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Question A goldfish in the ocean!

5 years 9 months ago #1 by Yolandria
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  • New gen 2 funzies! Post in the comments below!

    Mistress of the shelter for lost and redeemable Woobies!
    5 years 9 months ago #2 by Malady
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  • Title really fits...

    Has he even met with his contact yet?

    Ask Bad Seeds or someone, on how to deal with a criminal past?

    But, he's got a death count, unlike Imp, and others?

    Knowing the fanfic is spoilers.
    5 years 9 months ago #3 by mhalpern
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  • As a longtime fan of Malaqua's since I believe when he was writing Genetic Park, I've been looking forward to this.

    Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
    5 years 9 months ago #4 by Dreamer
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  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    A Goldfish in the Ocean comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    5 years 9 months ago #5 by Court
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  • Dreamer wrote: SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    A Goldfish in the Ocean comments

    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]


    An invisible bunny rabbit, of course!
    5 years 9 months ago - 5 years 9 months ago #6 by Malady
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  • How much do we know about Vic's powers? I forget...

    Ah! Interdimensional Water Storage, so he isn't reliant on a bottle?

    Or get good enough to drain it from the air or something? Maybe get a holdout or whatever, to do that?

    Water-user who can't swim... Using his powers to swim upwards would be useful...
    Last Edit: 5 years 9 months ago by Malady.
    5 years 9 months ago #7 by mhalpern
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  • What Vic doesn't realize yet is that the Syndicate fokes who sponsor students at Whateley also recognize that disruptive compliance would be worse than him going the hero route

    Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
    5 years 9 months ago #8 by Astrodragon
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  • We would like to point out for readers of more delicate sensibilities that no goldfish were harmed during the making of this story... :D

    I love watching their innocent little faces smiling happily as they trip gaily down the garden path, before finding the pit with the rusty spikes.
    5 years 9 months ago #9 by XaltatunOfAcheron
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  • Astrodragon wrote: We would like to point out for readers of more delicate sensibilities that no goldfish were harmed during the making of this story... :D


    Darn it! And here I thought Vic was doing a great job of carping.
    5 years 9 months ago - 5 years 9 months ago #10 by Hardric
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  • 'Big Pond' effect indeed. That said, I think heVic could get a lot better in the BMA rather... well, not exactly easily, but by using/remembering little factoids (Hardnose-geared for now, but eh, basis thingies):

    1) Fight fair is for people with the overwhelming advantage feeling like they want to play with the food. Forget the boxer reflexes against someone like Hardnose, dodge, aim articulations, go for tripping, don't offer fistfights to more trained opponents, and don't whine when your water supply get attacked, stripping you of your power access will always be the priority of any remotely credible opponent. Just protect it. (And ditch the 'weakie girlies' concept. If that's an enemy, go for the jugular. Period).

    2) That water, use it to impede the enemy's movements: Blob of water around one leg, or use it to make the floor slippery after getting out of dodge of the opponent, so it will make him slip and fall when they charge after you. Your toolset is about more distance and battlefield control, get the distance to do that, and forget about competiting with your oppoennts' strong suit.

    3) That one is greyer morally, and dunno about how approved in BMA it is, but hey, you are the sort of people to consider Masterminds membership, and these fights with powers looks pretty destructive/impressive, so... Blob of water around the head. Cut off the oxygen supply, and everybody needing one will fall off if you can dodge long enough to let them run out of air.

    (PS: Cannot say anything about telepathy use since we don't know how high it is, but there is to be something of use here too).
    Last Edit: 5 years 9 months ago by Hardric.
    5 years 9 months ago #11 by Katssun
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  • This one was kind of a sad story. Vic isolating himself, beating himself up over grades and developing all manner of exemplar inferiority complex issues. He didn't really listen to what Mr. Kim was actually saying. Exemplars might memorize the material after speed reading it once, but they still make grammar mistakes and still fail to analyze it properly. If anything, exemplars might be more easily tricked into becoming fixated on a particular interpretation.

