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Question Eire, my FIRST Whateley story.
- Malady
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Tip: Put links to the story and the discussion in your sig.
Can't read tonight, too tired, but Congrats!!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- null0trooper
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Rose Bunny wrote: by micro-scene, I assume you mean cutaway to canon characters in a side-part? Not yet, but I do have one that will occur eventually.
I'd say they're more like quick stand-alone snapshots of something that could happen in the WU. Or, maybe hopefully not (In a world over-run by duplicates of Tink ...). The micro-scenes don't have to be written around canon characters, although Danny Franks eventually was converted to canon. Schol-R-LEA has written some scenes that provide a Whateley U look at various events in history.
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Add more paragraph spaces. There seem to be some natural stopping points, and some bits that have suddenly form new paragraphs.
Make a new paragraph whenever someone speaks?
Why is she so out of it? Mysterious!
to(o) have been something.
be(e)n
by (by) working
behind the bar
remarked.
[Woah. The drunk is a good fighter!]
accomplice(,) the largest man (g)rabbed
luck(.)”
(m)assive
To her(,) life
a(t) the
no
awoke. Weary [New Paragraph here?]
personality.
Operating
[Need a paragraph spacing]
big(.) (S)he
sat, . [sat.]
nothing(.)”
(m)e(,) Lucy
“ Two ["Two]
toppings(.)”
here(.)”
ears. “
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Malady wrote: Why is she so out of it? Mysterious!
The lights are on, but literally no one is home.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Your sig link to the discussion is pointing to an edit.
... Maybe look at the other FabLab stuff to see how they format things, and then ask if you have questions? The paragraph spacing is still off to me.
"The Acquirer" or just "Acquirer", or both? If both, swap between them more frequently, and sooner, so readers get used to seeing both?
Or some characters use one, and others use the other??
The Aquirer
number.
“Sidero’s
[This gap seems bigger than normal, and there's no scene transition, so it's weird for it to be different?]
...
rich.” St. Paul [Para Space here, 'cause he stopped talking...]
girl(,) none
--- Part 2:
Since then(,) the
If If
gnawed at him(.) (H)e
(i)nquired
that (w)hile
we are > we're
“ I
nobody is > nobody's
for him(,) his
Old (M)an
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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The paragraph spacing is a tiny bit weird, but the story is readable, so no worries there. You could delay these until you post part 3, and then do them all at once...
To do good paragraph separation after someone speaks, maybe just search for quotation marks to find where speech happens, and then add paragraph spaces as appropriate.
Eire hasn't eaten for a while... And remaking a body takes a lot of energy, and she was hungry when she appeared... Is she starving??? And then she has to full-body heal...
If she's not eating, she might die from total cellular starvation... And you want her to get pregnant, which increases energy requirements... Is she getting energy even though she's not eating???
"Acquire", not "Aquire"... Just search for "Aquir" and fix up as appropriate...
--Part 1--
St. Paul, Minnesota.
The place
That's 3 lines of space... In Part 2, you use only 1 line for a similar thing.
“ ‘Ey
[Remove that space? Or maybe not?]
not thoughts
no thoughts
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
As for spacing, I'm working on Text edit, which is pretty bare bones. So formatting is done on the fly by using returns. >_<
I am far from a proficient writer, as my forgetting capitals and so forth shows, but I do thank you for the help. None of us are perfect, and I do see mistakes in long since published stories from time to time. I'll look for the Acquires, but it will be by eyeballing it. XD
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Usually, your browser has a find function (usually Ctrl+F) that you can use, and then copy it back into TextEdit, perhaps.
- Iwasforger03
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As a total blank slate, even if she woke up, it's gonna take some interesting turns to explain her winding up at Whateley and equipped for high school, unless she starts to remember bits of her past? Of course, that's just gonna make it worse for the poor thing. You have a streak of being mean to your characters eh? Nothing wrong with it, putting characters through hell makes them more grounded and interesting to me.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
nope. hint: has to do with her power.Malady wrote: The spark? Possible gene read and transfer or something, to generate a baby with?
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
United states
who (was) near
make up profit > be profitable
time.You
sdhe
result(,) synthetic
... Okay, the info dump is way too obvious? Why would this guy just be dumping all this info?
Side result > side effect
her curves were very hourglass-like > she had an impossible hourglass figure
running his hands all over her and examining her [Cut out the first "her". It's awkward 'cause it's redundant.]
reaction. (O)nce
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
changed to be less dumpishRose Bunny wrote: info dump because he's getting an agreed 20% of the profits, so he's going to want his investment taken care of correctly.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote:
changed to be less dumpishRose Bunny wrote: info dump because he's getting an agreed 20% of the profits, so he's going to want his investment taken care of correctly.
Nice! He's just so rambly that it gets sorta irrelevant! Interesting theories there, though!
On the latest part, which is mainly setup for later, I think:
Where are they going, I wonder?
Heroes are coming to help, hopefully! ... Pinball... I wonder if she'll help too?
... OH! She's got "language" now!

- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
So Pinball may have just been in the area, or maybe not...
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
I have plans for the "Pepper incident"...
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Iwasforger03
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I recommend giving a bit more of a clue regarding where the Acquirer got his inspired hiding place idea from. Context is important to appreciate genius and to appreciate fake genius/stupidity
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Iwasforger03 wrote: Poor dear, raped before she's even got enough of a mind to know it is happening. I'd guess the Acquirer is the father.
I recommend giving a bit more of a clue regarding where the Acquirer got his inspired hiding place idea from. Context is important to appreciate genius and to appreciate fake genius/stupidity
no, no he isn't... O'Sullivan said he knows "quite a few Sidhe"... that will be expanded on. And the location will be revealed... next time... Cliffhangers are to make you want to know more, and to wait eagerly for the resulting reveal.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Iwasforger03
-
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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[So they used her already? The stuff before seemed to indicate they were still setting up...]
for lingerie for the sidhe to be provided lingerie
[Bit redundant?]
sh(e) had
if not better(.)”
the first girl to EVER make him question his homosexuality.
[Oh, she's got a Glamour up...]
April 4th
[Woah. That's like... 1.5 weeks. And she's been expanding her consciousness... And these are all males presumably... How does that affect things? ... How about that Clothier? Did she get something from him?]
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
The clothier was wearing silk gloves, so no skin contact there. corrections made and a little more added to emphasize that much was being done in the time gap...
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Also that murder makes more evidence, presumably. ... Given that there's ~1000 Sidhe, Sullivan knowing a dozen is amazing.
“ Thank
be come > become
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
I'm going to assume 9 months, unless I hear canonically otherwise.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
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Second, thank you for sharing!
Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Anne
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Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Typo: “ The Acuirer? > “The Acquirer?
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
*rolls eyes*
He's a brick... head.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-
Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Malady
-
“Gran, could ye give Mum a call? I know She’d like t’ hear from ye.”
I thought that was Grandma, which have been weird, but it's GrandPA... WOAH. ... Where's his dad? And, MGC comes from the mother... So who is his mother?
He was falling apart, contrary to her coming together.
Not sure if Contrary's the right word, but awesome phrasing!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Well, nothing to indicate that Brogue's dad is dead. ... I wonder if he has siblings that are on the other side of the law... Basically a guarantee that he's got cousins that are...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
I almost used seanathair... run to your translators!Malady wrote: Grand-da sounds a bit too long for my ears, and I'd think Gramps would be best if you're gonna spell it out... But maybe wait to see if Anne or someone else weighs in first? *shrug*
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
- Iwasforger03
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And pregnant.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- null0trooper
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Iwasforger03 wrote: interesting work! She's piecing herself together from bits and fragments. That kind of worries me, she could come out really messed up. Probably will be really messed up.
Just like Ireland!
Iwasforger03 wrote: And pregnant.
Not so much like Ireland as the years wear on.
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Messed up and Pregnant? That sounds pretty much like Ireland. I know a lot of Irish Catholics from St. Paul. My best friend's Dad is 2nd oldest of 10.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
BOLO
I interpreted that as the tank for lols.
Well, after that… a cardiologist
I know, right?
Prostitution of what's basically a kid is very different from drug dealing. It's like Marcone of Dresden Files.
“
(w)ho [Capitalization]
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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And we still don't know when this is?
Wait, just to confirm, Rossi is suspecting Eire??
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Aaaand it's deliberately vague as to when this happens, so that she could potentially be placed in Whateley towards the middle of her pregnancy, or for entry after delivery.... assuming I let her carry to term. So the days and months are clear, yes.... but other than that, the year is intentionally vague beyond some time in Gen 1.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-
Adopt my story: here
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- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
How's she gonna get her codename?? I guess Brogue might name her??
Typo: be(e)n in
- Anne
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Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Iwasforger03
-
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
When they strapped her down, I was like "FFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!" 'Cause she's allergic. Wait... She wasn't strapped to the exam table, was she?? ... What are the chances that the bed isn't made of synthetics??
'Cause we don't know what happens with prolonged exposure to synthetics on Sidhe... Might she just start bleeding into the sheets???
I thought he might call in Sullivan for the fastest info, but no.
There's history there... What is it, I wonder?
Typo: bee
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Plus it allowed for "Hey, they know Carson!" moment, in case they want to send a certain young lass there eventually.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-
Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Malady
-
Anne wrote: She really is going to have a hard time, having basically been tabula rasa when she was found.
But using Knowledge Copy on people can bring her up to speed on things rapidly...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Malady wrote:
Anne wrote: She really is going to have a hard time, having basically been tabula rasa when she was found.
But using Knowledge Copy on people can bring her up to speed on things rapidly...
and I also snuck in a hint earlier in the story that you guys may have missed.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-

Adopt my story: here
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- Anne
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Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
was out of the tiny room. they continued to wheel her out, through doors, and she was outside!
Aww! So happy!!!
I bet that telepath already got some indications from Brogue, if his mental shields aren't tight?
sleeping girls
locked in(.) (I)t
We are not like the man that held you. We will not hurt you
[Either emphasize the words that could be contracted, or contract them, otherwise it feels really stiff.]
he did to you(,) the things
marshall > marshal
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
The Call of the Waters
A Whateley Universe story.
Part 1
May 8th, 1994
The Baker-Smith Household
Hastings, Minnesota
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
What's your sig say? ... I could just Google Translate, but a bit lazy.
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
that last name should be a hint, you HAVE seen it before.
and it roughly says "be afraid, for her anger is real " or it did until I changed it.
Now it says "Fear the girl, for she is aware."
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Yay! She's got a name now!

The meeting concluded, and the two young women went off to get settled in. Starfield knocked on Mindweaver’s door.
I expected a paragraph space between those sentences 'cause there's a timeskip, and suddenly, Starfield is at MW's room...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
- Iwasforger03
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It would actually still be rape, but in this case, because she lacked the ability to provide informed consent, rather than because she was unwilling. More like Statutory rape, basically.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-
Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Malady
-
[spoiler][/spoiler]
I guess Essylt sorta does look like Aunghadhail?? Red hair, a girl...
What are the sidhe hair colors? Do they 'have' blondes??
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
you tell me.Malady wrote: Spoiler boxes:
[spoiler][/spoiler]
I guess Essylt sorta does look like Aunghadhail?? Red hair, a girl...
What are the sidhe hair colors? Do they 'have' blondes??
As for her appearance and the red hair, her "original self" was of Irish descent, as a lot of Sidhe appear to be...
Think about some of their names.
Reilly, Gwendolyn, Wylann, Rhiannon...
Blonde moments?:
Zephyr
Sanctuary
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote: As for her appearance and the red hair, her "original self" was of Irish descent, as a lot of Sidhe appear to be...
Think about some of their names.
Reilly, Gwendolyn, Wylann, Rhiannon...


I bet that's 'not' a coincidence...
Placing a bet on the younger Reilly as Bratty Sister!
... Could all Sidhe Mutants be descended from Human-Sidhe matings??
... But, back to Eire... So she's not going to Whateley, where's her story gonna go from here? Try to find her previous self's identity?
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Malady wrote:
that might be worthy of a topic?Rose Bunny wrote: As for her appearance and the red hair, her "original self" was of Irish descent, as a lot of Sidhe appear to be...
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Iwasforger03
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Why I say "Especially since she's pregnant" is because of some research I did. Now, if you are or have been a pregnant mother with a different experience, please feel free to correct me. I did research for a pregnant character once, wanting to know what to expect and look out for in my writing and portrayal (this was a pathfinder campaign, the pregnancy was not planned). One of the big things that popped up a lot was that women who are pregnant are apparently MORE inclined to sexual activity during their second trimester (and sometimes their first) than women who are not pregnant. This is because of the pregnancy hormones.
The end result is basically she's going to really feel like she wants to mate and have idea or context for why, unless it was covered by the documentary? Even then, without enough context, she might just feel she should go find someone who wants to mate with her, since she has no context for things like "not sleeping with strangers" or "sex being something special shared between people who care deeply for each other," etc.
Still, I'm enjoying your writing and story and look forward to seeing you improve even more.
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
P.S. you did hit on something correctly. When I was in that situation, I was a "horny as hell" pregnant girl. but there are... ways... of dealing with that.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Due to problems that had been caused by her spirit, LeAnna could not have children, but perhaps this young girl was there to make up for that.
LeAnna hugged the girl. More and more she was beginning to think of this girl like a daughter.
Worry and concern and at times fear, but when LeAnna squeezed her hand gently, love and acceptance and peace replaced those fears.
Aww... My heart is so warm!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Gavia's got a necklace... I wonder if it's important... ... And those eyes. Woah. I was expecting red on white, not red on black...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Malady wrote: Gavia's got a necklace... I wonder if it's important...
or she just has a necklace.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
the doughnut falling on the floor
Nooo! The doughnut!


