Question Max Does the Splits discussion

Story thread

So.. Putting this back up since I'm working on it again.

I wrote most of this story back in 2014(might have been 2015) and posted it to the old forums. And while I've done some revision, it's minor and I haven't caught up with the stories that have been published while I was away, so...

I'm not 100% sure I want to worry about canon anyway (there's a headcanon explanation of a canon fact in chapter 2, plus one of my very tenuous plans for when he reaches Whateley would break canon wide open) but regardless, please let me know if you spot any contradictions!

I intend to post this to WhatIF once the whole first story is done, but for now it's going to be on the forums. (And AO3, but that's more to see if I can attract non-Whateley fans (somehow magically)).

Anyway! Please feel free to post both reviews and speculation.

My reaction when I realized what this was:

Yeah, it seems like AO3 has only your fic on there. Fanfiction.net has a lot more, in comparison. I guess none of those authors made the move to AO3...

Interesting how he knew he was gonna mutate. But how? Is there another mutant in the family?

Typos:

“I made some calls(.)”

I started to get up, but(-)

I deliberately omitted the dash to convey brevity.. I'm not sure if that's really a thing, but it was the intent. Thanks for spotting the other, though!

And the second chapter is up, now. I meant to do it right away (entirely due to your enthusiasm!) buuut I got distracted by tumblr.

I think this chapter should answer that question
It also introduces meta-spread, which is the headcanon I was talking about before. Basically I was taking a genetics course while reading all the Whateley stories, and it made me wonder how the growth in the mutant population described in the Braeburn report could mesh with real genetics. This was my conclusion.
Ofc it's quite probable any canon explanation would contradict this...

Also, I tend to include things that make me giggle even if no one else will get them. Like "it's a beautiful day in the Santa Cruz neighborhood" - that was something one of my high school teachers said all the time (except with the high school's name instead).

(Did anyone think the Brass Monkey bit was amusing?)

Thanks! ... Yay! Humorous testing! ... Now I feel like rereading Tink just for that...

Yeah, I know how it is. Hope Tumblr was fun!

Typos:

Why can’t I just be ME?”7

Without some release(,)

Chapter 3 up, I'm just breezing through 'em here for you

There's a reference to a character that inspired Max in here. Can You Spot It?

Oh, and Julian misremembered - Mab was actually (mentioned) in Romeo and Juliet. I just left it since it seems a reasonable mistake to make, yes?

(also, yes, he literally tested if a tinfoil hat would stop the connection.)

Chapter 4 up!

Not much else to say here except I *still* enjoy that dream sequence every time I see it. Dreams are fun to write.

Oh, and I've now hit the point of what I put on AO3, so following chapters will be a little slower for extra proofreading.

So, inspired by Meepo, I guess?

So, May is gonna become her own person? Cool! I'm not even sure if the Archives go any further...

My pillow was damp by the time I fell asleep.

So sad!

April 1, 2014
72 hours remain

What?? Did you mod the timeline so Gen1 happens earlier??

Oh, I guess Meepo would be the obvious candidate for that, wouldn't it? But no, that was a later comparison. Although he did inspire a secondary power that's coming up later.

No changing the timeline; this is just set between gens. I started writing it before Gen 2 started, so I didn't know when that would be set. (Besides, it's somewhat freeing to not be the same year as the canon characters.)

>not even sure if the Archives go any further
Oh! I actually didn't realize there was an archive. That's good. I think I posted one or two more chapters, previously, but you may not have caught them. I know I was writing ahead by a couple of chapters, then (which I have no real intention of doing now) so I've definitely got new stuff to post.

Oh! Totally forgot about the 'porting! ... This totally reminds me of the canon Duplicator Frosh 2007 Girl... Who's also in the MicroScenes, I think by Domoviye.

Maybe link your story in your sig, like how Rose Bunny's doing it.

Search around, if you dunno how and want to. I posted instructions to at least two people who are doing it.

Chapter 6

I keep debating whether to give Max another power. Nothing in this story demands one, but I kinda feel bad for saddling him with all this shit and giving him nothing cool. (Well, it's sort of cool I guess, but he'd definitely be an Underdog).

...i feel like I had something else to say, but I've lost it. Hmn.

Uh... Hmm. Can I turn off smilies somehow? Having them in the middle of the story is a bit distracting.

