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If a author is open to discussion/feedback on their story, they will create a thread for it to take place in... if no thread exists, it means the author prefers to work without feedback at this time. Authors may also make a post and just ask that any feedback be sent via PM instead of public posting.
Posting rules: Only authors and staff may create threads but all registered members can post replies.
Question Titans #1 Discussion
7 years 10 months ago #1
by Iwasforger03
Posts:
726
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
25 Aug 1989
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Iwasforger03
-
Topic Author
Yes, this is an extrapolation of that little blurb I posted in micro-scenes. Discuss away! I'm having a bear of a time drawing enough information from mythology on the titans to create a credible base for personality and power, but I think i've got some of it locked down pretty good.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
7 years 10 months ago #2
by Yolandria
Posts:
595
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
Unknown
Mistress of the shelter for lost and redeemable Woobies!
- Yolandria
-
So far we're off to a good start. Curious to see how many origins your going to add to this new little grp.
Mistress of the shelter for lost and redeemable Woobies!
7 years 10 months ago #3
by Iwasforger03
Posts:
726
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
25 Aug 1989
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Iwasforger03
-
Topic Author
haven't decided yet.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
7 years 10 months ago #4
by Malady
Posts:
3893
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
Unknown
- Malady
-
Well, Rhea incarnated, into a boy, for some reason. Emotional... But very confusing, in the backstory...
7 years 10 months ago #5
by Iwasforger03
Posts:
726
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
25 Aug 1989
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Iwasforger03
-
Topic Author
Granted it is confusing, I hope to clear up some explanations on all that rather eventually, some sooner than others.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
7 years 10 months ago #6
by Iwasforger03
Posts:
726
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
25 Aug 1989
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Iwasforger03
-
Topic Author
Part 2 is posted!
Part 2
Lester and Judy-Lynn del Rey (neither of them appear to have been born with that name) did not, to my researches ability to find this out, have any children. However, Judy-lynn suffered from what is commonly referred to as Dwarfism. I chose to create a fictional son, Aaron, who inherited his parent's company and passion, and is afflicted with his mother's condition, a situation he has simply chosen to treat as a minor inconvenience. Though, I admit, i picture him as the boss from Incredibles. Just, you know, not a jerk.
Lester and Judy-Lynn del Rey (neither of them appear to have been born with that name) did not, to my researches ability to find this out, have any children. However, Judy-lynn suffered from what is commonly referred to as Dwarfism. I chose to create a fictional son, Aaron, who inherited his parent's company and passion, and is afflicted with his mother's condition, a situation he has simply chosen to treat as a minor inconvenience. Though, I admit, i picture him as the boss from Incredibles. Just, you know, not a jerk.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
7 years 10 months ago #7
by Malady
Posts:
3893
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
Unknown
- Malady
-
Oh! More backstory! ... The 'just grabbing a body', bit, reminds me of Domoviye's Glitch. ... Actually, this seems to mimic a bit of Glitch, but with its own magic twists, but any coma-waker should be similar.
OH! I totally missed this!
So explanatory!
Phrasing makes it sound like Trevor's a girl, but you mean that he had fights with girls before. Perhaps "Involving a girl, again." or "Against a girl, for the second time." or something?
(J)apan
Wow. That's some accuracy.
brought henchm(e)n [x2+ ... Check all uses of "henchman"?]
They fired from behind the barrier
So, barrier protects husband, leaving everyone else outside it?
Agnes’ > Agnes's [Agnes isn't a plural...?]
Want info on mom's past now.
regenerator’s > regenerators
held > help
I should do > I should know [?]
(G)od
Focus switches are sudden, but I can adapt...
lettin (On purpose?)
(h)ad
skies(,) stars
[The lullaby... I'm not getting the tune... It's nice though. It seems that each line is a rhyming couplet, and usually, that'd mean that it'd be delineated clearly, with a line break after where the rhyme starts?
Like:
Lullaby, and good night,
In the skies, stars are bright.]
OH! I totally missed this!
<“Your time is short, and your chances are few enough, but they exist. Hurry, and you may yet see yourself returned. There is one who may aid you, for they cannot aid themselves. Bargain with them, give them a final gift of peace, a request to relay from a mother to her son. It may be enough. If they accept the price, they will surrender to you what you require. A vessel. It is an ill-suited vessel, rife with inconveniences. Still, that will change, if you show patience. I can see little else, but there is… a chance for you, to find in this life a joy denied to you in the last.”>
So explanatory!
Notes + Typos
[ Click to expand ]
[ Click to hide ]
he’d… gotten suspended for another fight. Involving another girl.
Phrasing makes it sound like Trevor's a girl, but you mean that he had fights with girls before. Perhaps "Involving a girl, again." or "Against a girl, for the second time." or something?
(J)apan
Her head… her head landed on a plate on the table in front of his wife.
Wow. That's some accuracy.
brought henchm(e)n [x2+ ... Check all uses of "henchman"?]
They fired from behind the barrier
So, barrier protects husband, leaving everyone else outside it?
Agnes’ > Agnes's [Agnes isn't a plural...?]
Want info on mom's past now.
regenerator’s > regenerators
held > help
I should do > I should know [?]
(G)od
Focus switches are sudden, but I can adapt...
lettin (On purpose?)
(h)ad
skies(,) stars
[The lullaby... I'm not getting the tune... It's nice though. It seems that each line is a rhyming couplet, and usually, that'd mean that it'd be delineated clearly, with a line break after where the rhyme starts?
Like:
Lullaby, and good night,
In the skies, stars are bright.]
7 years 10 months ago #8
by Iwasforger03
Posts:
726
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
25 Aug 1989
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Iwasforger03
-
Topic Author
Thank you Malady. Edits and corrections made with your assistance. I haven't read Domoviye's Glitch, so I didn't know there was something similar XD. I should clarify this is set in Gen 2, probably.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
7 years 10 months ago #9
by E!
Posts:
262
Gender:
Unknown
Birthdate:
Unknown
- E!
-
Just read both parts, very interesting premise. Are you going to do any of the other titans? (sorry if hollow dice is about another titan I haven't read it yet)
7 years 10 months ago #10
by Iwasforger03
Posts:
726
Gender:
Male
Birthdate:
25 Aug 1989
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Iwasforger03
-
Topic Author
Hollow and Dice is not about the Titans, though I'm considering putting references in place for that in here and vice versa. I AM going to eventually include other titans, but not instantly.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
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