×

Notice

The forum is in read only mode.
× Float your latest theory on who is going to be this school year's big bad, piece together plot points to unravel one of the big mysteries, or guess what's coming up next in your favorite stories.

Anything is fair game... just don't complain when someone with more Whateley-verse savvy shoots your theory out of the sky.

Posting rules: Any registered member can create threads or post to existing ones.

Question Dorms of our Lives!!!

6 years 4 months ago #201 by Kettlekorn
  • Kettlekorn
  • Kettlekorn's Avatar


  • Posts: 1383

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Also, while there weren't any teachers officially refereeing the matches, there were both teachers and security in attendance who could have stepped in if anything got out of hand.

    Regarding Jamie, the impression I got was that she's mentally ill, not an evil scumbag. Therefor she needs help, not an execution. Unfortunately, it seems that somebody is meddling with the system and thereby denying her the help she needs while simultaneously endangering her and everyone around her. That person is the one who should be riddled with lead, not Jamie.

    I am the kernel that pops in the night. I am the pain that keeps your dentist employed.
    6 years 4 months ago - 6 years 4 months ago #202 by Katssun
    • Katssun
    • Katssun's Avatar


  • Posts: 1333

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • I loved the rap battle. Zapper's first round felt a little weird, but then it really hit its stride and I was totally into each one. Plus, it was a very civil way for the two of them to end it, after they both realized their fight wasn't going to go anywhere. It's nice to see a freshman encounter that created a friendly rivalry.

    Saumer is starting to fit in better than Erica. Operation Snowflake might need some work.

    Jimmy needs to watch his mouth a little more if he wants to achieve his goal. De-escalation is kind of important. I wonder if we'll see him apologize to Humorless. Maybe Taka and Donut can help Jimmy break the ice and apologize to him, since those two are in the same class.

    Donut is getting to be almost as popular as Taka and Adam with the girls, especially Whitman. Is he the lovable and humble (instead of dense) version of Scott Emerson for Gen 2?

    Tia's demeanor change is worrying. Is it a false front because of Jamie, or has she still not gotten her medication refilled and it is starting to show?

    Is Vic going to come clean to the rest of the Mutant Mayhem Machine? Or at least Tanya?
    Last Edit: 6 years 4 months ago by Katssun.
    6 years 4 months ago #203 by CrazyMinh
    • CrazyMinh
    • CrazyMinh's Avatar


  • Posts: 758

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Someone forgot a read more break...

    You can find my stories at Fanfiction.net here .

    You can also check out my fanfiction guest riffs at Library of the Dammed


    6 years 4 months ago #204 by DanZilla
    • DanZilla
    • DanZilla's Avatar


  • Posts: 1648

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • CrazyMinh wrote: Someone forgot a read more break...


    Thanks, dropped on in.
    6 years 4 months ago #205 by Rose Bunny
    • Rose Bunny
    • Rose Bunny's Avatar


  • Posts: 1956

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • in regards to Tia, I'm starting to wonder if Jamie isn't either somehow replacing her meds with placebos, or somehow slipping her a counter-agent.

    High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan


    6 years 4 months ago #206 by Anne
    • Anne
    • Anne's Avatar


  • Posts: 1411

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Rose Bunny wrote: in regards to Tia, I'm starting to wonder if Jamie isn't either somehow replacing her meds with placebos, or somehow slipping her a counter-agent.

    What would be worse for Tia is if her body is beginning to adapt to her meds so they aren't effective any more.
    I agree that Jamie is mentally ill, but as such she needs inpatient treatment not 'parole' especially since she seems to be the sort that won't take her meds. If she isn't stopped she is going to kill someone, and the fact that she doesn't intend to kill someone is moot. Also there is her fixation with Tia, very unhealthy!!:sick:
    6 years 4 months ago #207 by Katssun
    • Katssun
    • Katssun's Avatar


  • Posts: 1333

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Anne wrote:

    Rose Bunny wrote: in regards to Tia, I'm starting to wonder if Jamie isn't either somehow replacing her meds with placebos, or somehow slipping her a counter-agent.

    What would be worse for Tia is if her body is beginning to adapt to her meds so they aren't effective any more.
    I agree that Jamie is mentally ill, but as such she needs inpatient treatment not 'parole' especially since she seems to be the sort that won't take her meds. If she isn't stopped she is going to kill someone, and the fact that she doesn't intend to kill someone is moot. Also there is her fixation with Tia, very unhealthy!!:sick:

    Dorms 4 is set September 30th, so they really haven't been at school this long. However, Tia can't get refills from Doyle, she needs to get them from Ibby's pharmacist.

    I think the bigger development is that each of our protagonists are being isolated in various ways:
    - Calliope has been lured to the Amazons because of the ODS attack, but Brita will react extremely poorly when she learns what the ODS learned from Fra.
    - Erica is doing a great job at isolating herself and likely to make Operation Snowflake backfire, out of fear of failing at Operation Snowflake. Kirsten is also turning all the European students against her.
    - Laura will probably be branded as a suck-up/teacher's pet.
    - Bianca has been isolated as being outed as the White Lady, but also burned by the Seeds (possibly not permanent?)
    - Morgana wants to lay low for good reasons, and is trying to do so. But she has also been kicked out of regular magic classes because her current lack of control is a danger and the Amazons hate her considerably, and are making their displeasure known (but not the reason why).
    - Vic is disliked by the GSD students due to a misunderstanding, and also by the would-be heroes because of his past (even if his step-sister is willing to forgive him).
    - Tanya looks crazy to everyone because she's supporting and hanging out with Sterling, is associated with Ratel who everyone knows is crazy, and now because she's still friendly with Vic, she may compromise getting into the Capes (which is okay because they are jerks).
    - Jimmy is potentially disliked by the thugs and bullies because he is associated with the police, can be a bit of a busybody, and is definitely a nerd...but not on the tech track.
    - Taka is getting isolated from the boys on the whole because the bigots think he's gay and he's attracting all the pretties.
    - Hikaru because she's a pop star ;) and the burnouts, and the unclear and strange interaction with the rest of the Asian club? Was it political-based because of Japan's shift in policy?
    - Bailey...?
    - And last but not least, Tia is losing the war of public opinion against Jamie.