    Vic is very much a focus on the negatives type of person, isn't he?

    I'm a little confused about the Caro interlude. I loved it, but I'm very interested into seeing where it connects to Vic's story. Is it just that she's friends with Gwen, Vic's other step-sister? Or will there be a specific curse coming in the future that has unintended consequences!

    Tanya and Vic crushing on each other is very cute though.
    5 years 9 months ago - 5 years 9 months ago #12 by MaLAguA
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  • I just want to thank everyone for commenting on the story. I was a bit unsure about posting it as stories kept on advancing or hanging around the months of september and early november. I was worried it would cause more trouble than enjoying it. All are great comments i thoroughly enjoyed reading.
    Last Edit: 5 years 9 months ago by MaLAguA.
    5 years 9 months ago #13 by MaLAguA
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  • Hardric wrote: 'Big Pond' effect indeed. That said, I think heVic could get a lot better in the BMA rather... well, not exactly easily, but by using/remembering little factoids (Hardnose-geared for now, but eh, basis thingies):

    1) Fight fair is for people with the overwhelming advantage feeling like they want to play with the food. Forget the boxer reflexes against someone like Hardnose, dodge, aim articulations, go for tripping, don't offer fistfights to more trained opponents, and don't whine when your water supply get attacked, stripping you of your power access will always be the priority of any remotely credible opponent. Just protect it. (And ditch the 'weakie girlies' concept. If that's an enemy, go for the jugular. Period).

    2) That water, use it to impede the enemy's movements: Blob of water around one leg, or use it to make the floor slippery after getting out of dodge of the opponent, so it will make him slip and fall when they charge after you. Your toolset is about more distance and battlefield control, get the distance to do that, and forget about competiting with your oppoennts' strong suit.

    3) That one is greyer morally, and dunno about how approved in BMA it is, but hey, you are the sort of people to consider Masterminds membership, and these fights with powers looks pretty destructive/impressive, so... Blob of water around the head. Cut off the oxygen supply, and everybody needing one will fall off if you can dodge long enough to let them run out of air.

    (PS: Cannot say anything about telepathy use since we don't know how high it is, but there is to be something of use here too).


    All are great points. Though Vic clarifies that he never learned how to properly fight, putting him at a bit of a disadvantage. Considering these are the months of school, its a bit too much to ask for him to be on equal footing.

    Vic doesnt have free reign. He needs to be connected or touching the body of water to control it. The moment that connection is severed, it all falls down into a puddle. He actually does have finer control about, but is somewhat handicapped by the contact limitation.

    Regardless, I enjoyed reading your insight :)
    5 years 9 months ago #14 by Wasamon
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  • Apropos of something, Vic DOES use the 'water blob to the face' trick later on (chronologically) in Dorms 4, :)

    (And my regular apologies to Mal for writing ahead of him on his own character. Looks like it dovetails together fairly well, though.)
    5 years 9 months ago - 5 years 9 months ago #15 by Malady
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  • Wasamon wrote: Apropos of something, Vic DOES use the 'water blob to the face' trick later on (chronologically) in Dorms 4, :)

    (And my regular apologies to Mal for writing ahead of him on his own character. Looks like it dovetails together fairly well, though.)


    *facepalm*

    I thought that happened before this, 'cause Star Sentry was mentioning her arm, which IIRC, got injured by Megaton.

    Okay, so we know Vic'll at least form a better relationship with Gwen...

    ...

    Sisters comiserate about him??
    Last Edit: 5 years 9 months ago by Malady.
    5 years 9 months ago #16 by jmhyp
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  • I haven't finished reading this yet. I'm having trouble getting through the Caro section. The story was wonderful up until then. But the Caro section is full of missing words, run on sentences, fragments. It could use another edit pass:

    "She was of rather nice and attractive in shape,..."

