough ceramic.

A black statue of a perched bird of prey, about 30cm tall

A lion skin, notable for being the complete skin of the animal, with no missing parts and no signs of stitching.

The Holy Grail
The Maltese Falcon
The Nemean Lion's skin

Sir Lee wrote: A cheap-looking old brass medallion with a figure that looks very vaguely like an angel or a fairy.

Medallion of Zulo

A metallic silver-colored box, about the size of a briefcase, with no obvious seams.

An MAU?

A simple goblet, made by hand of rough ceramic.

A golden trophy representing Victory holding a cup overhead.

A very old book with only a few faded Greek characters legible on the cover: "ποιη II"

A black statue of a perched bird of prey, about 30cm tall

The ID card for a one-handed man.

A basketball-size golden ball with dozens of cylindrical protrusions.

A 19th-century U.S. dime tied at the end of a string.

A lion skin, notable for being the complete skin of the animal, with no missing parts and no signs of stitching.

Those are all correct, although (with the possible exception of the lion's skin) they were the easier ones.

Lets try for a few that might be harder.

A set of gyroscopes that seem to precess into a different dimension
A belt of pink and yellow shells
A shiny sparkly globe a few feet across that seems to contain the universe

mhalpern wrote: A Siamese cat that's not so secretly an AI, she cant help how much she loves to talk about the browsing history of nearby humans that should be petting her.

To clarify why this one is in the Lost and Found, She's a cat she does what she goes where she wants, also its a box

A compass made of gold.
A gaunt and skeletal severed head. Eye and hand set-pieces not included.
A two-sided knife with the keenest of edges.
A large purple crystal.

Yes on Oliphant, the Tree-of-Life and Aristotle's dissertation on Comedy. The swords in question were Durandal and Joyeuse (presumably, the one in Vienna is a replica), and the broken tip is from Cortana. No one seems to have recognized the ElfQuest ref, however. Is the preserved elf Timmain, perhaps? I don't know for sure myself...

Let's see, I was going to mention a 1m tall humanoid statue with a perfect mirror finish, but I think I've used enough stuff from that Niven already. I was also going to have a gem-encrusted skull along with the Warlock's wheel, but I suspect that the possibility of resurrecting Wavyhill would be too tempting for someone like Screech or Maladicta to leave alone - or worse, Nephandus, who is just competent enough to pull it off and just foolish enough to try.

How about something from the real world: a sealed lead-lined box containing a half-empty bottle of radium paint and a small, highly irradiated lead block lined with aluminum foil. C'mon, he'd totally be a Devisor or Gadgeteer in this world, right?

I forgot about the Shield of Romulus (and the eight duplicates of it - I was working from memory, but IIRC, Graves mentions a legend in I, Claudius that Rome could never be conquered so long as the shield was in the Capitoline temple, so the Romans had duplicates of it to hide which one was the real shield), and the instant-demon balls from Wormy (a comic-strip segment published in early issues of The Dragon during the 1970s).

@Astrodragon: The Girdle of Kalkin, perhaps? Don't let the Gadgeteers get a look at the circuitry underneath the shells, if it is...

A large ruby on a chain, which appears to have a confusing maze within.

A bucket of muzzle blast.
A small pile of rat vomit.
A Las Vegas Casino clock.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: @Astrodragon: The Girdle of Kalkin, perhaps? Don't let the Gadgeteers get a look at the circuitry underneath the shells, if it is...

A large ruby on a chain, which appears to have a confusing maze within.

Yes.
The ruby? 9 Princes in Amber

Sir Lee wrote: A 19th-century U.S. dime tied at the end of a string.

Would this particular dime have once belonged to a certain Scrooge McDuck? I don't remember it being tied to a string, though, so maybe this is somebody else's.

A 3/4 Pinckney Flange

Kettlekorn wrote:

Sir Lee wrote: A 19th-century U.S. dime tied at the end of a string.

Would this particular dime have once belonged to a certain Scrooge McDuck? I don't remember it being tied to a string, though, so maybe this is somebody else's.

Then you haven't read Don Rosa's wonderful The Life and Times of $crooge McDuck . And yes, it is the Number One Dime.
And no, it is NOT an invention by Rosa; like most of his "facts" about Scrooge, it came from a Carl Barks story -- specifically, the first appearance of Flintheart Glomgold , a story named The Second-Richest Duck .