    Jamie is backed by Evolution Rocks! (or possibly also Vanguard). Tia is being watched as a potential political asset by the MCO or maybe a group much much worse. But everyone knows about the two of them, especially in the mutant community, and it even made the international news. Jamie is running around campus telling everyone who Tia is associated with to stay away from her because she is a "slut-bunny" and that Tia deserved what happened to her. Jamie is a pro at this type of fighting, because she was one of the popular girls. Tia is new to this, and bungling it.

    Tia's medication aside, she's inadvertedly backing up Jamie's claim, at least looking from the outside in:
    - Tia is actually funded by Playboy, which no one should know about, except Ibby put it on her car.
    - Tia has a bright pink supercar, so it looks like she has a sugar-daddy (but it is Ibby!).
    - Tia's casual and exercise clothing is tight with bright colors, because Ibby supplied it, and Hikaru thinks it is funny, so she's not helping.
    - Most people know the story from a purposefully edited interview that made Tia look guilty or at least hiding something.
    - Tia's recent erratic behavior, fueled by issues with her medication or trying to put up a strong face in light of Jamie's presence (there was a restraining order!) and harassment makes her look like a bubbly ditz and really isn't helping her case.

    On Tia's side:
    - She insists it was all a misunderstanding...not a strong defense in the gossip circle.
    - One interview where she was treated fairly that happened later after the breaking news exclusive.

    Doesn't look so great for Tia's reputation.
    6 years 4 months ago #208 by Astrodragon
    • Astrodragon
    • Astrodragon's Avatar


  • Posts: 1998

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • One point.
    Morgana is still doing fine in regular magic classes, the problem is she cant do them in her dragonform.
    The special extra classes are for a number of students who's powers cause issues, to help them sort them out.

    I love watching their innocent little faces smiling happily as they trip gaily down the garden path, before finding the pit with the rusty spikes.
    6 years 4 months ago - 6 years 4 months ago #209 by Malady
    • Malady
    • Malady's Avatar


  • Posts: 3893

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Those kids that appeared with Essemmelle in Dorms Part 2... Which is apparently Season 2? Should probably get that renamed?

    Totally somehow blanked that there's been four seasons. Like, I see the word "Season", but I didn't really think about it until now. *facepalm* *drag hand*

    EDIT: Alright! Got all the JH kids, and Essemmelle isn't one. OK!

    She just hangs out with them!

    And presumably, JH kids don't room with older kids, as a rule.
    ----

    Natalie McMaster of Season 3 is Physique, and is supposed to be Natalie MacAuliffe?
    Last Edit: 6 years 4 months ago by Malady.
    6 years 4 months ago #210 by Wasamon
    • Wasamon
    • Wasamon's Avatar


  • Posts: 342

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Malady wrote:
    Natalie McMaster of Season 3 is Physique, and is supposed to be Natalie MacAuliffe?


    D'oh.

    >_>
    <_<
    >_<;

    ...fixed.
    6 years 4 months ago #211 by Valentine
    • Valentine
    • Valentine's Avatar


  • Posts: 3121

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: 17 Aug 1966
  • Stories from Pittsburgh:

    "There is this weird vigilante gang of large men that capture criminals and tie them up in pink ribbons with big bows. They've been active for years."

    Don't Drick and Drive.
    6 years 4 months ago #212 by jmhyp
    • jmhyp
    • jmhyp's Avatar


  • Posts: 359

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • I haven't finished this but am wondering why they wouldn't be using someplace like Arena 99 for free-form combat. There are safe protocols there. There are procedures that security and Doyle practice there. Out here on hill in the grass you are further away from security and Doyle. It seems ill conceived.

    But that's not why I wanted to post. I've been trying to figure why I'm not enjoying this story. There's no particular element that is wrong. The writing is excellent. And then it dawned on me. The structure of this story mirrors that of a Soap Opera. You have 3-5 minutes scenes intercut from 12-15 flowing plot lines. And those scenes are spoon fed to the audience over the course of several episodes. It's not the story that's bothering me. It's the presentation. I don't like the pacing of soap operas. And this story has similar pacing. This isn't even an anthology style as anthologies just collect discrete works in collection. This is let's take a set of stories and re-edit them so they are interwoven.

    I understand you have moved away from each character having POV stories. But I think I preferred that method to this striped style.
    6 years 4 months ago #213 by Sir Lee
    • Sir Lee
    • Sir Lee's Avatar


  • Posts: 3113

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 08 Nov 1966
  • jmhyp wrote: I haven't finished this but am wondering why they wouldn't be using someplace like Arena 99 for free-form combat. There are safe protocols there. There are procedures that security and Doyle practice there. Out here on hill in the grass you are further away from security and Doyle. It seems ill conceived.

    But that's not why I wanted to post. I've been trying to figure why I'm not enjoying this story. There's no particular element that is wrong. The writing is excellent. And then it dawned on me. The structure of this story mirrors that of a Soap Opera. You have 3-5 minutes scenes intercut from 12-15 flowing plot lines. And those scenes are spoon fed to the audience over the course of several episodes. It's not the story that's bothering me. It's the presentation. I don't like the pacing of soap operas. And this story has similar pacing. This isn't even an anthology style as anthologies just collect discrete works in collection. This is let's take a set of stories and re-edit them so they are interwoven.

    I understand you have moved away from each character having POV stories. But I think I preferred that method to this striped style.


    I think that the title was a clue.