There might be some special code that shuts them off for a section.

Or useor something...


I've always found Mimic a fun power.

How did the new body form? Figure that out, then you've got a new power basis.

Goodnight!

I know what they could do for Halloween, the timing works out too, they can go as Team JNPR from RWBY in dance outfits (Jaune in dress as well) they could do the dance from Dance Dance Infiltration easily if they are 4 by then

I would say to probably make the splitting a warper trait, that would make them two kinds of warpers or an unusual porter, the extra mass for the other bodies could be extra dimensional segments formed by the extra DNA sets, if thats the case, mentally pushing "out" may cause a split, and pulling in might merge them.

Hmm, I never considered giving him control over how many bodies he has.

... But no, I think it's better for him to NOT have that ability. >:D

I think what seems most interesting to me is the ability to transfer something from (the area around) one body to another. Like, gravity or electricity or heat or something is more what I'm thinking, although I guess fluids would be acceptable. I dunno.

Littlebeast wrote: Hmm, I never considered giving him control over how many bodies he has.

... But no, I think it's better for him to NOT have that ability. >:D

I think what seems most interesting to me is the ability to transfer something from (the area around) one body to another. Like, gravity or electricity or heat or something is more what I'm thinking, although I guess fluids would be acceptable. I dunno.

moving mass/mater would probably be the best, warpers with very few exceptions have 1 warper ability, so moving physical stuff between them could be linked to the teleporter power, dont fall into more different powers trap (power creep problems), different expressions of the same power can do similar or better,

like body 1 holding item, item can teleport to body 2. Its your story, but try and keep it "simple" the main feature is the multiple bodies and teleportation, and the link between them.

Chapter 7 is up!
I LIKE DREAM SEQUENCES, OK?

mhalpern wrote: try and keep it "simple" the main feature is the multiple bodies and teleportation, and the link between them.

You are, of course, right.

But hey, thinking about it gave me some interesting ideas that I could maybe use for other characters, so it's all good

So, Elder Scrolls Online. Okay.

Lol! Picking books! Nice reasoning, too!

MCO variants are always fun!

If May gets her own personality, might she become her own person at some point? Like, currently, there's just not enough Soul for two bodies, but that'll change so there's enough at some point?

May could be Ecto that's slowly replacing herself with actual matter by digesting it and stuff...

Malady wrote: So, Elder Scrolls Online. .

Skyrim, actually. Online won't be out for *checks wiki* two whole days.

(But Max doesn't typically get games on release day anyway. More likely Christmas.)

Lol! Picking books! Nice reasoning, too!

The extra irony is, the story I know of that does feature a mutant with control over insects is about as far from light fun as you can get. (Worm)

If May gets her own personality, might she become her own person at some point? Like, currently, there's just not enough Soul for two bodies, but that'll change so there's enough at some point?

Nahhhh, that would be too easy.

May could be Ecto that's slowly replacing herself with actual matter by digesting it and stuff...

I haven't decided for sure about the actual methods, but, wouldn't the testing have noticed if she was ecto rather than real matter? (Not that I couldn't change it so it did, but...)

On Ectoplasm, maybe not, depending on what tests they do, and what's prioritized first and stuff. The bodies could appear once enough Ecto has been stored up and manipulated to make a new body.

See crystalhall.wikia.com/wiki/Manifesting#On_Ectoplasm

And the Forums stuff that's sourced from.

Poor May is really being mistreated. I hope Max learns not to mistreat one of his bodies before he causes permanent damage. Hopefully, the May personality will get strong enough to demand equal time.

The one thing that's thrown me so far is that they seem to know way too much about goings on at Whateley. I don;t think Whateley releases that much detail about their students and their powers.

And the elephant in the room, what powers does Max's dad have? We know he is a mutant but nothing else. Hopefully, he will get a story reason to actually use them.

konzill wrote: they seem to know way too much about goings on at Whateley. I don;t think Whateley releases that much detail about their students and their powers.

Admittedly, I hadn't really thought about this before, but, was it really all that much? Unless I'm forgetting something (and please let me know if I am!), all we've heard is the powers and codenames of a few students (and one security officer) - who would be alumni by now, anyway. That much information could be gotten from regular conversation with a single alumnus - say, a certain medical assistant with healing powers?