    This one was dialog so maybe the character talks this way but that doesn't make it easy to read: "It was a heated discussion in between me, a couple of the wizards from our class and some upstart freshmen who wanted for it, fortunately, they all decided to let me have it."

    "The ‘urban warfare’ parkour terrain practice field, which quite a westbound expedition for Caro who had to do the walking, but then again, there was something about the forest that put her at ease. Seeming almost fairytale like."


    It doesn't help that I have no idea who Caro, Gwen, or Chris are. Have they appeared in anything before this story?
    5 years 9 months ago - 5 years 9 months ago #17 by XaltatunOfAcheron
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  • jmhyp wrote: I haven't finished reading this yet. I'm having trouble getting through the Caro section. The story was wonderful up until then. But the Caro section is full of missing words, run on sentences, fragments. It could use another edit pass:

    "She was of rather nice and attractive in shape,..."

    This one was dialog so maybe the character talks this way but that doesn't make it easy to read: "It was a heated discussion in between me, a couple of the wizards from our class and some upstart freshmen who wanted for it, fortunately, they all decided to let me have it."

    "The ‘urban warfare’ parkour terrain practice field, which quite a westbound expedition for Caro who had to do the walking, but then again, there was something about the forest that put her at ease. Seeming almost fairytale like."



    It doesn't help that I have no idea who Caro, Gwen, or Chris are. Have they appeared in anything before this story?


    There's a "Gwen" who is Star Sentry, a member of the Cape Squad. That the two Gwens are the same is inferred by their having the same boyfriend, although the descriptions of their relationship makes no sense from a time sequence. Beyond that, I have no idea.
    Last Edit: 5 years 9 months ago by XaltatunOfAcheron. Reason: Actually say something
    5 years 9 months ago - 5 years 9 months ago #18 by Kettlekorn
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  • I don't remember if we've seen Caro before. Gwen and Chris are Star Sentry and Celerity, both members of the FSHA. They have a significant appearance in Dorms 4, which starts on September 30, a little over a week after this this story takes place.

    Spoiler for Dorms Of Our Lives Season 4 [ Click to expand ]

    I am the kernel that pops in the night. I am the pain that keeps your dentist employed.
    Last Edit: 5 years 9 months ago by Kettlekorn.
    5 years 1 month ago #19 by null0trooper
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  • A friendly little reminder: MaLAguA's A Goldfish In the Ocean, Part 2 has hit the streets ready to roll.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    5 years 1 month ago #20 by Dreamer
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  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    A Goldfish in the Ocean part 2 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    5 years 1 month ago #21 by Malady
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  • Seeing what happens later, in Dorms, fills me with so much dramatic irony when reading this!

    Also, less Vic than expected, given that this is his story?

    Malfis's power! So tricky cool!
    5 years 1 month ago #22 by MaLAguA
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  • As always, these comments extensive feedback is great to read. Thank you :)
    5 years 1 month ago #23 by Anne
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  • I'm going to concur with an earlier commentor (my spell checker doesn't like either way I think this might ought to be spell'd...) So I left it like I think it ought to be! Anyway, in general I'm loving the story. I know people are complaining that this is Vic's story, but you can't have Vic's story without getting Vic's Sister's (Former brother) story. Anyway that is the connection to Gwen... She was Ollie, Vic's step brother if I read things correctly.

    Now about my earlier mention of agreement with another person who commented on this story: While I love the story, it desperately needs a proofreader. If I can get to where I have access to the net regularly again, I may again try to volunteer as a proofreader for the (TINCC) if they will have me...
    5 years 1 month ago #24 by Softdreams
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  • I'm absolutely enthralled by this story! Amazing work.