Bek D Corbin wrote: A 3/4 Pinckney Flange

Darkwing Duck

Three marble sized blue gems and a palm sized black one
a sword with a black blade that has a greenish tint and
a sword with a hand holding a torch set where hilt meets blade
a hand of glory
a Colt revolver with 13 spent casings
a simple silver fountain pen with two antenna
a glowing green cube
a cat collar with “Isis” on the tag
a long brown coat
a pretty floral bonnet
a leaf on the wind
a cyberbrain
a gray box with post legs and stick arms
a vial marked GC-161
a red cap with a gold M on it
a small diamond vial with a liquid inside
a set of four crowns designed for two kings and two queens
an iron lamp post with the lamp arm ripped off
a multicolored knit scarf that seems longer then the wearer is tall
a dress shirt with question marks on the collar
a more complicated silver and wood pen with a green inset
a wooden walking stick sod in silver that follows those it likes home
a spiffy purple pin stripe suit
an amulet with an eyeball design
a gray cloak, a carved stick and a green stone ring with a crack
a dirk with a red gem set in the hilt
several lanterns; all colors of the rainbow
a left handed smoke shifter
the sound of one hand clapping
a stone right hand clutching a blue crystal, severed mid forearm
a stone left hand fused with a stone snake and a paving stone, severed above the elbow
a mask that is blank on the outside and mirrored on the inside
a golden bauble that glows when commanded
a blue shield which varies in size at random with a gold filigree bird motif
a stone dragon with a ruby and steel heart
1000 paper cranes. The machine, not the bird
Blue prints of a motorcycle the Feng shui of Vehicular Design teacher have swore to destroy for the good of humanity
a hot dog that is One with Everything
masks of unknown metal that control earth, fire, wind, water, stone, earth, ice, and time
ring boxes that contain rings marked with Earth, Fire, Wind, Water, and a Heart
a T-rex skull with an extension cord 'halter'
a potted Chlorofiend
a pot based Chlorofiend
a pot containing Oak's 'baby' cousin. The one with the speech impediment.
a silver pentagram with a red ruby superglued in the center
a human skull that likes being in the girls bathroom as much as Ayla does
a pen that when you remove the cap becomes a sword
a watch that becomes a round shield
a battered brown fedora
a spindle from a spinning wheel
a foot tall pagoda that radiates Chi
a puzzle box said to be a map
a metal gauntlet that's inset gem seems to be watching you...

A honeycomb and a jackass.

Domoviye wrote: A honeycomb and a jackass.

Human or animal?

Animal.

Three axes. One made of gold, one made of silver, and a third made entirely from herring.

A silvery ring with a large ruby-like gem that seems to shine as if it held swirling smoke within.

An oversized cricket wicket with one bail made of silver and another made from gold, with stumps made from steel, plastic and wood.

A pendant with a large emerald-like gem cut into a shamrock shape mounted in platinum. The backing has an inscription saying "To Katie from Sam and Anne".

Wonder Woman Panties
a small vial of green "jello"

A boxed set of Firefly, seasons 1-8 with the season 8 DvD missing.

~Archangel~ wrote: A boxed set of Firefly, seasons 1-8 with the season 8 DvD missing.

But... that was the very best season!

Admit it, you cried when Jayne finally admitted that she was in love with Mal.

A gaunt and skeletal severed head. Eye and hand set-pieces not included.

The Head of Vecna

A tangle of wire with beads strung on it at certain intersections; the beads are moveable from one intersection to another, though it's not quite clear how, since at any given intersection the bead is strung on all the wires involved.

A small old-time doctor's bag with a selection of instruments inside.

A cookbook with a provocative title.

A cookbook with an ambiguous title.

--Dave, a sprig of lilac

Would one of those cookbooks be called "TO SERVE MANKIND" by any chance?

dbdatvic wrote: A tangle of wire with beads strung on it at certain intersections; the beads are moveable from one intersection to another, though it's not quite clear how, since at any given intersection the bead is strung on all the wires involved.

A small old-time doctor's bag with a selection of instruments inside.

Well, the first one seems a little mimsy .

And the second one sounds like the little black bag .


A line of pyramids, increasing in size and disappearing off in the distance.
A large set of terrariums with a number of peculiar creatures inside.
An injured blue lizard and a rock.


Incidentally, I've always thought that "Mimsy Were the Borogroves" was part of the inspiration for "I Looked in the Abyss and it Winked". Can anyone confirm or deny this?

Nocte wrote:

A gaunt and skeletal severed head. Eye and hand set-pieces not included.

The Head of Vecna

I was hoping somebody would get it.

A snipe.
A very small blue girl, she tries to hide if someone looks her way.
A Crooked House.
A black cloth circle.

Valentine wrote: A black cloth circle.

A portable hole? I'm thinking Jarlaxle's in particular.

Ametros wrote:

Valentine wrote: A black cloth circle.

A portable hole? I'm thinking Jarlaxle's in particular.