    Don't call me "Shirley." You will surely make me surly.
    6 years 4 months ago #214 by XaltatunOfAcheron
    • XaltatunOfAcheron
    • XaltatunOfAcheron's Avatar


  • Posts: 365

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • jmhyp wrote:
    ...

    But that's not why I wanted to post. I've been trying to figure why I'm not enjoying this story. There's no particular element that is wrong. The writing is excellent. And then it dawned on me. The structure of this story mirrors that of a Soap Opera. You have 3-5 minutes scenes intercut from 12-15 flowing plot lines. And those scenes are spoon fed to the audience over the course of several episodes. It's not the story that's bothering me. It's the presentation. I don't like the pacing of soap operas. And this story has similar pacing. This isn't even an anthology style as anthologies just collect discrete works in collection. This is let's take a set of stories and re-edit them so they are interwoven.

    I understand you have moved away from each character having POV stories. But I think I preferred that method to this striped style.


    I have to agree. When there are too many character arcs and plot threads going on, I tend to lose interest. It simply takes more mental resources than I want to commit.

    Well, you can't please everyone, and, from the author's viewpoint, that format has a number of advantages when the story lines intersect and interact as they do at Whateley.
    6 years 4 months ago #215 by Mister D
    • Mister D
    • Mister D's Avatar


  • Posts: 832

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • XaltatunOfAcheron wrote:

    jmhyp wrote:
    ...

    But that's not why I wanted to post. I've been trying to figure why I'm not enjoying this story. There's no particular element that is wrong. The writing is excellent. And then it dawned on me. The structure of this story mirrors that of a Soap Opera. You have 3-5 minutes scenes intercut from 12-15 flowing plot lines. And those scenes are spoon fed to the audience over the course of several episodes. It's not the story that's bothering me. It's the presentation. I don't like the pacing of soap operas. And this story has similar pacing. This isn't even an anthology style as anthologies just collect discrete works in collection. This is let's take a set of stories and re-edit them so they are interwoven.

    I understand you have moved away from each character having POV stories. But I think I preferred that method to this striped style.


    I have to agree. When there are too many character arcs and plot threads going on, I tend to lose interest. It simply takes more mental resources than I want to commit.

    Well, you can't please everyone, and, from the author's viewpoint, that format has a number of advantages when the story lines intersect and interact as they do at Whateley.


    This is both one of the advantages, and one of the dis-advantages of working within a multi-author, multi-character setting.

    When i first found the Whateley stories, there was only the Original Timeline stories. The 2nd Gen stories hadn't been written yet.

    i had considerable problems reading some of the Team Kimba stories, as while each story stood up, in and of itself, they continually referred to events that had happened in one of the other stories, that i hadn't read yet.

    I persevered with reading them, nonetheless, as the story-telling was great, and the world-building was very chewy.

    It was only after one forum member created a time-line that showed where each character's story started and finished, in relation to the chronology of the school-year, as well as in relation to the other character's stories, that the overall narrative started to make sense.

    This made re-reading them much more interesting as i could find nuances that i had missed.

    I did save a copy of the time-line post in the forums for my own interest.

    Then the 2nd crash happened, and Kristin had to re-build the site from scratch.

    I did end up sending her a copy of the page with the time-line as i thought that it would be useful for other people.

    It seems for the 2nd Gen stories, that the authors are trying to avoid some of the issues that arose from the style of writing that came from the Original Canon.

    Yes, it means that it's more "soap-opera" style of story-telling, but that's just for this story arc.

    The Gen 2 authors will probably be experimenting with other styles of storytelling, which will please some fans and annoy others.

    Remember that Whateley is a Work-In-Progress. It's a living, breathing, ever-evolving tapestry.

    If the current flow of narrative doesn't suit your palate right now, then be patient, as the authors will continue to experiment with other writing styles & techniques, so there'll be tales more to your taste in future.


    Measure Twice
    6 years 4 months ago #216 by DanZilla
    • DanZilla
    • DanZilla's Avatar


  • Posts: 1648

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Some of the confusion in this story is my fault... with a few of the Gen 2 stories intersecting here at the picnic and the original story with the picnic bogged down by some real-world issues I went to Wasamon and asked him to pick-up some of the load... so to speak.

    this caused him to shoehorn and shove a lot of people and plots into what was going to be a project that was much smaller in scope.

    I think he did an excellent job of pulling off what he did and for that he has my thanks... there are still a few pieces of the story to go but it'll allow the rest of us to work on some future pieces that were waiting for some plot development to happen.

    For those of you confused or overwhelmed... please understand that this wasn't any one persons fault and will not be the method for all future stories.
    6 years 4 months ago #217 by null0trooper
    • null0trooper
    • null0trooper's Avatar


  • Posts: 3032

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 19 Oct 1964
  • One technical comment: "Dorms of Our Lives, Season 4 (Part 3)" (as well as "All Hallows Ball Part Two" ) could use a <hr id="system-readmore" /> tag.

    It's one of those things that's hard to notice until one starts scrolling, and scrolling, through the "Read Stories" listing.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    6 years 4 months ago #218 by DanZilla
    • DanZilla
    • DanZilla's Avatar


  • Posts: 1648

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • null0trooper wrote: One technical comment: "Dorms of Our Lives, Season 4 (Part 3)" (as well as "All Hallows Ball Part Two" ) could use a <hr id="system-readmore" /> tag.

    It's one of those things that's hard to notice until one starts scrolling, and scrolling, through the "Read Stories" listing.


    Fixed them...
    6 years 4 months ago #219 by Kristin Darken
    • Kristin Darken
    • Kristin Darken's Avatar


  • Posts: 3898

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Part of the problem there, I think, is that not everyone who posts stories or makes edits has the same authorization to implement code/script... it may be that the ReadMore tags are being placed... but are getting squashed out again when an author makes a tweak for typo or other cleanup fixes. It's one of those things that is in place to keep the site safe (the fewer people who can include anything resembling code into articles/stories, the fewer the means by which the site can be hacked. It's too bad I can't set the ReadMore tags to work automatically (it 'should' be possible, but it requires us to be using the site access controls differently than we are), but for now that's off the table. Maybe someday, when we do the big upgrade.

