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Question The Call of the Waters discussion topic.

6 years 11 months ago - 6 years 11 months ago #1 by Rose Bunny
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  • My second story, please be gentle.

    High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan


    Last Edit: 6 years 11 months ago by Rose Bunny.
    6 years 11 months ago #2 by Malady
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  • I'll try to be gentle...

    Her normally blue eye had changed, the iris was now a deep blood red.

    [Sounds creepy, 'cause you used "blood" to describe it.]

    Notes [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 11 months ago - 6 years 11 months ago #3 by Rose Bunny
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  • I was approaching the descriptiveness to her own conceit. She thinks she has a perfect ass, so that's what she'd call it. I'll see if I can bend it a little.
    as for the eye, that's the color that um..
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    is...

    Furthermore, as the mother of a pair of 11 year old girls, I know all too well that now girls have sex sooner than back when I was a teen, you know... back when I helped to beta-test the 'wheel'...

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    Last Edit: 6 years 11 months ago by Rose Bunny.
    6 years 11 months ago - 6 years 11 months ago #4 by Malady
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  • Yeah, I remember you telling me. It's partially 'cause I thought you meant the sclera. But blood red where it's not supposed to be, sort of implies to me that blood is going places where it's not supposed to be, or going somewhere different.

    She could have just lost all iris pigmentation, like an albino usually does...

    Also, yeah, now it happens sooner, but 20 yrs ago? Then again, it might have been the same throughout history, it's just that we have better stats now... ... *sigh*. Gonna look it up to refresh and possibly correct my assumptions on the stats, 'cause I'm gonna write about medieval, gotta get it right...
    Last Edit: 6 years 11 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 11 months ago #5 by Rose Bunny
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  • Malady wrote: Also, yeah, now it happens sooner, but 20 yrs ago? Then again, it might have been the same throughout history, it's just that we have better stats now... ... *sigh*. Gonna look it up to refresh and possibly correct my assumptions on the stats, 'cause I'm gonna write about medieval, gotta get it right...

    well... I was 17, and the last girl I knew to lose it, by quite a lot... and that was almost 20 years ago... almost.

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    6 years 11 months ago #6 by null0trooper
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  • When I first saw the title listed, ADHD brain reported it as "The Call of the Wales". There's probably a story or two there too.


    Rose Bunny wrote: I was approaching the descriptiveness to her own conceit. She thinks she has a perfect ass, so that's what she'd call it. I'll see if I can bend it a little.
    as for the eye, that's the color that um.. is...

    Furthermore, as the mother of a pair of 11 year old girls, I know all too well that now girls have sex sooner than back when I was a teen, you know... back when I helped to beta-test the 'wheel'...


    Thirty-seven years ago, the "girl next door" (Actually, it was the house across the street) was barely twelve and was already in a "C" if not "D" cup.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    6 years 11 months ago #7 by Rose Bunny
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  • null0trooper wrote: When I first saw the title listed, ADHD brain reported it as "The Call of the Wales". There's probably a story or two there too.


    Rose Bunny wrote: I was approaching the descriptiveness to her own conceit. She thinks she has a perfect ass, so that's what she'd call it. I'll see if I can bend it a little.
    as for the eye, that's the color that um.. is...

    Furthermore, as the mother of a pair of 11 year old girls, I know all too well that now girls have sex sooner than back when I was a teen, you know... back when I helped to beta-test the 'wheel'...


    Thirty-seven years ago, the "girl next door" (Actually, it was the house across the street) was barely twelve and was already in a "C" if not "D" cup.

    wahhh you mathed my age. but yeah, I was born when my mother was still 16, and I nearly had a baby when I was 17, so I know ALL about how kids are having sex too early. The scary thing is the youngest documented birth was to a 5 year old girl.

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    6 years 11 months ago - 6 years 11 months ago #8 by Malady
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  • Well, at least we know she'll get better... And now we know how she learns of Whateley! ... Carlson... Gonna look for that in Eire... ... Nope, can't find it...

    From Part 1: key word > correct word [?]
    Last Edit: 6 years 11 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 11 months ago #9 by Rose Bunny
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  • Malady wrote: From Part 1: key word > correct word [?]


