Question Some Days It Isn't Worth ... Discussion

Because it's easier to post comments and concerns with a place to put them?

Link: Some Days It Isn't Worth Chewing Through The Straps

Interesting story, neat characters, a little confusing, but overall it works. Keep at it.

Thanks for sharing the story.
Wrayth

Maybe I'm being oblivious, but is there a prequel to this story some where?

^ There were Micros about the characters...

The author might want to compile those somewhere. Lota micros to read through.

Cryptic wrote: Maybe I'm being oblivious, but is there a prequel to this story some where?

I went with a "cold open" here because in my mind they're still crossover OCs from Shadowrun's Sixth World. Starting chronologically earlier and hitting the reader with what could be an entirely separate setting, only to abandon it didn't feel right to me.

Worse, as a shadowrunner, Mads has used multiple names, so the confusion factor was multiplying quickly. For now, I'm considering using flashbacks to bring in only so much from outside as needed: how the two met, some of what Mads has had to leave behind, possibly even a "past lives" prequel story.

So, no, you're not being oblivious at all.

NJM1564 wrote: The author might want to compile those somewhere. Lota micros to read through.

Added to the first posting. I enjoy the Micro-Scenes a lot, myself!

Well, that update got dark, or at least gory, with the description of what could have happened?

Other than that, it was pretty funny! Nice work with the uncommon POVs!

Why are the epilogues spoilered?

Malady wrote: Well, that update got dark, or at least gory, with the description of what could have happened?

I was going for dark, as one way to show that the guy has reasons to be very paranoid about some of the oddest things. All the Thornies do, to some point.

Malady wrote: Other than that, it was pretty funny! Nice work with the uncommon POVs!

Thanks!

Malady wrote: Why are the epilogues spoilered?

Mostly because the section was getting long, but cutting them loose didn't feel right. They're something that folks can always come back to later, if they want.

The second one is pulled from an attempt to write the meeting as a group combat final, set on Mads' home turf. That so didn't work out well. But I could see Ace wanting to know just what kind of criminal low-life they had run into afterward.

Malady wrote:

Typos, non-exhaustive? [ Click to expand ] [ Click to hide ]

reliable floor > reliable flow

hoofs > hooves

Thanks!

I should note that one of the scenes is derived from art blogged (on Tumblr) by one of the many talented artists on DeviantArt ( Nanihoo on DeviantArt ). The one line I added to the dialog fits both stories, but would be heart-breaking in the original context.

Mom magic is very serious business, okay?

Will add to this as I read the rest, unless you reply before I can add.

Link to the thread from your sig?

@Malady: POV switch - Yes

I don't do much programming anymore, but my in-line comments ranged from lucid to dada depending on how conscious I was at the time. Interpreting what a section of code is doing long after the original work can be a lot like scrying a distant location.

Thanks for the catching typos as well!

--

Next scene up will include a little more Ayla, to show that apprenticing isn't always all it's cracked up to be.

Since the Fabulous Imp's story line includes the Seekrit Squirrelz, I'm really hoping to see how that goes. There has to be a way for them to be successful without sending Ace ... nah, that might be cruel.

Long section was long, even before the added 500 words or so. It's just that I had the feeling that something was still needed to tie the past back into the present.

Fair warning, " One Damned Thing " gets a little grimdark during the 2003 scene.

null0trooper wrote: Long section was long, even before the added 500 words or so. It's just that I had the feeling that something was still needed to tie the past back into the present.

Update for

I was thinking about how quickly Donna recovered in " Blast from the Past " after some of Whateley's best had worn themselves down again and again just that weekend. Also, it let me retrofit a reason for why any sane person would allow the insane plan to go forward without a lot of further review.

So the boys are back home. All they have to do is start explaining what they can, and get back to the Seryus Bizness of being students. " Checking In, Checking Up, Moving On "

Are there any particular characters that people would like to see in cameos or more in depth (other than the folks scheduled to drop by for Parents' Day?)

Delayed update up here . But at least my computer is back to limping along livelier.

Looking at either breaking off to a new thread at this point, with the guys new somewhat settled in, or continuing on with Parents' Day and a couple of new characters to meet. Ideas, suggestions?

null0trooper wrote: Delayed update up here . But at least my computer is back to limping along livelier.

Looking at either breaking off to a new thread at this point, with the guys new somewhat settled in, or continuing on with Parents' Day and a couple of new characters to meet. Ideas, suggestions?

I'm just at the start of the second page, you've been busy! And it's whatever you feel is necessary for the story.If you feel that Mads and Thomas's adventure of getting settled in then start for a new thread, but I'm enjoying it very much. The little Shadowrun easter eggs are good, but I only have a limited experience with that universe.

Ebola wrote:

null0trooper wrote: Delayed update up here . But at least my computer is back to limping along livelier.

Looking at either breaking off to a new thread at this point, with the guys new somewhat settled in, or continuing on with Parents' Day and a couple of new characters to meet. Ideas, suggestions?

I'm just at the start of the second page, you've been busy! And it's whatever you feel is necessary for the story.If you feel that Mads and Thomas's adventure of getting settled in then start for a new thread, but I'm enjoying it very much. The little Shadowrun easter eggs are good, but I only have a limited experience with that universe.

Thanks! It's feeling more and more like getting settled back in makes for a good stopping point.