I was thinking of the hole Ringo pulls out of his pocket at the end of Yellow Submarine, but yeah it's a portable hole.

Valentine wrote: A Crooked House..

Expanded or collapsed version?

> Would one of those cookbooks be called "TO SERVE MANKIND" by any chance?

Nnnnnot quite!

--Dave, a small blue jewel on a chain, which seems to have tiny lights moving inside

Astrodragon wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A large ruby on a chain, which appears to have a confusing maze within.

The ruby? 9 Princes in Amber

Yes. The Jewel of Judgement, AKA the Eye of the Serpent of Chaos which was taken by the Unicorn of Order at the beginning of time.

Let's see... a royal scepter carved of a peculiarly hard wood, depicting an aged but still happy king carved into it.

A box full of autoinjectors each containing a four-century dose of santaclara.

A BFG-9000 in it's original packaging.

A box containing several scrolls in hand-written Koine Greek, bearing the Imperial seal of Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, Conqueror of the Britons. In addition, there are several scrolls in archaic Latin and some even older ones in Etruscan and Sabine, but these are mostly illegible, though the seal of the Sybiline temple is visible on them.

A machine resembling a large stone with a gap where a humanoid hand could be inserted, and several leads with a large pad structure at the end.

An owner's manual for a brand-new starship, with a script for Hamlet stapled to the back.

A baliset marked 'property of Gurney Halleck'.

A Strohl Munitions plasma cannon. There is a small switch on the side labeled "Rocket Mode"
A old greatsword with a green hilt.
A large, complicated, and very dangerous looking die.
A large package, with proper postage, that seems to be growling.
A small watch with a single button, which when pressed does not do anything.
An orange poster tube. All external surveillance shows it to be empty.
A blue rose growing in the shade.
A small, nondescript doll with large button eyes.
A broach in the shape of a trilobite
A large stone head. There don't appear to be any men near it.

A second Whateley Lost and Found... seemingly the same size as the one you're looking in.

A British Police Box... that really is a British Police Box.

A Safari Hat large enough to stand inside

Ashes of an old life

A chicken's foot

A clock that can only be seen from the corner of your eye

Yourself, looking for the left hand version of whatever you are looking for.

The Strohl Munitions plasma cannon is from Schlock Mercenary, as well as the Planet Mercenary RPG based on that work, presumably it is a BH-209 I, which is a fine model, but I prefer the M myself, mostly because it leveled a city block when exposed to ethyl alcohol.

The sword with a green hilt, is made out of starmetal and is Roy Greenhilt's sword from Order of the Stick.

The poster tube belongs to one Sydney Scoville Jr. a.k.a. Halo and is what she carries her power orbs in when in disguise.

The pair of silver shoes from several pages ago is probably THE Silver Shoes, or, how Dorothy returns to Kansas in L. Frank Baum's The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz novel.

@Schol-R-LEA: The BFG is from Doom, or one of it's sequels, but not the movie because the movie was awful.

Now for some of my own:

A sword, with absolutely no inherent magic whatsoever.

A hilt, held by a Chicago Coroner.

a horn bearing the inscription in The Old Tongue: "The Grave Is No Bar To My Call".

A pouch of sand, a helm and a ruby.

An ironically named and inordinately powerful "tin dog".

lduke1990 wrote: The Strohl Munitions plasma cannon is from Schlock Mercenary, as well as the Planet Mercenary RPG based on that work, presumably it is a BH-209 I, which is a fine model, but I prefer the M myself, mostly because it leveled a city block when exposed to ethyl alcohol.

The sword with a green hilt, is made out of starmetal and is Roy Greenhilt's sword from Order of the Stick.

The poster tube belongs to one Sydney Scoville Jr. a.k.a. Halo and is what she carries her power orbs in when in disguise.

The pair of silver shoes from several pages ago is probably THE Silver Shoes, or, how Dorothy returns to Kansas in L. Frank Baum's The Wonderful Wizard Of Oz novel.

Yes, yes, yes, and yes!

(Wicked had a lot of Wizard of Oz in-jokes, but my favorite is when Nessarose's silver shoes are turned into ruby slippers. It's just so perfectly meta)

A sword, with absolutely no inherent magic whatsoever.

A hilt, held by a Chicago Coroner.

a horn bearing the inscription in The Old Tongue: "The Grave Is No Bar To My Call".

A pouch of sand, a helm and a ruby.

An ironically named and inordinately powerful "tin dog".