    I don't understand what you mean by this

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    6 years 11 months ago - 6 years 11 months ago #10 by Malady
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  • Sorry, that was a bit opaque. In Part 1, you said "key word" where I think it should be "correct word" ... Also, maybe use past tense, instead of present? But meh.

    Perhaps walk is not the key word

    Last Edit: 6 years 11 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 11 months ago #11 by Rose Bunny
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  • ok, that's changed.

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    6 years 11 months ago #12 by null0trooper
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  • Rose Bunny wrote: wahhh you mathed my age. but yeah, I was born when my mother was still 16, and I nearly had a baby when I was 17, so I know ALL about how kids are having sex too early. The scary thing is the youngest documented birth was to a 5 year old girl.


    Nahh, you wrote it down elsewhere. I just happened to remember one of our neighbors back when I was in high school.

    "Fifteen may get you twenty, that's all right
    Cause they'll be rocking and a rolling on a Livingston Saturday night"
    - Jimmy Buffett, "Livingston Saturday Night" (c) 1975

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

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    6 years 11 months ago #13 by Rose Bunny
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  • Part 3 is up.

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    6 years 11 months ago #14 by Malady
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  • That "would" be a scary sight for a person to see...

    At least she's improving, and now we know how she learns of Whateley. I wonder how much of her school experience is planned out...

    Typos [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 11 months ago #15 by Rose Bunny
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  • Fixed.

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    6 years 11 months ago #16 by Rose Bunny
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  • Part 4 is up.

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    6 years 11 months ago - 6 years 11 months ago #17 by Malady
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  • “Erm, yes.. well…” The doctor stammered. “

    [*TMI* Lol. That was a lot more information that I was expecting...]

    First of all, language, young lady.

    [Lol.]

    the loss of her uterus.

    [Well, that was even more unexpected... Why did the spirit do 'that'??]

    LeAnna started to sob inconsolably.

    [Oh... I hope it'll be a good cry, in the end... She 'seems' to turn out well at least...]

    Typos [ Click to expand ]
    Last Edit: 6 years 11 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 11 months ago #18 by Rose Bunny
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  • Well, being an avian spirit, it doesn't understand all these fancy mammalian parts. Probably didn't realize it rendered her sterile and incapable of breastfeeding. But, as you know, she does eventually end up with a daughter, of sorts.

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    6 years 11 months ago - 6 years 11 months ago #19 by Malady
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  • Cause this response is sorta long [ Click to expand ]


    Typos from Part 5 [ Click to expand ]


    Typo from Part 1 [ Click to expand ]


    From Part 4 [ Click to expand ]
    Last Edit: 6 years 11 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 11 months ago #20 by Rose Bunny
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  • She was flying over in an episode of Eire.
    Her spirit is slightly bigger than her hallow, hence some of the changes, not to the Razorback degree, but still.
    as for the boobs, she was somewhat vain. the whole well-developed blonde cheerleader thing, and all. so going from a generous C cup to total lack of is kinda a slap in the ego.

    As far as the name thing goes, I kinda explained that. Her mother, having been Beth Smith or Beth Baker-Smith before the divorce insisted on the hyphenization. But as Paul Smith is the house Owner, it's formally the Baker Household.

    and yes, it's kind of a joke that the mother is so haughty about having such a common name. We shall see about the leak at the PTA meeting.

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    6 years 11 months ago #21 by Malady
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  • Rose Bunny wrote: She was flying over in an episode of Eire.

    As far as the name thing goes, I kinda explained that. Her mother, having been Beth Smith or Beth Baker-Smith before the divorce insisted on the hyphenization. But as Paul Smith is the house Owner, it's formally the Baker Household.


    Hmm... I wonder when she'll discover her flight... Likely before getting to Whateley? ... So, possibly she could just finish the school year, then have an uneventful summer before going to Whateley... But, with this legal stuff... Uneventful doesn't seem to be in the cards...

    Oh! There's also the Calming Song!