Nice scene to introduce us to Lake!
So Essylt is going to Whateley, presumably after the baby's born or something...
romantic love is different from family love
Mmm. Yes, she needed to learn that soon. I wonder what else she has to learn...
Was there skin contact during the explanation, so Essylt could learn faster?
b(y) the hand
“ Of course [“Of course]
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote: no, she tried to kiss him, I didn't say it was successful. No doughnuts were harmed in the making of this story ( yet)
Sean barely pulled away in time to avoid the kiss.
...Um. ... Yes, I caught that. ... I was speculating on if it wasn't avoided.
Where did the plushie come from? Also the doughnut, but that's less unusual than the presence of a plushie. Also where'd the Ranger Rick and Highlights come from?
But, more importantly, how far along in the day of April 22nd are we? How close did Lake live, that she could arrive in the same day? So many questions... Also, who's Bill! Those questions and more, will presumably will be answered in later installments!

Don't worry about getting out a chapter every day! We can wait!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
The doughnut? Essie probably swiped from the break room.
The magazines were swiped from the reception area, as stated previously.
The Plushie? Who knows? It's of the state mammal of Minnesota. It might have come from the gift shop or Leanna's room, or any number of places.
Lake? probably just drove in from wherever in the metro area that she lives.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-

Lake is a certified teacher now, presumably! That would be useful for helping Essie!
... Oh hey! A new picture!
... Hmm... Tamarak's been mentioned a lot... And he's still alive... Oh... He's working for someone else who, perhaps, who wants to capture Essie... Did I guess that already? Too lazy to check... Gonna say I'm more confident 'cause he's been mentioned again.
Maybe that retrained security guard lets Tamarak in 'cause he recognizes the old member, but doesn't know that he's not in good standing?
Defcon... I wonder when he'll make an appearance... And we don't know Tamarak, Defcon, or Lake's powers...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Lake's powers aren't that important right now. but since you asked. Manifestor/Energizer with water abilities.
I have plans to drop Defcon's situation in passing at some point.
and the picture? had to show off just how flat-chested poor LeAnna is now XD.
and no, you can't have a Doughnut, those are Essy's.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote: I'll be getting to Tamarack, you needn't worry about her.
Lake's powers aren't that important right now. but since you asked. Manifestor/Energizer with water abilities.
[...]
and the picture? had to show off just how flat-chested poor LeAnna is now XD.
and no, you can't have a Doughnut, those are Essy's.
Oh! Tamarak's a Girl! Huh.
How do you have an Energizer with Water Abilities? Or is she an Internal, not an external?
I guess LeAnna was comparable to Essy?
... Well, I have Ice Cream! No Ice Cream and Heartbreak for Essy.

- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
comparable how?
Essy is actually a few inches taller than LeAnna, and Essy is a D cup. LeAnna's breasts regressed to the point that hey are similar to those of a pre-pubescent girl.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote: Energizer, in that she can control the molecules of the water she summons, unlike Riptide, us uses specialized TK... So yeah, I have a water-bender.
comparable how?
Essy is actually a few inches taller than LeAnna, and Essy is a D cup. LeAnna's breasts regressed to the point that hey are similar to those of a pre-pubescent girl.
Cool!
So, pre-manifestation LeAnna was taller than Essy and ... No, LeAnna only had a C cup...
That picture of LeAnna... Is like... at least pubescent? At least it gets the eyes and hair right?
- Rose Bunny
-
Topic Author
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to having her spirit kinda botch some things up... " what are these fatty bag things on the chest... birds don't have these, they can't be important... out they go"
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote: LeAnna went from actually to having her spirit kinda botch some things up... " what are these batty bag things on the chest... birds don't have these, they can't be important... out they go"

What's LeAnna's AV level??
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Ah. The Puzzle Piece metaphor for minds... Interesting... I guess a bit of an exaggeration, 'cause some pieces should be dyed in the info that has already been gathered? But they're disconnected, and not fully complete, and it'd be better if they could piece it together faster, instead of waiting for it to knit itself together?
"Essylt bounced around happy"
Aww! It's rare for characters to express their joy so openly! It's nice!
(t)hat Mindweaver
unexplored ground [Usually "territory", instead of "ground" ?]
Essylt bounced around happy, [happily ?]
in her happiness, she was pushing her glamour out
[Intriguing...]
tall hispanic youth [Capitalize "Hispanic" ?]
“ Let me go!” [Quotation Mark Space at beginning]
[... Better let her go 'lest you get a face full of wind... At least her power incontinence isn't on a hair trigger like her glamour is...]
should(n't) you be off
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
-
Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Iwasforger03
-
I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Malady
-
Essylt was having another bad morning.
Aww... That's expected, but sad? ... I wonder if it's a boy or a girl...
baby on board
Well, that's grey humor-ish...
Connie and Charity
Both names start with the same letter!
girls back
girl's back
who are new here”,
who are new here,”
Carlson."
[Add a paragraph space right after...]
dramatic genetic
dramatic genetic (change) [?]
each woman put an arm around her.
Aww...
Furthermore, I have filed LeAnna’s official petition for adoption.”
YAY!
Her joyful exuberance was short, however, as she turned green, cupped her hand over her mouth, and ran from the room.
Maybe "cut short ..." ? ... Aww... She can't be as happy as she'd like...
she could think about difficult things like money and time and stuff that had given her trouble before
Oh hey! Effects!
frisbee with Charity.
Append paragraph space?
“Yes Mom.”, Essylt said in a cheery voice. Those words hit LeAnna right in the heart.
Awwww!
But she had been rescued, and things were okay, and she hoped that the courts could see that.
What-if-ery...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
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High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-
Ben is my son, been is a verb that you need here!
Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-
Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
I expect the next few chapters might be a little weak, I don't think I can do convincing court drama, but I'll try.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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I am going to formally declare a gag order [Yay! A good judge!]
[Oh. It's a recent assessment... May 4th and now's May 5th. That's good.]
Well, you're implying the connection between her current guardians and her current state, instead of being direct about it, but the implication is pretty clear.
your honor(.)”
I have to bar you from the court.” [Good idea!]
Mr.( )Darver
Dr. Lesley Bowden”. [Move the period inside the quote?]
County Medical Center(.)”
“Doctor, on May 4th(,) you
educational developmental. [development]
Doctor(,) I assume
“There seems to be improvement over the recorded information, yes.”
“There seems to be improvement her intial state, yes.”
["over the recorded information" sounds weird 'cause I don't think that's a time range?, but it's a courtroom, so I guess the language is weird?]
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Maybe if they were mentioned in both stories at a time close to each other, I might have picked up on it?
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-

Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote: Episode 19, getting things off with a bang.
Hahaha! ... And then it's just brushed aside as a moment of mindlessness! Lol. Or not... What is his plan??
... I was so distracted, that I forgot to finish this comment! *sigh*
[Nice objection there!