    However, there's this question that's been hanging around my head, and I feel stumped by it because it doesn't let me fully absorb the story in all of its splendor. So the question is: Malefis, she's been revealed to be an avatar/mage, basically her way of casting spells is by rhyming, writing up contracts and/or stories, basically it's through many subdivisions of literary arts, on this side she's just like any other mage with a preferred way of casting spells, but then her spirit amplifies the effects of this and allows her to cast spells with ease beyond the scope of regular mages(? (feel free to correct me this is what I understood from what was explained in the 2nd part of the story.)
    5 years 3 weeks ago #25 by MaLAguA
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  • Not necessarily just rhyming (thats just a quirk that adds to it) As stated, her magic bases itself on conditions to meet, loopholes and set up or presentation. This either divides or multiplies the costs or effects of the spell casted, respectively. In theory, it makes her a powerful spellcaster, but puts her at a disadvantage since she needs to set things up.
    (Even i had a good deal of trouble figuring out)
    4 years 2 months ago #26 by Dreamer
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  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    A Goldfish in the Ocean part 3 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    4 years 2 months ago #27 by Dreamer
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  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    A Goldfish in the Ocean Part 4 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    4 years 2 months ago #28 by Dreamer
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  • And here is the comments for Part 5, delayed due to severe headaches for days limiting my reading until today.

    SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    A Goldfish in the Ocean Part 5 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    4 years 1 month ago #29 by Kettlekorn
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  • Vic seems to think he got away with it, but I bet the escape clause came up when Tanya was talking to Caro. It wouldn't be hard to put two and two together from there. Hopefully his sneakiness doesn't bite him in the ass by making it look like he sent Erica away for nefarious reasons. Being open would have been awkward, but at least he'd have had a witness to confirm that he only did what was necessary to help her and nothing more.

    I'm digging Josephine. More please.

    I am the kernel that pops in the night. I am the pain that keeps your dentist employed.
    4 years 1 month ago #30 by Dreamer
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  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    A Goldfish in the Ocean Part 6 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    4 years 1 month ago #31 by MaLAguA
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  • Dreamer wrote: SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    A Goldfish in the Ocean Part 6 comments

    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]


    Thank you so much. Your comments and feedbacks have been a joy to read throughout the series of Goldfish in the Ocean. For the most part they were quite accurate and knowing the insight of my readers this way is a joyous event.

    There are a couple of misconceptions though around this last chapter. of which i'm not sure i should clear out.

    But I'll recognize that the Crossby Williams thing is an error. I'll have it changed to be William Crossby.
    4 years 1 month ago #32 by Wasamon
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  • I think you're misinterpreting what Mr. Kim's auto-writing reveals. It seems more like some sort of divination ability, making records without necessarily knowing the details beforehand, and he's just noting the actions taken to keep Caro out of trouble for what she'd done on her own.
    4 years 1 month ago #33 by Dreamer
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  • Wasamon wrote: I think you're misinterpreting what Mr. Kim's auto-writing reveals. It seems more like some sort of divination ability, making records without necessarily knowing the details beforehand, and he's just noting the actions taken to keep Caro out of trouble for what she'd done on her own.

    That makes more sense, I thought he was actively writing things to guide them, not a form of auto-writing of events that have happened. Forgot that was a form of psychic ability, so rarely seen in most forms of media I read or watch. Nice to see a rarely used power. I wonder which other students he has monitored this way over the years.

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    4 years 1 month ago #34 by Mister D
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  • Good story. :D

    Looking forward to the next part of the tales. :D


    It may just be me, but i got the impression that Mr.Kim was communicating with someone who was physically there when the events were taking place, but was performing a de-brief afterwards, via a magic-based communication tool.

    Also, realising that i don't really know Mr.Kim's skillsets/powersets/affiliations.

    Nice set-up for future story-arcs. :D


    Also, also, i'll need to re-read the other stories, but i couldn't remember how many favours Vic still owes to the organisation that got him into Whateley.

    It might be that someone is keeping an eye on their investment, or performing assessments of how the students behave off-campus.

    Not directly interfering, of course, due to Whateley neutrality, but observing the students when they are off-campus, would be one way of getting a step ahead in the recruitment process.


    Chewy and interesting. :D

    Looking forward to the next stories. :D


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