    I just noted the name thing 'cause "-Smith" was there and now it's not. The change makes sense. *shrugs*
    6 years 11 months ago #22 by Rose Bunny
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  • new part posted. #6

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    6 years 11 months ago #23 by Malady
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  • Hmm... Not many emotional parts, but nice bit with the changes to shaving and stuff!

    Awesome speech there! ... And Emily, at the end... Well, that's a surprise, and a setup for Conflict... Emily might mutate... Heck, Beth, might mutate / burnout, if she's a carrier of the MGC...

    We haven't seen the outcome yet, but we know she goes to Whateley... Whateley's staff might see this on the news, if its high-profile enough...

    LeAnna hasn't been attacked yet? Not by a mob or anything?

    Typos and things to be spoilered [ Click to expand ]


    Part 1 Typos [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 11 months ago #24 by Rose Bunny
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  • I'll fix these after a little nap, I'm tired.

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    6 years 11 months ago #25 by Malady
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  • 6 years 11 months ago #26 by Rose Bunny
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  • Malady wrote: Stay rested! Don't burn out!

    I wouldn't look good flat-chested and feathered.

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    6 years 11 months ago #27 by Anne
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  • Either you fixed what was spotted or I was so deeply into the story that I missed them. If it was the second, good Job! :cheer:
    6 years 11 months ago #28 by Rose Bunny
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  • It was the first XD

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    6 years 10 months ago #29 by Rose Bunny
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  • wait for it...

    *certain minds blown*

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    6 years 10 months ago #30 by Malady
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  • Response to Part 7. Yes. I was surprised! [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 10 months ago #31 by Rose Bunny
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  • Mwah hah hah hah

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    6 years 10 months ago #32 by Rose Bunny
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  • Another chapter up!

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    6 years 10 months ago #33 by Malady
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  • Part 8 Response [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 10 months ago #34 by Rose Bunny
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  • Yeah, when she has to fly, the spirit can break her bones, tear and re-align ligaments and muscles and reshape her arms into wings. It even grows her flight feathers. It can reverse that as well. When she flew in Eire, that happened. I'm sure after this revelation, she had a nice session of "If you can give me wings and change them back, why can't you give me back my boobs and do something about the pain in the ass feathers in my pits and other places?", Directed at her spirit.

    my rationalization for it is that the spirit doesn't talk to her, and beyond her GSD, swimming and diving ability, increased lung capacity, and loon call, it really doesn't give her much.

    Her Exemplar status is her most offensive ability, and that's just EX3.

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    6 years 10 months ago #35 by Rose Bunny
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  • part 9
    is now
    up.

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    6 years 10 months ago #36 by Malady
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  • Part 9 Response. It's nice that the parts are so short and quick to read! [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 10 months ago - 6 years 10 months ago #37 by Rose Bunny
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  • Fixes made.

    She was fleeing from the house, you know because it was on fire, and being attacked by H1 members. Why would she fly away, only to circle back? Yeah, she has Regen 1 equivalent, as an Exemplar 3. But, you still don't want to leave the bullets in, they can cause more damage when you move around. A perforated kidney is still dangerous.

    And no, if the parents knew, they would not be put in the same room. Though once LeAnna feels better, the fact there are 2 beds will likely be irrelevant.

    And older sister having moved out is Deus Ex Machina for there to be 2 beds in one room, and one being vacant.

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    Last Edit: 6 years 10 months ago by Rose Bunny.
    6 years 10 months ago #38 by Rose Bunny
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  • Chapter 10 comes with the question:


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    6 years 10 months ago #39 by Malady
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  • Chapter 10 Response! Got me good! [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 10 months ago #40 by Rose Bunny
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  • Fixed.

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    6 years 10 months ago #41 by Rose Bunny
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  • Part 11 up, have fun...