your honor” > your honor(.)”
shouted ” Objection, relevance?”
shouted ”Objection! ... Relevance?” [Seems weird for me to shout and then suddenly go into accusatory, which is usually less strong than a shout... So a Pause is what the ellipse is for, but not sure that achieves the desired effect...]
theGreat
the( )Great
The MCO and Humanity First had clearly not gotten their money’s worth out of the backdoor bribes and blackmail.
Ha!
When I was a little girl, my father was a barge operator [...] When I was 8, his ship was caught in a bad storm on Lake Superior and nearly sank.
That could allow the MCO and others to identify her and her family?
He looked up as that hot little attorney continued.
He thinks she's hot? Huh. Or not in attractiveness, but in personality or that she's winning??
loud commotion
Well, that's a way to end a chapter! With another bang! Reminds me of ChandlersLaw, but it's not like you were running out of plot. Are these Syndies? They're the black armored ones, right? Too lazy to check...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- mhalpern
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Any Bad Ideas I have and microscene OC character stories are freely adoptable.
- Iwasforger03
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I am a Sexy Shoeless God of War - So suck it CP!
Dice/Hollow#1
Dice/HollowDiscuss
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
It's an interesting issue with staging a fight in the Hennepin County Government Center, because the courtrooms are on the upper floors of one side, with narrow walkways, and a fall down to the floor of the atrium....
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
-
Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Malady
-
Anne wrote: Ya know, that's a long way down!
Essylt has wind powers to blow her enemies away... And in this case, "away" may mean "over the railing"... ... She hasn't killed yet, I think? If she does now... How will that affect her?
Rose Bunny wrote: I essentially decided to blow up the courtroom,
Unintentional pun! 'Cause wind powers!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Sherif > sheriff
Why are we focused on this guy? Oh... DevelopingDoomedCharacters, and/or that RetirementDeath trope... Is he gonna be the only death?
summersault > somersault
punches and feints and kicks
Too many ands? But, is poetic?
She was busy casting healing spells.
Add "And now she was"? For more clarity on how it temporally relates to the previous section.
The bailiff was beyond her help
That doesn't mean he's unsavable? Well, I sorta want him to live, 'cause we got his POV...
heron
her( )on
assisting in numbing the pain centers of the wounded, using makeshift tourniquets
I thought she was using the tourniquets to numb pain centers... Rephrase?
Renata Hughes eyes
Renata Hughes(')s eyes
Oooh! ElementalEyeColors! Interesting!
This is my fault
This is my fault(!)
hey are
(t)hey are [? Or "they're"?]
...
Interesting thing for the Judge to focus on... It isn't loud, with all the guns and stuff about? No, wait... How many attackers were there? Gavia took out 12...
She was selfless and caring.
Add an "after all" or something? It seems too short, with the longer phrase behind it?
drop ship > dropship
positions.”, He barked out [If he's barking, use an exclaimation mark.]
Wading into the firefight, Brogue [Add an "after he landed" or something, at the beginning to transit from the previous sentence.]
high(-)energy
FastballSpecial! Nice!
“ Shut up!”
Spacing. ... Really? They're gonna monologue here? Lol! ... Why wasn't it simple though? It's weird? Unless the black-armors were hired by someone else after the MCO hired them?
"girl(')s eyes" or "girls(') eyes" [? ... Also, which girl? Is Essie doing some ice / frost spell?]
. his [Capitalize or comma to fuse parts together?]
I suppose [What? Narrator reveal-thing??]
under containment > under control [?]
thy > they
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author

Essy froze the water Renata provided.
The Eye flash is an effect of Renata's energizer abilities. I'll look over the rest of the comment in a bit, as I have stuff to work on.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
not much you can do for a guy when the bullet goes in one temple, and out the other.Malady wrote: It works! I'm saddened that he's likely not gonna live.
Fixes made.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Sherif > Sheriff
thy > they
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author

High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
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Rose Bunny wrote:
not much you can do for a guy when the bullet goes in one temple, and out the other.Malady wrote: It works! I'm saddened that he's likely not gonna live.
Unfortunately, occasionally even in stories that aren't porn characters exist only to be fvcked....
Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
-
Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
drop ship > dropship
one heavy combat mechanical armor [Interesting term! I guess that's the official term or something!]
and smasher [smashed]
Conflicting reports place [How do conflicting reports confirm anything??]
Paul Baker turned off the television. [He's still alive! Also nice reason for the news report!]
30 fatalities amongst the attackers. Another 20 [Who hired 50 mercs to run a raid? That's a lotta mercs.]
Twin Cities overwatch [Captialize and period.]
with a sly nod, he looked over at Gavia. [Wait... Did they know each other before?? *Need to check Call of the Waters...*]
Judiith [Judith]
Child Services department [Capitalize.]
“Thank you, oh thank you!”, LeAnna said in between sniffles and tears. [Awww!]
Aislinn [Oh! A Middle Name! Interesting!]
“March 17th is my birthday.” [WhamShot. How much of her previous life does she remember?! ... No, wait... Is that her transformation date? Yep! ... How did she remember / know?]
Leslie Carlson often dropped by to bring him cookies or a cake, or whatever her mad bouts of baking had produced. [Interesting!]
“Hiya, Daddy”, LeAnna said [Oh hey! ... Oh! Is she? She is! Bringing the Grand-daughter around!]
eyes,( )and [Her eyes are smoky grey! Did we know that before? Well, now we do!]
Her uneasiness was quickly erased as the much older man gave her a hug of pure delight. [Awww!]
Paul ushered them into the apartment, and offered his suddenly larger family some cookies and milk.
LeAnna told him all about her recent cases and her adventures, and about Essylt, and his great-grandbaby to come.
Paul had not had such a lovely day in such a long time.
[Spacing is weird. ... Great-grand... Oh! Right, Essie's pregnant, and that sets her kid there in the family relations.]
Paul had not had such a lovely day in such a long time. [Aww!]
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
Part 2:
The diminutive girl shook herself, casting off the loose snow before she staggered uneasily forward. There was still snow falling and she squinted as the wind whipped it in her face. She blinked her large grey eyes. Eyes that were a smokey shade of grey, mysterious and enigmatic. Eyes that seemed slightly too large, but gave her a wide-eyed look of beauty and intrigue.
as for the Judge knowing Gavia, the petition would have had to have been made in her civilian name... and even if she slipped out and put on regular clothes, the black and white hair and dark eyes with red irises are still a dead giveaway.
(and Trish Van Pilsum is an ACTUAL Twin Cities reporter, working for KMSP 9, the local Fox Affiliate)
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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May 8th
It's been two days!
Essylt lay sleeping on the couch in the rec room, her hand in a box of pretzels. There was an open copy of Your baby and you spread over her face.
Aww.
Quietly she walked over to the computer over in the corner and started looking up real estate listings.
Oh! She doesn't have her own house! Right, why would she need one, with the HQ? ... But, if Essie's going to Whateley, it'd only be used for, like ~3 months?
They continued to drive for what seemed to Essylt to be a long time, in reality about 35 minutes
Lol.
Everyone came over to Essylt and hugged her in turn.
()
The stranger wheeled over and introduced himself. “My name is James, I used to work with your Mother and Sean. My codename was Defcon.” He extended a hand to shake, and the girl pondered (why) she got no reading from him.
()
“Oh, I’m sorry. I was told you are a touch telepath. This arm is cybernetic. I made it after the car accident that took my arm and legs.” Looking down, he continued. “Those are my next project. When I get those done, I might even come out of retirement to help your poor old mom.” Essylt laughed. She liked James, he was funny.
Nice intro! Could use more spacing?
There was a room for the baby!
OH wow! ... Wait, so the house is mainly for the baby? Then again, it's also a place for LeAnna herself, instead of having to share with everyone?
sea of hormones laughing
sea of hormones(,) laughing
A Cake
A (c)ake
Cake!

