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Question Dissonance!

5 years 3 months ago #1 by Yolandria
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  • Will Sara ever make it out? Find out! More Gen 1 goodness,post in the comments below!

    Mistress of the shelter for lost and redeemable Woobies!
    5 years 3 months ago #2 by ebony841
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  • Yay. Thanks Branwen. I will read this once I have time.
    5 years 3 months ago #3 by Branwen
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  • Thank you.

    I'll be keeping an eye out here and on Discord for feedback. :)
    5 years 3 months ago #4 by Dreamer
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  • SPOILER ALERT
    Below is a stream of conscious commentary I type up as I read the story. There will be details from the story included in it. If you have not read the story yet and don't wish to have details of it spoiled, read no further.

    Dissonance Part 1 comments
    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Thank You for story comments appreciated and help me know me they are being read and liked. :-) Note: My story comments can't nor are trying to replace reading the stories, simply my way of enjoying them and letting the authors know I enjoy them.
    5 years 3 months ago #5 by cprime
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  • Nice to see that the keys were still in the bus (and welcome back to the timeline Branwen). There's a reason you don't drive that strange bus you found on the side of the road.

    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]

    Is your muse looking for inspiration? Send them to Parkerville! Welcome to Parkerville is the latest edition in my series of writing prompts.
    5 years 3 months ago #6 by Branwen
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  • Dreamer, thank you for that breakdown of your reactions. It's very satisfying to see a reader's thoughts go the way I'd hoped!
    5 years 3 months ago #7 by Court
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  • What is the point of putting Incongruity on a restricted list? The book was an international bestseller. There are zillions of copies floating around. Putting it on a restricted list simply says "There is something interesting here." It won't stop anyone from reading the book.

    It's great to have Sara back.
    5 years 3 months ago #8 by Malady
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  • Wooo!

    Also, this is only part 1... Hmm. Wonder what the next part will we about, and what the title means.

    ...

    More story specific thoughts.

    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]
    5 years 3 months ago #9 by null0trooper
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  • Dreamer wrote: Now where could Otto be which has iron-grey ocean and currently cold enough for at least a little snow?


    October's a stretch, but Nova Scotia sees those conditions by November.


    Dreamer wrote: Do I even want to know what N'Kai is? N'kai Okay, if it is even half as bad as what the site say I see why Carson wants someone there to deal without whatever crawls out of it.


    I think Sara's mentioned that the upper shafts coming up from the Gulf interesect Hawthorne's unknown number of subbasements.

    “Carmilla,” he read, “alias Sara Waite, Kellith. Classification exemplar four, shapeshifter four, regenerator six, psychic X. Ultraviolent green band.


    "...dangerous by virtue of the nature of mutation"


    Dreamer wrote: Oop is an Exemplar 6 now, looking good and powerful. He doesn't realize there is a price to all this yet. Oop talking like that and so hungry, I wonder what the Kellith did exactly to make him like this.


    She made him an Exemplar, as he asked, with all that entails . Hungry? Where do folks think all the energy for that supercharged metabolism comes from? The Kellith of course knows the rules, and knows the going prices, and that everybody - always - pays.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    5 years 3 months ago #10 by FlynnDanger
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  • Loved the story, Branwen!

    Warning: Spoiler! [ Click to expand ]
    5 years 3 months ago - 5 years 3 months ago #11 by Schol-R-LEA
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  • Court wrote: What is the point of putting Incongruity on a restricted list? The book was an international bestseller. There are zillions of copies floating around. Putting it on a restricted list simply says "There is something interesting here." It won't stop anyone from reading the book.


    I agree, it just connects Sara to Michael Waite in way which would be a little too clear, though most would probably assume that the were relatives rather than the same person. However, I think the idea was that, whereas most casual readers would find it to be a disturbing but well-written novel, those who know Carmilla personally would be likely to make the connection between the book and The Kellith, so putting it on the restricted list was at least better than simply removing it from the library outright (as it was probably already in the fiction stacks at the time of Michael Waite's reported death).

    It makes a bit more sense for Sara's Little Purple Book to be on the restricted list, though why they would have it in the library at all is a question. I suppose the assumption was that their were teachers who'd need to know about the sex manual which as circulating samizdat among the student body, but they had to at least make it look like they weren't just letting kids get their hands on the mutant equivalent of the Kama Sutra. They are well aware that the students can get a copy on their own, but at least they can't just walk into the school library and read it in one of those privacy cubbies which Chou and Molly made such effective use of.