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    6 years 10 months ago #42 by Malady
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  • Part 11 Response [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 10 months ago #43 by Rose Bunny
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  • Yeah, I know a Leanna ( no capital on the 'a'), and her twin sister is Annalee. They both kinda scowl at their parents for that at times. It helps that the idiots are idiots, so they don't exactly figure things out. After all, who would think that becoming a "dangerous mutie" would make you smaller and more petite? I mentioned in Eire that she's like 98 Lbs, and that's at least 10 years later, in her mid 20's. The guys are also remembering a hot blonde girl of about 5'6" with a high C-cup, not a 5'2" black haired girl with modest B-cup. (If they knew that she had NO breasts, and that those were fake silicone shaped bra inserts, they would probably be even LESS likely to figure out it was her).

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    6 years 10 months ago #44 by Rose Bunny
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  • The Call of the Waters
    A Whateley Universe story.
    Part 12

    IS UP.

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    6 years 10 months ago #45 by Malady
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  • Part 12 Response [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 10 months ago #46 by Rose Bunny
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  • Corrections made. Beth probably isn't a mutant, just a gene-carrier. her other children? Mayybe?

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    6 years 10 months ago #47 by Anne
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  • My first thought about Beth is what a BEOTCH!
    6 years 10 months ago #48 by Rose Bunny
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  • Next time on As the World Turns...

    oh wait, new Call is up.

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    6 years 10 months ago #49 by Malady
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  • Part 13 Response. Trying for more Reactions, instead of just typo reports [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 10 months ago #50 by Rose Bunny
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  • Well, Mal. If you sleep with your best friend's wife and get her pregnant, thus breaking up the marriage and the family. I think you have to go " Yeah, that was my bad"

    Target is a nation-wide retail store chain here in the U.S., Headquartered in Minneapolis.

    Does it seem like Beth has a history of making decisions that don't seem quite... Sane??
    What that might mean for Emily and the other baby... that might get dealt with here... or elsewhere?

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    6 years 9 months ago #51 by Rose Bunny
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  • It's been a while, but we pop back in to see another glimpse of Gavia's early years.

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    6 years 9 months ago - 6 years 9 months ago #52 by Malady
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  • I guess it's been a while? But your output is so impressive, a break once in a while wouldn't be unexpected?

    Part 14 response! Woah, those revelations! [ Click to expand ]
    Last Edit: 6 years 9 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 9 months ago #53 by Rose Bunny
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  • Corrections made. So now you know the madness behind her method. She has Drick rages at all things mutant, because she killed her sister. She buried all the memories of her sister. But her subconscious has been poking away at her.

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    6 years 9 months ago #54 by Anne
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  • But in true epic fashion she refuses to face her part of the problem. A mutant killed my sister, a mutant killed my daughter I would bet very soon in her twisted world.
    6 years 9 months ago #55 by Rose Bunny
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  • Anne wrote: But in true epic fashion she refuses to face her part of the problem. A mutant killed my sister, a mutant killed my daughter I would bet very soon in her twisted world.

    Stop reading my mind.

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    6 years 9 months ago #56 by Anne
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  • It would be a natural progression entirely in line with Beth's other behavior. No mind reading necessary. Just logic. Heck I didn't even need a yellow brick road to follow that one it stood out so plainly, at least to me.;)
    6 years 9 months ago #57 by Rose Bunny
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  • I still need to check your MID for esper rating.

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    6 years 9 months ago - 6 years 9 months ago #58 by Malady
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  • Anne wrote: But in true epic fashion she refuses to face her part of the problem. A mutant killed my sister, a mutant killed my daughter I would bet very soon in her twisted world.


    I was thinking that you were thinking that Beth would think that LeAnna was dead, which does make sense, and then I remembered her other daughter... Who also might die in this story... Not sure if we see her alive in the future...

    The fact that I don't think we seen her yet, sorta makes me think she is dead...
    Last Edit: 6 years 9 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 9 months ago - 6 years 9 months ago #59 by Rose Bunny
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  • Mal, If you are talking about Emily, she's not even 2 yet. She's off in her crib, her Dad is watching her. If you mean the OTHER baby, Beth is in her ninth month, so she could have it soonish.

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    Last Edit: 6 years 9 months ago by Rose Bunny.
    6 years 9 months ago #60 by Malady
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  • Rose Bunny wrote: Mal, If you are talking about Emily, she's not even 2 yet. She's off in her crib, her Dad is watching her. If you mean the OTHER baby, Beth is in her ninth month, so she could have it soonish.