Those are twin cudgels and a shillelagh
Weaps as gifts... I guess they're already preping for Whateley...
They are inlayed with Mithril
(m)ithril [?]
minor protection for your iron and synthetic allergies. It won’t nullify them completely, but you should be able to resist the itching and burning a little.
Woah. ... That expands clothing options. ... But other than that, any other uses? But it's pretty cool by itself. ... Mithril is either more common now, or they're rich-ish?
James presented her with a cellphone
Always a good idea as a gift for a teenage girl!

fenced in
fenced(-)in
Essylt curled up on the bed and drifted off into content slumber.
That's a good, good slumber!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
As for the mithril, let's just chalk it up to saving up salary. I mean you don't have to pay rent if you live at the HQ, they might have snagged reward money for brining in dangerous fugitives. As I mentioned in an earlier post, the heroes of the Recognized Minnesota teams are state law enforcement officers, meaning they get salaries, health care, benefits. presumably a nice 401K, dental, etc. ...And I'm sure as a gadgeteer/devisor, Defcon has made a penny or two off inventions... Heck, he might have done the design and manufacture of the weapons and the collar. (which if you look at my icon, you can see)
oh, and as far as the anti-allergy spell. It's not so powerful that she can start wearing spandex for long periods, but if she were to sit in a vinyl chair with a skirt on for a little bit, it wouldn't bother her, or on an iron bench (why does Whateley still have those, anyhow?) for a couple minutes, she'd be okay.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote: -IF- Essylt goes to Whateley,
Oooh! ... Is she going, or not? That's gonna be interesting to speculate about... She could be homeschooled. No reason why not?
Minnesota treats its heroes really well! In Canon, the ones in New York and stuff might be treated as well, but we dunno?
Nice note with the Icon!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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that meant more independence.
YAY!
2( )(Contact-Based)
Warper: ?
Right, since Warper isn't based on power levels, even a guess sorta useless.
Techniques: Glamour, Others Classified
Weak vs: Classified
Can things be classified, without being a MMID?
those of us[s]e[/s]
don’t understand (so) try not to use your powers unless you have to.
The amount of sentences in that paragraph is strange, so I'm fusing some, and these seem related enough... And that was actually the only thing I wanted changed. Huh. The long spiel makes sense 'cause LeAnna's nervous. And last we checked, 4 days ago, Essy was on the level of an 8 year old or something? How old in mental age is she now, I wonder.
couple of book(s)
How many pregnancy books does she have now? I guess she gets more informative ones as she develops the ability to understand them...
people(-)watching
Looking over, she saw a girl, about 6 or so, looking over at her with big eyes and a huge smile. Essylt smiled back and gave a friendly wave.
And now that thread about how people would react to elves is relevant!

strange grey eyes.
()
She looked harmless enough
My (d)aughter saw you
but they all died out in a great war against a great evil.
Woah. Like, hold back some info!
distain > didain
Awww. She got... Umm... Shunned, or something. Whatever it was, it wasn't nice!
not(e) to herself
(C)eltic music
Wow. She's the most Irish Sidhe that we've seen! ... That's a hilarious point!
all done up in faux-thug wannabe outfits that totally did not fit the upscale suburban upper-middle class environment.
Poseurs?
muscle shirt showing off his total lack thereof

he grabbed her arm in a tight grip.
Ooohh... Wait, Essy doesn't have super strength, of any kind, 'cause she's not a Exemplar or PK or anything...
(S)he’s in law enforcement
Ah. The use of "Law Enforcement" shows her social inexperience, 'cause people would just usually say "she's a cop"! Cool point!
blue flame was surrounding her fists
Trickery is always awesome!
the invisible woman behind you ... Starfield dropped her invisibility spell
And I thought that was another trick... Ha!
Since the house. I CAN detect magic in use, you know, and I know the feel of your magic.
Busted~! ... ... This might be the longest part yet! Cool! ... Wait, so Starfield was there for the interaction with the mother as well... Hmm.
Leaving her mother embarrassed
Yep! 'Cause she had her trailed. Independence, what?

- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
The Team did her MID, so being protective, they left it vague by classifying what they could. They don't want to see their little one hurt because of something on her MID. Soooo no mentioning the Iron thing.
They are guessing at her being a warper. She seems to have some degree of luck, but what testing they can conduct on her is limited due to her condition.
Yeah, LeAnna was a nervous new mom, kinda rambley.
Essy is probably creeping up on the mentality of a 12 year old now, so she's getting closer to her physical age. Her studies though have pretty much brought her up to par, maybe even slightly above, someone due to enter 9th grade.
She's getting all the books because she wants to be a good momma. <3 Since she "grew up" with a pimp as her 'caregiver'.
Yes, she mentioned the Sundering, she is kinda prone to excitement and babbling, I think.
The Celtic music? Blame Brogue. He probably played a lot around her. So long as it's good Celtic music like Loreena McKennitt, and not the artificial manufactured groups/events like Celtic Woman or Lord of the Dance.
She said "law enforcement" because in the sense that an FBI Agent isn't a cop, her mother sort of is, but isn't.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
she heard the baby’s heartbeat for the first time.
Awww!
The girl in the picture appeared to be naked, but that wasn’t what drew her attention to her. It was the girl’s face, a face that looked similar enough to be her sister, at the very least.
Woah. It's FEY!
(t)he crown(.)”
Carson speaking(.)”
at the school that (made) anything involving
she is a student here
Don't you mean "was"? 'Cause Gen2? ... Oh, no wait, we don't know the year. It's Hollow-Dice that's Gen2-confirmed. Well, now we know when this is, within a 4-yr timeline...
“She looks like Nikki, not exactly, but close enough to be a blood relative, surely.
Oh. Right! Siblings look similar! *Doh!* ... So, is Essy one of the nine Sidhe Queens?
Elizabeth Carson reached into her desk and pulled out a bottle of exemplar-strength headache medicine.