    One nitpick I did have was that there already is a Pythia on campus, or at least there was last year (she was the Dickenson fixer and RA whom Aquerna spoke to when she needed help with the squirrels from her Combat Final in "Straight from the Squirrel's Mouth" , helped Seraphim settle in when she arrived on campus in "There's an Angel in Dickenson Cottage" , and helped Anna again by escorting her to Dr Bellows' office in "Spring, and a Young Squirrel's Fancy..." ). However, this is easily explained by the fact that they are freshmen, and may not have official codenames yet; she may not know that the name is already in use. Conversely, it is possible that the previous Pythia graduated (I'd had the impression that she was more like a sophomore or junior, but she may have been a senior), in which case if it is a Legacy name, it may have been available as a temporary codename.

    Out, damnéd Spot! Bad Doggy!
    Last Edit: 5 years 3 months ago by Schol-R-LEA.
    5 years 3 months ago #12 by null0trooper
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  • Or there's only one Pythia, who had a burnout that inflicted GSD and nerfed her powers between appearances.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

    WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book

    Discussion Thread
    5 years 3 months ago #13 by Quadhouse
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  • :woohoo: My sweet demonic princess is back! Yes, she had some hard times. Yes, they will change her. But her friends and lovers will be there for her. They will rebuild her, they will make her better. She will become a wiser, better demon. May her enemy's gods take their souls before she consumes them.

    Definitely looking forward to the next part.


    Oh, and congratulations. You got me to comment. It's been years since I commented or posted anything here.
    5 years 3 months ago #14 by JulesMorrison
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  • Poor Sara but also OMG Sara is safe and now I want to run and hug her forever.
    5 years 3 months ago - 5 years 3 months ago #15 by Malady
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  • I was so afraid that Sara was gonna die or something, from Oops's final request!

    ...

    Wonder what'll happen to Mia...

    ...

    I forget who wanted to take out Sara... I wonder what they'll do once they learn she's been released...

    ...

    On the Pythia situation. Could she be one of those rare Frosh RAs? Or a previously JH kid who got the job by dint of experience??
    Last Edit: 5 years 3 months ago by Malady.
    5 years 3 months ago #16 by Mister D
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  • Wow! :D

    It was worth the waite. :)


    Measure Twice
    5 years 3 months ago #17 by Darkmuse
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  • Top quality writing with first class characterisation. A really good comeback for Sara and for Branwen. Congratulations.
    5 years 3 months ago #18 by Mister D
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  • Chewing over the story, as well as the telling of the tale.

    A background theme that was never explicitly stated, but was evident in the changes in Rest's demeanour, was that Rest definitely failed his Sanity Check roll, when seeing Sara devour Disassembler.

    Nicely understated examples of how Class X entities can damage humans by just existing in the same place.

    Sara's MID will need updating to reflect that.


    Also, nice examples of "The Victim Takes The Tyrant's Place" theme.

    As Sara said, we all have pain.

    Most of us that choose to reincarnate here have some form of PTSD, just due to the way that life works. :)


    :D Chewy. :D


    Measure Twice
    5 years 3 months ago #19 by Katssun
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  • What I loved about this one the most, is that the best antagonists (Rest, Alley-oop, Pythia) have reasons for the way they're acting, that are understandable and maybe even sympathetic. One that runs in direct opposition to the protagonist's motivations who is obviously Sara in this case.

    That's a great foundation to drama and tension!

    She wants freedom, the three underdogs need her encircled to use her power. So simple, so well fleshed out.

    I'm guessing that at best, Rest will be in detention for the remainder of the year, if he doesn't get expelled. Pythia probably should be punished accordingly as well, because she was going along with it.

    Is Dissonance also a foundation story for renewed tensions for all the underdogs?

    As a total side note, I do wonder if we'll get a little Ribbon-Hippie interlude in a future story, where Alyss gets to see a happy, beaming Hippie taking a break behind Poe.
    5 years 3 months ago - 5 years 3 months ago #20 by Malady
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  • ^^ - Oh, yeah! I was wondering how much of Rest's villainy was him going insane from Sara exposure vs. just being the Under-est of the Underdogs.

    Didn't feel right just blaming it all on Sara...