    Oh. :pinch: Thanks for that info! :)
    6 years 9 months ago #61 by Rose Bunny
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  • Congrats, it's an update!

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    6 years 9 months ago - 6 years 9 months ago #62 by Malady
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  • Part 15!! [ Click to expand ]
    Last Edit: 6 years 9 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 9 months ago #63 by Rose Bunny
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  • Fixed.
    No Mal, no ESP.
    Just iIlogical dricking and paranoia.

    The aunt is a plot device, "we have place to escape to away from crazy lady"

    LeAnna is a 5'2" 98 Lb. exemplar with (fake) raven black hair, (fake) modest B-cup breasts and (real) sexy curvy hips and apple bottom.
    so yeah She is kinda unconventionally hot.

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    6 years 9 months ago #64 by Rose Bunny
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  • i know it's been over a week, but I will try to get out a chapter tomorrow.

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    6 years 9 months ago #65 by Malady
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  • Don't rush it! ... Maybe make a buffer instead?? Or some other method involving private betas? ... Well, it's your choice.
    6 years 9 months ago #66 by null0trooper
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  • Even so, it feels good to be able to have something new out each week for the people who are reading the stories. Like the acts on the Warped Tour, some have big audiences, some have small audiences, but they're all there to put on a show and have a good time.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

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    6 years 9 months ago #67 by Rose Bunny
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  • I did promise...

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    6 years 9 months ago #68 by Malady
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  • Thank you! :)

    Part 16! [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 9 months ago #69 by Rose Bunny
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  • Fixes made, as for Jeff... he probably thinks it was a lucky shot. he's about as sharp as a bowling ball. Plus, I'm sure she pulled the punch some.

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    6 years 9 months ago #70 by Anne
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  • The only thing that matters to Jeff is that he thinks that he's Whatever's gift to women! He would think she had cheated if she'd managed more than to break his nose. And since he can't get a date (or even a conversation) he has to blame anyone but himself after all see the first statement I made!
    6 years 9 months ago #71 by Rose Bunny
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  • I know it's been over a week, but I'm kind of stumped with the next part to The Call of the Waters... Maybe tomorrow? In the meantime I put up a micro-scene about a Whateley maintenance worker named Ernesto.

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    6 years 9 months ago #72 by Rose Bunny
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  • Sure 'nuff, sure 'nuff, Chapter 17!

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    6 years 9 months ago - 6 years 9 months ago #73 by Malady
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  • Part 17! [ Click to expand ]
    Last Edit: 6 years 9 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 9 months ago #74 by Rose Bunny
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  • No, it didn't explode... it went bang for another reason... :sad:

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    6 years 9 months ago #75 by Anne
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  • Cliff Hanger !!:evil:
    6 years 8 months ago #76 by Rose Bunny
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  • Just shy of 2 weeks... BAD ME! Well, part 18...

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    6 years 8 months ago #77 by Malady
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  • Part 18!! [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 8 months ago #78 by Rose Bunny
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  • tombstone, not statue.

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    6 years 8 months ago #79 by Rose Bunny
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  • I'm back, the offending tooth is gone, and Call #19 is here.

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    6 years 8 months ago #80 by Malady
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  • Woah! [ Click to expand ]
    6 years 8 months ago #81 by Rose Bunny
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  • It's a mesmeric eye thing. you have to look at him and make eye contact directly for it to work.

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    6 years 8 months ago #82 by null0trooper
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  • Malady wrote:

    Woah! [ Click to expand ]


    what about... [ Click to expand ]

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

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    6 years 8 months ago - 6 years 8 months ago #83 by Malady
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  • Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]
    Last Edit: 6 years 8 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 8 months ago #84 by Rose Bunny
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  • Simply put, looking into his eyes triggers a state of extreme suggestibility in women. It's a neurological thing. His little sister was affected because she is female, nothing more. So when he said to "go fuck yourself", and she looked in his eyes, she had to obey that command.