The first sounds like the sword of one Captain Carrot Ironfounderson, which is not at all magical. It is, however, incredibly sharp.
The second sounds like a spoiler. But I have faith that I have the right story.
That would be the Horn of Valere, whose heroes are destined to fight in the Last Battle
Unfortunately, the last two escapes me. Maybe the tin dog can hang out with the soapstone dog that I found?

lduke1990 wrote: Now for some of my own:


A pouch of sand, a helm and a ruby.

An ironically named and inordinately powerful "tin dog".

The tools of Dream of The Endless.

K9 from Dr. Who?

Arcanist Lupus wrote: A large package, with proper postage, that seems to be growling.

A bobcat?

A small box-shaped puzzle that seems to work in more than three dimensions.

Sir Lee wrote: A small box-shaped puzzle that seems to work in more than three dimensions.

Would it by chance be a Lament Configuration from Hellrazer? Or as I like to think of it as Sara Waite's Rubik's Cube?

~Archangel~ wrote:

Sir Lee wrote: A small box-shaped puzzle that seems to work in more than three dimensions.

Would it by chance be a Lament Configuration from Hellrazer? Or as I like to think of it as Sara Waite's Rubik's Cube?

It's just Mobius' Rubik Cube.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A box containing several scrolls in hand-written Koine Greek, bearing the Imperial seal of Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, Conqueror of the Britons. In addition, there are several scrolls in archaic Latin and some even older ones in Etruscan and Sabine, but these are mostly illegible, though the seal of the Sybiline temple is visible on them.

The Syblline Books

Mister D is correct as is Arcanist Lupus.
Regarding the hilt, not a spoiler really, just more proof that one H.B.C. Dresden has the best friends.

Malady wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A box containing several scrolls in hand-written Koine Greek, bearing the Imperial seal of Tiberius Claudius Caesar Augustus Germanicus, Conqueror of the Britons. In addition, there are several scrolls in archaic Latin and some even older ones in Etruscan and Sabine, but these are mostly illegible, though the seal of the Sybiline temple is visible on them.

The Syblline Books

The ones with the seal of the Sybiline Temple, yes. The first one, No. Rather, they are the secret personal history of the last days of Caesar Agustus, the primacy of Tiberius, the near-ruinous reign of Caligula, and the reign of the 'Good Emperor' Claudius, as transcribed by Robert Graves in, 'I, Claudius'

Half a Kosher Salami

A 1959 Edsel Corsair, with a baseball bat lying in the passenger seat.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A 1959 Edsel Corsair, with a baseball bat lying in the passenger seat.

Red Limiit Freeway?

Astrodragon wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A 1959 Edsel Corsair, with a baseball bat lying in the passenger seat.

Red Limiit Freeway?

Nope, not familiar with that, actually.

Though if you look in the trunk, you'll also find a broken horn or spike of some kind, off of an unfamiliar creature. Careful, it's venomous.

Aside from that, let's see: a beer keg which contains... something liquid. It bubbles and it burbles and it's glows a fizzly green. Taste great, but oh, the hangover!

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A 1959 Edsel Corsair, with a baseball bat lying in the passenger seat.

Whoa, Mirth left Edsel's Edsel and Kevin's bat somewhere and someone jacked it??

From the awesome comic Mage by Matt Wagner.

A bottle of irradiated maple syrup

A can of spinach

A mushroom

A root

A strange tropical fruit

DanZilla wrote: A bottle of irradiated maple syrup

A can of spinach

A mushroom

A root

A strange tropical fruit

While I really only recognize Popeye's spinach and Mario's mushroom (badger badger badger badger...), I am guessing that they are all someone's power-ups of various kinds. The tropical fruit might be Devil Fruit, though I've never actually watched One Piece so I may be wrong. I would have expected Senzu Beans to be on the list, though, and maybe Gummiberries (but no Boinkberries, please! I'm running short on brain bleach right now as it is...).

Speaking of Badgers... how about a blessed rocket launcher with several rockets loaded with holy water, and a broken tobacco pipe?

A knife made of a large crystalline tooth.

A thumb drive containing a video recording of The Bob Violence Fun Show, episode 23. If you watch it through, it also has part of an episode of Mark Thrust at the end of the clip.

Jimmy Hoffa. Not his body, he's actually living there.

A copy of Pony Training for Dummies by Mistress Sardonyx. On the inner cover is a note that reads, "Hey, Sted, I'm gonna make sure your 'friends' get a copy of this too, you stupid fucking bint! - Silver Rose" and a crudely drawn middle finger.

A really large Nerf gun.

Sir Lee wrote: A simple goblet, made by hand of rough ceramic.