    Hmm... The circle designer making it emit villainy radiation and thoughts to exploit Sara, so it's easier for them to recruit to their cause, and use Class X residue to find them easily?
    Last Edit: 5 years 3 months ago by Malady.
    5 years 3 months ago #21 by Mister D
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  • I'd forgotten about the designer using Mythos Magic. TY.

    More magic pollution.

    Also, it's interesting to hear Carson's explicit description of Whateley's location.

    Yes, it's a magical toxic waste dump. :D


    Measure Twice
    5 years 3 months ago #22 by Bek D Corbin
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  • What I personally liked was the fact that there was no glossing over of the fact that Sara ATE Disassembler. It was hard, cold, and utterly remorseless. In other words, what we've come to expect from Dr. Branwen
    5 years 3 months ago #23 by gpoetx
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  • Just wanted to say how ecstatic I was to see this and how happy it was to read. Cannot wait to see where this will go.
    5 years 3 months ago - 5 years 3 months ago #24 by Katssun
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  • Malady wrote: Hmm... The circle designer making it emit villainy radiation and thoughts to exploit Sara, so it's easier for them to recruit to their cause, and use Class X residue to find them easily?

    I don't blame any of this on whoever taught Speakeasy the circle. This was simply the power of inferiority, insecurity, fear, arrogance, and vanity vs. temptation.

    - Alley-oop's character was staged from the start to have a huge chip on his shoulder about being an underdog, having basketball be his thing (it's in his name after all) but getting outshined by the lowest exemplars. It's a perfect example of the jealousy and resentment that can be created from Exemplars just existing. What Tansy explained to Danny when she taught herself guitar in front of him.

    - Rest's was fear. He made a deal with Thuban, and not a great one. Instead of doing the right thing, he slips into a need to protect himself at any cost. Not only was he taking too long for the investment and there's even a line about his creations taking time because only the best should be using them or buying them. That seed of arrogance transfers over to thinking that he can control the Sara situation even as he rapidly gets out of his depth. It's a nice foreshadowing that he makes a bad deal with Thuban, setting the character for making bad judgement.

    - Pythia comes off a lot better, but she's definitely giving in to her vanity. She shouldn't have ever gone along with it, and almost pays the ultimate price for her poor judgement. The only thing saving her was Sara slowly regaining her consciousness, which is called out by Carson at the end.

    It's fitting the other side of the equation in this story is Sara, because she is all about temptation to begin with. ;)

    This might be Part 1, but it stands alone perfectly on its own as a compact short story with zero waste, fluff, or excess.

    Oh, and of course Envy is part of the scene where Alley-oop completely falls to that very trait. Cute.
    Last Edit: 5 years 3 months ago by Katssun.
    5 years 3 months ago #25 by Hebblejebble
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  • It's good to see you back Branwen. I personally find your writing to have an atmosphere that feels quite different from the other authors, while still integrating incredibly well with their works.

    I think it gives the Whateley Universe a much greater sense of depth and weight, on top of being an excellent stand alone story. Thank you.
    5 years 3 months ago #26 by justareader
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  • thank you for returning and continuing this story. I will wait and keep a look out for further releases of this story and live in hope that the other authors can restart some of there stalled stories as well
    5 years 3 months ago #27 by jmhyp
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  • First impressions before reading this thread:

    So toward the end I'm thinking Rest will throw someone into the circle at some point. That point game a dozen or so paragraphs later.

    I'm wondering if The Kelleth's natural corrupting influence was at work here. I doubt the thing in the circle could called Sara for most of the story. So maybe in her natural though weakened state The Kelleth was exuding a corrupting influence on the boys. Was their downfall all their own fault or did the monster push them to make bad decisions?

    I'm also curious how The Kelleth comes across to someone who hasn't read the older stories. How will this as an introduction to Sara color their view of the character going forward. Those of us who have read them can't help but be sympathetic to the human devouring entity. :)
    5 years 3 months ago #28 by jmhyp
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  • Bek D Corbin wrote: What I personally liked was the fact that there was no glossing over of the fact that Sara ATE Disassembler. It was hard, cold, and utterly remorseless. In other words, what we've come to expect from Dr. Branwen


    The response "You saw what you saw." said it all so succinctly.
    5 years 3 months ago #29 by JulesMorrison
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  • jmhyp wrote:

    Bek D Corbin wrote: What I personally liked was the fact that there was no glossing over of the fact that Sara ATE Disassembler. It was hard, cold, and utterly remorseless. In other words, what we've come to expect from Dr. Branwen


    The response "You saw what you saw." said it all so succinctly.