(And if you're concerned about how freely he's sharing this information, keep in mind that Julian and Max have gotten to know each other pretty well due to the sheer number of tests Max has had - hence why they're on a first-name basis.)

And the elephant in the room, what powers does Max's dad have? We know he is a mutant but nothing else. Hopefully, he will get a story reason to actually use them.

Ah... Hmm. That was never meant to be a big mystery, I just despise the As You Know trope and everyone involved already knows. I guess I should make an effort to drop it in somewhere.
(It's just like Exemplar 1 or something similarly unnoticeable. He didn't even know he was a mutant until Max was born.)

Three things.
1. The MCO got too much info. Max's real name and sin number, never happen. They might ask for it, but giving it up like that after all the mentions of it previously, not likely. The only thing they'd do differently from other mutants would be to give two MIDs to may and Max.

2. Dropping in a single sentence of how his Dad was surprised to learn he was a level one exemplar when they studied Max's weird genes would be great, no useless info, no dragging it out, just getting it out of the way as naturally as possible.

3. A bit more going into Mays thoughts, and Max's worries would be nice. Right now it's too much a day in the life, but he should be really thinking about what's happened and how he'll have to deal with a female side, as well as wondering about her personality. He was upset about May buying skirts, but it passed very quickly.

The powers are fantastic, very unique. The story is good. And the characters are relatable. Expand on it.

One could argue that so far Max is in denial, and is trying to act as if May doesn't exist most of the time.

**EDIT:** Ok the latest chapter is looking a little better, using your new brain to re-watch movies for the first time again classic. Max should disconnect from May and then write a list of things for her to read and watch.

Interesting to see that that May is so lazy that she couldn't be bothered learning to use a computer. I'm guessing this is an element of personality that they share.

Domoviye wrote: The MCO got too much info. Max's real name and sin number, never happen. They might ask for it, but giving it up like that after all the mentions of it previously, not likely. The only thing they'd do differently from other mutants would be to give two MIDs to may and Max.

Wait, really? I thought for sure the MCO got the real names and similar information of mutants to link them to other government databases, even though they didn't put them on MIDs or use them in testing videos... Now that I think on that it doesn't really make much sense, but still.

Wait, actually:

Jade 6, chapter 45 wrote: They could board a plane without showing their MID. Of course, you’d need falsified ID documents, since the airline computers always cross-check with the MCO.

...which means the MCO must have records of the mutants' "real" identities, or how else would they be able to cross-check? (It can't be facial recognition or anything of that sort, or false IDs wouldn't trick it.)

The rest of your post needs more thought or action, though, so I'll get on that :]

konzill wrote: One could argue that so far Max is in denial, and is trying to act as if May doesn't exist most of the time.

Ding ding ding, you are correct.

Interesting to see that that May is so lazy that she couldn't be bothered learning to use a computer.

I... Honestly didn't see this as lazy? But OK.

Chapter 8 up. Angsty enough for you, Domoviye?

Nah, in all seriousness, you're right; it does turn a little too sharply to the mundane, even though that's kind of making a point. I'm just finding it a little difficult to figure out when to put those identity worries. Max is rather aggressively ignoring May, which makes it a little difficult to put in his thoughts about her.

Of course, there's plenty of that to come, so maybe it's fine that it's a bit understated yet...

Littlebeast wrote:

Domoviye wrote: The MCO got too much info. Max's real name and sin number, never happen. They might ask for it, but giving it up like that after all the mentions of it previously, not likely. The only thing they'd do differently from other mutants would be to give two MIDs to may and Max.

Wait, really? I thought for sure the MCO got the real names and similar information of mutants to link them to other government databases, even though they didn't put them on MIDs or use them in testing videos... Now that I think on that it doesn't really make much sense, but still.

Wait, actually:

Jade 6, chapter 45 wrote: They could board a plane without showing their MID. Of course, you’d need falsified ID documents, since the airline computers always cross-check with the MCO.

...which means the MCO must have records of the mutants' "real" identities, or how else would they be able to cross-check? (It can't be facial recognition or anything of that sort, or false IDs wouldn't trick it.)

The rest of your post needs more thought or action, though, so I'll get on that :]

Steel Ribbon wrote: ]"They aren't supposed to ask you for your real name or any personal information," Pinnacle continued grimly. "They're supposed to track everything under your codename in order to protect your privacy, but sometimes a tester will try getting you to tell them more so they can put it in their records."