    Fate guard you and grant you a Light to brighten your Way.
    6 years 4 months ago #220 by null0trooper
    • null0trooper
    • null0trooper's Avatar


  • Posts: 3032

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 19 Oct 1964
  • Kristin Darken wrote: Part of the problem there, I think, is that not everyone who posts stories or makes edits has the same authorization to implement code/script... it may be that the ReadMore tags are being placed... but are getting squashed out again when an author makes a tweak for typo or other cleanup fixes.


    Depending on the editor mode, I can picture the tag being lost in editting: it just takes a couple of backspace deletes. For my WhatIF stories, the readmore hard return works reliably.

    Kristin Darken wrote: It's one of those things that is in place to keep the site safe (the fewer people who can include anything resembling code into articles/stories, the fewer the means by which the site can be hacked. It's too bad I can't set the ReadMore tags to work automatically (it 'should' be possible, but it requires us to be using the site access controls differently than we are), but for now that's off the table. Maybe someday, when we do the big upgrade.


    The need for javascript to not be stripped out in certain cases and not in others, flanked by the risks posed by One Upset Coworker, not only isn't a hill I want to die on but a valley I don't want to walk through.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    6 years 4 months ago #221 by jmhyp
    • jmhyp
    • jmhyp's Avatar


  • Posts: 359

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Mister D wrote: i had considerable problems reading some of the Team Kimba stories, as while each story stood up, in and of itself, they continually referred to events that had happened in one of the other stories, that i hadn't read yet.


    I actually found the overlap and "spoilers" a feature of the original releases. I rather have each episode be a signular readable unit, aka a story, and suffer with a little spoilage than have a soap opera. YMMV.
    6 years 4 months ago #222 by Mister D
    • Mister D
    • Mister D's Avatar


  • Posts: 832

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • jmhyp wrote:

    Mister D wrote: i had considerable problems reading some of the Team Kimba stories, as while each story stood up, in and of itself, they continually referred to events that had happened in one of the other stories, that i hadn't read yet.


    I actually found the overlap and "spoilers" a feature of the original releases. I rather have each episode be a singular readable unit, aka a story, and suffer with a little spoilage than have a soap opera. YMMV.


    Like a number of sci-fi/fantasy/speculative-fiction stories, you'll find something mentioned in passing in one chapter, that is later explained as part of the background knowledge that most in-story-characters have as being part of that narrative universe.

    The canon example that i first noticed was the "PPP" materials that are mentioned in Dune, as being an example of Nouveau-Riche spending habits.

    This is a writing technique that i have come across in many tales, so i was not surprised to find it here.

    I did think that it was going to be a little overdone in terms of it's use, but that was before i really understood the nature of the multi-author, shared-narrative, writing process.

    I'm not saying that it's a good thing, or a bad thing. It's just a technique, same as the choppier, character-switching that's used in Dorms.


    If you've read any of the Vampire: The Masquerade novels, there was one series that White Wolf published, called the Clan Novels Saga.

    VtM is an RPG that's based around different factions of vampires controlling human society. Each of the different "bloodlines" has a specific viewpoint that is unique to that Clan.

    The Clan Novels Saga, was a series of novels that was based around the same time-line of events, but each told from the viewpoint of a character who was from a different Clan. This gave the authors the opportunity to really flesh out what the personal experience of being a member of each Clan is like.

    Initially published as 13 stand-alone novels, but they were later released as a 4 volume set, that split the events in the novels into directly chronological order.

    This gave two very different flavours to reading the stories, as one form gave you the direct narrative viewpoints focussed on the characters, and the other form placed more emphasis on the time-line of events.


    You can see the same here.

    Yes, as Danzilla said, this was due to the real-world events affecting the authors, but it's also an opportunity for them to explore a different flavour of approach.

    It's not better or worse, it's just a different style of story-telling.

    As one jazz-head said to me after one jam session, "That was fun. We'll do it differently at the next jam, and the one after, and the one after that..." :D


    Measure Twice
    6 years 4 months ago #223 by Yolandria
    • Yolandria
    • Yolandria's Avatar Topic Author


  • Posts: 595

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Part 5 is now up and running!

    Mistress of the shelter for lost and redeemable Woobies!
    6 years 4 months ago #224 by Dreamer
    • Dreamer
    • Dreamer's Avatar


  • Posts: 984

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: 03 Dec 1976
  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    Dorms of Our Lives, Season 4, part 5 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    6 years 3 months ago - 6 years 3 months ago #225 by Hardric
    • Hardric
    • Hardric's Avatar


  • Posts: 207

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • And Patience agrees to the bargain and will cover for this infraction, no! He can't get off scott free after what he's done.


    Ooo, sounds like if he or any of his buddies go after Cally again she might just make them disappear.


    Don't despair yet, Dreamer, I'm spotting a nice bit of rules-lawyering allowing to crush him, let the new administration flex its muscles and show the ship is still run thight without Carson (and allow to keep exclusivity on his tech):

    Little fucktard just had to double down on Nefertiti. Now, clearly the deal was concerning the incident with Calliope, that much is obvious. But would you look at that, Miss Copeland, from Dickinson, is also showing signs from his typical brand of brainwashing, as someone knowing him can testify for (bonus points for not being an Attack Bitch), in a way and place seemingly not connected to the incident. I mean, the position she was found in, clearly the perpetrator was going for enjoying himself in a really sick way rather than silencing her for Security... Sounds like a breach of agreement here, unless of course he explains he got carried after explaining he only brainwashed her to silence her. Whoops... And he forgot to include that episode with Nefertiti in his plea, only speaking about the one with Calliope... Whoops again.