    Sara is probably cut up about it but not going to say that while still somebody's captive. You know her, she doesn't forget the people she accidentally chomped, even if they were being jerks at the time.
    5 years 3 months ago #30 by Anne
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  • The only disappointment for me is that Dr Bender didn't use any of my ideas of having Speakeasy fall into the hands of an angry father....
    5 years 3 months ago #31 by mhalpern
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  • considering the most powerful Ex is Tennyo, I am surprised Oops merely exploded.

    Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
    5 years 3 months ago #32 by null0trooper
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  • mhalpern wrote: considering the most powerful Ex is Tennyo, I am surprised Oops merely exploded.


    He did say "exemplar", not "Class X entity"!

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

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    5 years 3 months ago #33 by mhalpern
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  • null0trooper wrote:

    mhalpern wrote: considering the most powerful Ex is Tennyo, I am surprised Oops merely exploded.


    He did say "exemplar", not "Class X entity"!


    by having a class X entity do it, if he survived chances are he'd be one himself

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    5 years 3 months ago #34 by CrazyMinh
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  • All I have to say is...

    10/10 Story of the Year. Needs a 'Story of the Year' edition. :lol:

    You can find my stories at Fanfiction.net here .

    You can also check out my fanfiction guest riffs at Library of the Dammed


    5 years 3 months ago #35 by lighttech
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  • Anne wrote: The only disappointment for me is that Dr Bender didn't use any of my ideas of having Speakeasy fall into the hands of an angry father....



    IMO I don't see Gothmog as getting mad over it at all, Speakeasy did it and all in all its just on thing that Sara has to experience for herself as she grows!

    Remember that Gothmog had to spend a few years stuck in a bottle in his life and I'd bet he sees this as a lesson that Sara has to do too!

    It like a modern father like one that lives next door to me...Kids falls, then gets up and starts the whining bit.....Did you fall? Yes daddy!...then don't do it again!

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    5 years 3 months ago #36 by lighttech
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  • But to toot my own horn I did write a fan fic on what its like to be Sara's lunch, fortunately my fan fic character is a bit of a BITE to chew in one siting and Sara spat her out before the long swallow to hell!

    if you want the read?

    bigclosetr.us/topshelf/fiction/62699/sha...ayal-and-forgiveness

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    5 years 3 months ago #37 by Dpragan
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  • Welcome back Sara and Branwen! I wonder if she managed to save the soul of Disassembler enough to reconstitute him if given enough biomass and maybe her son as well?

    In the end reality is only consensual! It means that Al Gore is causing "Global Warming" by his rhetoric alone! Fortunately, there are enough Global Warming "Deniers" still about to keep him from boiling the planet.

    =^+^=
    5 years 3 months ago #38 by Uncreative
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  • So do we know what date - or even year - this story takes place in?
    5 years 3 months ago #39 by Mister D
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  • Uncreative wrote: So do we know what date - or even year - this story takes place in?


    From what Otto says, it's roughly 6-7 months after Sara vanished.


    Measure Twice
    5 years 3 months ago - 5 years 3 months ago #40 by Uncreative
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  • Mister D wrote:

    Uncreative wrote: So do we know what date - or even year - this story takes place in?


    From what Otto says, it's roughly 6-7 months after Sara vanished.

    That first part certainly is, but there is no indication of how much time passed between then and the main story.

    From what I can tell, the only limit of how far into the future this story takes place is the fact all the Kimbas are still present.
    Last Edit: 5 years 3 months ago by Uncreative.
    5 years 3 months ago #41 by jmhyp
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  • Yeah, I was disappointed in the lack of dates.

    I'd be surprised if the entity that absorbed Disassembler had enough wherewithal to keep a hold of what makes Dis Dis.
    5 years 3 months ago - 5 years 3 months ago #42 by Katssun
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  • Didn't another story hint at the return of Sara because with the investigation closed, the lab was reopened for someone else to take it? Or was that a microscene?

    Also, Envy is featured, and her initial discomfort and shyness from the Poe mixer is gone. It's Gen1Y2, but almost certainly before combat finals.