Hehehe... perhaps I should include a 21st century version of my old 'Mighty Art' character of Maximilian von Bek as a member of the Dylans in one of my fanfics. I doubt he'd be any happier facing up to his family's legacy than the 19th century version was (the one who was at wandering around Oscar Wilde's farewell party, stoned out of his head on opium and chatting with Aleister Crowley about the best ways to get into Oscar's bed, then crawling in with some random woman when he missed his chance at that, before jumping into the middle of the fight like a madman when the Masons - who were still trying to control the metaphysical badness that Dr. Gull had unwittingly brought down upon London - decided to try and grab one of the other party-goers, Lavinia Whateley, alongside Sawyer, Skinner, and some other players' OCs while Nemo - who I was also playing - Mina, and The Phantom of the Opera were outside mixing it up with the vampire whom the Masons brought along as extra muscle).

Oh, man, that campaign really did end too soon... even if the guy who was playing the Highlander-type immortal was being a total jerkass, doing the 'you are my lost love reborn!' to one of the other OCs and expecting the other player to go along with it; even worse, it turned out the the creep not only knew the other player IRL - it was a PBEM game - but had been stalking her for real even before then, something the GM only learned when they figured out that the player had lied about who he was. Unfortunately, most of the other players dropped out around the second day in-game, so it really never got going part that first fight.

Jumping on the role playing theme;

An original AD&D 1st edition Deities & Demigods, the one with the stats for the Cthuthlu and Melnibonean Deities.

Just ignore the notes in a strange language in the margins...

A silver figurine of Eris.

A plaid shirt that has a pattern that stays the same orientation no matter how it moves.

A wristwatch with settings marked 'male' and 'female'.

A pair of cases of boinkberry wine (Eek! Out, damned memories!)

A modified toaster. With a bit of panda fur that got caught on a sharp edge.

A copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream with a bookplate reading, "Property of E. Judd".

A globe of Pandora.

A panoramic photo of inner Solar system, as taken from Makemake.

Two pair of spare webshooters and six cartridges.

The Congohelium.

The Dust Puppy. Where have you been all this time, little guy? A.J. was worried sick over you!

Oh, forgot one: a leather-bound notebook, blank but showing some writing impressions, with a part of the spine damaged from a part of the lining removed without any marks of how it was extricated. If a graphite rub is taken, a few words in Vietnamese can be made out, and a few characters in Chinese as well.

Got another one: an 11" human penis, stuffed and mounted.

I know, I know, but give the author a break, it was 1979 and even today most people don't know how that operation works. The thing at the end about re-attaching to someone else over a year later was pure artistic license, though - that is to say, total bullshit.

A 5ml purple-topped Vacutainer tube, a bit more than half full, labeled "M.Mus."
A fresh egg
A box of wooden toothpicks.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A plaid shirt that has a pattern that stays the same orientation no matter how it moves.

That sounds like Monkey Island. Also, Jericho's newest outfit.

Sir Lee wrote: A box of wooden toothpicks.

Are their instructions on the box?

BTW, the notebook is one you ought to get, as I know you've read that series (or at least, you've mentioned liking a character from it).

EDIT: Oops, it was Danzilla who mentioned the series in question, you mentioned a different series at that time. Sorry.

No; oddly enough, I never played any of the LucasArts adventure games, though I have read a bit about them. Rendering plaid realistically happens to be problematic in things like video games and (hint hint) webcomics, so the 'unmoving plaid' is a common effect (and common joke) in those sorts of things.

A full set of tankōbon of the original manga version of Usagi-kamisama no Koun to Shōkin Kasegi.


OK, so my Japanese needs some work. A lot of work. OK, OK, I used Google Translate, alright? I knew some of the words, and did the autotranslate on the others, but yeah, I cheated. Sheesh. I am pretty sure that using 'to' for 'and' or 'together with' is the wrong usage, but whatever...

Schol-R-LEA wrote:

Sir Lee wrote: A box of wooden toothpicks.

Are their instructions on the box?

Only the usual sort: "be careful not to hurt your gums" and such.
Consider the three items in my previous message TOGETHER. Well, almost. Actually, in pairs. Two of the three pairs are significant, the third isn't.

Sir Lee wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote:

Sir Lee wrote: A box of wooden toothpicks.

Are their instructions on the box?

Only the usual sort: "be careful not to hurt your gums" and such.

Well, that just proves my theory that no one here is Sane, and we're all just Wonko.

(Although technically, it was the presence of an elaborate set of instructions that convinced him that the world is mad, so the absence of overly-detailed instructions would be a good sign... I guess...)

Sir Lee wrote: Consider the three items in my previous message TOGETHER. Well, almost. Actually, in pairs. Two of the three pairs are significant, the third isn't.

I have a feeling this is something I am not familiar with, so I will leave it to someone else.