[note]LeAnn(a)[/note]
- Rose Bunny
-
Topic Author
Meaning that she's still for now in Queen Bitch mode.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
The gargoyles! ... Magic sight reveals so much!
[note](i)s Chief Delarose in?[/note]
So, Sam's on desk duty... IIRC, what does she look like on magic sight? As a technological entity?
[note]"() said the young woman
free minute.”
()
Sam
"() Sam nodded[/note]
Commas after a person's speech seems weird?
That paragraph seems to warrant spacing apart 'cause it doesn't directly relate to the speech?
A lot can be analyzed from these interactions... Interesting how Sam says nothing about Essy...
[note]boss. “()Okay,[/note]
[note]Delarose’(s) office.[/note]
[note]“Come in(.)”[/note]
A rather short blonde woman with bright blue eyes walked in. She was wearing a navy skirt and blazer over a white v-neck shirt that showed off ample cleavage. She had entered with a girl, clearly a sidhe.
Maybe fuse those sentences, the repeated use of "She" and the spreading out the description over multiple sentences that all follow the same format is throwing me off?
, The chief asked uncertainly
, the chief asked uncertainly
, He asked, looking uneasily
, he asked, looking uneasily
[note]contaqcts > contacts[/note]
Cool tech!
Franklin Delarose had been there for her many times when she had been a student
Oooh! There's history here!
I’m here to see Carson
Just plain "Carson"? No "Mrs." or anything? Interesting!
"I see", Said Delarose.
"I see", said Delarose. ... Embarrassing Story Reveal! LOL!
girl with the ‘Spirit of the Loon’
Hmm... History is revealed! ... End that bit with a paragraph instead of a comma? It sounds like the sorta thing that needs a pause to be dramatic.
I was only minimally involved with the Incident with the Cape Squad getting locked in the Bad Seeds’ clubhouse. And I sure didn’t help either side in the ensuing feud.” LeAnna said defensively.
HA! ... I wonder if any kids of her fellow Alumni that she knew, are around...
So much history!
And frankly there is a student that I wish you had a chance to talk to personally. She has the ‘Spirit of the Squirrel’
Woah. Aquerna Ref! Totally Didn't Expect!
Wait... Could Kayda coax Gavia's Loon Spirit to give back her reproductive organs or something??!
‘Detention Duck’ and ‘Loony LeAnna’
Alliteration!