    Edit: She even explicitly told that she would only cover the incident with Calliope. For the rest, he'son his own. More Schadenfreude in your cup?
    Last Edit: 6 years 3 months ago by Hardric.
    6 years 3 months ago #226 by null0trooper
    • null0trooper
    • null0trooper's Avatar


  • Posts: 3032

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 19 Oct 1964
  • I'm thinking that people are going to be a lot happier when they see how it all comes together. Except maybe for Jack-in-the-Box. C'est la guerre.


    I'm already borrowing one idea from this last part for one of my OCs.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    6 years 3 months ago - 6 years 3 months ago #227 by Katssun
    • Katssun
    • Katssun's Avatar


  • Posts: 1333

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • I really like the way that this has started to shape up. The interplay between factions and the various members of MMM is getting beautifully nuanced and complex. The social politics of 2016 are getting really, really messy. It didn't seem like a lot was going on in this arc because the time-frame has been relatively short, but now that various plans have settled, blown up, or succeeded, it's really started to click. The degree of insight that has been provided to the readers about the environment our protagonists are in is now...pretty comprehensive.

    It's like that first third of a novel that kinda-sorta felt like a slog...looking at you The Traitor Baru Cormorant ;)...but then you realized was totally necessary because of the breakneck pace of the entire rest of the novel. The events would have left the reader lost unless they had the background to understand the significance. But once you have the understanding, the wake of every action has that much more effect on the surroundings.

    At this point, I'm really wondering how the relationship between MMM and the Amazons is going to work now. The Poesie portion hates loathes them, and Brita is leading the Amazons down the opposite side, even if they're not unified in that stance. Erica seems pretty neutral for the most part, and Callie will be sympathetic. The Poesies have largely kept what happened to Morgana to themselves. Is part of that related to keeping the Poe secret?

    Neff...who can tell. Between all her interactions with Callie and pals, she definitely doesn't seem like the type who would embrace the "justice" that the Amazon's promise, and Callie doesn't seem to want to go that far. I think between her older brother and Erica, Callie will let the system take care of it from Security's side of things. Or will she? Callie is pretty hotheaded, and once she finds out what the ODS did to Neff, she may lose it. Depends on the timing I guess. What happened to Neff was so much worse of a violation than what they did to Callie, so maybe even Neff will side with the Amazon way of life. Too soon to say!

    I think my next question would be the Bohemians. Who will end up in their attention? Will it be Scarlyt dragging in Tanya and Vic because of Sterling? Erica because of her friendship with Donut, and Donut's friendliness with Whitman girls, who in turn might be targets for Glam's blackmail? Morgana, Callie? Hikaru met them at the Melville mixer, and that interaction seemed polite, if cold. It's hard to get a read on them so far, other than they seem to fall somewhere between the old Alphas (less sadistic than Freya, more competent than The Don) and the Golden Kids. Brita hates them, but that could be good or bad.

    I also like the theme of forgiveness that's come up. The majority of the Bad Seeds want to have Bianca forgive them, and even asked Erica to act as a go-between. Bianca and Morgana definitely don't want to forgive them for what Esquire did, and what Hammer is up to. Even if Raccoon and Twitch are on the good side of things. I think it is premature to gauge Sister Secret, to be honest. On the flip side is Vic and Gwen. The two are willing to reconcile, while Gwen's boyfriend wants to nail Vic to the wall for pretty much anything. Will Tanya get caught in the middle of that and compromise her relationship with the Capes? Will Megaton's behavior cause Tanya to have a crisis in faith about the Capes?

    Can't wait to find out!
    Last Edit: 6 years 3 months ago by Katssun.
    6 years 3 months ago #228 by null0trooper
    • null0trooper
    • null0trooper's Avatar


  • Posts: 3032

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 19 Oct 1964
  • I was thinking the Bohemians are shooting for a decadent middle ground between Freya's Alphas and the Dylans. They've got the utterly self-centered part down pat.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    6 years 3 months ago #229 by Katssun
    • Katssun
    • Katssun's Avatar


  • Posts: 1333

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Who is Val referring to here?

    Val was hurrying one way when an unfamiliar face passed the other. The girl's expression was such a masterpiece of annoyance and resentment, with a roiling mess of emotions underlying it all, that the Amazon was forced to take note. There was someone to look into at a later date, she decided. Unfortunately, she was too busy at the moment. A distress call from Kammie had confirmed her worst fears of a sister in need.


    Scarlyt? Doesn't seem like it, since the Amazons and Bohemians hate each other and neither are freshmen. Is this referring to Sera from the previous segment, right after leaving Tanya and Vic?
    6 years 3 months ago #230 by Wasamon
    • Wasamon
    • Wasamon's Avatar


  • Posts: 342

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Katssun wrote: I really like the way that this has started to shape up. The interplay between factions and the various members of MMM is getting beautifully nuanced and complex. The social politics of 2016 are getting really, really messy. It didn't seem like a lot was going on in this arc because the time-frame has been relatively short, but now that various plans have settled, blown up, or succeeded, it's really started to click. The degree of insight that has been provided to the readers about the environment our protagonists are in is now...pretty comprehensive.

    It's like that first third of a novel that kinda-sorta felt like a slog...looking at you The Traitor Baru Cormorant ;)...but then you realized was totally necessary because of the breakneck pace of the entire rest of the novel. The events would have left the reader lost unless they had the background to understand the significance. But once you have the understanding, the wake of every action has that much more effect on the surroundings.


    I can't tell you how happy I am to read this :)
    6 years 3 months ago #231 by Katssun
    • Katssun
    • Katssun's Avatar


  • Posts: 1333

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Katssun wrote: Who is Val referring to here?