A jar of demonic phlegm.
A smiling book
a girl in a box

A box containing:
One Timex digital watch, broken.
One unused prophylactic.
One soiled.
One black suit jacket,
one pair black suit pants.
One hat black.
One pair of sunglasses.
$23.07.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: No; oddly enough, I never played any of the LucasArts adventure games, though I have read a bit about them. Rendering plaid realistically happens to be problematic in things like video games and (hint hint) webcomics, so the 'unmoving plaid' is a common effect (and common joke) in those sorts of things.

The drummer in a band i played in 25 years ago had a plaid jacket that he wore specially for video shoots.

He called it his "Moire Pattern" jacket.

A microscope with four slides, labeled in Japanese as, "Osaka's Attention Span", "Tomo's Common Sense", "Kagura's Patience", and "Yukari-sensei's Driving Skill".

OK, just to make it clear, the 'unmoving plaid' shirt is a reference to a specific webcomic. I don't really know the series myself (I read a few srips but that's about it), but I used to come across references to it, and to the specific character who owns it, in such series as The Wotch and Clan of the Cats (which will tell you how long ago this was). I don't know if the series in question is still running, but whatever. I'll leave it to the rest of you to name the series and character.

Valentine wrote: A box containing:
One Timex digital watch, broken.
One unused prophylactic.
One soiled.
One black suit jacket,
one pair black suit pants.
One hat black.
One pair of sunglasses.
$23.07.

Truly, everything you need before embarking into a mission from God.

Sir Lee wrote:

Valentine wrote: A box containing:
One Timex digital watch, broken.
One unused prophylactic.
One soiled.
One black suit jacket,
one pair black suit pants.
One hat black.
One pair of sunglasses.
$23.07.

Truly, everything you need before embarking into a mission from God.

If Bianca finds out about the warp that must exist between Whateley and Joliet then she might be able to take advantage of it for trips home...

Schol-R-LEA wrote:

Sir Lee wrote: Consider the three items in my previous message TOGETHER. Well, almost. Actually, in pairs. Two of the three pairs are significant, the third isn't.

I have a feeling this is something I am not familiar with, so I will leave it to someone else.

Oh, many people here are familiar with it. Hint: toothpicks are small sticks. You need only a few of them.

Er, got nothin'. All I can think of is a OWoD campaign I was in in which a Virtual Adept tried to use Correspondence to stake a low-gen Tremere with a toothpick from long distance (it went badly for the mage).

Schol-R-LEA wrote: OK, just to make it clear, the 'unmoving plaid' shirt is a reference to a specific webcomic. I don't really know the series myself (I read a few srips but that's about it), but I used to come across references to it, and to the specific character who owns it, in such series as The Wotch and Clan of the Cats (which will tell you how long ago this was). I don't know if the series in question is still running, but whatever. I'll leave it to the rest of you to name the series and character.

Um would it be Jack's shirt from Zebra Girl?

Yes.

The missing final never released to the public episodes of Pirates of Dark Water on VHS that still works.

The secretly finished season 3 of Sy Fy's Alphas on DVD and Blu Ray. Stamp on both states "Not to be released to the public on orders from the Illuminati".

A packet of TV movie scripts all stamped rejected:
Sharkicane
Sharkuake
Sharkano
Sharknami
Sharkoob
Sharkzard

a small jar with some dribblings of liquid, sealed with a brush inside two layers of plastic bags

A bag of illusory carrots.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A bag of illusory carrots.

www.egscomics.com/index.php?id=1116

A cranching wire.

A picture box with a lead-lined cover, with a Psychohazard warning label on the cover. Inside of which is computer-generated abstract picture, locked in case of heavily smoked glass with an alarm on case anyone tries to open the case. The image vaguely resembles a parrot.

A pair of stasis tubes, one containing a curly haired boy wearing fish-patterned board shorts with a My Little Pony tattoo on his shoulder, and the other an androgynous boy in heart boxers, his hand clutching a wine bottle. Upon the tubes is a note: "Do not open until the event in 2017. You'll know which one. -P"

A CD containing a compilation of covers of Willy Nelson and Pansy Division songs, performed by Ned Sublette.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A cranching wire.

Scanners Live in Vain!




The entire great gray-green greasy Limpopo River all set about with fever trees.

A deceased human body, perfectly preserved and posed with a wine glass. Looking on it makes you want to gather together a group to write random, round-robin poetry.

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A deceased human body, perfectly preserved and posed with a wine glass. Looking on it makes you want to gather together a group to write random, round-robin poetry.

Okay... That just makes me think, SCP ... As a cognitohazard.

Arcanist Lupus wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A cranching wire.

Scanners Live in Vain!