Aww! A happy Delarose!
- Rose Bunny
-
Topic Author
As far as Sam not being surprised, She may have been. But the best security officers don't let it show.
I thought Mal, that you would make a comment about the 'ample cleavage', but I guess you figured she had on bigger breast inserts, being older.
As far as not using a title for Carson, I figure it was casual conversation, so she was being casual. like someone would say, "Deliver this letter to Jackson in accounting"
Yes, I wanted to Squeeze in the Reference to Anna. Since the two are in a similar boat.
I can see her running around yelling at the people that teased her. "Loons are not Ducks!!!"
Aaand, no Kayda can't do that. That'd be like asking Kayda if she can get the spirit to change Anna's toenails back, or put Razorback back to how jack is supposed to be.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
Rose Bunny wrote: I thought Mal, that you would make a comment about the 'ample cleavage', but I guess you figured she had on bigger breast inserts, being older.
Yeah, that was my thought. And if the description was from Delarose's POV, I'd also say DirtyOldMan or something...
But then again, is there any way to describe that area without provoking such thoughts?
I suppose, the semi-clinical or whatever, "her chest was of exorbitant breadth" might work... Hmm...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
6
i
s
u
p
!
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
hear from you all about yourself.
"hear about you, from you."
[That sounds a bit more conversational, but not sure if it's the best. "All about yourself" seems to pushing pressure that Carson wouldn't want to place, I think?]
intoned in a friendly manner.
"intoned" sorta doesn't fit with "friendly"? *shrugs*
I Know [...]
I know
[... Woah. Is this the first time anyone's heard this? Or did the Overseers and others do interviews and heard this all before?]
Darkness is mentioned twice, in that section... Intentional? Or mistake? I'm not sure how many instances of darkness are being talked about.
I was just a tiny piece of awareness adrift in a vast sea.
Cool analogy-thing!
the Uncle Sean
"the" Uncle Sean?
Our theory is that she has a subtle probability warping power.
Interesting! A justification of ContrivedCoincidences! Cool!
C’thulu Cuttlefish
LOL!
“ Now
Spacing
"sundering" [It's usually capitalized?]
That Mega-Ancient History is out there to be known? Huh.
When she heard that name, Essylt panicked. She fell backward in her chair and crawled away har hands up warding off invisible blows.
WOAH. That's sorta like Absinthe's reaction, but ''worse''! Disturbing, what it could mean.
Please. don’t hurt us!
"Please, don't hurt us!" ?
"Us" ? ... Is she talking about her + LeAnna, or is she Hosting or something??
franticly
"frantically"
Yes. Foobs is a good person to call.
english bowler hat
"English" is usually capitalized when used as a adjective?
used his powers to soothe the girl. “LeAnna,
Maybe add a "while doing so, he talked to LeAnna", to transistion from his focus on Essy, to LeAnna?
[note]obviously sidhe ,[/note]
"obviously sidhe,"
Ah. Sanctuary's a healer-shielder... Why's she a summer kid, I wonder... Why her specifically? Many reasons? Sidhe familiarity, and likely as a Fae Fanclubber, she knows where Fey is, and how to avoid her. Makes sense.
Wait... No... There's Kamuro, and then there's Sanctuary... Kamuro's part of the Fae Fanclub, while Sanctuary's not?
“ You wished to see me Mrs. Carson?”
“You wished to see me, Mrs. Carson?”
[Carson knows her by name... Well, Exemplar.]
[note]Yes(,) Mrs. Carson, understood.[/note]
[note]Carson looked at Le(A)nna[/note]
Interesting way to end it! Lol.
- Rose Bunny
-
Topic Author
As far as the "Us" she is referring to Mal, you forgot about the little one.
Why Sanctuary? As a healer, she knows Doyle, and can get Essy there quickly. She is a sidhe, Carson maybe thought that'd be a comforting thing. Why she's still there? Maybe she hadn't left yet? Maybe she was going to take summer magic courses with Caduceus? Either is a possibility. As per Hank 3, Most of Kimba hadn't left yet. Notably Nikki, obviously.
And knowing sanctuary's name? A good teacher/principal/headmaster or mistress would make an effort to familiarize themselves with the student body, even the ones that aren't troublemakers. Then again, She might have indirectly been involved in the " no shrines" incident. A lot of that was "no shrines of Nikki and Kayda", so maybe there was some shrine to the Queen to Come issue involving Rhiannon. Or maybe Carson remembers her name because she likes Fleetwood Mac, and that song triggers her remembering?
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
-
Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
-
No, that would no be the correct term.
"No, that wouldn't be the correct term."
Woah. She's not just mad, she's PISSED! ... Why? Ah. Aung, for unknown reasons. That would be especially irritating!
[note]burning Oak > Burning Oak[/note]
[note]my( )Mom[/note]
but They
"but they"
Not good! Not good! ... A comotion might bring Nikki to them! ... And Brigand himself is bad, but Nikki is worse? ... Also, he names himself after a type of criminal... Wow.]
Essylt tried to pull away, but he had a firm grip on her upper arm. It actually was starting to hurt.
Oh shit.
With his free hand, he swatted at the phone, inadvertently hitting Rhiannon with more force than was intended.
Oh. Shit.
Her grey eyes were glowing with an eerie light.
OH SHIT!
[note]pick( )up[/note]
Electricity arced and flowed over her skin.
She can Spark? I thought she only did Wind? Or is that a new spell or something? Hmm... Well, general Air Magic...
Mr. Dickey
Lol, that name~! And it's presumably canon too! ... "Richard Dickey" ... Dick Dick... *Facepalm* Lol.
[note]security…( )And[/note]
And his security watched status starts higher than canon, when he's a freshman! Woah. Things are gonna AU! Cool!
This girl saw remarkable.
"This girl was remarkable." [?]
... It's LeAnna. Gotta be.
she actually managed to beat a specially assigned instructor no less than 5 times. That instructor was me, by the way.”
OMGWTFBBQ
Brigand looked at Carson, wondering why she was telling him this story.
Liz Carson smiled a mischievous grin. “Wondering why I’m telling you that little piece of history?”
Lolol
The blond woman looked at him, seemingly boring holes into him with her eyes. “I’m telling you that story because if I decide not to stop at expulsion, I might let that very same individual deal with you for assaulting her daughter… her pregnant daughter, I might add.”
YEAH! ... "blond(e)" 'cause it's a girl.
It was at that point that Brigand’s bladder finally surrendered to his fear.
Ew.
“Maintanance? Yes, this is Elizabeth Carson, I need another clean-up in my office. Yes, that’s right, another Code P.” Liz hung up after giving the code for clean-up of liquid bodily waste.
LOL!
“ Now, what do we do about you?”
“Now, what do we do about you?”
Hmm... Essy's not a student yet, and might never be... If there's any punishment to be given out, it should be LeAnna doing it... But there are still lessons to learn, even if there's no punishment?
Fey might hear about this through the gossip... Expecting her arrival in next part... Wonder if I'm guessing right...
... Oh, wait. Rhiannon's in the room too, so she now knows that Essy's pregnant, if she didn't know before...
Might Essy be a Thornie? Her control isn't that bad, I think?
Tennant > Tenent.
- Rose Bunny
-
Topic Author
Yes, LeAnna is a peach, remember... she's "Detention Duck"
LeAnna: "Loons aren't ducks!"
As for the Dick... since he was expelled before school even started, canon isn't something you need to worry about.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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But, if this stays away from Canon, that'd mean that Fey would have to remain unaware of Essy... Hmm... I wonder how long this visit's gonna be then...
Just searched Brigand. The name's used by a hero in Silver Linings, actually. The name just sounded familiar, and so I thought he was a canon frosh. ... If he's getting rejected / expelled... He might join up in any conspiracy trying to capture Essy... Like with that guy / girl who was kicked off the super team or something...
... Wind, Water, and Electricity... I'm thinking, if I haven't already said, Storm Specialization, which makes sense, sorta, given Ireland, maybe? ... And they all complement the illusion aspect, as they easily provide ways to get people to blink and distract and stuff, so illusions aren't as easily noticed...
Just noting that it's Ophelia Tenent , but Tenant makes sense, as it's a word, and has been used as her last name in Canon. It's just that the first use was as "Tenent"...
Hmm... Every Junior does Team Tactics, IIRC? So, who did LeAnna do it with, and did they stay in touch, I wonder?
- Wrayth
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My only complaint is that I wish you could write larger chunks faster. So no a real complaint.
May your muse continue to grace you with stories to share with us.
wrayth
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Essylt looked fearfully at Mrs. Carson.
Oh.. Hope she gets her fear resolved...
"“I’m sorry, I should have stated that differently."
Yay!
LeAnna saw the look of confusion on her daughter’s face. “What’s wrong? You don’t want to stay with Renata and Bill?”
Essylt’s eyes opened wide… she loved Renata and Bill, but more importantly that meant she would be staying with Roger!
Awww!
Oh... Worries about leaving... Well, she's got good support.
Brogue cursed as he watched helplessly. He was pinned under the rubble of the steel and glass dome.
Wut? Superfight... Looking for Essy??
"There was a trickle of blood trailing from her nose."
NOT GOOD!
“Help me? Help me? That’s a lie! You all sat around as my powers ate me alive. I found help, I found a cure, and I found power! You all feared me, you tried to keep me under your thumb!”, screamed Tamara Woods, once the hero named Tamarack.
"Help me? Help me?!"
[Different Punctuation to differentiate more?]
Tamarack = Plant-type... Is / was she sorta like Oak? Did she have MATD / CTA, but with plants instead or something? ... Yep.
SueDonym!
"Jubokko" ... *searches... Demon Tree.*
Human Sacrifice is almost never good.
... So, Tamarack's stuff is totally unrelated to Essy's stuff, except it involving the same superteam.
Essy and LeAnna are in for a shock when they get back home...
Tamarack's is gonna return of course... But when, where, etc... So many questions?
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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BTW, I'll be Mobile-only from Friday to Monday.
... Also, since I forgot, "So, Essy's going to Whateley!"
It's gonna be a long road to get there, possibly, what with Tamarack, and then anything that pops up after that... Or it might be quiet for a while?
Interesting that Essy at Whateley means that we'll have to wait for Canon to get to that point! Lol.
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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And they're back from Whateley... And learned of Tamarack's attack?
hal > heal
Unhealing wounds... That's really bad...
listless, she grabbed her phone
"Listless, she grabbed her phone"
Oh... She has no one to do anything with, other than the Overseers... And the local kids' reception of her is terrible.
... Learning about Tamarack... This doesn't seem like it'll go well?
And we get a flashback, giving the info that Essy learns! ... Nevermind...
Tamara Woods gets Plant Powers. Lol.
Mom had been a great mature mage, having fought in many battles against the enemies of nature. Tamara thought that mother was a little too militant, but perhaps she was right. Perhaps the answer did reside in magic.
"mature mage" > "nature mage" [?]
Was her mother the Woodwife? Well, there's likely other Environmentalist Mages other than just Earth Mother and the Woodwife.
That last line is ominous, and we know what eventually happens.
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- null0trooper
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Lesson for the Day: "There is always someone out there whose signature power or skill punks whatever you've got."
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- null0trooper
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Rose Bunny wrote: That's all you have to say? XD
Puppy!!!
What else is needed?