The Airport MCO security check in comes after the ticket check in, and the actual ticket doesn't need to be seen. However with international travel it can be a bit tricky, as there have been canon incidences where characters had to show visa's and passports.
Generally the mutant is tracked by the MID, which is why the MCO encourages the belief that the MID must be on the person at all times, rather than simply when they're traveling by plane or across a border.

The latest chapter is OK, but needs a lot more detail. This is emotional stuff, so it needs to be shown. You've got a great skeleton, use it properly.

To be honest I over looked the MCO asking for name and ID thing, but come to think of it, yeah, they aren't allowed to have anything other than a code-name attached to the MID, unless its a criminal, their real names are known AND the DPA and/or FBI authorize the real name to be attached to the MID, and those circumstances all meeting up, is rare, the other cases are heroes who's identities have been blown, and Phase's MID if you dig. not a big rewrite needed to make it fit, skip the last name and such, they can get the first names from a slip up/ pronouns failing, then Chris could figure out the rest from hearing about a strange teleporter named Max, his cafeteria disappearance. On that note, they should alpha code their codenames, number code is succession, alpha code could be used to help differentiate them in testing conversation, Max as A or Alpha, May as B or Beta and so on.

As for the airport security portion, its like how the secret ballot works, you register to vote, the fact that you have voted is kept recorded, but that is recorded separately from whom you have voted for, and so on, so you handle the plane tickets in the same way, number of mutants with registered tickets is tracked as is how many go through the MCO checkpoint, but the data correlating the two is not recorded.

...

Totally blanked that Gen1 is 2006-2010, and Gen2 is 2016-2020. And so 2014 is after Gen1... I thought it was behind, for soo long. I guess 'cause RL is 2017, so it's confusing?

Whoops, sorry, Mhalpern, et al. for spoiling things. I forgot why I spoilerbox things, so I stopped. It's to keep the spoilers away from the other commentors!

My suspicion is:

Not going to say if that's true or not but I'm glad it got into speculation.

Also chapter 9 has appeared.

Well, chapter nine took an unexpected turn. But the hints are definitely there in hindsight. I'm looking forward to chapter ten.

That said, I have to agree with Domoviye what you are posting so far does seem to fly through the story a little too fast. It also has the occasional detour into a scene where nothing really happens. Once you finish, you should really consider taking what you have, and seeing how you can put more meat on these lovely bones.

Aaand tenth and final chapter is up. (Well, final of this section.)



Anyway I absolutely agree that I should go back and flesh it out, but I don't really know how to do that. *sweatdrop* My writing experience comes mainly from a webcomic and similar publish-as-you-go formats, so I've got a decent amount of experience with dialogue and pushing forward; much less when it comes to prose and editing.

Not that I'm asking for advice, necessarily(I wouldn't say no), just letting you know where I'm at.

...

Send me some of your ideas and I'll give you advice.

See, the problem with that offer is it would require me to have concrete ideas on what I want to do, but that's the part I'm having trouble with.

_{I'm rolling my eyes at myself, not you}

Shopping trip!

And confrontation with Chris!

Interesting reveal in the last part!

"Cup of Joe" reminds me of the "cup of Joe" test from www.scp-wiki.net/scp-294 ...

Ah, I guess the gaming scenes and stuff don't contribute much... Maybe use that time to swap POVs and go to Mysterious Scientist and others, if you don't want to just timeskip past that...

Broadly speaking there are two things I think this story really needs:

1. More of Max's family, I think the story needs more family interaction and some opportunity to show the family dynamic even more than it has so far. , especially considering the final reveal. In comparison, the scenes with Max's friends are more like comic relief, and probably should be. May flirting with a boy, or having a boy try to flirt with her would have been hilarious during the 2nd shopping trip.

2. Distinct voices for Max, May and the gestalt that combines them. This is probably the most challenging thing in this story, as the reader needs to really feel that these are distinct characters with somewhat different personalities And right now this is more something that we are told than being something that is shown. In some scenes, I was left somewhat unsure of which one of May or Max was active at any given point.

Okay, thank you all for the feedback. I think I'll eventually do a full rewrite and publish it to WhatIF, but for now I'm doing what I know how to and pushing on to Joe's story. So the first chapter of that is up!