    Val was hurrying one way when an unfamiliar face passed the other. The girl's expression was such a masterpiece of annoyance and resentment, with a roiling mess of emotions underlying it all, that the Amazon was forced to take note. There was someone to look into at a later date, she decided. Unfortunately, she was too busy at the moment. A distress call from Kammie had confirmed her worst fears of a sister in need.


    Scarlyt? Doesn't seem like it, since the Amazons and Bohemians hate each other and neither are freshmen. Is this referring to Sera from the previous segment, right after leaving Tanya and Vic?

    On second thought, this might even refer to Jamie!
    6 years 3 months ago #232 by Schol-R-LEA
    • Schol-R-LEA
    • Schol-R-LEA's Avatar


  • Posts: 1766

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: 24 Oct 1968
  • Katssun wrote: Who is Val referring to here?

    Val was hurrying one way when an unfamiliar face passed the other. The girl's expression was such a masterpiece of annoyance and resentment, with a roiling mess of emotions underlying it all, that the Amazon was forced to take note. There was someone to look into at a later date, she decided. Unfortunately, she was too busy at the moment. A distress call from Kammie had confirmed her worst fears of a sister in need.


    Scarlyt? Doesn't seem like it, since the Amazons and Bohemians hate each other and neither are freshmen. Is this referring to Sera from the previous segment, right after leaving Tanya and Vic?


    Uhm, they were in the middle of rescuing Copacetic when she thought that, so I am guessing it was her. Considering the situation Nef was in at the time, she definitely qualified.

    Out, damnéd Spot! Bad Doggy!
    6 years 3 months ago #233 by Kristin Darken
    • Kristin Darken
    • Kristin Darken's Avatar


  • Posts: 3898

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Wasamon wrote: I can't tell you how happy I am to read this :)

    *nods* Vindication is sweet! :P

    Fate guard you and grant you a Light to brighten your Way.
    6 years 3 months ago #234 by Yolandria
    • Yolandria
    • Yolandria's Avatar Topic Author


  • Posts: 595

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Part 6 now up for your viewing pleasure!

    Mistress of the shelter for lost and redeemable Woobies!
    6 years 3 months ago - 6 years 3 months ago #235 by Schol-R-LEA
    • Schol-R-LEA
    • Schol-R-LEA's Avatar


  • Posts: 1766

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: 24 Oct 1968
  • Two teachers? Shouldn't there be at least four? Was a certain Daughter of the Burning Oak busy elsewhere? And what of Caduceus?

    OK, Pat did say 'mostly' full. And it is plausible that both are busy, or at least, that Nikki would find herself something to be busy at once she was sure that Hikaru was there (still waiting for that shoe - or maybe that bomb - to drop, so far as we know... I imagine Amaterasu will have some choice words for the Queen of the West, at least until she hears that Aunghadhail is gone). Still...

    (N.B.: I am assuming that Fey is on campus at least part of the time, as it was mentioned in "Sunshine and Fury" that either she or Dr Chulkris should have overseen Hikaru's power testing instead of Ms. Ellison.)

    Overall, however, the story was well done, and appropriately timed as well, with the New Year bringing something of a new era for the changelings at Whateley.

    Out, damnéd Spot! Bad Doggy!
    Last Edit: 6 years 3 months ago by Schol-R-LEA.
    6 years 3 months ago #236 by Dreamer
    • Dreamer
    • Dreamer's Avatar


  • Posts: 984

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: 03 Dec 1976
  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    Dorms of Our Lives, Season 4, part 6 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    6 years 3 months ago #237 by Rose Bunny
    • Rose Bunny
    • Rose Bunny's Avatar


  • Posts: 1956

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • I'm just wondering if Caduceus and Fey were left out of the meeting for future story reasons, or if they were oversights?

    High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan


    6 years 3 months ago #238 by Esar
    • Esar
    • Esar's Avatar


  • Posts: 328

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Thanks for this wonderful tale and happy new year.

    It was nice to explore so many characters Gen2 characters at the same time and where we were at the end should prove to be a great starting point for a future story.
    6 years 3 months ago - 6 years 3 months ago #239 by Katssun
    • Katssun
    • Katssun's Avatar


  • Posts: 1333

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Well that turned into a huge mess, with a small silver lining at the end. Hikaru wasn't there though, and the Barnes' weren't talking about her. They were referring to the helper to the begrudged Amazon's, Ping-Pong. Erica was willing to give up her secret to the school staff and the other changelings, but Hikaru's secret has other reasons to be so well guarded.

    I loved the treatment of Ms. Plimsoll. I have a soft-spot for tough love kind of teachers, and not the cheesy "Inner City School" movie kind. The real world ones, who give you detention for not doing your homework. It's not because they're mean, it's because they care, and know that overt sympathy doesn't always work, sometimes the opposite does. When we first met her in the first part of Dorms of our Lives, she's incredibly harsh and honest. Blunt. She comes off as a hasty, last-minute, under-qualified replacement who comes from the Syndicate because Mazarin trust her, not because she's well suited for the job. Then she gets even worse, helping Jerk in the Box buy protection. It felt like she was putting Syndicate over Students.

    Looking at it from a distance, part of that is the reader's bias. We like Callie. Neff was/is...was very likable (here's hoping Callie can win her back!). Jack is a scumbag of the highest order, even selling out his associates. So her decision to accept his deal makes her come off as cold, calculating and uncaring. Even with her adverse reaction. She didn't like making that deal with Jack at all. Even remotely. She openly threatened him and it cracked her professional facade. He noticed. But she did accept it, and I forgot how much she hated doing it. How close she came to wanting to kill him for what he'd been doing to girls around campus.

    Now, we find out that she actually is a rather good fit for her job, and does worry if she's doing it right. She admitted in her introduction she was bad with children and didn't know how to deal with them so she'd treat them as adults. Turned out that wasn't so much of a warning and stern rebuke of children as it was her admitting a weakness. She was really worried the knock-out gas was going too far, when it was really a rather reasonable de-escalation of a situation that was getting pretty bad, very quickly. She just doesn't know that for Whateley, her action was in many ways, far more gentle than what's been done in the past. Especially to distraught, hormonal, teenage projective empaths.