The opening line comes off a bit weird if one doesn't notice the period at the end of the first sentence, but most readers will be using a larger font, as should I.
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
- Malady
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They had left Roger in Essylt’s care.
Aww...
petting roger
"petting Roger"
The morning sickness had finally stopped, but the heartburn that replaced it was of no comfort.
Oh... Hmm... Is she gonna get a peaceful part? Or is something gonna happen? ... She's going outside, and not hiding, so something bad likely will happen...
No, the thick sweats would draw attention due to the weather.
So... She's got no illusion magic...
It was a wonderful afternoon.
Yay! Some of the neighborhood is treating her well!
“I came looking for your mother. I did not know she had adopted a daughter. This will make my vengeance all the more sweet.”, the mysterious woman stated.
Oh shit. Tamarack, I think. Never really got her appearance in my head.
save for moss that seemingly grew in strategic places.
She's still got modesty or something? Interesting!
the mithril bound into them neutralized her abilities.
YAY!
she flicked a hand, and smacked the dog aside.
Nooo!
a sudden fear penetrated her calm facade.
Yeah! Get afraid!
ghostly flames danced about her skin.
"Ghostly flames danced about her skin."
Essylt looked at her opponent and a smile grew on her face.
YEAH!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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stronger from it > stronger for it
sheer her up > cheer her up
She had read > Tamara had read [Pronoun is a bit confusing when you mention Bluebell right before?]
[Cool to get Tamara's backstory! ... And I wonder how of this Essy knows? Hmm...]
[So, Tamarack is now a soulless monster that has Tamara's memories and is just acting like Tamara? Creepy... If soul loss is literal... Interesting how she's still referred to as a "she", post-possession... But whatever.]
Esslyt > Essylt
[So, Tamarack needs flesh to stay alive... Starving her to death might be possible, if she somehow escapes from this...]
the sun. the temperature > the sun. The temperature.
through it. she wasn't > through it. She wasn't
[Lots of small sentences that might be better fused together?]
Yeah! Essy's gonna win!
Her needles she threw > The needles she threw [More usual? Not sure though...]
Woah... She won! I forget if this is Essy's first intentional killing...
... Ship Bluebell and Tamara? Hmm...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
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Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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No angst / drama at the killing / murder / whatever. Okay, makes sense. That wasn't a human. Not anymore...
generally making it so that another incident like this one could happen again.
generally making it so that another incident like this one could (never) happen again.
The Squirrel sat in the tree...
[Oh shit! Tamarack's still not dead! Or the Demon Tree is freed from imitating Tamarack or something, and is gonna be an even more dangerous threat...
I thought The Squirrel was a super's name 'cause capitals... Like Aqurena, but no... Capitals are for Important Things. And this Squirrel is Important! Hehe.]
One of the drawbacks of this part of her pregnancy was her elevated sex drive...
[Hmm... Just a random note on her pregnancy? Or gonna be important later?]
She Had on her mithril collar
[She had on her mithril collar]
They must be iron handcuffs, but why would a store security guard have iron handcuffs?, she thought. Something was up, something that didn’t make sense.
[Interesting... How wide has Tamarack's effects spread? Could this be Tamarack making a move, not a week since her defeat, somehow?
Seems too soon to have recovered from incineration? Likely MCO? Who was that kid she bumped into though? ... Was he a plant, designed to lure her out or something?
I was thinking it might be Jeff, trying to attack LeAnna... But the cop isn't a girl, so if it is him, either his powers expanded, or it's not his mind control...
Might this be a Sidhe Snatching attempt, by some third party trying to gather them or something? So many possible motives... Cool!]
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Anne
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Adopt my story: here
Nowhereville discussion
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
why indeed, except to restrain a magic user?Anne wrote: No, definitely not Jeff. Something is up? Oh yeah something is up. Just FYI standard handcuffs are steel (so far as I know) so why would a rent-a-cop have anything else?
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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The old dislocate your bones to get out of restraints! Nice! Painful though. Real painful. But not as bad as the cuffs.
And their plans for her remind me of Essy's awakening. Amnesic and waking up in an alley.
I thought Malone might have known about Essy before her rescue, as one of the johns, 'cause he seems like he's more than just a street-level thug...
How did they get all that info?? Might be the focus of an investigation...
LOL if Essy's the reincarn of Vauldrene's (Absinthe's reincarnate) mom!
He (l)ooked at the girl on the screen.
Malone asked (t)he idiot in front of him.
Unaware of her captor(')s condition / Unaware of her captors(') condition
focussed > focused
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- null0trooper
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... the squirrel never saw the coyote come up on it from behind, tearing it apart. The bloody remains sat there, blood seeping into the ground.
This has been a Public Service Announcement, reminding you, your friends, and your family, to always be aware of your places in the food chain.
Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
- Malady
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Tamarack got a Wolf Form I bet. Host Death isn't spirit death, or something... Or it's like Null's presuming, and that was a funny end... I guess we'll see in the next part!
Onto Whateley!
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- null0trooper
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Forum-posted ideas are freely adoptable.
WhatIF Stories: Buy the Book
Discussion Thread
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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vomited.
Mom had been chiding
Spacing's weird here.
It was unfair of her to snap back at her about how her mother would never get to experience it herself.
Woah. Yeah, that's harsh, but she's uncomfortable and stuff, so it's understandable.
But, Biotech can do Artificial Wombs... Hmm...
She still had so many gaps in her experiences. She couldn’t remember growing up, she couldn’t remember the wonderment of being a child, and everything being new and wondrous to her.
Woah! That's some good psychology! A.k.a Fast-Growth Clone Psychology! ... ... Belphoebe wouldn't actually be that kindred, given she has a neuro imprint of Belphegor...
Walking into the House
Why's House capitalized?? *shrugs*
... Tamarack attacks soon? Expecting it 'cause she's alone...
Overseers data-net
Overseers' data-net
"Bookface" - LOL!
envy at other girls(') physical development
"Did it contain synthetic materials, did it allow for full range of motion, could it conceal her sidhe features, and was it comfortable?"
Practical. ... Might she find kindred spirits with the other Sidhe?? ... That's gotta be tough, if you suddenly change species, which limits your romance-pool-that-you-can-make-babies-with to ~1000... Although, there is that spell... Hmm...
celtic music
Celtic music
She could be part of the Appearances Are Decieving Club! Eldritch, HIVE, Ribbon... Who else...
"Her best friend was a dog."
Ohh...

"young girls face"
young girl's face
"Leaning in, she gently kissed her on the cheek,"
OH! Physical Contact with a Touch TP is so much more, than for a baseline!
... At least, presuming the Micro of the Future is Canon, she'll be a bit happier... Who might she make friends with?? ... ... Oh, and Lake is gonna visit, I guess is what's going on in the latest Micro...
- Rose Bunny
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Topic Author
When Essy gets to Whateley, she's going to live in the Teacher's Village with Renata and her fiancee, and ROGER!, so while she will have a surrogate family, she will also be isolated from the general student body by not living in the dorms.
She really wouldn't fit in the grouping with Ribbon, Eldritch, and Everheart.. because they REMEMBER being older males. She does not.
what you said about Romance being limited because she is sidhe... Fey is dating two standard human-mutants.
and as for Gavia, and your bio-tech ideas. I doubt she's thought about that all that deeply. She adopted Essy out of concern, that grew into love. She hadn't really pondered it, and since she is single, such thoughts would probably come about if she were in a relationship. She isn't seeing anyone. She seems to have reconciled to some degree with Judy over the years, but not to the point of a relationship, it seems.
High-Priestess of the Order of Spirit-Chan
- Malady
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Whelp, holding out hope for Essy getting happier, in any case! ... At least she's happy most of the time! ... I think.