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    6 years 8 months ago #85 by Malady
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  • Right, and even though she didn't know what he meant by that (presumably), he did, and so, she could / did do it.

    ... And, if he's a mutant, might she be a mutant too?

    I wonder if we'll see either of them in the future...
    6 years 8 months ago - 6 years 8 months ago #86 by Rose Bunny
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  • Malady wrote: Right, and even though she didn't know what he meant by that (presumably), he did, and so, she could / did do it.

    ... And, if he's a mutant, might she be a mutant too?

    I wonder if we'll see either of them in the future...

    When I was 6, I knew of sex, I wasn't interested in it, but I knew about the whole "this is a vagina, and this is what it's for" thing. Growing up with a pervert like Jeff, Andy must have had enough second-hand knowledge from overhearing his lecherous ways. So even if she wasn't sexually mature, he triggered the "I gotta do what he says" response.

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    Last Edit: 6 years 8 months ago by Rose Bunny.
    6 years 8 months ago - 6 years 8 months ago #87 by Malady
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  • Okay then!

    He has no eye change either? And whether he has other powers, is unknown... Plus, Eye Powers! Yeah! They're sorta rare.

    And the mesmerizied also forget the commands, so... yeah... Interesting...

    Typos [ Click to expand ]
    Last Edit: 6 years 8 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 7 months ago #88 by Rose Bunny
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  • Part 20!

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    6 years 7 months ago #89 by Anne
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  • Well, Jeff sure seems to be setting his feet firmly on the villain path. Maybe even the super villain path.
    6 years 7 months ago #90 by Rose Bunny
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  • At minimum, the racist slimy douchebag road.

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    6 years 7 months ago #91 by Malady
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  • 6 years 7 months ago #92 by Rose Bunny
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  • Malady wrote: Yeah.

    That reveal at the end!

    Wait... Loon song counters Attack Command?


    Perhaps?... There is another secret about LeAnna that will come into play here...

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    6 years 7 months ago #93 by Anne
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  • Maybe the fact that she is an avatar with a 'spirit' in residence gives her immunity?
    6 years 7 months ago #94 by Rose Bunny
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  • Anne wrote: Maybe the fact that she is an avatar with a 'spirit' in residence gives her immunity?

    or something else...

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    6 years 7 months ago #95 by Rose Bunny
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  • next part is up.


    and those words you hate to see appear...

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    6 years 7 months ago - 6 years 7 months ago #96 by Malady
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  • Part 21! A bit short cause Im distracted... [ Click to expand ]
    Last Edit: 6 years 7 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 7 months ago #97 by Rose Bunny
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  • Fixed.


    I would have thought you would have more to say... especially with the last two words.

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    6 years 7 months ago #98 by Malady
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  • We've got Eire, and so many hints about LeAnna's time at Whateley and stuff, it feels likely that we're gonna get somethings about that time.

    If you said you were gonna stop writing, and it was believable, ''then'' I'd be quite sad.
    6 years 7 months ago #99 by null0trooper
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  • Rose Bunny wrote: I would have thought you would have more to say... especially with the last two words.


    As Malady noted, LeAnna does appear elsewhere in your stories, so it's not like the character is being discarded - just that someone else now gets the spotlight for a while. It seems the character is now where they were intended to be at this place and time.

    If you have an epilogue scene or chapter in which they are thinking back on this time in their life and how far they've come, or how it's come back to bite them in the tuchus for not progressing as they needed afterwards, this would be a good spot for that.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

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    6 years 6 months ago #100 by Wavehead
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  • I started reading your LeAnna story some time ago but felt the short chapters were making me unable to really get into the story properly. However it seemed pretty good so I decided to wait until you had written a lot more chapters before reading it again.
    I’m really glad I did wait, because reading it from start to finish worked really well for me.
    Great story, enjoyed it immensely :) B)
    Looking forward to more about LeAnna at Whateley :)
    6 years 6 months ago #101 by Rose Bunny
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  • Thank you for your kind words. I don't know if I will do anything with LeAnna at Whateley, Maybe a micro-scene or a flashback in Eire, or possibly in the super-secret project I'm not going to spill the beans on just yet.

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