    Overall, I love the way that the Whateley authors as a whole have been fleshing out some of the staff more. They're people too, with issues and worries of their own. It makes the WU feel even more alive.


    I do have some criticism of the story arc though: The Barnes family.

    They're everywhere. They're a sympathetic ear when someone more appropriate isn't around. They're protective. The eldest has some secret reason to be in Poe while also being the English teacher. They run the changeling gamut. But right now, they're very underdeveloped. They come off as plot devices rather than people in some scenes. Providing a solution or guiding the characters to one. It's not exactly clear what their capabilities and limitations are in providing the degree of support that they have thus far.

    That's not to say that other side characters don't have similar issues. The side characters of Laura's stories lean on Gen 1 character development. The Poesies get a whole pool of supporting characters from each others stories. But it is certainly more visible for Dickinson, Whitman, Melville, Emerson and Twain.

    For the Barnes family, they're in a lot of scenes for other characters, and while they have had a few throwaway lines of development, they could honestly use their own side story to make them feel more like people, and less like plot expediters.
    Last Edit: 6 years 3 months ago by Katssun. Reason: I should really remember to proofread
    6 years 3 months ago #240 by ebony841
    • ebony841
    • ebony841's Avatar


  • Posts: 57

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • I really liked the ending. I have filled that M3 does not have the cohesion and camaraderie of the other training teams that are in G1 (eg Star League Junior, TK, outcasts or even team Absinthe). Hopefully, the team will now start to approach problems as a team instead of as individuals.
    6 years 3 months ago #241 by DanZilla
    • DanZilla
    • DanZilla's Avatar


  • Posts: 1648

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Okay Folks, I made an error when cleaning-up the story and patching in a fix and a small section got removed... I apologize for the mistake... it has been restored... It takes place immediately after Ms Plimsoll and Mrs Sinclair meet and involves the security response... here's a snippet of the start of it...



    --Officer Pruitt

    Normally when working in security and law enforcement, one was grateful when the culprit was incompetent enough to give it all up willingly. Right now Officer Pruitt was sitting across from a young man who was looking not nearly as nervous as he should, considering there was a handwritten confession on the table with his personal John Hancock on it.

    It should've been an open and shut case, a true slam dunk, if Pruitt's every instinct weren't telling him it was all a fraud. Unfortunately, his gut wasn't getting a vote on the matter.
    6 years 3 months ago #242 by mhalpern
    • mhalpern
    • mhalpern's Avatar


  • Posts: 2026

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • sounds like Jack spent too much effort covering it up, and in the process made it clear that it was a cover up...

    Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
    6 years 3 months ago #243 by Katssun
    • Katssun
    • Katssun's Avatar


  • Posts: 1333

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • And Security is sympathetic toward anything that Brita and Val might do, so long as it remains unseen.

    Brita softened just a little bit at Callie's situation, which is progress at least. I still want someone to prove to her that force isn't everything, and might does not equal right. Not sure if it will be Morgana, Erica, Tanya. Or maybe even Callie or Jimmy? There's a number of potentially amusing possibilities in Poe alone.

    My suspicion is that Jack will find that the Syndicate protection absolves him of the one crime, and selling others out isn't viewed quite as kindly as he or Security thinks. Mazarin, Ms. Plimsoll, and Imp probably all think alike in how people ought to treat their business associates.
    6 years 3 months ago #244 by Mister D
    • Mister D
    • Mister D's Avatar


  • Posts: 832

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Katssun wrote: And Security is sympathetic toward anything that Brita and Val might do, so long as it remains unseen.

    Brita softened just a little bit at Callie's situation, which is progress at least. I still want someone to prove to her that force isn't everything, and might does not equal right. Not sure if it will be Morgana, Erica, Tanya. Or maybe even Callie or Jimmy? There's a number of potentially amusing possibilities in Poe alone.

    My suspicion is that Jack will find that the Syndicate protection absolves him of the one crime, and selling others out isn't viewed quite as kindly as he or Security thinks. Mazarin, Ms. Plimsoll, and Imp probably all think alike in how people ought to treat their business associates.


    A teenager choosing the short-term, convenient path, that ends up making the long-term path more difficult...

    It's a life-lesson that we'll hope that he survives to regret.

    It's also surprising that no-one has thought of pushing him towards studying medicine, psychiatry, or psychology, as his devices could have a lot of therapeutic potential, as well as having an excellent new set of techniques into understanding the theory of the mind.

    Baloo should give him a poke.

    Like i said, teenage, short-term decisions.


    At least any future business partners will know exactly how far to trust him...

    That's going to be the longer-term burn.


    The last scenes are great.

    Odds of 1000 to 1?

    Looks like the Braeburn Report is starting to manifest.

    And we see the instant support group from the other people who have been through similar changes.

    Still waiting for the other shoe to drop though...


    Measure Twice
    6 years 3 months ago #245 by Wasamon
    • Wasamon
    • Wasamon's Avatar


  • Posts: 342

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Kristin Darken wrote:

    Wasamon wrote: I can't tell you how happy I am to read this :)

    *nods* Vindication is sweet! :P


    More like relief. I'm confident enough in my writing to accept that I got in a bit over my head with this one. Dorms 5 WILL BE SHORTER... *crosses fingers*

    Thanks go to everyone else who's stuck around this long. Your reactions and feedback have been appreciated. Feel free to ask for any points of clarification.