    Do we need an exact date for anything aside from the Wiki?
    Last Edit: 5 years 3 months ago by Katssun.
    5 years 3 months ago #43 by Anne
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  • I imagine that the author purposefully left the date of this one vague. That it is before the Kimbas graduate is given. As for Disassembler? Well don't fall into a magical circle with a hungry demon!!

    I still suspect that if Gothmog had gotten his tentacles on Speakeasy he would have thoroughly questioned him... I thought my ideas about what 'he' might do were a good compromise between eating him alive and ignoring him....
    5 years 3 months ago #44 by Dpragan
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  • Uncreative wrote:

    Mister D wrote:

    Uncreative wrote: So do we know what date - or even year - this story takes place in?


    From what Otto says, it's roughly 6-7 months after Sara vanished.

    That first part certainly is, but there is no indication of how much time passed between then and the main story.

    From what I can tell, the only limit of how far into the future this story takes place is the fact all the Kimbas are still present.


    The Underdogs were mentioning last year so somewhere in the 2007/8 school year

    In the end reality is only consensual! It means that Al Gore is causing "Global Warming" by his rhetoric alone! Fortunately, there are enough Global Warming "Deniers" still about to keep him from boiling the planet.

    =^+^=
    5 years 3 months ago #45 by null0trooper
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  • Anne wrote: I imagine that the author purposefully left the date of this one vague. That it is before the Kimbas graduate is given.


    It also has to be before Thunderbird graduates in June 2008.

    Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.

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    5 years 3 months ago #46 by ShadowedSin
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  • A date will be revealed, eventually.

    "I can only conclude that I'm paying off karma at a vastly accelerated rate."
    -Commander Susan Ivanova, Earth Force, Babylon 5
    5 years 3 months ago #47 by mhalpern
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  • well we dont know what the span of time between Sara being found to the end of part one is, but than again, chances are Sara didnt know how the date or the passage of time either, so not having the date makes sense, the biggest concern is she is weak and hungry a whole horse or cow hungry, her state makes her a bit more of a target than usual, and it will take a while for her to regain her strength

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    5 years 3 months ago #48 by marie7342231
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  • I have read this story 5 times over and wow, Branwen, THANK YOU!!! By chance, I was re-reading Insanity Prerequisite (on pt 2 when Dissonance dropped) and I cannot be more grateful for your return to form. The nuance of Rest's ire is balanced with his longing for perfection in Mia. Overall, a new taste of the Underdog world was beautifully painted, and your description of Sara's emergence back into the WU was exquisite.

    I understand you were going through a great deal and needed to pace yourself to get it done right. And you did.

    I just can't wait for chapter 2!

    AAAAAAANNNND now to read the comments. Thanks all!
    5 years 3 months ago #49 by jmhyp
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  • Dpragan wrote: The Underdogs were mentioning last year so somewhere in the 2007/8 school year


    I had zero doubt it was "this year". The question is when this year.
    5 years 3 months ago #50 by Kettlekorn
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  • The name Overdog makes me giggle. I love it.

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    5 years 3 months ago #51 by Branwen
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  • On the subject of dates, Envy's a freshman, so it has to be in the latter half of 2007 but before combat finals. There's probably 4-6 months between Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, Otto's been working at Whateley a while. The reason there's no specific dates is that I think the audience probably has more idea of where we're up to than any specific author at this point and I haven't been keeping up with new stories. Please help me nail down dates, fan input is greatly appreciated.

    Scald arrives maybe a few weeks before Chapter 2.
    5 years 3 months ago #52 by lighttech
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  • Branwen wrote: On the subject of dates, Envy's a freshman, so it has to be in the latter half of 2007 but before combat finals. There's probably 4-6 months between Chapter 1 and Chapter 2, Otto's been working at Whateley a while. The reason there's no specific dates is that I think the audience probably has more idea of where we're up to than any specific author at this point and I haven't been keeping up with new stories. Please help me nail down dates, fan input is greatly appreciated.

    Scald arrives maybe a few weeks before Chapter 2.


    well the first part with Otto and Carson has to be in mid November 2007 plus for it to be 6 months past when Sara vanished because she was caught in early May of that year. Darren captures her on May 1 and Hipp reports her missing to moron in security on May 5th...search given up on may 13th

    So your next part can fall after that in November 2007 on

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    5 years 3 months ago #53 by ShadowedSin
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  • Scald Arrivecs Early to Mid-November. And, Scald 2 takes place during the latter part of Dissonance 1. Bran and I are coordinating a bit on both stories.

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