First, I read all four parts that you have up. So with that in mind, I have only to say that you're a bit twisted. But then, if I was able to parse everything out this story is sort of a crossover/mix of Shadowrun and Whately. So with that in mind too, I think you did a pretty good job of blending in what would fit without running everyone nuts or completely breaking the universe and writing fan fiction that wouldn't fit. Over all good job, and if you have more available, I'd like to read it. I didn't read for errors or anything like that, and if I had I'd want to read the whole thing in a separate doc where I could annotate them. Still not more than I would expect from amateur work and well within the readability quotient that made any errors noted less than enough to cause me to sit down earlier and write them up. Keep it up, I liked the stories, yeah they're a bit chaotic and don't always seem to be chronologically organized but they are still not so bad as to make me have headaches and decide that I'd never take another gander at your work. Indeed as I said above, I look forward to the next installment if you are working on it.

Anne wrote: First, I read all four parts that you have up. So with that in mind, I have only to say that you're a bit twisted.

Thank you!

Anne wrote: But then, if I was able to parse everything out this story is sort of a crossover/mix of Shadowrun and Whately. So with that in mind too, I think you did a pretty good job of blending in what would fit without running everyone nuts or completely breaking the universe and writing fan fiction that wouldn't fit.

Mads does come from one of the most challenging campaigns (and only SR campaign) I've played in. What's been interesting to me hasn't come so much from the differences in tech and magic, but from the cultural assumptions that he and Thomas are bringing with them regarding race, gender, handguns, etc. Metro still has some cool toys that the Spy Kidz may not know about.

Anne wrote: Over all good job, and if you have more available, I'd like to read it. I didn't read for errors or anything like that, and if I had I'd want to read the whole thing in a separate doc where I could annotate them. Still not more than I would expect from amateur work and well within the readability quotient that made any errors noted less than enough to cause me to sit down earlier and write them up. Keep it up, I liked the stories, yeah they're a bit chaotic and don't always seem to be chronologically organized but they are still not so bad as to make me have headaches and decide that I'd never take another gander at your work. Indeed as I said above, I look forward to the next installment if you are working on it.

Thanks again! Life doesn't always run smoothly when the main character is ISTP and the author avatar is INTP (by way of Myers-Briggs Type Indicator personality types), so chaos comes naturally for/to me.

The next big piece is "Metro: Pictures of You" . We've established that the boys kind of, sort of, belong at Whateley Academy with "Chewing Through the Straps". With this one I wanted to put out a Jay Declan (Lancer's brother) story without going for broke on the slapstick, and ended up focusing on the families around the characters instead. It may not read like it, but one of the biggest challenges was putting Lars Gunnison and Jay Declan together without punches being thrown - in my "head canon" the two have radically different relationships with their older brothers.

In progress, I'm setting up another character to put in a "four man band" team. Some of that will get dark when Smithy's back-story is established, but even if it's short of adventure it won't be short of events. There may be some implied sex!

Is Pictures of You the parents day piece that you have in your sig? If so I just finished it. One thing stood out. somewhere in the story you have hsi for his. I didn't copy and past the section because I wasn't sure where to discuss it. Still interesting to have Jay go to the other side of the gender fence, is this in any way going to be canon?

Edit: Yes Pictures of You is the one in the sig line. I like it a lot!

Anne wrote: Is Pictures of You the parents day piece that you have in your sig? If so I just finished it. One thing stood out. somewhere in the story you have hsi for his. I didn't copy and past the section because I wasn't sure where to discuss it. Still interesting to have Jay go to the other side of the gender fence, is this in any way going to be canon?

Edit: Yes Pictures of You is the one in the sig line. I like it a lot!

Thank you!

The story probably wouldn't go into canon as-is unless folks are good with what I've done with the Declans and other canon characters here and there. But if not, Fort Bragg is BIG, and has plenty of room for Jay to be someone else's brother/sister.

I really enjoyed painting Mrs. Declan as a fiercely proud woman who loves her family and is trying hard not to make some of the mistakes her mother may have made. Nonetheless, I hope that all three mothers come across as each being successful on their own terms, including but not limited by their families.

Since I was also going to try a "Blossom" story, the younger siblings and how they related to their Whateley siblings became important. Feet of clay and all that.

Didn't see a separate discussion board for Pictures of You so I'll just leave this here.

I enjoyed both Chewing and Pics. Are you going to release the next part on the forum or through the WhatIF section? I liked what you did with the Declans. Looks like your version of Hank is going to be buried in problems. Lilly, his Leanna Shide, and now a new sister.

also

Ebola wrote: Didn't see a separate discussion board for Pictures of You so I'll just leave this here.

I enjoyed both Chewing and Pics. Are you going to release the next part on the forum or through the WhatIF section?

I think I'd announced Part 1 up for review, and planned to for the other parts' announcement, but I keep finding bone-headed spelling/coding errors each time I look. Anyway, "Chewing" collects the forum story along with some micro-scenes and is being formatted for WhatIF. It's chronologically Metro 1, but "Pictures" is where I get to show more of who the characters have always been.

I've got a small piece getting Rorsmand to Whateley in progress, and notes being compiled on Smithy (Abelyn Elliott) and a bit of her family's background.

Ebola wrote: I liked what you did with the Declans. Looks like your version of Hank is going to be buried in problems. Lilly, his Leanna Shide, and now a new sister.

I tend to see Hank as a decent guy who hasn't quite learned to stop tempting the infinite perversity of the universe.

Ebola wrote: also

Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ] [ Click to hide ]

Minor spelling error right before chapter 4 on Monday October 29th when Jay wakes up.
“..he'd have taken the news even worse than Hank had his taken hsi [his] changes.”

Ah! That's where it was!