Yes, though I've mentioned two other things from that series earlier, as well.

Arcanist Lupus wrote: The entire great gray-green greasy Limpopo River all set about with fever trees.

Hmmn, this sounds vaguely familiar, and there is a Limpopo River in (I think) central Africa, but I can't quite place it. Something from Heart of Darkness, perhaps?

Malady wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A deceased human body, perfectly preserved and posed with a wine glass. Looking on it makes you want to gather together a group to write random, round-robin poetry.

Okay... That just makes me think, SCP ... As a cognitohazard.

That would actually work, I think, though in this case I was still being too referential for my own good.

Schol-R-LEA wrote:

Malady wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote: A deceased human body, perfectly preserved and posed with a wine glass. Looking on it makes you want to gather together a group to write random, round-robin poetry.

Okay... That just makes me think, SCP ... As a cognitohazard.

That would actually work, I think, though in this case I was still being too referential for my own good.

Well, obviously it's not an SCP? So, I wonder who'll point out its origin...

A wooden box that used to contain snow

Schol-R-LEA wrote:

Arcanist Lupus wrote: The entire great gray-green greasy Limpopo River all set about with fever trees.

Hmmn, this sounds vaguely familiar, and there is a Limpopo River in (I think) central Africa, but I can't quite place it. Something from Heart of Darkness, perhaps?

South Africa, actually. Flintheart Glomgold has his money bin located in the Limpopo Valley.(*)

(*)From "Things I Learned From Reading Carl Barks Comics"

Astrodragon wrote: A wooden box that used to contain snow

How can that be? I swear, the Snow(den)s of Yesteryear were in there earlier today!

Actually, I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be the Cask of Ancient Winters, but whatever.

Is it visibly repaired with Krazy Glue?

Schol-R-LEA wrote:

Astrodragon wrote: A wooden box that used to contain snow

How can that be? I swear, the Snow(den)s of Yesteryear were in there earlier today!

Actually, I'm pretty sure it's supposed to be the Cask of Ancient Winters, but whatever.

Sorry, no. Its FAR sillier than that...

Frosty's coffin?

A Dell SF Classics anthology, The Best of Kilgore Trout, signed by the author.

Sir Lee wrote:

Schol-R-LEA wrote:

Arcanist Lupus wrote: The entire great gray-green greasy Limpopo River all set about with fever trees.

Hmmn, this sounds vaguely familiar, and there is a Limpopo River in (I think) central Africa, but I can't quite place it. Something from Heart of Darkness, perhaps?

South Africa, actually. Flintheart Glomgold has his money bin located in the Limpopo Valley.(*)

(*)From "Things I Learned From Reading Carl Barks Comics"

yes, it's a real river, but this is a very particular reference to it. This is actually my second lost and found item related to this particular story collection, but nobody seems to remember the suspenders.

If you're referring to Kipling's 'How the Whale got his throat' from his 'Just-So Stories', I presumed that everyone got that reference, O Best Beloved.

Not everyone, though now I feel like an imbecile for not remembering.

Regarding the Kilgore Trout book, I am surprised no one has asked whose handwriting the signature resembled most, Kurt Vonnegut's or Philip José Farmer's .

Oh, and regarding the good-looking cadaver, well, I guess no one here is into Surrealism or Dadaism in a big way.

A largish alabaster egg. Nothing out of the ordinary.

A shipping box dated 2011 and marked

To: A. Hartford
From: Master Joe's Toybox, Norcross, GA

and a Post-It note in D33rcr0$$'s handwriting reading '"Damn it, these pranks have gone too far this time!!" Inside is a 200' spool of red silk rope ('Fetish Fantasy' brand).

A woven carpet with an intricate picture of a genie (longways) on it, surrounded by a baroque border in multiple colors of curlicues.

--Dave, a small teddy bear wearing a red shirt and a confused but happy expression

A slightly scorched RPG-7.

A beautiful tapestry, with a a note attached: "From the estate of Mimi Laschenski,"

An atomic bomb made of used pinball macine parts (You don't want to know what Eldirch estimated it's yield at)
An inflatable pool shark with a script attached to it's dorsal fin
A bag of oddly flavored jelly beans

cprime wrote: An atomic bomb made of used pinball macine parts (You don't want to know what Eldirch estimated it's yield at)
An inflatable pool shark with a script attached to it's dorsal fin
A bag of oddly flavored jelly beans

Oddly I saw that scene out of Back to the Future just a bit ago,


A box of obscure pop culture references.
A 100000000000 page Ezra Pound poem.

Lasers designed to attach to the back of a shark. Sadly they weren't waterproof.