    Also, Kattsun, since you asked nicely-ish, I'll see about getting the Barnes family origin stories into the rotation. They're both about 50k words each, so I might be splitting them into halves.
    6 years 3 months ago #246 by Sir Lee
    • Sir Lee
    • Sir Lee's Avatar


  • Posts: 3113

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 08 Nov 1966
  • As every Ankh-Morpork citizen knows, odds of 1000 to 1 happen nine times out of ten.

    Don't call me "Shirley." You will surely make me surly.
    6 years 3 months ago #247 by Mister D
    • Mister D
    • Mister D's Avatar


  • Posts: 832

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Sir Lee wrote: As every Ankh-Morpork citizen knows, odds of 1000 to 1 happen nine times out of ten.


    Isn't that odds of 1,000,000 to 1?


    Measure Twice
    6 years 3 months ago #248 by Sir Lee
    • Sir Lee
    • Sir Lee's Avatar


  • Posts: 3113

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 08 Nov 1966
  • Drat! You are right!

    Don't call me "Shirley." You will surely make me surly.
    6 years 3 months ago #249 by null0trooper
    • null0trooper
    • null0trooper's Avatar


  • Posts: 3032

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 19 Oct 1964
  • Mister D wrote: A teenager choosing the short-term, convenient path, that ends up making the long-term path more difficult...


    He wouldn't be the first person to think the Syndicate places a high value on sociopathy and megalomania because they aren't The Good GuysTM, or worse, thinks he can game them like he always has gamed the kids around him.

    The first taste is always free; the first deal is always the sweetest.

    Mister D wrote: It's a life-lesson that we'll hope that he survives to regret.


    That's one of the societal purposes of an organization like the Syndicate: to bleed the users and abusers dry while they're still productive, and restrain the damage.

    I.e., Buddy-fuckers like this are charged top dollar for the lowest-grade services because they cannot be trusted with dependable or low-risk assets.

    Mister D wrote: It's also surprising that no-one has thought of pushing him towards studying medicine, psychiatry, or psychology, as his devices could have a lot of therapeutic potential, as well as having an excellent new set of techniques into understanding the theory of the mind.


    I suspect that once the shiny has worn off, the Syndicate will license out his devices to the public sector. Without him.

    Mister D wrote: Baloo should give him a poke.


    The Kodiak has no power over those who don't want to be cured. That's why Raven, Coyote, Anansi, Sun Wukong, and others never run out of business.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    6 years 3 months ago #250 by mhalpern
    • mhalpern
    • mhalpern's Avatar


  • Posts: 2026

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • null0trooper wrote:

    Mister D wrote: A teenager choosing the short-term, convenient path, that ends up making the long-term path more difficult...


    He wouldn't be the first person to think the Syndicate places a high value on sociopathy and megalomania because they aren't The Good GuysTM, or worse, thinks he can game them like he always has gamed the kids around him.

    The first taste is always free; the first deal is always the sweetest.

    Mister D wrote: It's a life-lesson that we'll hope that he survives to regret.


    That's one of the societal purposes of an organization like the Syndicate: to bleed the users and abusers dry while they're still productive, and restrain the damage.

    I.e., Buddy-fuckers like this are charged top dollar for the lowest-grade services because they cannot be trusted with dependable or low-risk assets.

    Mister D wrote: It's also surprising that no-one has thought of pushing him towards studying medicine, psychiatry, or psychology, as his devices could have a lot of therapeutic potential, as well as having an excellent new set of techniques into understanding the theory of the mind.


    I suspect that once the shiny has worn off, the Syndicate will license out his devices to the public sector. Without him.

    Mister D wrote: Baloo should give him a poke.


    The Kodiak has no power over those who don't want to be cured. That's why Raven, Coyote, Anansi, Sun Wukong, and others never run out of business.

    On the mind control devices:
    Maybe, but if they are too good, or have specific quirks, they can be pretty bad for business, its a hypnotic device, not a direct interface meaning it wont be effective on people naturally resistant to hypnotism, and it cant be used as a component for anything other than hypnotism.

    Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
    6 years 2 months ago #251 by Malady
    • Malady
    • Malady's Avatar


  • Posts: 3893

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • I wonder if Donut's donuts making people happy, is actually due to Cookie, and the docs can't tell 'cause Cookie is with Donut all the time?

    Or did they already think of that?
    6 years 2 months ago #252 by null0trooper
    • null0trooper
    • null0trooper's Avatar


  • Posts: 3032

  • Gender: Male
  • Birthdate: 19 Oct 1964
  • Malady wrote: I wonder if Donut's donuts making people happy, is actually due to Cookie, and the docs can't tell 'cause Cookie is with Donut all the time?

    Or did they already think of that?


    They probably thought of that, because "PUPPIEZ!!!" is a super-power.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    6 years 1 month ago #253 by jmhyp
    • jmhyp
    • jmhyp's Avatar


  • Posts: 359

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Mister D wrote: It's not better or worse, it's just a different style of story-telling.


    Sorry, objectively it may not be better or worse, but subjectively, I find it worse. This is why I ended my post with YMMV. I want to enjoy the story more and this style impedes that. My opinion. YMMV. I hope explaining why I didn't like it was constructive for the authors.
    6 years 1 month ago #254 by Wasamon
    • Wasamon
    • Wasamon's Avatar


  • Posts: 342

  • Gender: Unknown
  • Birthdate: Unknown
  • Again, no worries. The Dorms series is mostly me experimenting with how to handle a very large cast of characters, and I can understand how it won't be everyone's cuppa. Thankfully it's more the exception than the rule for my writing, so I can only hope you enjoy my other stuff on the site :)
    Moderators: WhateleyAdminKristin DarkenE. E. NalleyelrodwNagrijMageOhkiAstrodragonNeoMagusWarrenMorpheusWasamonsleethrOtherEricBek D CorbinMaLAguASouffle GirlPhoenix SpiritusStarwolfDanZillaKatie_LynMaggie FinsonDrBenderJGBladedancerRenae_Whateley
    Powered by Kunena Forum