A small but perfectly formed bonsai mountain

On a shelf with huge danger stickers attached and almost totally encased in yellow caution tape:
* A sock
* a 90's mobile phone
* a sweater
* a hankie
* someone's wallet.

Nobody knows if the stickers and tape are a joke or what, and nobody's ever been game enough to check.

Several opaque jars labeled "Sanity".

sigh I probably should explain the ones I have already posted before posting any more... I assume that most of you got at least some of these, but I'm expecting that few got all of them, and there's at least one which I don't think anyone would get because it's a personal in-joke of my own. Anyway:

slightly scorched RPG-7 - one of the ones Jade brought back for Thuban after Christmas 2006.

200' spool of bondage rope - OK, the in-joke here is that Master Joe's Toybox was a fetish/adult toy e-commerce website that my late father ran at that time. It was not conspicuously successful.

Ned Sublette CD - the joke is that Sublette was the original performer of the song "Cowboys are Frequently Secretly Fond of Each Other", which both Pansy Division and (most famously) Willy Nelson covered, among others.

The Best of Kilgore Trout - Trout, the perennial sad-sack SF writer, was a character in several of Vonnegut's novels, and the name was later used as a pseudonym by Philip Jose Farmer for the book Venus on the Half-Shell, who did it as a joke.

image vaguely resembling a parrot - the basilisk (mind-destroying painting) from the David Langford short story 'BLIT'.

a leather-bound notebook, blank but showing some writing impressions - Kien Phuc's journal, stolen by Wraith in Wild Cards 4. The writing was destroyed by her phasing power because the ink contained gold, which she couldn't dematerialize, and the fountain pen didn't leave enough impressions for Yeoman to use the information.

an Exquisite Corpse - the joke is that an 'exquisite corpse' is a type of round-robin writing (or art) game in which each player contributes part of the work while only being able to see a small section of the part already made.

11" human penis, stuffed and mounted - Epicene Wildblood's penis, removed (sigh) during his/her SRS at the beginning of The Trick Top Hat and later (after traveling around the entire planet in the hands of several different people) re-implanted (double sigh) on Markoff Chaney at the end of The Homing Pigeons.

silver figurine of Eris - from the webcomic Discordia

wrist watch - 'property of Tedd Verres', of course.

Usagi-kamisama no Koun to Shōkin Kasegi tankōbon - in the US, the anime became known as The Lucky Bunny Bounty Show, which was Sensei Greg's favorite series.

modified toaster - Saundra Bifrost's original time machine in Umlaut House, though she didn't know that until much later.

A copy of A Midsummer Night's Dream with a bookplate reading, "Property of E. Judd" - Alpha Flight's original Puck. Byrne used that joke repeatedly in the early part of the series.

four-century dose of santaclara - AKA refined stroon, the immortality drug from Cordwainer Smith's Instrumentality of Mankind series

The Congohelium - also from Cordwainer Smith, the powerful artifact the Gentlemen-Suicides were using to make new music in 'Under Old Earth'.

The Mundane Egg - yes, the same one which Tim Hunter traded to Titania in exchange for returning to Earth.

The radioactive box etc. - the toolkit of David Hahn, the guy who became notorious as the 'radioactive boy scout' around 1995.

oversized cricket wicket - the Wicket Gate used to seal the Krikkit home world in Slo-Time.

pendant with a large emerald-like gem cut into a shamrock shape - the were-folk self-control gem given to Katie by Wolfie in The Wotch (later referred to as the Samantha Stone in the related series Triquetra Cats).

the Dobbspipe and the holy-water rocket launcher - from a story in The Badger in which he gets attacked by a demon in the form of J.R. 'Bob' Dobbs, and then was rescued by a passing evangelical demon hunter.

the Bob Violence video - from American Flagg!; the series was used by the Plex to broadcast violent subliminal commands to the Go-Gangers who were its main audience.

Arctorios Gem Ring - part of the imperial regalia of Melnibone, it was later destroyed by villain in The Dragon and the Sword (having tricked into doing so by Erekose) some indeterminable period either before or after (or both) Elric's time.

Crysknife - from the Dune series, of course.

Boinkberry wine - from Kit 'n Kay Boodle. If you don't know the series, chances are you don't want to, though it isn't as terrible as people make it out to be, and does have it's fans. I can read it, twisty little perv that I am, but only a little at a time.

Pony Training for Dummies - a reference to Mistress Sardonyx, a 'pony play' dominatrix in Collar Six

royal scepter carved of a peculiarly hard wood - Sadly, I don't recall the name of the short story this was from.

machine resembling a large stone with a gap where a humanoid hand - the healing/execution machine from Babylon 5

Owner's manual - for the starship Heart of Gold, of course.